New Mom's Guide to Living on Baby Time (The New Mom's Guides) , livre ebook

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51 pages

English

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New moms run into a host of new challenges once baby arrives, including getting back into shape, developing a parenting style, readjusting schedules, and interacting with their husbands in new ways. With compassion and humor--and always the privilege of motherhood in mind--The New Mom's Guides go straight to the heart of these matters, offering moms guidance and encouragement in this new season of life.Each of the four books in the series offers real advice from women who have been there, done that, and want other moms to benefit from their trials and triumphs. A perfect gift for baby showers, Mother's Day, or any day, these small volumes are compact enough to take along in an overstuffed diaper bag and designed for the mom who can only find a few minutes of peace each day to read.

Sujets

Philosophie et théologie

Informations

Publié par	Baker Publishing Group
Date de parution	01 janvier 2009
Nombre de lectures	1
EAN13	9781585589074
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0259€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

© 2009 by MOPS International
Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2013
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means for example, electronic, photocopy, recording without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
ISBN 978-1-58558-907-4
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
The information provided herein should not be construed as prescribed health-care advice or instruction. The information is provided with the understanding that the publisher does not enter into a health-care practitioner/patient relationship with its readers. Readers who rely on information in this publication to replace the advice of health-care professionals, or who fail to consult with health-care professionals, assume all risks of such conduct.
Published in association with the literary agency of Alive Communications, Inc., 7680 Goddard Street, Suite 200, Colorado Springs, CO 80920.
The internet addresses, email addresses, and phone numbers in this book are accurate at the time of publication. They are provided as a resource. Baker Publishing Group does not endorse them or vouch for their content or permanence.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Introduction: My New Center
1. What’s Normal: Adjusting Your Expectations
2. Spin Cycle: Taking Life One Load at a Time
3. Offbeat: Doing What Works for Your Family
4. Staying Flexible: What Rattles Your Rhythm
5. Tears and Fears: Coping with Crying
6. Just One More Thing: Leaving the House
7. Two Jobs to Do: Rhythms of a Working Mom
8. Permission Granted: Time for Mom
9. Daddy Dish: Living in Different Daytime Worlds
Making Sweet Music: The Changing Melodies of Motherhood
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Back Ads
Introduction
My New Center

I was standing at the kitchen counter, poised to attack the stacks of mail and bills and newspapers and dirty dishtowels surrounding me, and I heard it my new baby’s cry.
No. Not yet. Not again. I haven’t gotten anything done. I haven’t even showered. The books said he should nap about two hours. I tried to will him back to sleep. I even muttered a prayer under my breath. Pleeeease, not yet. I need to do my stuff.
He wailed again.
I unclenched my fists and my eyes and made my way to my baby’s room.
I’d spent my son’s young life trying to deal with him nourish him, situate him so I could get back to my stuff. I thought that was a mom’s routine. But for some reason, on this day, a lightbulb went on, as I felt defeated by the number of things on my to-do list. A voice inside said, He isn’t a thing. He is the thing, my “stuff,” my new center. And whatever else I thought was so important to do, that should move to the sidelines for now.
It was a beautiful, pivotal, helpful moment for me as a new mom who thrived, and still thrives, on being productive. Of course that didn’t help me write overdue thank-you notes, descudge my floor, or read something more invigorating than the ibuprofen bottle. You get the picture. You are probably living it.
Before kids, you controlled most things when you ate, when you showered, how long you took to dry your hair, and whether you called in sick to work. Now a baby’s rhythms of eating, needing to be held, playing, and sleeping dictate the use of your days and your nights. You might not have expected motherhood to feel so all-encompassing, so stifling at moments. Even when motherhood feels wonderful, it’s overwhelming.
“This too shall pass,” my mom always likes to say. But we can enjoy the passage of these baby days, not just survive them. And we should. Our children absorb our attitudes and our stress from the get-go. Breathe deeply and get ready to take a look inside your mothering so far what you do and how you feel about it. You always have enough time to be inspired by a new idea for making the most of this very unique season of life.
What’s Normal
Adjusting Your Expectations
E very morning when I lifted a little body out of a crib, big blue eyes looking to me for direction and nourishment, I felt a stabbing sense of being alone. That was true with my first child, when the only other sound around was the tinkling of a dog collar. It was true with my second, as I started juggling conversations with a preschooler while caring for the baby. And it was true with my third, when there were two other kids romping or eating breakfast while I locked eyes with the baby for the first time that day. I still felt alone.
It wasn’t a scary alone, like walking through a haunted house (though cobwebs were increasingly easy to find!). It was more of a heaviness, knowing I was the one who would choose everything that would touch my child’s life that day, and most days. I would decide what he would eat and wear and whom he would see. I would choose where he would sleep and what he would hear. With each baby it was at once exciting and overwhelming. The days rolled forward, and the decisions collected like a snowball rolling downhill. Early on I didn’t take many opportunities to stop and see what shape the snowball was taking or to pick the twigs out or just to stop rolling once in a while.
The question that pummeled me day after day after day was this: Was I doing it right ? Millions of women were doing the same thing, but how did they do it? Did they dress baby before breakfast? Give a bath in the morning or at night? Had they started baby sign language at this age? Did they sleep when the baby did, as the books insisted? Maybe they were already out losing baby bulge by pushing the jogger stroller. Maybe they had nannies and were still in the sack at 9 a.m.

