I Still Do Study Guide , livre ebook

Baker Publishing Group - Dave Harvey

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53 pages

English

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Marriages that last are built on our responses to defining moments. Pastor and author Dave Harvey has identified those life-defining moments of a post-newlywed marriage. He wants to help you recognize them in your own relationship so you can take a proactive, godly approach to resolving conflicts, hold one another up as change inevitably happens, and ensure that your marriage survives and thrives. This study guide is the companion to his popular book I Still Do. Perfect for couples, pastors, counselors, and small groups.

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Publié par	Baker Publishing Group
Date de parution	19 mai 2020
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781493423446
Langue	English
Poids de l'ouvrage	1 Mo

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0288€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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Cover
Half Title Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
© 2020 by Dave Harvey
Published by Baker Books
a division of Baker Publishing Group
PO Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.bakerbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2020
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-2344-6
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2016
Scripture quotations labeled NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
Scripture quotations labeled NLT are from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Portions of this text have been taken from I Still Do , published by Baker Books, 2020.
Contents
Cover 1
Half Title Page 2
Title Page 3
Copyright Page 4
Starting Together 7
1. Your Journey through Defining Moments 9
2. Defining Moment #1: When You Discover Brokenness Is Broader Than Sin 15
3. Defining Moment #2: The Moment of Blame 23
4. Defining Moment #3: The Moment of Weakness 31
Sticking Together 37
5. Defining Moment #4: When You Realize Family Can’t Replace Church 39
6. Defining Moment #5: When Your Spouse Suffers 47
7. Defining Moment #6: The Moment You “Get” Mercy 53
8. Defining Moment #7: When You Discover Sex Changes with Age 59
Ending Together 65
9. Defining Moment #8: When Dreams Disappoint 67
10. Defining Moment #9: When the Kids Leave 75
11. Defining Moment #10: When You Learn Closure Is Overrated 81
12. When Grace Conquers Your Wasted Moments: The Death of Ivan Ilych 87
About the Author 93
Back Ads 94
Back Cover 97
Starting Together
CHAPTER 1 Your Journey through Defining Moments
When Kimm and I were first married, I remember being baffled by the ways I behaved and the conflicts we experienced. I remember thinking, “What’s happening here? Am I possessed? Or wait . . . is she possessed? Oh Lord, is our marriage cursed?”
Over time we discovered that saying “I do” is a defining experience.
I Still Do , p. 16
K imm and I didn’t have much preparation for marriage. In the old days, when men sported pocket handkerchiefs and women rode sidesaddle, marriage preparation seemed to be condensed into one awkward conversation with a parent before your wedding night. Nowadays, such classified information is available instantly on the web. So conversations that were once pre-wedding have been moved up, essentially, to pre-school.
As for pre-marriage training, now the awkward conversations often take place through the tag-team efforts of parents, pastors, physicians, and other counselors. Sometimes the preparation is pretty thorough. At other times it’s more like a sparkler—lit just long enough for an engaged couple to note the sparkle and sizzle before it quickly sputters out. Kimm and I had premarital counseling of this variety. And honestly, I think we missed the sparkler part.
Our premarital care consisted of one session before our wedding, and that one session was focused almost exclusively upon sex. There was no discussion of the delights or complications of sex. We were simply told that we needed to talk about it. Then our well-meaning counselor handed us a crate of cassette tapes containing messages about sex in marriage and urged us to listen. With the best intentions we could muster in the frenzy of our wedding arrangements, we promptly pitched the cassettes into the boot of our car. We figured if we had any problems with sex, we’d pop the trunk. One day, nine months later, the counselor asked for his cassettes back. No problem! They were right where we left them—sitting next to the spare tire, unopened and unused.
It’s unsettling to think how unprepared we were as we began marriage. The number of surprises we’ve encountered along the way should come as no surprise. Getting married is a defining experience. It certainly opens our eyes to things we cannot see until after we utter “I do.” For one thing, marriage exposes our sin. It shows us our need for God to become man and spill his blood as our only remedy. But marriage helps us to see so much more than our sin. As Kimm and I have stacked up more and more anniversaries, we’ve begun to see other influences on our marriage—factors to which we were blind and matters for which we were woefully unprepared.
I’m not mentioning this to lament the past. My goal is more forward-looking and strategic. Over the years, Kimm and I have had some marriage-defining moments where we just didn’t know what to do. Those experiences have often determined our progress and sometimes, quite honestly, have marked points where we’ve plateaued. We learned that falling in love is easy; remaining in love is something entirely different. Kimm and I have often looked back and thought, Gee, it would have been really nice to know that sooner!
This study guide, in conjunction with the book I Still Do , is intended to help you identify some of the blind spots in your marriage relationship. My goal is to talk with you about some of the defining moments—the life-defining experiences, events, and decisions—that God uses to open our eyes. God presents these sorts of moments as invitations in the life of every couple. They become the doorways to new insights or trailheads that redirect our paths. How we respond to these moments in marriage determines whether we stumble along blindly or move forward toward maturity.
Reading
Chapter 1 of I Still Do
Genesis 2:18–25
Ephesians 1:15–23
Reflection Questions
Here is a selection of reflection questions and activities designed to fire your affections and get you thinking deeply about the truths presented in this chapter. Grab your Bible and a pen. Write out your answers and reflections and then share them with your spouse.
1. Defining moments are experiences or seasons in life when God . . . presents a decision for truth requires a cost offers a Christ-exalting opportunity grows the soul determines our destination
List out one moment for each of these descriptive phrases. For example, having a child that is born with a disability may be a moment that grows the soul. Moments like these often fit more than one category, but try to list five different defining moments if you can. Now think back through that list of defining moments from your life. What has God taught you through those moments?

