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328 pages

English

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Recovery Zone, Volume One picks up where Facing the Shadow leaves off, guiding readers to begin working tasks eight through thirteen of Dr. Patrick Carnes' innovative thirty-task model. This book helps readers understand that true recovery is achieved by learning to cope with difficult situations and emotions.

Stopping addictive behavior is the only way to start recovery. However, stopping the behavior is not enough to stay in recovery. True recovery is achieved by learning to cope with difficult situations and emotions. Dr. Patrick Carnes helps readers know how to deal with difficult affective states and guides them to a place of resilience so they can decide what is important in their lives. Readers will learn how to live optimally in their Recovery Zone. The work sets the stage for recovery tasks 8-13, providing readers with a practical approach to recognize the underlying emotional causes that perpetuate the addiction cycle.

Sujets

Santé et bien-être

Santé mentale & traumatisme

Santé mentale

Sex

Self-help

Compulsive Behavior

Pornography Addiction

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Publié par	eBookIt.com
Date de parution	13 octobre 2022
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9780977440016
Langue	English
Poids de l'ouvrage	2 Mo

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0748€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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RECOVERY ZONE Volume 1

Other books by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.

Out of Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction

A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps: A Guidebook for All People in the Process of Recovery

A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Principles: Living the Values Behind the Steps

Contrary to Love: HelpingtheSexual Addict

Don’t Call It Love: Recovery from Sexual Addiction

Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred

The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships

Open Hearts: Renewing Relationships with Recovery, Romance & Reality

Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery

In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior

Clinical Management of Sex Addiction

Recovery Start Kit: The First 130 Days

Facing Addiction: Starting Recovery from Alcohol and Drugs

RECOVERY ZONEVo lume 1Making Changes that Last: The Internal Tasks

Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D.

Carefree, Arizona

Gentle Path Press PO Box 3172 Carefree, Arizona 85377 gentlepath.com

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be used or reproduced, stored or entered into a retrieval system, transmitted, photocopied, recorded, or otherwise reproduced in any form by any mechanical or electronic means, without the prior written permission of the author, and Gentle Path Press, except for brief quotations used in articles and reviews.

First Edition: November 2009 Second Printing: March 2012 Third Printing: August 2013

For more information regarding our publications, please contact Gentle Path Press at 1-800-708-1796 (toll-free U.S. only).

ISBN-10: 0-977-44001-X

ISBN-13: 978-0-977-44001-6

Excerpt from THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING by J.R.R. Tolkien. Copyright (c) 1954, 1965 by J.R.R. Tolkien. Copyright (c) renewed 1982 by Christopher R. Tolkien, Michael H.R. Tolkien, John F.R. Tolkien and Priscilla M.A.R. Tolkien. Reprinted by permission of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

Appendix CNotes .......................................................................................289

Appendix DBibliography ...........................................................................293

Restructuring the Relationship with Self .................................................235

Out of Many One ........................................................................................171

Becoming Friends with Fear ...............................................................135

Introduction................................................................................................1

Naming Demons ..................................................................................113

The Addiction Interaction Map..............................................................45

Part TwoThe Internal Tasks: Claiming Your Compass

The Decision Table ......................................................................................13

Chapter 8

Appendix GRecommended Readings ......................................................301

Appendix EContact Information................................................................297

Appendix BTasks One through Thirty..............................................................275

The Dark Night of the Soul ........................................................................103

The Recovery Zone ......................................................................................29

Chapter 3

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 5

Part OneThree Tools You Will Need

Table of Contents |v

Suffering and Loss ..............................................................................211

Table of Contents

Chapter 9

Chapter 4

Appendix FResource Guide ......................................................................299

Appendix A.....................................The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous 273

Acknowledgments .................................................................................269

Introduction

Here is the truth: There is no overnight fix for recovery. For those who enter recovery, it is a truth no one wants to tell us for fear we will not do the work. Reflect back on your first days of recovery. For most of us, people had to work desperately hard to get us to realize that on our own we were self-destructing. We were destroying ourselves, our relationships, and all that we held most dear. Consider the pain, losses, consequences, failures, arguments, and lies revealed—all of that had to happen before we finally accepted that we had a problem. The wordrecoverywas used. Then we learned that it was more than a problem, it was an illness. That fact alone was hard to stomach. Then words likesobriety,letting go, andsurrenderwere used. Stopping the swirl was agony. So much was wrong. The people helping us—if they knew at all—did not tell us this truth for fear that knowingit would send us back to the maelstrom. It would be parallel to parents not fully realizing the pain and sacrifice of raising a child at the moment of conception. Some of us would not have had children, but almost all of us who have children are grateful for every moment of child-raising after they leave (an awareness we typically do not fully realize until we see our child have a child). But at the time of sex and romance, the reality would be overwhelming compared to the reward. Similarly, our helpers told us the goal was to get to a meeting, to get to therapy, or to get to treatment. Everything would get better if we just did that. The truth is the same for everyone, whether he or she is an addict or codependent, trauma survivor or adult child, adolescent or elderly, or a combination of all of these. At this point we know no exceptions. And the truth is, to establish a viable recovery process takes at least three and a half years and for most up to five years. To say that you will work on this the rest of your life understates the agony of that three- to five-year period. It is harder than establishing sobriety. Going through that agony causes many to relapse. Becoming sober is not the hardest part. Staying sober is. Making changes in our lives halts the pain. Keeping the changes is what saves our lives. Like sex and kids, if you knew what the sacrifices were going to cost, you would evaluate the orgasm differently. But like raising children, or achieving successful relationships, or reaching other big goals, you would not trade the rewards of recovery for anything. You now know too much. The price is worth the knowledge recovery gives. Nothing compares to the quality of life that recovery provides.

