101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged , livre ebook

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The Perfect Remedy for Cold Feet!More than half of all couples who become engaged this year will never make it to the altar. Why? Leading experts believe it's because couples fail to really get to know their potential mate before getting engaged. Relationship expert and noted couples counselor Norm Wright steers potential brides and grooms through a series of soul-searching questions to discern if they've really met "the One."Couples will be much more confident about whether or not to pursue marriage after completing these in-depth and personal questions. Norm also addresses the delicate subject of calling off the wedding if readers discover that a potential mate isn't actually meant to be a life partner.

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Philosophie et théologie

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Publié par	Harvest House Publishers, Inc.
Date de parution	01 juin 2004
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9780736931038
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0554€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged
H. NORMAN WRIGHT

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS EUGENE, OREGON
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION . NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Verses marked AMP are taken from The Amplified Bible, Copyright 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved. Used by permission. ( www.Lockman.org )

Verses marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible , Copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.

Cover by Terry Dugan Design, Minneapolis, Minnesota

Cover images Photodisc

101 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU GET ENGAGED
Copyright 2004 by H. Norman Wright
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
www.harvesthousepublishers.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Wright, H. Norman.
101 questions to ask before you get engaged / H. Norman Wright.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 0-7369-1394-7 (pbk.)
1. Marriage-Religious aspects-Christianity-Miscellanea. 2. Betrothal-Religious aspects-Christianity-Miscellanea. 3. Mate Selection-Religious aspects-Christianity-Miscellanea. I. Title: One Hundred and one questions to ask before you get engaged. II. Title: One Hundred one questions to ask before you get engaged. III. Title.
BV4529.2.W75 2004
646.7 7-dc22
2004001428

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other-except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

05 06 07 08 09 10 / VP-CF / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3
Contents
1. Warning-Never Marry (or Get Engaged to) a Stranger .
2. 101 Questions to Ask
3. If You ve Been Married Before
List of Recommended Reading for Couples
Notes
Other Harvest House Books by H. Norman Wright
Other Good Harvest House Reading
One

W arning-Never Marry
(or Get Engaged to)

a Stranger
Y EARS AGO THERE WAS A VERY POPULAR love song, Getting to Know You, Getting to Know All About You. Well, that s probably the best advice to follow if you re thinking of engagement.
This is not a book about marriage or how to prepare for getting married. It s more basic than that. It s designed to help you answer the question, Is this the one I want to even consider as a marriage partner? Is this the person I want to be engaged to as the next step to marrying them?
During my years of counseling, I ve heard so many people say, The person I married was not the same one I honeymooned with. It s as though they changed overnight. What happened?
The answer is simple. They married a stranger. There was either courtship deception, or na vet or not enough questions were asked. Thus, many marriages falter. That s why this book was written-to give you some of the questions you need answers to now, not later, in order to make a wise decision.
Let s assume you have sufficient money to purchase a new car. You go to the auto mall where there are 16 dealerships with cars of all makes, models, colors, vintages, and prices. You pull into the lot, park, and stroll over to this great looking car. It s a previously owned model (which means used ). It s been around the block a few times. But you really like the way it looks and smells, and it s comfortable inside. There are a number of gadgets, including a GPS.
A salesperson comes up and asks if he can help you. You respond with, You sure can. I want to buy this car.
Great. What would you like to know about it?
Know? What s there to know? I saw it. I like it. I want it-let s draw up the paperwork.
Well, I can do that. Do you have any questions about its warranty, performance, estimated mileage, or the GPS? And since it s a recent addition, we haven t even put the price on it. Don t you want to know that?
Not really. All I know is I want it. And you don t even have to wrap it up for me!
Would you buy a car in this way? It s doubtful. It s almost ridiculous. If you did, you d be going into it blind. No-of course you d ask questions. It s too big of an investment, and you don t want to make a costly mistake.
However, many people who make the decision to become engaged do the very same thing. They don t ask enough questions. They like what they see and that s all that counts. After all, asking questions isn t very romantic and you may not like the answers.
The fact is, though, at some time you will discover the answers to your questions. Asking them before you say, I do, can help you make your decision, save you some unneeded heartache, or confirm the direction you re heading. The greater the amount of information you have, the better you ll be able to make a good decision. 1
I want to help you avoid becoming engaged to a stranger. Yes, it s painful to experience the end of a dating relationship. But, it s even more painful to break off an engagement. Hopefully these questions will help you say, Yes, I really know this person and feel comfortable in moving ahead, or I m glad I asked these questions now so I don t pursue this. It s time to move on.
Better Now Than Later
One of the principal questions I d like you to consider is, How is your acquaintanceship? Yes, acquaintanceship. Jeffrey Larson, in his excellent book Should We Stay Together? described it this way:

