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ABRAMS BOOKS - Irene S. Levine

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115 pages

English

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Men, jobs, children, personal crises, irreconcilable social gaps-these are just a few of the strange and confusing reasons which may cause a female friendship to end. No matter the cause, the breakup of a female friendship leaves a woman devastated and asking herself difficult questions. Was someone to blame? Is the friendship worth fighting for? How can I prevent this from ever happening again? Even more upsetting is that women suffering from broken friendships often have no one to confide in; while the loss of a romantic partner garners sympathy among peers, discussing the loss of a platonic friend is often impossible without making other friends jealous or uncomfortable. Written by journalist and psychologist Irene Levine, Ph.D., Best Friends Forever is an uplifting and heroically honest book for abandoned friends seeking solace. Dr. Levine draws from the personal testimonials of thousands of women to provide anecdotes and groundbreaking solutions to these complicated situations. Offering tools for personal assessment, case stories, and actionable advice for saving, ending, or re-evaluating a relationship, Levine shows that breakups are sometimes inevitable. Although the dissolution of female friendships can be difficult, Best Friends Forever teaches women to stop blaming themselves and probing the wounds, and that the sad experience of a broken friendship can make them stronger people, and more able to handle their relationships with wisdom.

Sujets

Sociologie, société et politique

Psychology

Informations

Publié par	ABRAMS BOOKS
Date de parution	01 septembre 2009
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781590203705
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0705€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Introduction

CHAPTER 1 - UNDERSTANDING FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS
CHAPTER 2 - BEST FRIENDS: WE JUST CLICKED
CHAPTER 3 - WHY FRIENDSHIPS FALL APART
CHAPTER 4 - GETTING OVER GETTING DUMPED
CHAPTER 5 - SPOTTING A TOXIC FRIENDSHIP
CHAPTER 6 - FRIENDSHIPS IN FLUX
CHAPTER 7 - MAKING THE TOUGH CALL: MEND IT OR END IT
CHAPTER 8 - TIME TO SAY GOODBYE: ENDING A FRIENDSHIP THAT CAN T BE FIXED
CHAPTER 9 - GETTING OVER THE MYTHS: LEARNING FROM LOSS
CHAPTER 10 - MOVING FORWARD
APPENDIX A - ABOUT THE FRACTURED FRIENDSHIP SURVEY
APPENDIX B - RECOMMENDATIONS FOR FURTHER READING
Acknowledgements
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
NOTES
BIBLIOGRAPHY
INDEX
READING GROUP GUIDE
PRAISE FOR
BEST FRIENDS FOREVER
For anyone who has ever had a friend, but especially for those who ve ended close relationships, Irene Levine has written a beautiful guide to recovery and healing. It s a book filled with honest reflections and heartfelt advice.
- JEFFREY ZASLOW, New York Times bestselling author of The Girls from Ames and co-author of The Last Lecture

The end of a friendship is painful and sad, regardless of the circumstances. Dr. Irene Levine explores this difficult subject with insight and heart, plus a look at the latest research. Her guidance is especially interesting and helpful regarding Facebook and other new developments that are changing the meaning of friendship in today s world.
- FLORENCE ISAACS, author of Toxic Friends/True Friends and What Do You Say When...

Finally, a book that helps you get through the other type of breakup.
- ANDREA LAVINTHAL and JESSICA ROZLER, authors of Friend or Frenemy?

Dr. Irene Levine s Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend should be every woman s BFF! Written in a breezy yet thoughtful style and peppered with stories from real-life best friends, this guide shows that female friendships are rich, life-affirming, joyful-but often very complicated too. We women love our friends, but we feel completely alone and confused when those friendships get troubled or even disappear. In her unique self-help guide, Dr Levine gives essential advice and tips for navigating the ups and downs of female friendship.
- JOANNE RENDELL, author of The Professors Wives Club and Crossing Washington Square

Best Friends Forever explodes the myths about female friendships and is a readable, entertaining survival manual filled with practical advice for girls and women of all ages. The book reminds us that it is the nature of relationships to change over time, and helps us understand and cope with those changes. We don t expect to marry our elementary school sweethearts, and it is equally rare for our best friends from childhood to be there for us forever. This book will help you navigate the choppy waters that complicate friendships, advise you on how to salvage the friendships that can and should be saved, and guide you to move on when necessary.
- DIANA ZUCKERMAN, PhD, Psychologist, President, National Research Center for Women & Families

A fractured friendship can be as painful as any other break-up, whether you ve been jilted by a friend or been the one to do the jilting. Irene S. Levine understands the complications of friendship-the lulls, the obstacles, and yes, the dissolutions, and offers kind, practical and realistic tools to recover from a break-up and emerge strong, healthy and complete.
- ALLISON WINN SCOTCH, New York Times bestselling author of Time of My Life

This edition first published in the United States in 2009 by The Overlook Press, Peter Mayer Publishers, Inc. 141 Wooster Street New York, NY 10012 www.overlookpress.com

Copyright 2009 by Irene S. Levine

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in connection with a review written for inclusion in a magazine, newspaper, or broadcast.

