Restored Lives , livre ebook

Lion Hudson - Erik Castenskiold

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129 pages

English

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A propos
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Extrait

Description

A book for anyone trying to recover relationship breakdown, separation or divorce

Sujets

Christianity

Informations

Publié par	Lion Hudson
Date de parution	10 octobre 2013
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9780857214805
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0500€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

Restored Lives
Recovery from divorce and separation
Erik Castenskiold

Text copyright © 2013 Erik Castenskiold
This edition copyright © 2013 Lion Hudson

The right of Erik Castenskiold to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published by Monarch Books an imprint of Lion Hudson plc Wilkinson House, Jordan Hill Road, Oxford OX2 8DR, England Email: monarch@lionhudson.com www.lionhudson.com/monarch

ISBN 978 0 85721 476 8 e-ISBN 978 0 85721 480 5

First edition 2013

Acknowledgments
Extract pp. 29–30 taken from The Real Monty: The Autobiography of Colin Montgomerie by Colin Montgomerie and Lewine Mair, The Orion Publishing Group, London. Copyright © 2002 Colin Montgomerie. Used with permission. Extract pp. 105–107 taken from from Rumours of Another World by Philip Yancey (Zondervan International, 2003, pp.223–224). Copyright © 2003 by SCCT. Used by permission of Zondervan. www.zondervan.com

All web addresses given were correct at the time of going to press. The publisher has no responsibility for the persistence or accuracy of URLs for external or third-party internet websites referred to in this book, and does not guarantee that any content on such websites is, or will remain, accurate or appropriate.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

Erik Castenskiold has devoted many years to helping people as they go through the deep pain of divorce and separation. His courses at HTB, which have grown and developed over time, have helped many, many people. This book is the fruit of all he has learned and offers love, support, and guidance to anyone in need.
NICKY GUMBEL

“Filled with compassion, empathy and wisdom… Erik gives real hope to those who have experienced a broken relationship.”
NICKY AND SILA LEE
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Praise
Foreword
Acknowledgments
Introduction

Part One – Facing the effects of what’s happened
1. There is hope
2. Understanding the emotional impact

Part Two – Building self-confidence through communication
3. Talking and listening
4. Conflict resolution

Part Three – Letting go
5. Freedom from the past
6. How to let go

Part Four – What happens to everyone else?
7. Managing other relationships
8. Children

Part Five – Agreeing the big issues between you
9. Sorting out legal matters 186

Part Six – Moving on
10. Being single and moving forward
11. Building better relationships
12. Restored lives and the next stage
Foreword
Nicky and Sila Lee