“You hear it and you hear it: ‘Cherish those moments.’ But that is truly incredible advice when I look back. I wrote down my son’s firsts when that tooth came in, his first word but they are just on two sheets of paper in the front of a baby book a baby book that isn’t put together. He’s five! I was too busy to cherish the moments. I think you have to make a conscious decision to focus on those important moments, even if you have to let some things go. Because time will go. I had a friend in elementary school, and all I remember about her house is that her mom was cleaning every single time I was there. I don’t want to be that mom.”
Vanessa
Are you wondering if you’re missing something that will make life easier, more enjoyable, and less exhausting? My experience to date says you will always wonder. You should indeed take stock of your routine and strive to do things well, but new moms tend to get whiplash trying to keep up with the volley of advice on raising baby coming their way.
Slow down. Sit down.
For a moment let go of the how-to books, the clock, the thoughts about what other moms are doing. Look squarely at the unique little life that is blessing you. Love that baby. Your days and all those decisions will fall into place just fine. You have time to work on the details, but that moment you just gazed at your baby that particular moment is gone forever. You’ve just been told what millions of moms find out the hard way.
So how do you actually let go or even just loosen up on expectations? First, give yourself time. There’s a lot of change happening at once, and it is indeed overwhelming. It’s taken a long time to become the person you are, and you will not likely break old habits overnight. For example, if you are a fastidious housekeeper some may even call you a neat freak the idea of going to bed with a sink full of dishes might be inconceivable. Eventually, you will have to decide if twenty more minutes of sleep now is more important to you than a clean kitchen.
Writing thank-you notes was a tough one for me. I would keep going until my handwriting deteriorated, and I actually remember once falling asleep while writing a note to a friend who’d sent a baby gift. But it’s how I was raised. You write them, and you do it quickly. But writing a thank-you note to me is the last thing I want a new mom to be doing in her “free” time. Unless it truly makes her feel good. For the record, by my third son’s premature birth, I was still writing thank-yous, but it took me months and I never put them before visiting him in the hospital or getting sleep.
In addition to being easier on yourself, ask if there’s an old way of doing things that isn’t jibing with your new way of life with a newborn. Making dinner comes to mind. Countless times I’d start a meal only to have the baby need to eat or have that late afternoon period of fussiness. I would feel like a failure for not being able to make a simple meal. I’m not suggesting you “let go” of the expectation that you’ll eat dinner. You need to eat and eat healthy. Just adjust your way of thinking. Cereal or PB&J for dinner is OK sometimes. So is making something easy earlier in the day or in the week and having it ready to pop in the oven. The Crock-Pot quickly became my greatest dinner ally.
Getting out of the house will also never be the same. It takes longer, and you will likely be late getting places sometimes. You can beat yourself up or accept the change and look for new strategies for timing your departure better.
Talking to other moms helps. Hearing that you share the same struggles may help you adjust your way of thinking. For me, putting things on paper helps me actually see what it is I’m trying to do. Write down exactly what has to get done, and then write down what else you’d do if you could. Learn to keep your lists manageable and realistic. I realized at one point my lists were paralyzing me because they had no priorities. Painting a room and getting milk at the store were on the same notepad. My friend Michelle told me that one time sh