New Mom's Guide to Dealing with Dad (The New Mom's Guides) , livre ebook

Baker Publishing Group - Besze Wallace Susan , MD Reed Monica

Découvre YouScribe en t'inscrivant gratuitement

Je m'inscris

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

58 pages

English

Vous pourrez modifier la taille du texte de cet ouvrage

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

A propos
Informations
Extrait

Description

New moms run into a host of new challenges once baby arrives, including getting back into shape, developing a parenting style, readjusting schedules, and interacting with their husbands in new ways. With compassion and humor--and always the privilege of motherhood in mind--The New Mom's Guides go straight to the heart of these matters, offering moms guidance and encouragement in this new season of life.Each of the four books in the series offers real advice from women who have been there, done that, and want other moms to benefit from their trials and triumphs. A perfect gift for baby showers, Mother's Day, or any day, these small volumes are compact enough to take along in an overstuffed diaper bag and designed for the mom who can only find a few minutes of peace each day to read.

Sujets

Philosophie et théologie

Informations

Publié par	Baker Publishing Group
Date de parution	01 janvier 2009
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781585589050
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0216€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

THE NEW MOM S GUIDE TO Dealing with Dad
THE NEW MOM S GUIDE TO
Dealing with Dad
Susan Besze Wallace with Monica Reed, MD
2009 by MOPS International
Published by Revell a division of Baker Publishing Group P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287 www.revellbooks.com
Printed in the United States of America
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-for example, electronic, photocopy, recording-without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Wallace, Susan Besze, 1969- The new mom s guide to dealing with dad / Susan Besze Wallace with Monica Reed. p. cm. (The new mom s guides ; bk. 3) ISBN 978-0-8007-3300-1 (pbk.) 1. Mothers-Psychology. 2. Mothers-Family relationships. 3. Fathers. 4. Father and infant. 5. Mother and infant. I. Reed, Monica, M.D. II. Title. HQ759.W312 2009 646.78-dc22 2008040176
The information provided herein should not be construed as prescribed health-care advice or instruction. The information is provided with the understanding that the publisher does not enter into a health-care practitioner/patient relationship with its readers. Readers who rely on information in this publication to replace the advice of health-care professionals, or who fail to consult with health-care professionals, assume all risks of such conduct.
Published in association with the literary agency of Alive Communications, Inc., 7680 Goddard Street, Suite 200, Colorado Springs, CO 80920.
Contents
Introduction: Joining Forces
1. Asking for Directions: Letting Dad Find His Rhythm
2. Riding Shotgun: Strapping Yourselves Together
3. Table for Two: Ideas for Staying Connected
4. Wanted: Diaper-Changing Mind Reader Able to Function on Little Sleep
5. Lobbying for Hobbies: Finding Peace in What s His, Mine, and Ours
6. Overstuffed: The Dollars and Sense of Providing
7. Private Time: Intimacy after Baby
8. Cleanup: Making Your House Work
Looking Ahead: Who Do You Want to Be?
Acknowledgments
MOPS: A Place to Belong
Introduction
Joining Forces
I t was just a few hours. They re fine. He s the dad, after all.
My husband s first time alone with our newborn was about to end. I d been to a friend s baby shower, my first outing after having our first son, and I couldn t wait to get home. I felt oddly tied to the little guy, as if I d been cast out like a fishing bobber to float around in my sleep-deprived state, and the strong bond already established between my son and me was relentlessly reeling me back home.
He needs me. I think they need me. They must need me. I am the mom, after all, keeper of the milk and all sage decisions about this baby s every moment.
When I walk in, the house is quiet and a bit messy. They are lying together on a blanket in the living room, exchanging adoring looks. I think I butted in. I think I m jealous.
It seems my loving husband had taken our six-week-old to the library, gotten him his own library card, and checked out a few books. It was ridiculous and utterly admirable.
It was so fun to do something that was his first, Todd said. Everything he does is a first, but it s usually with you.
That simple outing was the inaugural run of the adventurous, why-not, could-be-fun, let s-learn-something attitude my husband has brought to every day of parenting since then.
He does things his way, and I think I ve finally learned to let him.
Nothing enriches a marriage-or stretches it-like the addition of a child. Mom s fatigue and a crying baby wreak havoc with your sex life. Babies are expensive. Date night requires the help of a third party if you want the date to go anywhere. The household chores are harder to get done, and delegating might be a new concept. Mom and dad each have their own style of parenting, both eager to be successful and appreciated.
A new life also brings daily joy and the opportunity to share it with the person you love most in the world.
Several of the baby books I devoured began by extolling the importance of putting your marriage first. Usually I skimmed that section. I m already married , I thought. That part was done. I was in search of the how-tos for producing an amazing and manageable child.
