Making Peace With Your Father , livre ebook

Baker Publishing Group - David Stoop

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130 pages

English

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In this revised and updated copy of his bestselling book, Dr. David Stoop encourages readers to celebrate the positive influences their dads had on them and to make peace with their fathers for the difficulties and problems they may have caused. Making Peace with Your Father offers a comprehensive look at the role of the father, a study of father-absence, and a thorough description of the impact of abusive fathers. Readers will learn the 11-step process that gives hope and healing for relationships with fathers. This is a journey toward healing that all of us must take if we want to be whole.

Sujets

Philosophie et théologie

Popular psychology

Informations

Publié par	Baker Publishing Group
Date de parution	06 mai 2004
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781441225917
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0432€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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Praise for
Making Peace with Your Father
Dave Stoop has created a great tool for all who struggle with the father wound.
Stephen Arterburn
A UTHOR , E VERY M AN ’ S B ATTLE AND A DDICTED TO “L OVE ”
F OUNDER AND CEO, N EW L IFE M INISTRIES
Here is a book that everyone will want to read. “Amazingly insightful” and “practical” are descriptive words that come to mind. Also, the way this resource is structured gives readers the ability to immediately find their area of interest.
H. Norman Wright
A UTHOR , A LWAYS D ADDY ’ S G IRL
T HERAPIST
Making Peace with Your Father does a masterful job of helping us understand the crucial role of our fathers in our overall development. Whether they were active or absent, our fathers played a vital role in shaping who we are. For many, Dad’s influence was a painful one. Dr. Stoop offers help and hope by providing specific ways to make peace with our fathers by healing the wounds of the past and pointing the way toward a loving relationship with our heavenly Father. I highly recommend this book.
Mark E. Crawford
A UTHOR , T HE O BSESSIVE -C OMPULSIVE T RAP AND “T HE I MPORTANCE OF F ATHER ,” A C HAPTER IN T HE C OMPLETE C HRISTIAN P ARENTING B OOK L ICENSED P SYCHOLOGIST
In more than 25 years of working with men, I’ve found one of the biggest roadblocks to becoming whole and healthy is dealing with the deep wounds and hurts from their relationship with their dad. In Making Peace with Your Father , Dr. Dave Stoop has given us a practical and invaluable resource that addresses those issues and provides solutions. Whether you need help in dealing with pain from your past or you just want to be a better dad to your own children, you will find wisdom and encouragement here. Reading just the chapter on steps toward hope and healing is worth the price of the book.
Gary. J Oliver, Ph.D.
C OAUTHOR , R AISING S ONS AND L OVING I T
E XECUTIVE D IRECTOR , T HE C ENTER FOR M ARRIAGE AND F AMILY S TUDIES
P ROFESSOR OF P SYCHOLOGY AND T HEOLOGY , J OHN B ROWN U NIVERSITY
M EMBER OF THE B OARD OF D IRECTORS , P ROMISE K EEPERS

