What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say , livre ebook

Harvest House Publishers, Inc. - H. Norman Wright

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106 pages

English

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I just lost my job.My mom died of cancer.My best friend was in a serious accident.When a family member, friend, neighbor, or coworker is in pain, he or she needs your support-even if you're not sure what to do. Trusted Christian counselor Norm Wright offers this easy-to-follow handbook on how to respond to others during and after crises. As part of a national team that provides grief counseling following tragedies-including recent shootings and September 11-Norm knows firsthand what works when giving comfort. Along with discovering how you can respond in difficult situations, this straightforward guide will help you:understand the confusion and emotions the person will experiencedecide what to say and what not to saychoose what you can do immediately and long-termgive encouragement during depression and griefprovide biblical wisdom for helping the person cope and live onSensitive, practical, and specific, this handy reference includes information you need to be supportive and point to God as the ultimate healer.

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Philosophie et théologie

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Publié par	Harvest House Publishers, Inc.
Date de parution	01 octobre 2014
Nombre de lectures	1
EAN13	9780736958486
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0646€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS
EUGENE, OREGON
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version , NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Verses marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible , 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. ( www.Lockman.org )
Verses marked AMP are taken from The Amplified Bible, Copyright 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved. Used by permission. ( www.Lockman.org )
Verses marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible, Copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.
Verses marked NCV are taken from the New Century Version . Copyright 2005 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Verses marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
Verses marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version . Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Cover photo mythja / Shutterstock
Cover by Dugan Design Group, Bloomington, Minnesota
WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU DON T KNOW WHAT TO SAY
Copyright 2014 H. Norman Wright
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
www.harvesthousepublishers.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Wright, H. Norman.
What to say when you don t know what to say / H. Norman Wright.
pages cm
ISBN 978-0-7369-5847-9 (pbk.)
ISBN 978-0-7369-5848-6 (eBook)
1. Church work with the bereaved. 2. Friendship-Religious aspects-Christianity. 3. Interpersonal relations-Religious aspects-Christianity. 4. Consolation. 5. Communication-Religious aspects-Christianity. I. Title.
BV4460.W75 2014
248.8 6-dc23
2013048429
All rights reserved. No part of this electronic publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other-without the prior written permission of the publisher. The authorized purchaser has been granted a nontransferable, nonexclusive, and noncommercial right to access and view this electronic publication, and purchaser agrees to do so only in accordance with the terms of use under which it was purchased or transmitted. Participation in or encouragement of piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of author s and publisher s rights is strictly prohibited.
Contents
You Can Help
1. Called to Help
2. Don t Be a Miserable Comforter
3. If You Want to Help, Listen
4. Understanding What Your Friend Is Experiencing
Chart: Phases of Bereavement Intensity
5. Understanding a Friend in Crisis
Chart: Phases of a Crisis
Chart: Ball of Grief
6. Loss or Trauma?
7. The Hazards of Trauma
Sample Chart: Recovery Time Line
8. Helping Your Friend
9. When Depression Hits
10. Helping a Suicidal Friend
11. Say It in Writing
12. Praying for Your Friend
13. What to Do and What Not to Do
14. When to Make a Referral
Notes
About the Publisher
You Can Help
I n one small European village was a town square that held a special statue. This statue was the pride and joy of the residents, but World War II arrived, and soon the bombs began falling on the town. One day the statue was hit and blown to pieces. The residents collected all the shattered pieces and slowly did what they could to rebuild it. When they finished the reconstruction of their beloved statue of Jesus, they noticed that the only pieces missing were the hands. So they placed a plaque at the base of the statue with these words: Now we are the only hands that Jesus has.

