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177 pages

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PLEASING GOD WHILE PROTECTING YOURSELF
Adult Children of narcissistic families often find themselves in predicaments that people with normal families never have to face. They spend a lifetime being stuck in no-win situations, forced to make uncomfortable choices, and then being made to live through the consequences with no support and no appreciation. Offering encouragement, comfort and wisdom, and filled with helpful suggestions, step-by-step guides, and just-right scripture verses, Narcissistic Predicaments is exactly what you need to help you set boundaries and free yourself in accordance with biblical principles. Including The 21 Rules of No Contact and 102 Questions to Ask Yourself When Deciding Whether to End an Abusive Relationship, here are the answers you’ve been looking for.
When you try to set boundaries, have you been accused of not being a “good Christian,” because:
*You are not honoring your father and mother?
*You have to “forgive and forget,” even though your relatives refuse to stop their abuse?
*You must forgive unrepentant evildoers because Jesus said “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do?”
*You are taking revenge by enforcing consequences?
*You have to “love your enemies?”
In Narcissistic Predicaments, the author will help you let go of the guilt, learn effective strategies for protecting yourself, and find out what the Bible really says about dilemmas such as:
*Should you let your estranged relatives have contact with your children?
*Dealing with the family meddler who tries to intervene between you and your abuser
*Working in the family business
*What to expect when you upset the apple cart by getting married
*What to do about holidays, weddings, and family celebrations
*Does your abuser’s apology automatically cover those who took her side against you?
*What to expect from estranged relatives who want to drag you back in
*Reconciling on your terms, not theirs
*If you leave, who will take care of your abusive parents in their old age?
*Visiting a dying abuser
*When your abuser or estranged relative dies- funerals, condolences, obituaries
Just as a single narcissistic abuser refuses to allow others their autonomy apart from him, the narcissistic family does not see and accept its members as separate individuals. The uniqueness of each person and their differences are not celebrated. Instead, individuality and free-thinking are perceived as threatening and not allowed. Anyone who breaks from the group mentality will be shut up or shunned. There is one way of thinking, one opinion for all. If you offend one of them, you offend them all. If you set a boundary and say something to one, it’s as if you said it to the whole clan. If one is mad at you, they’re all mad at you. If one isn’t speaking to you, they’re all not speaking to you. And if one suddenly decides that they are speaking to you again, then everybody is speaking to you again. The only wild card they never consider is whether you will want to speak to them again. They simply assume that you will passively go along with whatever the group decides, just like all of them do.
In the Bible, God instructs his children on how he wants them to relate to and live in peace with each other. He is not instructing the children of God on how to be loving and forgiving toward, live in peace with, and maintain relationships with the children of Satan. As Christians, we are to take up the full armor of God and fight the dark forces of evil, not peacefully co-exist with them. A breath of fresh air for Adult Children of abusive families, this compelling book will help you find the peace our heavenly Father promised you, His beloved child.

Sujets

Religion

Christianisme

Christian Living

Relationships

Philosophie et théologie

Family

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Publié par	Outskirts Press
Date de parution	05 mars 2015
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781478755524
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0500€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this book.

Narcissistic Predicaments
A Biblical Guide To Navigating The Schemes, Snares, And No-Win Situations Unique To Abusive Families
All Rights Reserved.
Copyright © 2010 Sister Renee Pittelli
v3.0

Cover Photo © 2010 JupiterImages Corporation. All rights reserved - used with permission.

This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture quotations identified KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Pertaining to Scripture quotations identified NKJV:
Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Pertaining to Scripture quotations identified NIV:
Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Pertaining to Scripture quotations identified NASB:
“Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE, Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.”

Pertaining to Scripture quotations identified NLT:
Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.

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ISBN: 9781478755524

Library of Congress Control Number: 2010921338

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PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
***Disclaimer: By reading this book, you certify that you understand and agree that the author is not a professional counselor, but just an ordinary woman who loves the Lord and hopes that her experiences and testimonies can be used to help others. Professional counseling with your pastor or therapist and prayer for wisdom from the Lord is strongly urged before making any decisions concerning your own personal relationships. Whatever the author writes is strictly her own personal opinion and testimony and not intended to give or offer any advice. The ideas in this book are not intended to take the place of professional counseling. The testimonies discussed in this book are composites of many different testimonies. All names and identifying details mentioned have been changed, and any resemblance to any locations, organizations, persons or characters, real or fictional, living or deceased, is entirely coincidental and unintentional. Therefore, the author and the publisher accept no responsibility for any inaccuracies or omissions and specifically disclaim any liability, loss, risk, damage, or injury, personal or otherwise, caused directly or indirectly, by the contents of this book.
In every asylum, there are always some who really don’t belong there…

This book is dedicated to all our normal, loving family members
With whom we shared so many good times…
Who gave us a ray of hope
And an island of stability to cling to in the angry seas of our chaotic childhoods…
Who gave us the priceless gift of happy memories…
Who blessed our lives with their presence…
And who have gone before us
To that great land where we’ll never grow old:

My Gramps Mike
Mama Rose
Grandma Far-Away Lena
Grandma Maria
Cousin Tony
Aunt Florrie
Uncle Petey
Matty
Uncle Jimmy
Willie
Uncle Dick
Uncle Mario
Dotty
Uncle Lawrence
Aunt Lena
Godmother Marie
Aunt Eunice
Uncle Joe