2. In the section “She Married a Harvey,” I wrote about how my childhood home was a powerful shaping influence upon the way I process emotions. Often when we encounter weaknesses or personality differences in marriage, we instantly moralize them. But there are profound factors in our marriage that can’t be so easily traced back to sinful desires.
What weaknesses or limitations do you have that have been shaped by your upbringing or life experiences?

3. John Calvin wrote, “Marriage is not a thing ordained by men. We know that God is the author of it, and that it is solemnized in his name. The Scripture says that it is a holy covenant, and therefore calls it divine.” 1 Not only is marriage ordained by God, but all the defining moments throughout marriage are God-things as well.
Take some time to thank God for your marriage and for each of the defining moments you journaled about in question 1 above. We all have trouble understanding why God ordains some of the defining moments in our lives. He may not reveal his reasons to us in this life. However, pray that God would use these moments to grow your soul and help you to exalt Christ.
Prayer Based on Ephesians 1:18
Lord Jesus, enlighten my heart that I might see the hope you offer to those whom you have called. Open my eyes and help me to see the blind spots in my marriage—those things I’m currently unaware of. Use the time I’m devoting to this study to grant me hope in you and power for a durable marriage. Amen.
Group Discussion
Small groups reading I Still Do together can work through each of the reflection questions above. In addition, I’ll provide a group discussion question or activity at the end of each chapter.
Think back through the list of defining moments you journaled about in preparation for our group discussion. As you encountered each of these moments, what blind spots did the Holy Spirit expose at each juncture? Share your reflections about how your eyes were opened to your own sin or weakness.

1 . Quoted in John Witte Jr. and Robert M. Kingdon, Courtship, Engagement, and Marriage (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2005), 484.
CHAPTER 2 DEFINING MOMENT #1 : When You Discover Brokenness Is Broader Than Sin
With a thin, oversimplified view of personhood and morality, repentance—and quick repentance at that—is the go-to answer for everything that troubles us. But this doesn’t work, because human brokenness is more complicated than corrupted hearts.
I Still Do , p. 26
O n April 30, 1943, the corpse of Major William Martin washed up on a beach in Spain. When the body was examined, Nazi authorities discovered not only the typical wallet litter (license, receipts, bills, pictures, etc.) but also a letter from a general to the now-deceased Major