LIMIT OF LIABILITY/DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTY:
While the publisher and the author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.
Some of the names and personal details of the women who graciously shared their stories have been changed to protect their privacy. Any similarity to actual persons is coincidental.
The advice in this book is not intended to contradict or substitute for that of a physician or mental health professional. This book is intended to provide the type of advice a friend would offer to another friend. It is strongly recommended that any individual with emotional or mental problems consult with their own doctor.
The author and the publisher expressly disclaim responsibility for any adverse effects arising from use of the information contained herein.

Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available from the Library of Congress

Book design and type formating by Bernard Schleifer

eISBN : 978-1-590-20370-5
To my old friends, new ones, and those still waiting to be met
INTRODUCTION

W hen you lose a close female friend, there isn t a single word in the dictionary to aptly describe the maelstrom of feelings that envelop you: confusion, disappointment, hurt, anger, depression, blame, and even shame, all rolled together. That s because most women are brought up to believe a romanticized myth- Best Friends Forever , or BFF -that your best friend will always be there for you, and you for her, forever and ever, whatever the circumstances.
In reality, best friends rarely are forever. A friendship, like a romantic relationship, is founded on two different personalities, both of whom grow and change, for better or for worse, over the course of time. There is no guarantee that two individuals, however close they once were, will grow in the same direction or remain compatible. Even when a friendship is built on a solid foundation, the odds are overwhelmingly high that it will eventually fracture for one reason or another-leaving one or both women behind in the dust. Except for the outliers (rare exceptions) that we need to learn more about, most friendships, even best or close ones, are fragile rather than permanent.
Yet most of us swallow the myth of Best Friends Forever early on. I was no exception. By the time I was ready to attend kindergarten my mother had lectured me about the golden rule of friendship: Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver-and the other gold . At the impressionable age of six, my Girl Scout troop leader reinforced the theme by teaching us the poem set to music.
In fourth grade, my friendship with my best friend and next-door neighbor, Annie, had become the be-all and end-all in my life. Like Laurel and Hardy, we were sidekicks. She was skinny and I was chubby. We laughed and ate lunch together at school every day, and she endeared herself to me by sharing one of the two Twinkies that her mother put in her lunch box each day to fatten her up. After school, we did homework at her house or mine, sitting on one of our beds or sprawled on the floor of a living room.
One summer, we pricked our pointer fingers with a sewing needle and pressed them together at the spot where they bled so we could become blood sisters. A few months later, we renewed our vows. We closed our eyes and entwined our little fingers-making a pinky-swear promise to remain best friends forever.
Before we graduated from high school, Annie s father accepted a new job and her family moved to Florida. We wrote each other long, mournful letters for several months. Then the letters stopped, and I never heard from Annie again. I felt devastated that my soul sister had unexpectedly disappeared from my life-until I made another best friend to fill the gaping hole that she left.
As I ve accreted more friends over the years, I have learned that even best friendships are fleeting. And whenever you lose a friend, whether the choice is yours, hers, or mutual, it is painful. You mull over the reasons and try to take stock of what happened: Did I do something wrong? Should I have stuck it out? Should we have talked it through? Why aren t I more resilient? Should I have done more to keep the connection? Why can t I just move on and forget?
Even today, the message consistently reinforced by parents, teachers, friends, and popular media is clear: female friendships are supposed to last forever. For that reason, many of us cling to them long after they are worth keeping, and feel unnecessarily guilty when they end. A friendship lost is viewed as a personal failure, a source of embarrassment to both parties. As such, the social and emotional costs of lost friendships run high. As we morph from girls into women, we are judged by our ability to make and maintain friends.
No one has much sympathy for women who have difficulty finding their friendship niche, even if they are independent, creative, and have a strong sense of self. I remember my first summer job during high school, when I worked as a receptionist at a large marketing firm in Manhattan. Even with my abundant appetite, I would rather starve to death than be caught eating alone in a coffee shop. I assumed that anyone spotted at a table for one would be regarded as a friendless loser! Society looks even more unkindly on women who fail to sustain friendships, labeling their di