A Time To Mourn, a Time To Comfort (2nd Edition) , livre ebook

Turner Publishing Company - Ron Wolfson

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260 pages

English

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A Step-by-Step Guide for Honoring the Dead and Empowering the Living

When someone dies, there are so many questions—from what to do in the moment of grief, to dealing with the practical details of the funeral, to spiritual concerns about the meaning of life and death. This indispensable guide to Jewish mourning and comfort provides traditional and modern insights into every aspect of loss. In a new, easy-to-use format, this classic resource is full of wise advice to help you cope with death and comfort others when they are bereaved.

Dr. Ron Wolfson takes you step by step through the mourning process, including the specifics of funeral preparations, preparing the home and family to sit shiva, and visiting the grave. Special sections deal with helping young children grieve, mourning the death of an infant or child, and more.

Wolfson captures the poignant stories of people in all stages of grieving—children, spouses, parents, rabbis, friends, non-Jews—and provides new strategies for reinvigorating and transforming the Jewish ways we mourn, grieve, remember, and carry on with our lives after the death of a loved one.

Foreword by Rabbi David J. Wolpe Introduction Acknowledgments for the Second Edition Acknowledgments for the First Edition How to Read This Book Biographies of the Voices in This Book The Art of Jewish Mourning and Comforting PART 1 : FACING DEATH The Process of Dying Visiting the Dying Talking with the Dying Caregiving PART 2: A DEATH IN THE FAMILY Medical Issues and Jewish Law Advance Directives for Health Care The Vidui Confessional What Happens When a Person Dies? Special Cases Neonatal Death Miscarriage The Death of a Child AIDS-Related Deaths PART 3: THE ART OF JEWISH MOURNING Grief-Work and the Experience of Jewish Mourning The Phases of Jewish Bereavement PART 4: FROM THE DEATH TO THE FUNERAL For Mourners "What Do I Do Now?" Making Funeral Arrangements Helping Grieving Children Preparing for Shiva For Comforters When a Friend Experiences a Death—The Art of Jewish Comforting What Can You Do? Close Friends Friends PART 5: THE FUNERAL For Mourners The Service How to Write and Deliver a Eulogy The Kaddish The Mourner's Kaddish Questions about the Funeral Sephardic Burial Customs Special Cases For Comforters How to Attend a Funeral PART 6: SHIVA For Mourners Shiva How Long Is Shiva? The Observance of Shiva The Open House—or—Who’s the Host? Who’s the Guest? Seudat Ha-havra’ah—The Meal of Condolence Prayer Services during Shiva Questions about Shiva Services Sephardic Customs during Shiva Children during Shiva Dealing with the Aftermath “Getting Up” from Shiva “Sitting Shiva” out of Town For Comforters How to Make a Shiva Call “What Do I Say?” “Don’t Take My Grief Away” Hearing with a Heart What You Can Say Sharing Memories Additional Reflections for Mourners How to Talk to Comforters Family Time Planning for the Future PART 7: “WHAT CAN I WRITE?” For Comforters How to Write a Condolence Letter For Mourners How to Respond to Comforters’ Letters PART 8: SHLOSHIM TO YIZKOR For Mourners Shloshim Questions about Shloshim Saying Kaddish Gravestones and Unveilings Visiting the Grave Memorial Tablets Yahrtzeit Yizkor Naming Children Excessive Grief Exhumation Remembering the Deceased Starting Over Being Single Again For Comforters Remembering the Living The Community and the Bereaved PART 9: HOW TO PREPARE FOR YOUR OWN DEATH Before Funeral Arrangements An Ethical Will A Living Will Estate Instructions Distribution of Personal Items PART : AFTERLIFE What Happens after We Die? Epilogue APPENDICES Estate Instructions Estate Planning Checklist Glossary Selected Bibliography

Sujets

Santé et bien-être

Santé mentale & traumatisme

Vie de famille

Soutien psychologique et conseils familiaux

Rituals

Philosophie et théologie

Bereavement in Judaism

Judaism

Religion

Practice

Informations

Publié par	Turner Publishing Company
Date de parution	20 août 2012
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781580236614
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,1100€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

