Relationships That Work (and Those That Don't) , livre ebook

Baker Publishing Group - DMin Wright H. Norman

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149 pages

English

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Young people today, many of whom grew up in painfully dysfunctional homes, are waiting longer to get married, often out of fear of choosing the wrong partner. They want desperately to get it right the first time. Now singles can find help and hope in an excellent guide to relationships that will work and those that won't. Dr. H. Norman Wright provides simple, practical guidelines for identifying partners with positive potential for a loving, long-term relationship. Just as important, Wright shows how to avoid wasting time, money, and emotional energy on hopeless relationships with incurable negatives. Topics include compatibility, risk taking, infatuation versus love, the dangers of premarital sex, common relationship mistakes, and the characteristics of a godly, healthy relationship.

Informations

Publié par	Baker Publishing Group
Date de parution	12 juin 1998
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781441267771
Langue	English
Poids de l'ouvrage	2 Mo

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0432€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

1998 by H. Norman Wright
Published by Bethany House Publishers 11400 Hampshire Avenue South Bloomington, Minnesota 55438 www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan. www.bakerpublishinggroup.com
Bethany House Publishers edition published 2014
ISBN 978-1-4412-6777-1
Previously published by Regal Books
Ebook edition originally created 2012
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-for example, electronic, photocopy, recording-without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version ®. NIV ®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.
Other versions used are:
AMP —Scripture taken from THE AMPLIFIED BIBLE, Old Testament copyright © 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament copyright © 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
KJV—King James Version . Authorized King James Version.
NASB —Scripture taken from the New American Standard Bible , © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
NKJV —Scripture taken from the New King James Version . Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
RSV —From the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1946, 1952, and 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission.
TLB —Verses marked ( TLB ) are taken from The Living Bible © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.
Cover Design by Barbara LeVan Fisher Interior Design by Britt Rocchio Edited by Ron Durham and David Webb
Contents

Introduction
Chapter 1 The Wide, Wide World of Relationships
How to stop being among the “relationally homeless” or “relational channel surfers.”
Chapter 2 The Four Pillars of a Relationship
How to be sure all four pillars or foundation stones of a relationship are balanced and strong .
Chapter 3 Where Did YOU Come From?
Your family of origin significantly impacts your relationships and shapes your identity and behavior .
Chapter 4 The Chemistry of Attraction–or Is It Sex?
Why do people often get involved sexually before marriage? And why does it so often damage the relationship?
Chapter 5 Twelve Steps to a Lasting Relationship
The ideal sequence, from the first glance to sexual intimacy, of relationships that endure. (Ignore them at your peril!)
Chapter 6 “It’s Not a Good Sign”
Signs that indicate when a relationship is healthy or unhealthy…when to hang in, when to move on .
Chapter 7 What’s the Relationship Potential?
Some relationships you at first think should be long-term may actually have poor potential. How can you tell?
Chapter 8 The Fear That Cripples a Relationship
Relational doubts and fears may be well-grounded or mere fantasies. These inventories will help you tell the difference .
Chapter 9 How to Fall Out of Love (It Happens, but It Doesn’t Have To!)
How to recognize–and treat–symptoms that can lead to the death of a relationship .
Chapter 10 Compatibility: Dream or Reality?
Becoming compatible is like adapting to life in a foreign land. It can be fun if you don’t mind living with a foreigner!
Chapter 11 How Different Can You Be?
How to spot differences in age, race, culture and personal habits that could wreck your relationship .
Chapter 12 If Men Are from Mars and Women from Venus, How on Earth Can They Communicate?
“Genderflex”: learning to understand and live with the term “opposite,” as in “opposite sex.”
Chapter 13 Personality Types: People Who Need People vs. Private Persons
Understanding how personality types differ can enhance your relationship. (Accepting the difference is also essential!)
Chapter 14 More About Personality Types: Decision-Making and Structuring
Whether your relationship is all-out war or purposeful compatibility may depend on these similarities and differences .

