Tears of Sorrow, Seed of Hope (2nd Edition) , livre ebook

Turner Publishing Company - Nina Beth Cardin

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123 pages

English

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A spiritual companion for those grieving infertility, pregnancy loss, or stillbirth, bringing solace from Jewish tradition. "This book begins where the others leave off. While the doctors do what they must do, when it is time for us to wait, or hope, or cry, or sleep, or pray, it is time for this book. The passages found within are drawn from the rich pool of spiritual responses that Judaism possesses. They reach out to us and embolden us to join our voices to the ancient prayers designed to get us through the night."—from the Introduction Enables those frustrated and pained in their attempts at parenthood to mourn the loss of a pregnancy or infertility through the prayers, rituals, and meditations of the Jewish tradition. This new edition—updated and expanded—includes guided questions and pages on which to add personal reflections of your own emotions and experiences along the path toward parenting.

Sujets

Philosophie et théologie

Tears of Sorrow

Jewish philosophy

Judaism

Religion

Informations

Publié par	Turner Publishing Company
Date de parution	08 septembre 2011
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781580235013
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0950€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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Tears of Sorrow, Seeds of Hope, Second Edition:
A Jewish Spiritual Companion for Infertility and Pregnancy Loss
2007 First Printing, Second Edition
1999 First Edition
2007 and 1999 by Nina Beth Cardin
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
For information regarding permission to reprint material from this book, please mail or fax your request in writing to Jewish Lights Publishing, Permission Department, at the address / fax number listed at the bottom of this page, or e-mail your request to permissions@jewishlights.com .
Page 179 constitutes a continuation of this copyright page.
Library of Congress has catalogued the first edition as follows:
Tears of sorrow, seeds of hope: a Jewish spiritual companion for infertility and pregnancy loss / [compiled and edited] by Nina Beth Cardin.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN-13: 978-1-58023-017-9
ISBN-10: 1-58023-017-2
1. Jewish women-Prayer-books and devotions-English. 2. Judaism- Prayer-books and devotions-English. 3. Infertility-Religious aspects- Judaism. 4. Miscarriage-Religious aspects-Judaism. 5. Children-Death-Religious aspects-Judaism. I. Cardin, Nina Beth.
BM667.W6T4 1998 296.7'2-dc21 98-48901 CIP
Second Edition
ISBN-13: 978-1-58023-233-3
ISBN-10: 1-58023-233-7
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Manufactured in the United States of America
Cover art: Pomegranate illustration by Joel Moskowitz from The Hebrew Blessings series
Cover design: Bronwen Battaglia
Text design: Chelsea Dippel
Published by Jewish Lights Publishing
A Division of LongHill Partners, Inc.
Sunset Farm Offices, Route 4
P.O. Box 237
Woodstock, Vermont 05091
Tel: (802) 457-4000, Fax: (802) 457-4004
www.jewishlights.com
This book is part of my final journey toward healing after the losses I suffered almost twenty years ago. In love and faith, I dedicate it to all the children who never were, to the ones who stayed all too briefly, and to the families who will never forget them.
CONTENTS
PREFACE TO THE SECOND EDITION
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Introduction

Using this book
A word to friends and family who are buying this book for loved ones
1 In the Beginning

Love poems
Prayers of hope
Mikveh prayers: a cool, private place
2 Give Me a Child: Prayers for Conception

Poems of fear, poems of hope
Prayers and rituals for a Friday night
Prayers for a childless man
Segulot : fertility folkways
3 Prayers for the Holidays

Prayers for Rosh Hashanah
Prayers to be said between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur
Prayers and rituals for Sukkot
Song for Hanukkah
Prayer for Tu B shevat
Ritual for Passover
Shavuot
Prayer for Rosh Chodesh
4 Mourning Loss

The stain
Mourning miscarriage
Therapeutic loss
For those unable to conceive
5 Helping God Help Us: Prayers for Medical Intervention

Prayers to be said before an examination
Prayers to be said before a procedure
Prayers of love
A red stone
6 Remembering Our Love: Prayers for Husband and Wife

7 Pregnancy

Upon becoming pregnant
Prayers to be said throughout the pregnancy
Prayer to be said upon entering the seventh month
Prayer to be said upon entering the ninth month
Prayers for a woman in labor
Prayer of thanks for a healthy delivery
8 Stillbirth and Death

Funeral for a stillborn
Remembering
Lament of a grandparent
Friends
Waters of healing

9 Finding Peace

Words of comfort for a woman who cannot conceive
Prayer of renewal for husband and wife
On accepting infertility
Ritual for adoption
Epilogue-Eve and Deborah: Of Mothers, Mamas, Mothering

Appendix-Laws and Practices Surrounding Stillbirth and Neonatal Loss
by Rabbi Stephanie Dickstein