Books in the Art of Jewish Living Series
by Dr. Ron Wolfson
Hanukkah, 2nd Edition :
The Family Guide to Spiritual Celebration
Passover, 2nd Edition :
The Family Guide to Spiritual Celebration
Shabbat, 2nd Edition :
The Family Guide to Preparing for and Celebrating the Sabbath
Other Books by Dr. Ron Wolfson
God s To-Do List :
103 Ways to Be an Angel and Do God s Work on Earth
The Spirituality of Welcoming :
How to Transform Your Congregation into a Sacred Community
The Seven Questions You re Asked in Heaven :
Reviewing Renewing Your Life on Earth
For Jules Porter- leader, friend, mensch- who has brought the Art of Jewish Living to so many
Contents
Foreword by Rabbi David J. Wolpe
Introduction
Acknowledgments for the Second Edition
Acknowledgments for the First Edition
How to Read This Book
Biographies of the Voices in This Book
The Art of Jewish Mourning and Comforting
PART 1: FACING DEATH
The Process of Dying
Visiting the Dying
Talking with the Dying
Caregiving
PART 2: A DEATH IN THE FAMILY
Medical Issues and Jewish Law
Advance Directives for Health Care
The Vidui Confessional
What Happens When a Person Dies?
Special Cases
Neonatal Death
Miscarriage
The Death of a Child
AIDS-Related Deaths
PART 3: THE ART OF JEWISH MOURNING
Grief-Work and the Experience of Jewish Mourning
The Phases of Jewish Bereavement
PART 4: FROM THE DEATH TO THE FUNERAL
For Mourners
What Do I Do Now?
Making Funeral Arrangements
Helping Grieving Children
Preparing for Shiva
For Comforters
When a Friend Experiences a Death-The Art of Jewish Comforting
What Can You Do?
Close Friends
Friends
PART 5: THE FUNERAL
For Mourners
The Service
How to Write and Deliver a Eulogy
The Kaddish
The Mourner s Kaddish
Questions about the Funeral
Sephardic Burial Customs
Special Cases
For Comforters
How to Attend a Funeral
PART 6: SHIVA
For Mourners
Shiva
How Long Is Shiva?
The Observance of Shiva
The Open House-or-Who s the Host? Who s the Guest?
Seudat Ha-havra ah -The Meal of Condolence
Prayer Services during Shiva
Questions about Shiva Services
Sephardic Customs during Shiva
Children during Shiva
Dealing with the Aftermath
Getting Up from Shiva
Sitting Shiva out of Town
For Comforters
How to Make a Shiva Call
What Do I Say?
Don t Take My Grief Away
Hearing with a Heart
What You Can Say
Sharing Memories
Additional Reflections for Mourners
How to Talk to Comforters
Family Time
Planning for the Future
PART 7: WHAT CAN I WRITE?
For Comforters
How to Write a Condolence Letter
For Mourners
How to Respond to Comforters Letters
PART 8: SHLOSHIM TO YIZKOR
For Mourners
Shloshim
Questions about Shloshim
Saying Kaddish
Gravestones and Unveilings
Visiting the Grave
Memorial Tablets
Yahrtzeit
Yizkor
Naming Children
Excessive Grief
Exhumation
Remembering the Deceased
Starting Over
Being Single Again
For Comforters
Remembering the Living
The Community and the Bereaved
PART 9: HOW TO PREPARE FOR YOUR OWN DEATH
Before Funeral Arrangements
An Ethical Will
A Living Will
Estate Instructions
Distribution of Personal Items
PART 10: AFTERLIFE
What Happens after We Die?
Epilogue
APPENDICES
Estate Instructions
Estate Planning Checklist
Glossary
Selected Bibliography