Concluding Thoughts: Tying It All Together

Appendix I: Preparing for the Next Marriage
Appendix II: Results of Living Together
Introduction

This book focuses on two major concerns that seem to plague many people today: identifying the positive potentials for a long-term relationship—and avoiding those relationships with incurable negatives. We might call this process, “How to Avoid Wasting Your Time, Energy and Money on a Hopeless Relationship.”
One or two of the topics here are expanded from a previous book, Finding Your Perfect Mate, published by Harvest House. It would be helpful for you to read that book as well, since it also deals with many of the basic issues singles are concerned with today. They include learning whether marriage is for you or not, dealing with the fear of a relationship, what to do if you haven’t recovered from a previous relationship, the reasons why you’re still single, where to meet the opposite sex and what to say, how to get out of a bad relationship and getting married again.
That was a lot to cover in one book. Hence the need for the book you hold in your hands. The material presented here is based on more than 30 years of talking with those who are single, as well as those who are married. Hopefully this information will help you to develop and build your own quality, lifelong relationship.
1
The Wide, Wide World of Relationships

Some people are “relationally homeless.” They relate to others in a pattern that might be called “relational channel surfing”—switching from one relationship to another without staying with one long enough to connect.
Relationships are all around us. Everywhere. Commercials and TV programs are built on them. We think about them, talk about them and experience them. Well, perhaps the first two. Not all of us have experienced significant relationships, though we may want to. I’m not even sure many people know what is meant by the word. Some people are in situations, not relationships. (More on that later.)
Relationships are one of the most significant elements of life. We were created to be in relationships, not to exist without them. Most of our lives are spent in various relationships. Take them away, and our existence becomes sterile. Sure, there are those who appear not to need them, but they’re the exceptions.
The Relationally “Homeless”
It’s a sad fact of life that many people today are part of our society’s homeless population. You know who the homeless are. You see them on street corners or in front of the post office. It’s not uncommon to see a man or a woman dressed in shabby, dirty clothes standing on the sidewalk with a cardboard sign that reads, “Will work for food,” or even a family living in an old car on a church parking lot. I’ve heard of couples who, unable to earn enough money to pay for a roof over their heads, move from home to home house-sitting or even skipping town before the rent is due. These people are the visibly homeless. But we have many today whose kind of homelessness is not so apparent. They are the relationally homeless.
Many single people suffer with this condition. Just as the physically homeless tend to drift, so do those who are relationally homeless. They’re unable to find significant others to connect with, or they don’t stay in any one relationship long enough to get to know or be known by another person. This jumping around or drifting pattern has been referred to as “relational channel surfing.” That is, they hop from one relationship to another without ever making a commitment or staying long enough to connect.
Sometimes it’s fear that keeps us from reaching out and connecting. It could be that closeness is too threatening, so we pull away. Or it could be that the “crop” of eligibles seems to be reflective of a farming community that recently experienced a drought! It’s true that it’s difficult for any single person today to find someone who is safe, sane and sanctified!
Sometimes being relationally homeless is not of our own making. It takes extra effort to find others, as well as an extra investment of time to cultivate positive relationships. 1
Grounded in God
Relationships have their basis in the Bible. Isn’t it interesting that the first statement God made concerning the man He created was, “Let us make man in our image” (Gen. 1:26)? Each of us was created to model our life and character on the image of God. But the God that we are to reflect is a God of relationships—Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
Then we read, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18). Loneliness is the first thing that God said was not good. The book of Ecclesiastes says:

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! (4:9,10).
Max Lucado, in his own unique way, brings another perspective to relationships:

A relationship. The delicate fusion of two human beings. The intricate weaving of two lives; two sets of moods, mentalities, and temperaments. Two intermingling hearts, both seeking solace and security.
A relationship. It has more power than any nuclear bomb and more potential than any promising seed. Nothing will drive a man to greater courage than a relationship. Nothing will fire the heart of a patriot or purge the cynicism of a rebel like a relationship.
What matters most in life is not what ladders we climb or what ownings we accumulate. What matters mos