When You Love Too Much , livre ebook

Baker Publishing Group - Stephen Arterburn

Découvre YouScribe en t'inscrivant gratuitement

Je m'inscris

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

135 pages

English

Vous pourrez modifier la taille du texte de cet ouvrage

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

A propos
Informations
Extrait

Description

Stephen Arterburn examines love addiction--why it is on the rise, what it looks like, who it afflicts, and what you can do if you suspect yourself or someone you love to be suffering from it. Like alcoholics or drug addicts, love addicts get high on sex and romance, develop a tolerance for it, and need ever-greater doses to keep going. With compassion and wisdom, Arterburn points the way to the psychological and spiritual healing that will enable men and women to enjoy the real and lasting intimacy for which they were created.

Informations

Publié par	Baker Publishing Group
Date de parution	29 décembre 2004
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781441265869
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0432€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

Praise for
When You Love Too Much

Steve’s insightful writings on delicate and demanding themes have helped so many. If this book’s title addresses a personal issue you’ve wrestled with, it’s likely you will find counsel and practical wisdom in When You Love Too Much .
Jack W. Hayford
Author, Fatal Attractions and The Anatomy of Seduction Founding Pastor, The Church On The Way Van Nuys, California
If readers do not fully comprehend the meaning of sexual, romantic and love addiction after reading this simply written book, they never will. Nothing better has crossed my desk on this subject. We need it now.
Dr. Yvonne Kaye
Author, Credit, Cash and Co-Dependency and The Child That Never Was
Speaker
In addition to providing a helpful and insightful overview of the problems of sex and love addiction, When You Love Too Much outlines steps toward recovery. There is hope.
Dale Ryan
CEO, Christian Recovery International

1991 Stephen Arterburn
Published by Bethany House Publishers 11400 Hampshire Avenue South Bloomington, Minnesota 55438 www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan. www.bakerpublishinggroup.com
Bethany House Publishers edition published 2014
ISBN 978-1-4412-6586-9
Previously published by Regal Books in 2004.
Originally published as Addicted to Love by Servant Publications in 1991.
Ebook edition originally created 2013
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-for example, electronic, photocopy, recording-without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version ®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.
The names and characterizations in this book are fictional, although based on real events. Any similarity between the names and characterizations with real people is unintended and purely coincidental.
Any omission of credits is unintentional. The publisher requests documentation for future printings.
Cover design by David Griffing
Dedication

To the thousands of people who believed that what they were pursuing was love, but found it was not, I dedicate this book.
I pray that you will find in these pages the hope and motivation to change. May you also find true, unconditional love and acceptance and share it with another fellow struggler.
Contents

Acknowledgments
Introduction
1 Marisa’s Story
2 Hooked on Romance
3 Hooked on Relationships
4 Hooked on Sex
5 Origins of People Addictions
6 What Keeps the Addict Addicted?
7 Living with Addiction
8 Recovery: From the Bottom Up
9 Healthy Love
Life-Transformation Guide
Appendix A: Relationship Addiction Inventory
Appendix B: Sexual Addiction Assessment
Appendix C: Family History Questionnaire
Additional Resources by Stephen Arterburn
Acknowledgments

I appreciate the intense efforts of Katie Temple in researching, editing and developing material. She has been an irreplaceable help in this project.
Lisa Adair, my assistant, has been a faithful example of self-sacrifice, personal integrity and dedication to God’s best.
John Blattner took the final draft and edited it into a readable book. His skills have greatly enhanced the message.
Ann Spangler and Beth Feia have my utmost appreciation for searching me out, suggesting the book and sticking by me through this long process of writing.
I am greatly indebted to all those who shared their lives openly and honestly to help me understand this problem.
Introduction

