Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life , livre ebook

Harvest House Publishers, Inc. - David Hawkins

Découvre YouScribe en t'inscrivant gratuitement

Je m'inscris

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

122 pages

English

Vous pourrez modifier la taille du texte de cet ouvrage

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

A propos
Informations
Extrait

Description

Some of the most difficult people to deal with are those who fail to take responsibility for their lives and who wreak havoc in their relationships. Author and relationship doctor David Hawkins offers help for those caught unavoidably in the craziness of a disordered person's life. With clear explanations, examples, and real life solutions, Hawkins shows readershow to develop healthy life skill tools and boundarieswhen, why, and how to confront a person who drives them crazyhow disordered people think, act, and see the worldAnyone trapped in another person's cycle of disorder will discover ways to change their own response, perspective, and communication, and ultimately will find the hope of peace in the chaos.

Sujets

Philosophie et théologie

Reference

Informations

Publié par	Harvest House Publishers, Inc.
Date de parution	01 février 2007
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9780736931380
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0646€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

Dr. David Hawkins

HARVEST HOUST PUBLISHERS EUGENE, OREGON
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION . NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Verses marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.
Cover by Koechel Peterson Associates, Inc., Minneapolis, Minnesota
This book contains stories in which the author has changed people s names and some details of their situations to protect their privacy.
DEALING WITH THE CRAZYMAKERS IN YOUR LIFE
Copyright 2007 by David Hawkins
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
Hawkins, David 1951-
Dealing with the crazymakers in your life / David Hawkins.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN-13: 978-0-7369-1841-1 (pbk.)
ISBN-10: 0-7369-1841-8 (pbk.)
1. Interpersonal conflict-Religious aspects-Christianity. I. Title.
BV4597.53.C58H39 2007
158.2-dc22
2006024323
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other-except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.
Printed in the United States of America
07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 / LB-CF / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
We may be tempted to use the term crazy-makers in jest. We might use it casually to describe anyone who upsets us. In reality, crazy-makers are neither funny nor fun. They are challenging at best and threatening at worst.
This book is dedicated to the countless clients who have shared their crazy-making stories with me during my 30-plus years of counseling. Many have struggled valiantly against people who have manipulatively twisted their words and emotions. I offer this book as a beacon of hope, offering insights and strategies for dealing with crazy-makers who use aggression to scare us, myriad hurts and wounds to make us feel sorry for them, and arrogance to overwhelm us. This book is written to help you set healthy boundaries and break free from such manipulation so you can be everything God intended for you to be.
Acknowledgments
Writing a book is a huge project, requiring a thoughtful and imaginative beginning, a nurtured and persistent middle, and a strong ending. It takes many contributors, and I am but one of them.
The inspiration for this book came in large part from my editor and friend, Terry Glaspey, as we sat having lunch at Maggies in Shelton, Washington. We joked about the crazy-makers we have known and spoke about the importance of writing a book like this. Thanks again, Terry, for believing in the importance of this project.
I am deeply indebted again to my wife, Christie, who joyfully read every chapter, offering keen insight and wisdom to improve my writing. I am blessed to have an in-home editor who asks-yes, asks!-to read my writing and offers powerful perceptions with grace. She knows how to deliver constructive criticism in a way that almost feels good. Thanks, Christie.
I have been blessed to have Jim Lemonds on my editorial team for another project. Jim, a trained and talented writer in his own right, always offers ways to strengthen the voice and flow of my writing. Thanks, Jim.
I have been blessed to again have Gene Skinner provide the copyediting of my book. We re a great team, man, and I so appreciate working with you.
Finally, I must again thank the team at Harvest House Publishers, who are more like a family to me every day. I won t try to name every one of them, but the number of godly professionals who work tirelessly to bring a book to print is incredible. As the number of books mount, and my relationships with these people grow, I count myself blessed to have them publishing and promoting my books.
Contents
Acknowledgments
Part 1: Crazy-Making People
1. It s a Crazy-Making World
2. Broken Chaos Detectors
3. They Come in All Kinds
4. Control Freaks
Part 2: Caught in the Crazy-Maker s Net
5. The Big Hook: Aggressors and Egotists
6. The Big Hook: Borderlines, Sufferers, and Control Freaks
7. The Net of Deception
8. Foul Bait and Other Crazy-Making Lures
9. The Powerful Bait of Irresponsibility
Part 3: Breaking Free
10. Boundaries Deliver Freedom
11. The Freedom of Normalcy
12. Total Freedom: Catch and Release
Notes
Contact the Author
Other Great Harvest House Books by Dr. David Hawkins
About the Author
PART ONE