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Foreword
When someone dies, we are faced with two sorts of questions: specific questions about what to do in the moment of grief and general questions about the meaning of life and death. It is easy to be overwhelmed and lose ourselves in all the issues raised by death: How do we care for ourselves, and for those close to us who are grieving? How do we think about death, and explain it? How do we reestablish a relationship with the world and with God?
These questions lie at the heart of the Jewish approach toward death. Judaism is honest without brutality, compassionate without evasion. It helps us cope with death, and equally important, it guides us in helping others when they are bereaved. Like every great religious tradition, Judaism shows its deepest wisdom in times of loss.
Judaism offers guidance in matters both of action and of attitude. It gives us specifics about how to behave in the face of death. And it urges general explanations about how death fits into the scheme of life and of faith.
Ron Wolfson s book captures the best in Judaism s approach. It is honest, tender, and wise. A Time to Mourn, a Time to Comfort speaks in many voices: the voices of those who have endured grief, the voices of rabbis who deal daily with tragedy, the voices of those who are spiritually searching, and the voices of those who have found their own path through dark times.
Throughout this book, the reader will learn how people today seek traditional answers to cope with life and loss. How do I arrange for a funeral, and why did God do this to me? Both questions are part of encountering the end of life. In these pages we hear answers, ancient and modern, that speak to our hearts.
Judaism finds healing in God, in the community, and in the resources of each individual soul. It illuminates a path by which we can, step by step, be led to the affirmation of the biblical Job: The Lord has given, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Rabbi David J. Wolpe
Introduction
The first funeral I ever attended was at the Beth El Cemetery on a tranquil hillside among the cornfields on the outskirts of Omaha, Nebraska. I was twenty-two years old. My Bubbe, Ida Paperny, had died after a long illness, and I had returned from college to attend her funeral. Having grown up in a family that shielded children from the reality of death, I now stood at her gravesite, quietly sobbing, as much at the sight of my bereaved parents and relatives as for my beloved grandmother. It was at that moment that I first realized that the wise and powerful Jewish rituals surrounding death are as much for the survivors as for the deceased.
Two years later, my Zayde, Louis Paperny, lay on his deathbed in Clarkson Hospital. My wife, Susie, and I were summoned to Omaha to his bedside, where he lay surrounded by his family. Since Bubbe died, I had studied Jewish mourning practices in college and was intellectually more aware of what was about to happen. But I was totally unprepared emotionally to witness my Zayde s death.
My grandfather Louis was a larger-than-life figure. Well known throughout the region as a generous and colorful businessman and philanthropist, Zayde Louie was the patriarch of our family who lavished love on everyone, particularly his grandchildren. Whether playing gin rummy, or taking us to his box behind home plate at the Triple A ballpark, or locking us in his patented powerful leg scissors, each of us nine grandchildren were known to him as the best boy/girl in the United States of America. Coming to America as a humble fruit peddler at the beginning of the century, he built Louis Market into the largest grocery store in three states. Short, stocky, and tough, he possessed an unbelievable strength developed over many years of hauling heavy sacks of potatoes and other produce by hand. Yet, he was one of the most gentle and emotional men I have ever met; his eyes quickly filled with tears at the simple sight of a grandchild crawling into his lap.
I loved Zayde for all that he stood for: his strength, his independence, his caring for those less fortunate, his popularity as a public figure, his devotion to Jewish life. He lay in the hospital bed, weakened by many years of illness and totally dependent on the doctors and technologies of modern medicine. The end was near. Zayde had slipped into a coma, a deep and peaceful sleep. The physicians had done all they could; the machines had been removed. Surrounded by his devoted daughters, sons-in-law, and grandchildren, Louis Paperny was about to leave this world. As he drew his last breath, an incredible calm came over his body, and I whispered the words he could not: Shma Yisrael, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai Ehad : Hear O Israel, Adonai is our God, Adonai is One.
I had no idea what would happen next, but what did occur was certainly nothing like the movies. No nurse came into the room to cover the body with a sheet. No doctor came in to pronounce him dead. Rather, we, his family, sat close to him, sobbing and weeping, letting the reality of the finality sink in. Zayde was gone, and now we had to embark upon the ancient rites of coping with death in the Jewish tradition, rites designed both to honor the dead and empower the living.
In stark contrast to the weeks and months of waiting as Zayde slipped away, his burial would be completed in less than twenty-four hours. Within minutes of his death, the rabbi and funeral home had been contacted, a time set, an obituary written, and a lightning-fast series of phone calls made to alert the community to the news. Since all the arrangements were handled by my mother and her sisters, I felt lost and frustrated at not being able to do something to express my grief-or my love of Zayde. Then I remembered something I had learned in my studies that enabled me to act.
I announced to my parents that I wanted to be a shomer , an attendant, to my grandfather s body. I wanted to go to the mortuary and stay with Zayde throughout the night. Traditionally, people from the community are asked or hired to fulfill this act of kevod ha-meit , honoring the deceased. Frankly, my parents had never heard of such a thing, but they quickly gave their blessing. The next thing I knew, I was at the door of the Jewish Funeral Home, ready to fulfill the mitzvah (commandment) of shmirah.
It was the first time I had ever stepped foot in a mortuary, and to be quite honest, it gave me the shivers. The thought of spending the night in a