Secrets to Parenting Your Adult Child , livre ebook

Baker Publishing Group - Nancy Williams MEd LPC

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108 pages

English

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Parenting doesn't stop when the children grow up, and the nest doesn't always empty when or how parents thought it would. The role changes, but the sense of responsibility continues. Licensed counselor and life coach Nancy Williams draws from professional and personal experience, and also brings in the perspectives of young adults to guide readers in building healthy relationships with adult children. Her insight, encouragement, and advice will help readers navigate everything from prolonged adolescence and boundary struggles to disappointing choices our children make.

Informations

Publié par	Baker Publishing Group
Date de parution	01 mars 2011
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781441214751
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0374€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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Secrets to Parenting Your Adult Child
Copyright © 2011
Nancy Williams
Cover design by Koechel Peterson & Associates, Inc., Minneapolis, Minnesota
Unless otherwise identified, Scripture quotations are from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, ® NIV ® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2010 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
ISBN 978-1-4412-1475-1
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan.
E-book edition created 2011
“This is one of the best books I have read on parenting an adult child. Sometimes it is incredibly complicated to deal with the complex issues of this particular season of our parenting journey. Nancy coaches us on all the important topics and brings us very practical advice. If you are trying to figure out this most fascinating time in the life of your family, like my wife and I are doing right now, read this book!”
Jim Burns, President, HomeWord Author, Teenology: The Art of Raising Great Teenagers
“As I read through Nancy Williams’s wonderful book Secrets to Parenting Your Adult Child, I found myself stopping every few pages as I’d stumble across yet another nugget of truth. Staring at her words, I’d say, ‘Wow, if I would just do that , it would change everything!’ As the mother of four grown daughters, I need all of the ‘doable’ advice I can get. I heartily recommend this book to parents of grown children. You will refer to it often!”
Janice Hanna Thompson, Author, The House Is Quiet, Now What?
“For all of us who read the how-to parenting books when our children were young, here’s an excellent resource now that our children are grown. Secrets to Parenting Your Adult Child offers valuable wisdom for the changes and challenges we face and provides the tools needed for strengthening these precious relationships.”
Georgia Shaffer, PA Licensed Psychologist Author , Taking Out Your Emotional Trash
“ Inspiring. Encouraging. Challenging. These words describe Nancy Williams’s thought-provoking book Secrets to Parenting Your Adult Child. As the mother of four adult children, I find the process of ‘letting go’ difficult. This book opened my eyes to the importance of setting them free. This book is a must for all parents!”
Carla McDougal, Reflective Life Ministries, Author, Reflecting Him: Living for Jesus and Loving It!
Dedication
To Solon, whose love, wisdom, strength, partnership, encouragement, and sense of humor bring joy to our parenting journey.
And to Aaron, Andrea, Adam, and Eliza, whose love, laughter, and support light up my life.
Acknowledgments
When I gave birth to my children, I wondered how I could be all they needed me to be and do all I wanted to do for them as a parent. To teach and guide, to love and protect, to encourage and prepare them to experience all God designed for their lives. I quickly realized I would not be alone on that journey. God blessed me with a wonderful husband along with family members and friends who continually grace me with their love, wisdom, laughter, and encouragement on this parenting journey. May He touch their lives with a special portion of His love and blessing.
God has been faithful so many times in my life to surround me with gifted, supportive people, and He has done so in great measure with the preparation of this book. Thank you to Janet Grant of Books & Such Literary Agency and Andy McGuire, Ellen Chalifoux, and the team at Bethany House for sharing the vision and partnering with me to offer these words of insight and encouragement to parents. I’m also blessed to have had a group of friends— balcony people —come alongside this book since its beginning with their prayers, contributions, and encouraging words, including Sharen Watson and Janice Hanna Thompson, who also shared their editorial skills along the way.
This book is filled with stories from parents who are traveling this journey along with me. I am grateful they have candidly shared from their own parenting experiences to encourage others traveling this same path. Names and some details have been changed to protect the privacy of their families, but God knows who they are. And I pray He will bless them for the love offering they have given from their hearts. I’m also thankful to those professionals who have offered words of insight and instruction. May God bless the work they are doing to help others find hope and healing, and experience life to the fullest.
