Secret Language of Successful Couples , livre ebook

Harvest House Publishers, Inc. - Bill Farrel , Pam Farrel

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120 pages

English

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Why is it so hard for married couples to get in sync with each other? How is it that your mate can be a source of joy and of frustration all on the same day?Marriages operate by a secret language-a collection of key words, actions, insights, and attitudes that determine how a couple's relationship works. If that language is uncovered, love grows and flourishes. If that language remains a mystery, love gets buried behind misunderstandings and irritations.Bill and Pam Farrel, authors of the bestselling Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, offer biblical and practical insight into this language that God has programmed into each married couple. Laced with the Farrels' trademark humor, The Secret Language of Successful Couples is packed with ideas to help couples connect at a richer, deeper level. As both partners grow in relationship with God and rely on the Spirit for insights into the heart of their mate, they can replace their old, selfish languages with a new one that leads to greater intimacy in every area of life.Rerelease of The Marriage Code.

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Publié par	Harvest House Publishers, Inc.
Date de parution	01 février 2014
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9780736955881
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0600€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS
EUGENE, OREGON
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, New International Version , NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Verses marked NASB are from the New American Standard Bible , 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. ( www.Lockman.org )
Published in association with the literary agency of Alive Communications, Inc., 7680 Goddard Street, Ste #200, Colorado Springs, CO 80920. www.alivecommunications.com .
Cover design by Left Coast Design, Portland, Oregon.
This book contains stories in which the author has changed people s names and some details of their situations in order to protect their privacy.
Formerly titled The Marriage Code
THE SECRET LANGUAGE OF SUCCESSFUL COUPLES
Copyright 2009 by Bill and Pam Farrel
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
www.harvesthousepublishers.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Farrel, Bill, 1959-
Marriage code
The secret language of successful couples / Bill and Pam Farrel.
pages cm
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-7369-5587-4 (pbk.)
ISBN 978-0-7369-5588-1 (eBook)
1. Marriage-Religious aspects-Christianity. 2. Interpersonal communication-Religious aspects-Christianity. I. Farrel, Pam, 1959- II. Title.
BV835.F37 2013
248.8 44-dc23
2013015294
All rights reserved. No part of this electronic publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other-without the prior written permission of the publisher. The authorized purchaser has been granted a nontransferable, nonexclusive, and noncommercial right to access and view this electronic publication, and purchaser agrees to do so only in accordance with the terms of use under which it was purchased or transmitted. Participation in or encouragement of piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of author s and publisher s rights is strictly prohibited.
Contents
Dedication
Chapter 1: In Search of Your Secret Language
Chapter 2: The Mystery of Love
Chapter 3: Affection
Chapter 4: Recreation
Chapter 5: Resolving Conflicts
Chapter 6: Intimacy
Chapter 7: Activating the Alarms
Chapter 8: Golden Goals
Chapter 9: Expressing Yourself
Chapter 10: Accessing Your Secret Language
Notes
Men Are Like Waffles-Women Are Like Spaghetti
More Great Books from Bill and Pam Farrel
About the Authors
Dedication
To Bret and Erin
Happy 25th!
Your love is inspiring!
To our friends, family, and supportive staff,
Your love is essential!
To our editorial team and publisher,
Your love is encouraging!
To our readers,
Your love is a light!
Chapter 1
In Search of Your Secret Language
W e checked into the hotel and were pleased to see that the room included free wireless Internet. When we got to the room, we discovered that we needed a username and password to get to the free wireless connection.
Hello, this is Bill in 213. Can I get the username and password for the Internet?
Shuh sure , sir. It very simple, the desk clerk said.
I pulled out a piece of paper and got my pen ready. Okay, what is the username?
It is barebe, the man said.
Barebe? Can you spell that?
Shuh, it is simple. Capitow Bee-ee-err-i-ee-bee-ee.
Was that Beriebe? I asked.
Oh, no. That not it. It is capitow bee-ee-err-i-ee-bee-ee.
His voice was slower and louder this time, but it sounded like the same letters.
So it is Beriebe?
Oh, no. I am sorry. Let s try again.
Let s try the password and then come back to the username, I said, hoping I could train myself to decipher his language. So, what is the password?
Okay. The password. That is easy. The password is freerarreyfree.
Can you spell that for me?
Shuh, that is easy. Free-arr-aa-err-err-ee-y-free.
I ll be right down, I said.
I made my way down to the front desk. The man working the counter was very helpful, even though we were having trouble communicating. He wrote down the information for me so I could finally log in and get to the information I needed:
Username: Believe
Password: 3ralley3
What Did You Say?