© 1992, 2004 David Stoop
Published in association with the literary agency of Alive Communications, Inc., 7680 Goddard Street, Suite 200, Colorado Springs, CO 80920.
Published by Revell a division of Baker Publishing Group P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287 www.revellbooks.com
Revell edition published 2014
ISBN 978-1-4412-2591-7
Previously published by Regal Books
Revised edition. Making Peace with Your Father was originally published by Tyndale House Publishers in 1992.
Ebook edition originally created 2011
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Living Bible , copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.
Other versions used are:
KJV—King James Version . Authorized King James Version.
NIV— Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version® . Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.
Phillips—The New Testament in Modern English , Revised Edition, J. B. Phillips, Translator. © J. B. Phillips 1958, 1960, 1972. Used by permission of Macmillan Publishing Co., Inc., 866 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10022.
To my sons Mike, Greg, and Eric
Contents
Part One
The Importance of Father
ONE
The Journey Toward Dad
Life with Father
Mr. Mom?
Desperately Seeking Daddy
TWO
What Only Dad Could Do
Early Childhood: Birth to Age Five
The Elementary School Years: Ages Six to Twelve
Adolescence: The Teen Years
THREE
The Four Roles of Fathers
The Nurturer
The Lawgiver
The Warrior/Protector
The Spiritual Mentor
FOUR
God as Our Model for Fatherhood
God Our Nurturing Father
God Our Lawgiving Father
God Our Warrior Father
God Our Spiritual Mentor
Part Two
When Father Wasn’t There
FIVE
Father Absence in Early Childhood
Pam, Heidi, and Lisa
Ron, Jerry, and Ted
SIX
Father Absence in the Elementary School Years
Marian and Linda
Garry and Ed
SEVEN
Father Absence in Adolescence
Jeanne and Amy
Wally
Part Three
When Father Let Us Down
EIGHT
Ways Our Fathers Eluded Us
The Workaholic Father
The Silent Father
The Emotionless Father
The Alcoholic Father
The Tyrannical Father
The Abusive Father
The Seductive Father
The Competitive Father
The Idealized Father
The Good-Enough Father
NINE
Doubly Dangerous Fathers
The Physically Abusive Father
The Molesting Father
The Terrorizing Father
The Weak Father
Part Four
Hope and Healing
TEN
Facing the Truth
Step One: Identify the Symptoms
Step Two: Get the Facts
Step Three: Identify Family Secrets and Family Myths
Step Four: Speak the Unspoken
Step Five: Rewrite History
Step Six: Process the Losses
ELEVEN
Making Peace with Your Father
Step Seven: Wait
Step Eight: Forgive
Step Nine: Invite Others to Share Your Journey
Step Ten: Explore New Roles
Step Eleven: Redeem the Past
TWELVE
God Our Healing Father
God Our Patient Father
God Our Healing Father
A Step-by-Step Journal for Making Peace with Your Father
Notes
Part One
The Importance of Father
Which of us has looked into his father’s heart?
Thomas Wolfe, Look Homeward Angel
ONE
The Journey Toward Dad
Fathers. Everyone has one—for better or for worse. And everyone needs a daddy.
What was your father like? When you think about your father do you remember warm and happy times? Wrestling on the living room floor, listening to his fanciful stories at bedtime, sneaking off for an ice cream treat, talking about your day at school?
Or do you have darker memories? Being yelled at for spilling your milk, smacked on the side of the head for asking a question during his favorite TV program, humiliated in front of your friends because you struck out in the crucial ninth inning?
Do you perhaps have few or no memories of Father, because he was seldom or never present in your life?
Whether your memories are positive or negative, whether your father was present or absent, he has shaped and continues to shape who you are today. Every year many clients come to our clinic for counseling about a variety of issues. Often we find that these clients need to discuss and resolve some very painful father issues before we can deal with what appears to be the “real” problem.
As we shall see in this book, fathers play a crucial role in child development. To put it more pointedly: Our fathers, yours and mine, have played a major role in making us who we are today. Their successes have strengthened us, their failures have weakened us.
Making peace with Father—it’s a journey as well as a destination. When you picked up this book, you began the journey. The book may not take long to read; the journey can last a lifetime.
As you make the journey, you will have moments of excruciating pain. You will also feel more joy than you ever dreamed possible.
You will open old wounds, but you will also find healing.
At times you will wonder if you will ever find what or whom you are seeking. Then hope will break through and you will be filled with the courage to continue.
The journey toward Dad is a perilous but necessary voyage. We all must take it, if we want to be whole.
It is a journey I have made and am still making. I would like to invite you to make this journey with me.
My own journey goes back fifty years.
Life with Father
When I was a boy, about all we expected of Dad was that he simply be there. He was physically present, at least most of the time. That was supposed to be enough.
Dad worked in a manufacturing plant as a spot welder. I remember him coming home from work at the end of the day, physically exhausted. He’d say hello to my mother, then wash up for dinner. Conversation around the table was pretty minimal, but it always included the question, “How was school today?” My sister and I would say, “Fine,” and that was that. After dinner, Dad would retreat to the living room, plop down in “his” chair, and read the newspaper until he dozed off.
Sometimes we’d all gather around and listen to a program on the radio. This was in the days before television. But families could get glued to the radio just as they get glued to the TV today. Those were times of togetherness for our family, and I remember them warmly. I also remember that they didn’t happen all that often.
Our house ran according to a fairly tight regimen. Dad was a strict disciplinarian who didn’t like a lot of variance from the routine. As children we were expected to go about our business—chores, homework, even playtime—quietly and unobtrusively. And we usually did, having learned from unpleasant experience what happened when we awakened Dad’s Irish temper.
Weekends likewise had a routine of their own. Dad spent most of Saturday working around the house, fixing things or just tinkering in the garage. He didn’t involve us kids much in his tinkering.
Sunday was reserved for church. We went to church every week, morning and evening, without fail. On rare occasions, Sunday afternoons were special. We would go out to eat after morning service, then to the local art museum. It was in a lovely setting, with trees and a lake. When we were little, we got to run around the lake. As we got older, we spent more time inside the museum. I can still remember wandering through the musty old building, all by myself, entranced by the artifacts from Europe and Egypt and the Orient. I ha