Introduction
Just When You Thought Your Work Was Done . . .
“The hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles. A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom. The realization that this is what the child will always need, can hit hard.”
—Sloan Wilson, novelist
I held my little one in my arms, and my husband set the suitcase down and curled up next to us on the bed as we shared our first few moments at home together as a family. We couldn’t stop smiling as we looked at that innocent, perfectly formed little person and then into each other’s eyes. We had a new identity.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, Dad.”
While our son lay there quietly, nestled among the pillows and surrounded by his proud parents, we dreamed about the future that was ahead for our new little family. Our thoughts bounced back and forth from excitement to fear, from confidence to uncertainty. We vowed to do our best as caregivers, protectors, guides, providers, defenders, and teachers. Parents.
“Can we really do this? Are we ready?” I wondered if I could measure up to all the books I had read and examples I had seen about how to be a great mother. My husband gently took my hand and offered assurance: “Nancy, we’ll be fine. God gave him to us, and if we stay close together and listen to Him, He’ll help us be the best parents we can be.”
Sound familiar? If you are a parent of grown children like us, you probably had that same experience as you took on the role of raising a child. When we all cradled our newborns in our arms those many years ago, we envisioned spending eighteen years or so training our children in the way they should go and then launching them off into adulthood. We assumed we would complete our parental tasks and face the “empty nest.”
The pages on the calendar seemed to turn quickly, and before we knew it we watched our children blow out eighteen candles on a birthday cake. As we celebrated this milestone in their lives, our minds drifted back to our own graduation from teenager to adult. For many of us, the ink was barely dry on our diploma when we heard the good-byes and well-wishes from family and friends. Some with tear-filled eyes and others with sighs of relief. Armed with a set of luggage, the old family car, warnings from Dad, and a care package from Mom, we headed out the door and into our future.
Whatever the circumstances, whether off to college, away to the military, or out to find a job and our own apartment, we left our childhood behind and flung open the door to adulthood. Ready or not, there we were—officially on our own. We now held our future in our hands as we stepped out into the world to make our mark.
As we brought our own children to this threshold of adulthood, we assumed they would follow a path of independence and self-sufficiency similar to ours. We started taking steps to prepare ourselves—and them—for the time when we would let go and watch them fly off on their own.
To soften our grief, we began to dream and plan for life after the children were out of the nest. Travel. New careers. Fewer financial obligations. Remodeling. Free time to enjoy our hobbies and interests. There would be tears of sadness from one eye and tears of joy from the other as we set aside the role we had carried: parents raising children.
Then the long-awaited, much anticipated day came and we realized the expectation of closing the chapter on parenthood was only a myth. The reality? Parenting doesn’t stop when our children grow up. And the nest doesn’t always empty when or how we thought it would. Our children may or may not be sleeping under our roof. But regardless, our sense of responsibility continues as we search for understanding about this new identity: parents of adult children.
Now That They’re Grown
A large percentage of our adult children ages eighteen to early thirties and even beyond—sometimes referred to as Generation-Xers, adultolescents, twenty-somethings, and emerging adults—are successfully stepping out into their new roles as adults. They have taken the necessary steps to prepare and are now creating a new life for themselves both personally and professionally. They are buying homes, managing their own finances, traveling, building new relationships, perhaps starting families of their own. They speak to us about their goals and passions along with their commitment and determination to seize all life has to offer. As parents, we stand on the sidelines and cheer as we wonder how we fit into this new picture, praying God will guide their steps along His plan for their lives.
Some of our adult children, however, are not in as much hurry to leave home. Others go but come back after graduation from college or a failed relationship. There are those who can’t find a job, perhaps due to increasing competition in the marketplace. Some find a job, but not the ideal job of their dreams or one that will adequately cover their expenses. Many seem to be slower in growing