Has it ever felt the same way in your marriage? You long for emotional, relational, spiritual, and physical connection. You had hoped it would feel as simple as it did when you first started dating or when you were on your honeymoon. Instead of being able to read your mate s thoughts, feelings, and moods, you keep running into an error when you try to log in to his or her heart. In place of a heart-to-heart connection, you get a message that reads: Task mail.understandingyourmate.com-sending reported error (UrOutUvLuk): The operation timed out trying to decipher a message from the sending (MATE) server. If you continue to receive this message, install your secret language and resend the message.
Codes Are All Around Us
It is possible to have a marriage that is smooth and satisfying, but you have to know and use the secret language or access code that keeps the connection to your spouse alive and well. Codes are all around us. We have access codes for gates and bank accounts. We have passwords for personal computers, professional workstations, and interactive websites. We have remote controls for our cars, televisions, and home theatre systems. And we are captivated with entertainment that depicts investigators who seek to decode the mysteries of life. We have actually found a way to make the tedious work of forensics, crime-scene investigation, and the diagnosing of illnesses seem like a fun, recreational activity.
We gain directions from Global Positioning Systems, we see bar codes on everything we buy, and we have become comfortable with credit cards that contain vital information on magnetic strips. The military uses codes to keep our nation safe. Businesses use codes to track clients, forecast buying patterns, and safeguard professional intelligence.
Secret languages come in all shapes and sizes and can be very useful in helping us gain confidence and information.
You Have a Code
So, what is the secret language of successful couples ? It is a combination of usernames and passwords that grant you access to the best parts of your relationship. When these codes are in place, your relationship appears to be relatively easy. The way you interact, love, argue, and make decisions is satisfying for you as a couple. When the code is missing, all the systems of your relationship are awkward. You fail in your attempts to connect emotionally, your love for each other is elusive, and you seem to disagree on just about everything.
The following are important truths you need to know about your secret language:
It is obvious when the code is in place because your relationship works well.
It is just as obvious when the code is not in place because almost everything is out of sync.
Entering your access code into your relationship is a daily exercise.
The marriage code is based on the most common needs that men and women have.
You may be asking, Why do we need a code to figure each other out? Can t it just be simple? Can t we discover a rhythm for our relationship and stay in that rhythm? We hate to have to say to you that it is just not that simplistic. You are very different from one another, and you have different needs at the core of who you are. These needs shape the way you approach life and the way you interact in relationships.
So, just what are these core needs? Every person has the need to be secure and to be successful. Security is the belief that it is safe to be who I am. Somewhere along the path of your life, you come to the realization that you have only so much control over your life. You have been given a personality that determines your preferences and motivations. You have been created either male or female with all the hormonal, emotional, and social challenges that go along with your gender. You have a certain level of intellectual prowess and talents that you can apply to your life. Finally, you have a body that is remarkable in its abilities but vulnerable to your environment. As a result, you must devote energy in your life to developing and maintaining a secure environment for yourself and your loved ones.
Success is the belief that my life is workable. I can do what is required of me in the pursuits and responsibilities that I have committed to. It includes having a productive career and making enough money for the family, but it is not limited to this. Your sense of success will also encompass the way you interact with each other, raise your children, take care of your body, cope with stress, make decisions, and manage your time. It will also be expressed in your sense of purpose. You may not be able to clearly state your purpose, but you have a sense of whether your life matters, and you like life better when it feels like it matters.
The Balancing Act
As a single person, you were probably good at keeping these needs in balance. Since you could make all the decisions for your life, you were free to develop just how much you wanted to focus on security and how much you wanted to focus on success. During your dating years, it was probably also relatively simple to maintain the balance you were most comfortable with because you could always go back to your home at the end of the day. Even if you encountered rough times, you would naturally take a break from one another, reestablish your equilibrium as an individual, and then get back together again.
Then you decided to get married. As a couple, you have probably discovered that you approach security and success differently.
The Quest for Security
For most women, security is a more vibrant and common need than success. It isn t tha