Have we overdone it? Have we carried the addiction craze too far?
No one questions that alcohol and drug use can become addictive. But what about romance? Destructive relationships? Even sex? Do these belong in the same category as a shot of bourbon or a line of cocaine? And if so, does recovery from these “people addictions” work the same way as it does for an alcoholic or drug addict? Are we coming to understand these problems in a new light? Or are we just putting a new label on an old predicament?
These are questions that scholars, researchers, theologians and therapists—not to mention those struggling with compulsive behavior around sex, romance and relationships—have been grappling with in recent years. There has been much talk of sex as an addiction, an addiction to romance or an addiction to destructive relationships that drives people to give up what is healthy in themselves in order to feed what is unhealthy in others. Our headlines have been filled with news of well-known individuals—from preachers to politicians—whose careers are veering out of control because of shocking and inexplicable actions and behaviors.
What is really going on? Why do these things happen? Getting at the truth isn’t always easy. Unwitting, preconceived notions can distort otherwise objective examinations of reality—especially in such areas as sex, where everyone considers themselves an expert. Looking in the wrong places can also lead us to wrong answers. Yesterday’s textbooks lack insight into today’s sex-saturated society and into the behaviors that uniquely characterize a post-sexual-revolution generation.
The answers I offer in this book do not come from modern-day pseudo-authorities or outdated texts. I began my study with men and women haunted by behaviors that they once controlled but that eventually came to control them. These individuals were brave enough to confront what they had become and to draw conclusions about what this meant for their futures.
I have met these men and women in self-help groups, in treatment centers, in churches, universities and seminaries. They have shared with me their despair and their hope, and have allowed me to present their struggles in the ensuing pages. I am most grateful for their openness, courage and hope. From their pain, I hope to derive new understandings of old problems and new solutions to old predicaments. To protect their anonymity, their names and some of the circumstances of their lives have been changed.
The stories I will tell you often contain details that may make some readers uncomfortable. My intent is not to shock readers but to examine carefully and candidly how addictions progress, and to describe the dark and troubled world in which addicts live. If you suspect that someone you love may be in danger of addiction, these stories may open your eyes to some hard realities and offer insights into how to approach the problem. If you suspect that you, yourself, are suffering from unhealthy dependencies, these stories may help you make an honest assessment of your need and encourage you on the road of recovery. Recovery is never intended to be a self-help proposition. It is meant to be a matter of getting out of the way and letting God help us at long last.
A Personal Confession
I am able to draw on one other source of insight into the problems of love and sex addiction. That source is my own experience—one that I deeply regret. Yet I am thankful that it has forced me to grow up and to learn how tough the reality of life can be.
My story begins in the 1970s. I was unmarried and lonely, working in a psychiatric hospital while going to seminary to study to be a counselor. I had no close relationships and was accountable to no one. I had just been abandoned by a very important woman in my life. My discouragement and depression were deep.
Some would have responded to my situation by going out and getting drunk or by drugging up to mask the pain. Others might have resorted to an eating binge. For me, solace came from a woman—a married woman.
She took an interest in me. In my pain, I responded eagerly. Her presence, her voice, her touch were like a salve for my broken heart. I never planned to have an intimate relationship with her, let alone a sexual one. I just wanted to be near her, to be reminded of what it felt like to matter to someone. Not realizing how weak and vulnerable I was, I sought out her attention. She gave it to me, which made me feel whole.
As I look back from the vantage point of several years, I can easily see how this relationship progressed to a sexual affair. But at the time, in the midst of my pain, I was blind to what lay ahead.
When I was not with her, I thought about her day and night. I was obsessed with her. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I would do whatever I had to do to get away from work and talk to her, in person or on the phone. I craved her presence the way a drug addict craves heroin. When we were together, I felt energized, as though I could conquer the world. When our times together ended, I slumped into withdrawal and depression.
It was really self-obsession—an obsession with my own pain—that led to obsession with this woman. Had I not been so consumed with the hurt and mistreatment I felt I had suffered, I would not have grasped so desperately at the quick fix of a hopelessly wrong relationship.
In fact, it was the very intensity of my pain that made so dangerous a relationship seem necessary. The intoxication of romance seemed stronger in a forbidden romance with a married woman. A more conventional relationship, it seemed, would not have provided the necessary relief.
The spiraling need for greater risk and more intense romantic intoxication inevitably led to sexual involvement. Every time we were together, I soared out of my depression and fear into a rapture that seemed like utter security. But those ecstasies quickly wore off, and I plunged once more into an abyss of guilt and shame even more painful than the inner hurt that had launched the process in the first pl