NOTES

About Jewish Lights
Copyright
PREFACE TO THE SECOND EDITION
S ince it was first published in 1999, this book has surprised me in two touching ways:
1. It is given as a gesture of care and soothing by a husband, mother or friend even more than it is purchased by the woman herself; and
2. It offers comfort almost as much in simply being held as in being opened.
At least that is what I have heard from those who write to me and speak to me of the book.
There was the mother who so wanted to ease her daughter s pain, but didn t know how. She found that in giving the book, she could inscribe it with words she could not otherwise bring herself to say.
There are the many rabbis who offer the book as their gesture of care, and as testimony to rituals that now sanctify responses to women s overlooked needs.
There was that one man who stopped me in a parking lot and asked if I would wait a minute; he wanted to show me something. He walked over to his car and opened his trunk, in which was lying a copy of my book. He took it out, gingerly, and held it like a baby. He explained that he and his wife had been trying unsuccessfully for years to have a child, and this book was the first resource that ever offered him comfort in his distress. He carries it around in his car as a talisman of comfort.
And there was the woman who spoke to me, with tears in her eyes, of her husband singing to her from the book when she was in the hospital, straining to deliver her baby.
This book is as much theirs as it is mine. Their stories are now woven into it, even as they weave its words into their lives. The book is somehow different in the hands of every person. That is how it should be.
To acknowledge the changing tone and shape each volume assumes in the possession of different readers, to assist it as it morphs itself to fit the particulars of each owner s story, we have introduced Reflections sections throughout the book. Each section offers a series of guided journaling questions to help you work through your grief. In this new edition we ve also introduced blank pages on which you can record, discover, and otherwise unfold your thoughts, responses, prayers, and wishes.
May this book mold itself to your own needs and may it help carry you to the place you find peace.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
N o book is the product of one person alone, and this book even more than others benefits from many people s contributions:
I am grateful to Rabbi Michelle Goldsmith, my able and dedicated research assistant, for the time, sensitivity, and effort she invested in the early stages of this book. Rabbi Goldsmith undertook this project as a labor of love when she was a rabbinical student with a schedule and commitments already as full as they could possibly be. Without her dedication, this book would not be as full and as rich as it is.
I had wanted to write this book for over ten years, but it was only when I became the associate director of the National Center for Jewish Healing that the various threads of my life came together to fashion for me the opportunity. I thank the NCJH for giving me the structure, time, and encouragement that enabled me to get started.
The framing of this book has been immeasurably enhanced by my many conversations with Dr. Lois Dubin, who gave graciously of her time, wisdom, and experience. A version of her ritual response to loss may be found in chapter 4 of this book.
Over the course of years, I met and spoke with many families and individuals, acquaintances and strangers, both formally and informally, who shared with me their most intimate experiences of fear, pain, loss, and longing. Their honesty and generosity of spirit are reflected in every page of this book.
I will ever be grateful to Jewish Lights publisher and president, Stuart M. Matlins, for so readily and heartily agreeing to make this book one of his own and for providing me with a sensitive, knowledgeable, no-nonsense editor, Elisheva Urbas, who was able to help me cut my way through many ideological and structural thickets.
To my husband, who tenderly cared for me as I lost two of the children we had wanted so badly, and who held me as I brought our live children into this world, thank you. You are my strength. And to our children, who fill our home with noise and meaning, you are our joy. To you, I offer the prayer of the psalmist: May you live to see your children s children; and may there be peace for all Israel. (Ps. 128:6)
NINA BETH CARDIN
INTRODUCTION
M y second miscarriage occurred in the fourth month-a missed abortion, the doctor said. The pregnancy should have ended much earlier, but my body held onto the baby as if it were alive. So did my heart, and so did my dreams. Two miscarriages in three pregnancies. That was not what I expected. My friends wondered how could I go on. I wondered how could I give up. But I needed to find solace and strength in my sorrow. The rabbis I turned to were bereft of sources, unable to help me. Still, I needed to hear the soothing voice of my people, to be guided by my grandmothers ways in mourning and healing. Surely they had wisdom to share with me. But their voices were long lost, and I and so many others were the poorer for it.
It was out of that experience, out of the desire to uncover the hidden ways of women s traditions in loss and infertility, that I decided to write this book.
This is a book for families who have suffered the pains of infertility and pregnancy loss. There are oh so many of us. A fifth to a quarter of all first-time pregnancies yield to loss instead of life. Tens of thousands more women cannot begin or hold a pregnancy without medical intervention. Many of us-young and American-grew up believing that our health and the ability to control what happens to our bodies are our birthright. We are often shocked and humbled by our first encounters with the limitations of the flesh. And many of these first encounters occur in the realm of fertility.
For some of us, becoming a parent is a dream we cherish from childhood. A friend tel