Isn t this our calling to those around us? We are Jesus hands, as the apostle Paul told the Christians in Corinth: Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
Many years ago (more than I d like to admit), I was serving as minister of education and youth. A man by the name of Alan Loy McGinnis attended our church while completing his graduate work. Since he was also a minister, he would preach from time to time in the evening services. One Sunday night he walked up to the pulpit and said, Tonight I would like to share with you what to say, what not to say, what to do, and what not to do at a time of bereavement.
Ours was not a note-taking congregation-until that moment. As I sat on the platform I could see people reaching for offering envelopes, prayer requests cards, or any other piece of paper they could find to write on. I still have my notes from that evening. It was the first (and unfortunately the last) time I ve ever heard a message on how to help another person at a time of need. Those in attendance that evening left with a greater sense of confidence on how to help people.
Yes, we ll be more likely to reach out if we know what to say. And yes, helping a hurting person can be a bit scary. So if we have the desire to reach out and help, why do we hesitate? Because we grapple with questions like What do I say? What do I do? What should I avoid? We want to do the right thing and say what will help, but we re not sure what will accomplish that.
That s where What to Say When You Don t Know What to Say comes in! This easy-to-read book offers the knowledge, wisdom, and resources you need to confidently and competently help family, friends, and acquaintances when they need comfort and support.
Help for You as Caregiver
Before becoming significantly involved in helping others, you need to be aware of a problem that none of us are immune to. It has different names, including compassion fatigue, helper shutdown, or helper burnout, and it can happen to doctors, nurses, counselors, rescue workers, and anyone involved in helping others. It seems to be a case of emotional contagion-you end up catching the disorder of the person you re helping. You become emotionally drained by caring too much. It s stress from wanting to help another person. When you minister to a friend, he may leave feeling better, but now you re absorbed in his problems emotionally as well as mentally.
This can happen for several reasons. It can be an overload if you re helping a number of hurting individuals at the same time. The desire to help others is good, but you need to realize not everyone will be helped and there are some who aren t willing to take the necessary steps to change. Some helpers end up with mission failure or they say, I didn t help them enough. This won t happen to you. The Person bringing the changes about will be the Lord. So as you help, you also need to relinquish your friend to Jesus care and attention. Your value in helping others is to be there for them. You ll be a more effective helper when you follow the helpful guidelines in this book, but don t evaluate your success based on how well the person you re helping responds. As a professional counselor for many years, I learned that sometimes helpers don t get to see the results of our efforts as people move on. If you are too empathetic and feel what your friend is feeling too much, you will begin to carry his burdens around. That s not your job. Remember, the person you re helping is in God s hands, not yours.
If you have unresolved trauma in your life, be prepared to have it activated when you work with someone who has experienced trauma. What you hear may hit close to home.
What will especially impact you is helping children who have experienced trauma. This happens to even the most experienced professional helpers.
What can you do? Make sure you maintain balance in your life. You need to allow time for tending to and nurturing yourself through the Word, healthy friendships, exercise, recreation, devotional reading, and laughter. You need to allow others to care for you too.
Sometimes you discover that helping certain friends is too draining. You feel empty after every encounter. Your friend may need assistance from someone other than you. Be aware of your thoughts. If you re constantly thinking about your friend s problems and you don t relinquish his issues to the Lord, you could end up in difficulties yourself. Two resources you may want to read and recommend to those you help are my books Making Peace with Your Past and A Better Way to Think .
Despite these risks, helping people is a God-given calling that provides many opportunities for you to comfort and enrich the lives of those around you. When you actively participate with Him in this way, you too will be incredibly blessed.
Chapter 1
Called to Help
W hen a family member or friend tells you about a difficult life situation, a tragic accident, or even a life-threatening illness, you want to help. You want to reach out and offer comfort and support. Sadly, how to best do that is an area not taught very often. And even when there are articles or classes on providing compassion, they re usually cursory and unhelpful when it comes to real-life situations.
You re not alone in your concern of how to help others. I know you don t want to say or do the wrong thing and inadvertently hurt the people who come to you for help. And during a loss or crisis, you can t really rely on them to tell you what they really need. They may not know or they may not have the energy it takes to tell you.
What can you say or do when someone comes to you
I ve just been told I have cancer and it s terminal.
I just got a phone call. He s dead he s been killed my husband.
My daughter just told me she s been molested for three years.
I was in the grocer