Until we meet again….
Thank you.
Contents
Introduction: Always A Losing Proposition: Dondi's Story And Babette's Story
Chapter 1. Is God Really Telling Us To Honor Abusive Parents?
Chapter 2. Forgiveness: Does It Matter If The Offender Is A “Born-Again Christian?”
Chapter 3. If You Say There Is No Forgiveness Without Repentance In The Bible, Then What About “Father, Forgive Them; For They Know Not What They Do?”
Chapter 4. Different Degrees Of Reconciliation: Go With Your Comfort Level
Chapter 5. Promises, Promises: Working In The Family Business Or Being Promised To Inherit It
Chapter 6. But I’m A Mother, Too! The Mother’s Day And Father’s Day Dilemmas
Chapter 7. The Preemptive Strike: Kissing Up To Your Spouse, Or Trying To Get Rid Of Him
Chapter 8. The Devil’s Advocate: Handling The Family Meddler .…Oops, I Mean “Peacemaker”
Chapter 9. Can One Person’s Apology Make Amends For Other People’s Behavior? Or, If You Make Up With Your Mother, Does That Automatically Include The Relatives Who Took Her Side Against You?
Chapter 10. Cutting Ties: Knowing When It’s Time To Walk Away
Chapter 11. No Contact 101 And Hoovering 101
Chapter 12. Special Delivery: The Surprise Package Of Decades-Old Junk
Chapter 13. Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Put Up The Christmas Tree: The Strange Phenomenon Of The Surprise Pre-Holiday Contact
Chapter 14. Should I Let My Estranged Relatives Have Contact With My Children?
Chapter 15. Weddings, Birthdays, Anniversaries, And Other Big Events
Chapter 16. But If I Don’t Stick Around, Then Who Will Take Care Of My Abusive Mother In Her Old Age?
Chapter 17. The Deathbed Dilemma: Visiting An Estranged Relative In The Hospital
Chapter 18. When Your Estranged Relative Dies: Condolences, Obituaries, And Going To The Funeral
Chapter 19. Enforcing Consequences Is Not The Same As Taking Revenge
Chapter 20. What About “Love Your Enemies?”
Chapter 21. Receiving And Recognizing A Word From The Lord
Epilogue: Finding Peace In Your Life: Reflections On Twelve Years Of No Contact
ALSO BY Sister Renee Pittelli
The Family Freeloader
Introduction Always A Losing Proposition
DONDI’S STORY
When I was five years old I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I was told I made medical history at the time. While I was recovering from surgery and a long hospitalization, my loving Aunt Florrie gave me a puppy from her dog’s litter. I named my little black and white spaniel mix Dondi, after a popular comic strip character. My grandfather always read the “funny pages” to me, and Dondi was one of his favorites.
Dondi and I bonded instantly and he was my companion during my recovery. I have many warm memories of taking walks with him and my beloved Gramps around our Brooklyn neighborhood and in Highland Park, where my grandfather taught me how to convince Dondi to walk on a leash. Gramps was a kind and gentle soul who loved animals and helped me care for Dondi.
When I was seven, my birth-parents bought a house in the suburbs and we moved out of Gramp’s house. My parents were not what you would call responsible pet owners. They didn’t walk Dondi- they just let him run loose. They didn’t neuter him, so he wound up in a lot of dog fights. They never took him to the vet. They just left me to patch him up as best as I could with whatever supplies I could find around the house. Dondi always knew I would help him, and every time he got hurt he would come to me and stand patiently while I tried to fix him up. Once, he got his dew claw caught in his chain collar and ripped it out. There was blood everywhere and it must have been very painful. But still my parents did not take him to the vet. I was only eight years old, but I did the best I could to stop the bleeding with paper napkins and patch him up with Band-Aids.
Whenever I played outside, Dondi was my faithful guardian. He was just a little guy, but he stuck by me. One time I was shakily riding a new, very tall bike down the street with Dondi trotting along behind me, and a neighbor’s boy came after me with a stick, trying to knock me off my bike. I was terrified of falling and yelled at the boy to get away from me while he tried to poke the stick through my spokes. Dondi nipped him on the butt, and he ran off.
Soon the boy’s parents arrived at my house to complain to my parents. My birth-father proceeded to give me a beating in front of the neighbors, while I cried that their son was chasing me with a stick and trying to knock me off my bike, and that Dondi had only protected me. The neighbors seemed to take pity on me. I don’t think they expected my father to beat me, and they seemed quite shocked when he did. Their attitude changed immediately. They insisted their son wasn’t hurt and it wasn’t a big deal. But they did want Dondi observed by a vet for rabies, since my parents let him run free and had never gotten him his shots.
My parents had no concern for my safety or how badly I might have been hurt if I fell off my bike. I could have broken an arm, suffered a head injury, or knocked all my teeth out. You’d think they would have given Dondi a steak dinner for saving their child from being injured. He was doing his little doggie job, defending the children in his family. Instead, I remember my father throwing him in the car to go to the vet and my mother screaming “Leave him there! Don’t bring him home again! I don’t want him here anymore! Get rid of him!” I was hysterical, begging and crying so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. “Please, please don’t get rid of him. He was only trying to protect me! He didn’t do anything wrong! He saved me!” I was in an absolute panic, and they did nothing to calm me or reassure me. They just kept yelling at me, as if this entire episode was my fault, and threatening that Dondi would not be coming home.
Looking back, I can’t believe this whole cruel and dreadful scene, which was actually pretty typical of hundreds of other scenes throughout my childhood. Who in