Recovery ZoneThe Internal Tasks

Introduction |1

Deep gratitude exists for the day we walked into a meeting or the door to treatment. Most of us do not believe all the good things that would be in store that fateful day we started. Yet every fellowship, starting with Alcoholics Anonymous, talks of “promises.” This book is designed to help you find the richness of recovery. It should take you at least eighteen months to implement what you find here. A good strategy is to read through it now. Then with others in your groups and support meetings, take time to work through the tasks outlined for you. I remember a physician who was a superb student and very accustomed to pulling “all-nighters.” Upon entering treatment, he read a book called theGentle Path Through the Twelve Stepsand stayed up two nights completing all the exercises and formulas in the book. Then the next morning, as a very tired patient, he stood up and announced that he had completed everything and was ready to return to work. He was stunned at the friendly laughter of the other patients and staff. To this day he tells the tale about himself to make the point. Filling in the blanks is not the same as doing the work. Doing the work is like unraveling a very large ball of string. Each tug brings more into view. If you are like most of us, we find ourselves taking the threads and weaving them into a tapestry which is the story of our lives. For me it started almost four decades ago with Al-Anon when my father returned to drinking after thirty years of abstinence. I had to face issues about being an “adult child.” Then I examined the threads of addictions and deprivations in my life which wove their way across food, sex, work, money, and chemicals. Finally, I had to explore the deep issues of anxiety, anger, shame, and grief that were the background for the chaos of my life. After almost forty years, I still am learning from it all. And it is reasonable to do so. If you look at my family of origin, these themes of addiction and codependency have generations of power behind them. A complex mosaic appeared that took decades for me to live through and decades for me to work through. At the time I did not know there was a faster, more focused way to sort all this out. Today we do. As a result, it has been my goal for some time to distill what actually has been proven to work for people and make it accessible. We call it the Recovery Zone. Recovery Zone is built on the following truths:Addicts and codependents have a complex set of neural networks in their brains causing them to behave in self-destructive and dysfunctional patterns even though they at times know better. The behaviors have become compulsive and addictive. It now is biological. In most cases they have more than one of these patterns. No amount of willpower will work. Decision making has become impaired. It takes weeks to clear the brain of destructive behavior. It takes months to gain focus to do the necessary work to make the change permanent. It takes years for the brain to heal. Like all of our organs, the brain wants to be fully functional, but it takes time.

2| Introduction

Recovery ZoneThe Internal Tasks





In order to change we must understand and face the underlying factors to destructive patterns. These factors include early childhood trauma, family genetics, grief, anxiety, and not the least, brain damage. There is a clear recipe that helps to restore what was lost. The recipe works best if done in a focused, systematic way.

Put another way, you do not have to wander through decades of your life working through problem after problem as you become aware and as you discover resources. This wastes opportunities, creates relapses, and requires some luck. There is a real possibility of making decisions (or sometimes avoiding them) which some of us spend much of our remaining lives untangling. However, there is a proven path which requires a great deal of effort now. It requires focus, study, and time. And, of course, courage. The results are extraordinary. I learned this firsthand by following one thousand addicts and their families for seven years. Most of the addicts and their partners had layers of dysfunction, compulsion, and addiction. Seven of us researchers labored carefully to isolate what made the difference for successful recovery. When we finished, we broke down the recipe into concrete ingredients and actions. We called them tasks. There were thirty of them. Then we broke the tasks down into specific “performables.” These were activities that most people could do. We further verified the process by following people and measuring their progress. We found very little relapse. We realized that to really finish this story, we needed to teach the process to many therapists. And now we need to measure what happens. The result is what you see here in this book,Recovery Zone,and its future companion volumes. Literally thousands of people have helped to create this recipe. Therapists have been trained in it across North America and many foreign countries. Details about the thirty tasks, resources available, and accessing trained therapists are presented in the appendix. The Tasks One through Seven concentrate on stopping behavior and creating sufficient progress to establish recovery.Recovery Zone: Making Changes that Lastfocuses on Tasks Eight through Thirteen. These tasks all relate to creating a platform for healthy recovery. Our future volume,Recovery Zone: Achieving Balance in Your Life,will relate to taking your recovery and incorporating it into all facets of your life. Tasks Nineteen through Thirty relate to what has to happen for couples and families. Those tasks will be described in a future series calledFamily Zone: Creating Family Recovery. More than likely, you will be using all the Recovery Zone books since many of us have to work on our own recoveries while attending to life issues at the same time. To have clarity about this book, look atFigure 1, on page 4, which helps indicate our place on the path we have described. We assume you have either completed the first seven tasks or have established three to six months of recovery. You have decided to keep what you have and now know that recovery is more than just changing some behaviors. Now you are willing to do the deep work necessary to make

Recovery ZoneThe Internal Tasks

Introduction |3

23. Family relationships

22. Family therapy

2. Understand addiction

5. Establish sobriety

1. Break through denial

4. Limit damage

Tasks

Zone

Carnes, P.J.

26.Extended family