Interview with OCD: Forty-five Days to End of a New Beginning , livre ebook

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151 pages

English

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The author/researcher explores the process of self-healing during his encounters with OCD using a unique self-search method and integral psychology framework. The book contains the unaltered self-dialogue (self-interview) scripts of the doctoral research. The dialogue is designed to capture the sensual attention through manifestation of OCD's common attributes. Through heightened awareness, author invites us to pathways to self-discovery and change, exploring an experience in and by itself, rather than numbing it with the next dose of treatment.

Although, this book is self-contained, it demonstrates the application of the self-healing method described in the author's doctoral dissertation entitled, 'Heuristic Self-Search Inquiry into One Experience of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder'. Readers are strongly encouraged to read the dissertation, which is provided as a free supplement, to gain a fuller understanding of the method. The book contains a link to download the dissertation (no registration or membership is required).

Sujets

Compulsive Behavior

Sociologie, société et politique

Psychopathology

Psychology

Informations

Publié par	eBookIt.com
Date de parution	01 mai 2015
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781456624613
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0500€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

INTERVIEW

With

Forty-five Days to
End of a New Beginning

Engin Ozertugrul, Ph.D.

Copyright 2015 Engin Ozertugrul,
All rights reserved.

Published in eBook format by eBookIt.com
http://www.eBookIt.com

ISBN-13: 978-1-4566-2461-3

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
INTRODUCTION
The dialogue you are about to read contains the unaltered self-dialogue (self-interview) script of Dr. Engin Ozertugrul’s doctoral dissertation. Unlike any previous research on the subject, the author/researcher self-dialogued his thoughts and feelings in real-time self-to-self conversation in which he was both “I-Researcher” (IR) and “I-Participant” (IP). In this format, the conversation between IR and IP is impromptu and immediately available to readers. In the dialogue, the author explored two research questions: How did I experience obsessions and compulsions? And how do I experience healing from obsessions and compulsions? The results are presented within creative synthesis, the artistic creation that demonstrates the essence of the experience as a true reflection of 45 interview sessions that were conducted over the course of 85 days. There were two creative syntheses—one was formulated at the end of the Part I interview sessions (1-22) and the other at the end of the Part II interview sessions (23-45). The first creative synthesis answered the first question; the second creative synthesis was the composite depiction of both research questions.
We, people with OCD, face a common enemy and this entitles us to that extra something (or that inner something) that makes our experiences less than amenable to scientific methods. When this mysterious inner experience is absent, our healing may not be complete, however valid and justified our treatment (or therapy) may be. This book can best help you by sharing not only our sorrows, disappointments, and failures but also by framing them in new ways to achieve a real sense of healing. Although, this book is self-contained, it demonstrates the application of the self-healing method described in the author’s doctoral dissertation entitled, Heuristic Self-Search Inquiry into One Experience of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder . Readers are strongly encouraged to read the dissertation, which is provided as a free supplement, to gain a fuller understanding of the method. The dissertation can be accessed through the following link (web page opens June 2015): www.OCDinstituteforchange.com (No registration or membership is required. Use Promotion code: ‘OCDinstituteforchange’ to download the free copy).
Special note from the author to people with OCD : Interview with OCD will not provide you with a magic wand. You will still need to do your part: Read. Read closely and repeatedly. The dialogue is designed to use our obsessions to our benefit; it does not intend to treat or cure our OCD. The dialogue is easy to follow. But you may stumble on words that you may not be familiar with. Don’t panic. These words will not hamper your understanding. They will become clear to you at the end. Be prepared to experience self-doubt. People with OCD are masters of self-doubt; it comes with the territory. I designed the dialogue so that self-doubt becomes part of the process—something that you can learn to tolerate, and finally leave behind. Stop reading if you feel very anxious or panicky. Remember, feeling anxious or panicky does not make you stupid. But it can make the material seem more difficult to understand. Be patient with yourself. Do not try to understand everything at once. As a person with OCD, you may encounter similar shifts as you move from one dialogue session to another. If you find yourself conversing with yourself, do not stop. You can always return to reading. It is far more important for you to find your own dialogue rather than reading to mine. Interview with OCD is not about my dialogue, it is about yours . It is about you going somewhere. It is about you removing that barrier, layer upon layer upon layer. Do not stop reading to the dialogue until you start your own. No matter how powerless you feel right now, you can still be an active participant in your healing process. In the dialogue, you will find a problem, a method, and directions for a solution. But the dialogue does not suggest that you must follow my path; it will give you the tools to compose your own story, to pick your own battles, and find your own resolutions. It took me 85 days to write the dialogue. But it took me three decades to get into writing. The first two decades were about pain and suffering. The last decade was about a transformation that rewarded me beyond my wildest expectation. This book constructs the dialogues of these three decades to the best of my recollection. Our goal is to make self-dialogue (as much as possible) inclusive to integral, honest, and transparent presentation. This may be limited by our ability and willingness to disclose. The good news is our ability and willingness to do things is not carved in stone. As you will witness in the dialogue, we occasionally underestimate our capabilities because we generally focus on what we are and rarely stop and think what we can be. Through the experience of one individual, this book informs us about who we are and what we might become.