Well guess what? All babies are amazing. Manageability is an attitude, not a goal. And the books were right. Loving your mate-giving him top priority-gives your child a secure start in this world. Both of you are learning to dance when neither of you knows the steps. Occasionally you will step on each other s toes. But the tango of trust and the waltz of what-ifs were never so rewarding.
1 Asking for Directions
Letting Dad Find His Rhythm
F rom the moment my husband began changing our baby s first diaper in the hospital, I knew parenting was going to be an exercise in learning how to keep my mouth shut. He was loud-joyful but loud-as the baby cried, and he went through wipe after wipe after wipe, trying to scrape that tarlike meconium poop off our little boy. He dropped the diaper, and the bassinet started to roll away. It was a hysterical scene that his parents watched, laughing and doing little to help, except hand him those seventeen wipes. I could tell they loved what they were seeing: their son and his son on the first of many adventures. They enjoyed being spectators, but they would be nearby if my husband ever needed them.
It was a great lesson for me, who, had I been able to get out of bed, would have been suggesting, instructing, and generally trying to take over the whole procedure.
Dads have to find their own rhythm and start bonding with baby on their terms. Looking back, I should have been thrilled that my husband was so excited about changing a diaper instead of worrying about his technique. Some dads aren t comfortable with their miniature, helpless newborn, and they leave the baby stage to mom. What a shame! Even while still in the womb, a baby knows dad s voice and is ready to connect that sound to a strong set of arms and a comforting scent.
When my third son spent seven weeks in the neonatal intensive care unit, the nurses encouraged moms and dads alike to lay their tiny newborn on their bare skin. Those valuable minutes we had with A.J. changed the way I looked at bonding and daddy time. It was limited, and most often Todd and I went separately to cradle that two-pound boy and all his tubes. I was experiencing what most dads do on a daily basis with a healthy newborn at home: a limited window in which to forge a connection with someone you aren t sure knows you are there. Like many dads, in those early weeks, I struggled with the feeling that my baby seemed more like a project than a person.
At the end of the day, who cares if the diaper isn t on exactly right? Let the man of the family make his mistakes. I think the most fun comes from making some mistakes and figuring it out . And it s also important from a bonding standpoint. I had Taylor for three days once, and I let him play through one of his naps. He didn t go down for like an eternity. It was crazy. He was so tired he couldn t sleep. I learned that lesson better because I learned it; I wasn t handed it.
Brandon
Moms have to facilitate the connection between dad and baby. We must try to make that window of opportunity bigger, and not stand, nose against the glass, judging his every move.
I know a man with a very loving wife, who has been known to stick her hand out like a crossing guard holding a stop sign when he s attempting to help. It drives that dad batty. Most men are trusted with decisions of great consequence at work, but at home they can be repeatedly second-guessed. Maybe your hand isn t out, but do your words halt your husband s efforts to parent?
My friend Tracy said life with a newborn was far from the ideal picture she had developed in her mind. Her world felt rocked, but her husband s seemed to be business as usual.
I contributed to that, she said. I made him feel the baby could do nothing without me. I d leave them together and come back and say, You didn t feed him at three? That s going to mess up my whole day.
I d criticize what outfit he picked, how he fed him, how tight the diaper was. I just wanted to do it right. I wanted everything to run smoothly, and mistakenly I thought he ruined that every time I left.
Tracy s husband eventually let her know she might as well take the baby with her if she was always going to come home frustrated about how he did things. So she finally relaxed, realizing that doing things differently didn t mean doing things wrong.
I remember the day our third daughter was born, my husband brought the other two girls to the hospital in half-pajamas and half-clothes. He thought they went together. They had Fourth of July ribbons in their hair. It was December! It was all wrong. But I thought, Why do I care? They re here and they are happier than they d be if I dressed them perfectly. I want them to have the greatest relationship with their dad, and to trust him. And they do.
Tania
Mom, decide what really matters. I ve never known a dad who didn t at some point pick an outfit for a child that made mom s jaw drop in disbelief. Somehow they can always find the one shirt with the stain or the pants you put in a storage tub because they had become high-waters. But if the child is safe and comfortable, who really cares? If it means that much to you, let your husband know gently without tearing down his efforts. Actually I think my husband enjoys seeing my reactions to the wild wardrobe combinations he picks out-or allows our boys to choose. But finally I ve discovered that there are much more important things to worry about than a kid wearing mismatched socks or sleeping in his play clothes.
Some things, of course, are nonnegotiable. If you see your husband feeding popcorn to your eight-month-old, you