Several years ago we met a young woman who had got married in her twenties. Two years later, her husband was having an affair and proceeded to divorce her. She was devastated. In addition, at a time when she was in acute need of support, she felt too ashamed to face the very people who would help her most at the church she was attending. Soon afterwards she was looking online and saw the Restored Lives course advertised on a church website. Before even attending the course her immediate response was, “That is a group who will understand what I am going through.” She attended the course and, like hundreds of others before her and since, she found the support she needed to help her through the most painful experience of her life.
The advice she received from Erik Castenskiold, the leader of the course at our church, Holy Trinity Brompton, over many years, is now enshrined in this book and can help thousands of others in similar situations. Erik writes not just out of his own painful experience, but also from his long experience of helping many men and women to work through the devastation that separation and divorce cause. His writing, like his speaking, is filled with compassion, empathy, and wisdom. By refusing to avoid the hard choices of taking responsibility, and giving and receiving forgiveness, Erik gives real hope to those who have experienced a broken relationship.
“You may feel that you are sitting isolated in a small boat in the midst of your own personal storm…” writes Erik. If you relate to that feeling, then read on. This book will help you for two reasons. First, it is not just theory. Erik offers time-tested practical tools that can be easily and quickly put into practice and that will make an immediate difference – tools for communicating better with an estranged partner and for resolving conflict more effectively; skills that will benefit every relationship now and in the years ahead.
The second reason is that the book is packed full of personal stories of others who have faced relationship breakdown. Their experiences will show you that you are not alone and you will learn from their insights and from what they have discovered. As Erik describes them: “The people in this book are normal, everyday people from all walks of life: different backgrounds, different break-ups, different families, different faiths, different levels of income, different hopes, different fears, and different expectations. But they all speak of the same end point – a restored life. These people are living testimonies to the knowledge that a full recovery can happen and that there is life after separation and divorce.”
We have seen Erik doing everything he can to support marriages, while at the same time helping those who have experienced relationship breakdown. Some people who have attended Restored Lives have decided to have another go at saving their marriage and have subsequently done The Marriage Course, (a course designed to help couples strengthen their relationship). In other cases, as you will read, it has been the other way round. We have been so grateful to Erik and his team for running Restored Lives year after year so that as a church community we can both strengthen marriages and support those whose marriages have broken down.
Our hope and prayer for this book are not just that individuals will benefit from reading it, but that many people who want to help others will pick it up and be inspired to start running the Restored Lives course themselves. The resources are available through the Restored Lives website. And then we believe that you, like us, will hear story after story from grateful people, as together we reach out in the name of Jesus Christ to offer friendship, support, and hope.

Nicky and Sila Lee Authors of The Marriage Book and The Parenting Book
Acknowledgments
This book would not be here if it had not been for the many people who walked this path with me. Their lives are the real proof that Restored Lives are possible, and that is where I have found my inspiration. The full list is too long, but I would especially like to thank the following people who have made the stories, guided the wisdom, and encouraged me to continue:
Christopher Compston Nicky and Sila Lee Miles and Deborah Protter Marilyn Heward-Mills Helen Adam Willem Kok Carol Rawlence Helen Jennings Weng Lee Thomas Martin Angie Wilkie Kathy Miller Kate Meadows Matthew Bates Peter Detre Kay and Robin Lawrence Greg Love Cathy and Patrick Butcher John Figuredo Jules, Luke, Hannah, and Daniel Sandy Millar Nicky Gumbel

In this book a number of stories are told of people who have attended the Restored Lives course. In relationship breakdown there are often two different sides to the same story, and someone else close to the situation may view things differently. As a result, I have sought to be respectful of both parties and to present the facts neutrally, while focusing on the journey of the storyteller. In addition, all names and key identifying features have been changed to preserve anonymity.
Introduction

Relationship breakdown will affect all of us at some stage in life. For some people it will be second-hand through a friend or family member, but others will experience it first hand. Many speak of it as the biggest crisis they have ever faced.
Even though it is so common, it’s a sad truth that most people feel incredibly isolated and lonely as they go on this journey. This book is designed to break through that isolation and come alongside you to give you the tools, skills, and encouragement that you need to move on successfully from your relationship breakdown.
The problems and challenges that arise in relationship breakdown can be difficult and complex. There are no prizes for going through this process all by yourself. I would therefore strongly encourage you to have someone to talk to as you go through this experience. This book can act as a guide but, with challenges sometimes arising on a daily basis, having a trusted friend by your side to listen and encourage you in the right direction can also be vital.
I have seen this lifeline in action time after time on the Restored Lives course, where people come from many different backgrounds and meet others who are experiencing serious relationship breakdown. While friends and family may misunderstand your emotions, those whom you meet on the Restored Lives course will have similar thoughts, feelings, complaints, hopes, fears, and questions. Hearing people’s stories will make you feel more normal and their experience will help you to move forward. You will soon realize that your own experience can also help others, and this can be very rewarding.
The journey of recovery from relationship breakdown will take time, depending on your particular situation. For some people this book will be a useful checklist marking out the road map for recovery, while for others it may become a detailed guide to refer to when you get stuck on a particular matter. The book is a practical guide with