Interview Sessions/days: 45
Interview Period: 85 days
IR: I-Researcher
IP: I-Participant
Part I
How did I experience obsessions and compulsions?
(The minutes of the interview sessions indicate the actual duration of the interviews as they occurred and recorded).

Session 1: Duration 101 minutes

IR: What was your first conscious experience of OCD?
IP: My first conscious experience of OCD concerns agoraphobia. I was eight years old. It was a hot summer day. I was walking up hill toward a beach to catch up with my mother. She must be 30-40 yards in front of me when she reached the peak of the hill and then disappeared while she was calling my name. I ran and caught her on the other side of the hill. Now she was standing next to me, yet she seemed so far away as if I was looking through the other end of the binoculars. I felt a sudden wave of intense fear. It felt like my mother was slipping away from me.
IR: Now try to remember more; what else can you tell about the experience?
IP: What I remember was that distinctive horrifying sensation which passed through my body like an electric current. I was convinced that if I kept my eyes open she would be sucked into the vast skyline in the background and disappear forever. I frantically closed my eyes and opened them at least couple of times, hoping that my vision would return to normal. Momentarily, it did return to normal; but then it switched back to that scary and unreal vision. My fear uncontrollably intensified. I felt no option but to stand there with my eyes closed until my mother held my arms and asked me if I was okay. I was too ashamed of my fear, so I told her that I was fine. On the drive back home, sitting next to my mother, my vision returned to normal. I felt better, but I was still shaken by the experience.
IR: Didn’t you have another experience like this when you were sick? I think you had a cold and slight fever. You must have been about the same age. Remember?
IP: Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that (pause)… my mother was standing at the door a few feet away from me, but all of a sudden she seemed far, far way; I blinked my eyes frantically to restore my vision. This did not last more than couple of minutes, but it left me very frightened.
IR: Now I am trying to remember; did you ever tell mom anything about these experiences?
IP: Only in one occasion (I must have been around nine) I found the courage to tell her of my experience. After hearing what I had to say, she tried to comfort me with her reassuring soft voice. But I also noticed a hesitant and a concerned look on her face. I took this as a sign of something abnormal about me. After this incident, I decided not to talk about these occurrences.
IR: How do you know that these earlier experiences have something to do with what we are exploring now?
IP: I don’t. I mentioned these here because in both incidents, the fear felt like panic attacks that I experienced during OCD episodes. And since then I never had this particular experience again.
IR: You mean seeing things as if you were looking through the other end of the binoculars?
IP: Yes.
IR: Moving forward, do you have any other earlier memories that you think relevant to your OCD experience?
IP: Uhmm … I am not sure how relevant this is, but in my early teens, I spent most of my time worrying about having a serious illness. When I was 15 years old, I was hospitalized for stomach bleeding (accompanied by nausea, shortness of breath, and dizziness). The loss of blood was so intense I slipped into a coma and required a blood transfusion. Five years later, I experienced the exact same sensations. I had no doubt that I was having stomach bleeding, but this time the medical results were definitive: there was nothing physically wrong with me. I couldn’t believe that the persistent nausea, shortness of breath, and dizziness, which I exactly experienced the same way five years ago, had no medical basis. Embarrassed and shaken, I left the hospital, trying my best to act normal.
IR: To act normal! Was this the first time you started to think that something might be wrong with you; I mean mentally?
IP: It might very well be. Not sure.
IR: For now, let’s assume that this and your earlier experiences have something to do with what you experience (as OCD) much later in life. How did you manage these agoraphobic and hypochondriac occurrences? And what thoughts and feelings we