I define one s acquaintanceship as a combination of how well you know your partner (depth of knowledge) and how long you ve known your partner (breadth of experiences) before marriage. The relationship between acquaintanceship and later marital satisfaction is simple: The longer and better you know someone before marriage, the greater the likelihood of marital satisfaction. This is because the longer you become acquainted with someone before marriage-usually-the better you know them, understand them, and understand your couple strengths and weaknesses. 2
Most of the following questions and thoughts, however, have come from those who discovered their answers after they were married. They were shocked, dismayed, and felt deceived. Many of the questions are direct and blunt. You may think, I couldn t ask that! You may be hesitant, but why? You may think you re going to offend your partner, or you may be thinking These seem so unromantic -or you may not want to hear their answer (ignorance is not bliss)-or you may be worrying, What if they ask me the same questions? Well, your partner should ask you the same questions.
You can ask them and discover the answers now, or not ask them and discover the answers later. It s your choice. It s better for you to be in charge of when you find out because, as I said earlier, you will.
In this introduction, you will find suggestions and guidelines from a number of people. As you read them, they may sound like warnings. They are. There s no other way to say it. They are cautionary guidelines. Perhaps that sounds better. These resources are gathered from my many years of relationship counseling.
Don t Ignore the Red Flags
A friend of mine has a particularly powerful statement about his experience with dating. I ve shared it at many conferences, and people find it incredibly insightful. I ve asked him to share a few highlights. I believe the following can be very helpful to anyone dating.

In searching for the perfect mate, it has taken a long time for me to discover that there really is no such creature out there. Everything is found in degrees of compromise- Can I live with this, or can I accept that, and so on? When I have found one that fits most all of my criteria and parameters, then the question is, Will I fit hers? It s extremely difficult trying to find someone where all the gears seem to mesh into place without a lot of grinding.
I think one of the things I find invaluable in dating now is all the experience I have compiled over the years from different situations. I have reached the point now in my 40s where I feel I finally know some of the answers to the questions that I didn t even know to ask in my 20s or 30s. But to this day, I am still adding and updating my list of questions.
If there are any bits of advice I could give anyone who is looking for their ideal mate, it is these: Ask questions of anyone you date and store their answers in your memory bank to see if the answers continue to be consistent with their actions. If something appears to be a red flag, confront it and don t let it slide as not that big of a deal. Interact with the other person s friends (in group settings), such as on camping trips or skiing trips, or play interaction group-type games. If possible, spend time with the other person s parents (and if any red flags come up, don t ignore them, because their child is a product of their environment). If there are ways of seeing how the other person will handle pressure situations put them in it (this way you are able to see how flexible they are or can be, and how they will hold up under pressure). Build a real friendship but stay out of bed, pray together, have similar values and interests in things, come to know the other person s faults and know that you can accept them, watch to see how they treat their pets, and continue to interview them right up to the last moments before marriage .
And as hard as it may seem, if that inner voice tells you that you are making a mistake, at least stop and listen to it. Be willing to pull the plug, or at least put things on hold until issues can be clarified in the relationship-right up to the day of the wedding. It is my feeling that I would much rather be very embarrassed and cause hurt to both of us by putting things on hold-or walking away from the