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Baker Publishing Group - C. Cushenbery Donald , Rita Cushenbery

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55 pages

English

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Nothing devastates someone quite like the lose of a spouse. This life-giving book helps the bereaved be proactive in dealing with grief and rediscovering a life worth living.

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Philosophie et théologie

Informations

Publié par	Baker Publishing Group
Date de parution	01 août 1997
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781441215284
Langue	English
Poids de l'ouvrage	1 Mo

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0403€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

© 1991, 1997 by Donald C. Cushenbery and Rita Crossley Cushenbery
Published by Baker Books
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.bakerbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2011
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means for example, electronic, photocopy, recording without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
ISBN 978-1-4412-1528-4
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, D.C.
Scripture quotations are from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1946, 1952, 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
Preface
Acknowledgments
Introduction
1. Living with the Grief
2. Caring for Your Physical and Emotional Needs
3. Making New Living Arrangements
4. Moving Ahead with Your New Life
5. Handling Your Finances
6. Contemplating Remarriage
An Overview
Appendix: The Cushenbery Readiness for Marriage Inventory
Reading List
About the Author
Preface
T his volume represents a new and revised edition of our original book, Coping with Life after Your Mate Dies (Baker Book House, 1991). Our updated version presents additional information in an exciting new format to help persons with the process of dealing with the intense hurt of the death of a spouse. Some of the principles highlighted in the various chapters may also be applied to the hurt surrounding the death of other close family members or the event of separation or divorce.
Our new book is not intended solely as a general devotional guide as is the case with many books dealing with grief. You are a busy person, and with that in mind we have worked deliberately to place all of our pertinent information in a clear, practical, brief, and easy-to-read format. Hundreds of people who bought and read our original volume liked it for these features. We focus our attention on a topic and attempt to give you step-by-step suggestions for dealing with certain issues. We have tried to be frank, caring, and helpful with our advice. It is our sincere desire that our book will assist you with dealing with your grief.
Death is a topic that most of us would rather not discuss. In the case of married couples, one of the partners will most likely die before the other. We have a tendency not to discuss death, and we somehow want to believe that death occurs in families other than our own.
Whether or not you are a Christian, the event of physical death is inevitable and final. The surviving spouse recognizes that his or her life will change in many ways. There will be no more happy times together when vacations are taken or when children and grandchildren are visited. Gone are the times when the joys and challenges of daily life are shared with a loving mate.
There are many things about death that we do not understand, and most people have a dreadful fear of the unknown. Though Christians have a spiritual understanding that the deceased mate is now in heaven, they cannot entirely know or comprehend the exact details about the afterlife. All of us recognize that with each passing day we are nearer to our own death and eternal destiny. For example, if you have already selected a cemetery plot, you are painfully aware of the eventual day when the ground will be opened for the entrance of your body or that of your spouse. Even so, you may have many perplexing questions.
The death of a mate is especially painful for couples who have lived closely for many years or who have young children. The survivor may feel that God no longer cares, or else he would have intervened and stopped the impending death of the loved one.
No one escapes physical death. It cannot be overcome with money, influence, community status, or political power. The billionaire is affected in the same manner as a homeless person. Most survivors are not ready to face the entire reality of everyday living following the death of their mate, as Rita and I discovered following the deaths of our spouses.
It is our desire that after you read this book, you will have a better understanding of how to cope with the death of your mate. We hope our comments will help you to be a survivor and to live a triumphant life with the continuing understanding that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Acknowledgments
M any persons helped us critique the original volume and the present revised edition. Over two dozen friends of varying ages who have lost their spouses gave us helpful suggestions for improving our material. These data were compiled from face-to-face interviews, telephone conversations, and remarks in writing. The book is better because they had a common belief that a volume of this nature was greatly needed.
Dee Fogarty prepared the final manuscript on the word processor. She has our gratitude for supplying us with a very acceptable product. My dear granddaughter, Becky Tatreau, gave ideas to me regarding various topics dealing with the Internet and America Online.
We also wish to thank hundreds of unnamed persons who have been in our many workshops and lecture audiences for encouraging us along the way. Nearly every individual knew of some friend or loved one who needed the book now . Finally, we acknowledge the legacy left by Elfrieda Cushenbery and Dick Crossley, our departed spouses, whose presence enriched so many years of our lives.
Introduction
R ita’s husband, Dick, died in October 1985. My wife, Elfrieda, died in September 1988. At those times, even though we were believers, we were immediately left with a deep sense of loss.
We looked in bookstores for a good book relating to grief, but we found that most books were general and devotional in nature and did not help us with the specific day-to-day challenges of a survivor. When both of us retired as teachers in 1989, we were impressed with the suggestion of many of our caring friends that we write a book just for those who had lost a mate. Some felt that since I had been a university professor and author of many publications as well as an interim pastor, I should have the skills for the project. Rita has counseled hurting persons for many years. However, we felt our most important qualification was that we had experienced firsthand the death of a mate.
Coping with Life after Your Mate Dies was first published in 1991 and enjoyed a wide circulation thereafter. By 1996, it became quite clear that an updated, revised edition with additional and more current suggestions for grieving mates was needed. We hope this new edition will receive the same wide support as our original book enjoyed.
The chapters and material for this volume have been constructed with the idea that they can be read in a short period of time with a high level of interest. This book is intended for survivors of all ages, not just seniors. Some topics and material from the original edition have been changed, and new subjects and recommendations have been included in the revised edition to make it conform to our high standards of publication.
Some of the chapters have actual case studies to illustrate certain principles. The new edition contains updated and expanded examples to make the text even more meaningful and helpful. To protect the privacy of the persons involved, all names and some minor details have been changed or disguised.
Living with the Grief
A ccording to an old saying, two facts of life are inevitable: death and taxes. Regardless of one’s present financial and social status, these two events will most surely come to pass. The man or woman who is worth several billion dollars faces his or her last breath just as surely as the homeless person who may be living under a bridge or in a shack beside a dirt road.
Many people set aside the thought of death because the only time they are confronted with it is at a funeral for an elderly friend or relative who lived a long, satisfying life. But we all know that life is fragile and that the sudden crash of an airplane or car or a devastating illness can result in the shattered hopes and dreams of people of any age. Many of our readers will remember the ValuJet plane crash in the Florida Everglades near Miami in May 1996. The 110 people aboard who were bound for Atlanta had no idea that their lives would be lost when the plane nose-dived into the swamp. Most of the bodies were not intact and could not be identified. These persons did not have a second chance. Dozens of relatives were thrown into unexpected grief. Entire families were killed. The grief will last a lifetime for the surviving spouses.
We have no assurance of how long we might live, despite medical technology and all our efforts to prolong life with proper exercise and good, prudent living habits. I knew a man who was an avid, dedicated marathon runner and who ate only “natural” foods that he purchased at a specialty food store. His blood pressure was usually around 110 over 70 a reading more typical of a teenager than of a forty-nine-year-old man. Yet, while making his usual three-mile run one morning, he was killed suddenly by a drunken driver who had failed to stop at a red light. The physically fit runner left a sorrowing widow with three school-age children.
During your lifetime, you have no doubt experienced the loss of one or more loved ones, but the loss of a mate is overwhelmingly traumatic. You are probably reading this book because you have recently been confronted with the death of your mate and with the stark realities of loneliness, lack of companionship, and the practical concerns that follow such an event.
Whether or not your mate was a Christian, the present hurt of his or her absence is still very evident