Crazy-Making
People
1
It s a Crazy-Making World
If despair comes to our own small lives, so comes the avenue for allowing it to deepen and change us .
C HRISTINA B ALDWIN
Do you ever feel as if you re going crazy, wondering if the problem is with you or the people around you? Have you been in a conversation where your head starts swimming and you forget the topic of the conversation? Has someone close to you told you what you were feeling or perhaps even what you were thinking? Or have you been involved in a conversation, suddenly realizing you weren t following at all? Do you ever feel drawn into a conversation you didn t want to have in the first place?
For most of us, certain situations make us feel uncomfortable, and we wonder what is going on. Some people in our lives, often close family members, make us tense, on edge, irritable. Are we nuts? Are they nuts? Leaving our personal world, we ve entered into the spinning world of the crazy-maker.
We all know crazy-makers, and even though we may feel ill-equipped to interact with them, we can develop some skills that will help us remain healthy while relating with them more effectively.
Just last week I saw three different people who were struggling with crazy-making people in their lives.
Sarah was first. She arrived noticeably agitated, fidgeting with the buttons on her blouse. She blurted, I can t handle gardens with too much color. It s sensory overload. It reminds me of my family-random and out of control. I like gardens made of white flowers-they soothe me.
Sarah was 25 and single, taking drama classes at the local community college. She had come to see me for symptoms of depression. She appeared too thin for her modest frame, as if a strong wind might whisk her off her feet.
Tell me more about your family, I said.
They make me crazy, she said, waving her hands in the air. I don t know why or even how. That s why I m here. I ve got to figure it out because they make me nuts, and I hate it.
Be more specific, Sarah. Describe a family setting and what happens to you when you re in it.
Okay, take this past weekend. First of all, it was chaotic. I stopped by to see my mom and stepdad. Everyone was talking at once. My sister was there too, and she always drives me nuts. My mom makes me feel crazy a minute after we re together, so the two of them at once feels like a zoo.
What do they do to make you feel crazy?
My sister makes me feel crazy because everything has to be about her. She s a crisis queen. You know the kind-her life is always in an uproar. She s fighting with her boyfriend, who s a loser on drugs, and she wants to borrow more money from my parents. It s always about her. Heaven forbid that I have something going on in my life. She could never stand to give up the spotlight long enough for me to have any problems.
What s her name?
My sister? Her name is Dena-but I call her Drama.
Sarah paused as though searching her files for additional evidence.
Then there s my mom. She s on her fourth marriage. She can t seem to hang onto a man. She changes men like she changes outfits. And she does that a lot too, by the way. What she spends on clothes could feed a small country.
What does she do that drives you crazy?
She and my sister always seem to compete to see who gets the most attention. Every time I share something, they ve already been there, done that, and have the T-shirt.
So what happened this past weekend?
Well, I wanted to talk about my drama class and my disappointment at not getting the part I wanted. Mom said Dena would have gotten the part and started talking about all the lead roles she played in high school. She did it to me again! Nothing I do is right or good enough. Mom never dreams big for me. Her life has been one disappointment after another, but she d never admit it. I don t think she wants me to succeed. And it makes me mad.
Parents ought to let their kids know it s okay to shoot for the stars.
Sarah shrugged her shoulders and laughed sardonically.
What do you do if your parents can t dream big with you? Or what if they don t really listen to you or care how you feel about something disappointing in your life?
That s a shame, I said. Parents who don t really listen to us cause us pain. We feel hurt and have to do some grieving as we get older. Sarah, you ll need to find a way to cheer yourself on if your parents can t.
One of the crazy things is that I keep thinking she ll be able to cheer me on one of these days. But that day never comes. I always hope it will be different, but I end up leaving her house feeling disappointed. I feel punched in the gut every time I visit. Maybe I set myself up.
Maybe so, I said. Something inside all of us wants to be praised and encouraged by our parents. When they don t do it, we feel cheated. And we feel a little crazy.
A few hours later, I met with Becky. Though not related to Sarah, she could have been. Her story reflected similar problems with crazy-making.
Becky also suffered from depression, a common plight for those who were raised in or are now living in crazy-making environments. Although Becky had not grown up in a crazy-making home, she was living in a crazy-making marriage. She was a frazzled wife