I Love My Mother, But... , livre ebook

Harvest House Publishers, Inc. - Linda Mintle

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259 pages

English

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Description

For any woman who would complete this title with "she drives me crazy!" this book is a goldmine of guidance from nationally recognized author, speaker, and family life expert Dr. Linda Mintle.Many grown daughters struggle to find balance and perspective with their mothers, and they don't realize that this emotionally charged relationship greatly impacts the health of all others in their lives. With expertise, great examples, and biblical insight, Dr. Mintle reveals how women can reinvent their connection with their mothers bypracticing the spiritual acts of prayer, empathy, and forgivenessmaking new connections to break old patternsletting go of guilt and shame and finding peaceapplying anger management techniquesdiscovering ways to honor their mothers and themselvesThis resource offers practical and spiritually powerful ways for women to find wholeness as they seek healing and renewal in their relationships with their mothers.

Informations

Publié par	Harvest House Publishers, Inc.
Date de parution	01 mars 2011
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9780736940979
Langue	English
Poids de l'ouvrage	14 Mo

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0600€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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Unless oterwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from te Holy Bible, New International Version , ® NIV . Copyrigt © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rigts reserved ® ™ worldwide. Verses marked  are taken from te New American Standard Bible , © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, ® 1975, 1977, 1995 by he Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org) Verses marked  are taken from te New King James Version. Copyrigt © 1982 by homas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rigts reserved. Verses marked  are taken from he Message. Copyrigt © by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publising Group. Scripture quotations marked  1996 are taken from te ﬁrst edition of teHoly Bible,New Living Translation, copyrigt© 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publisers, Inc., Weaton, IL 60189 USA. All rigts reserved. Cover by Koecel Peterson & Associates, Inc., Minneapolis, Minnesota

Cover poto © B2M Productions / Digital Vision / Getty Images; back-cover autor poto by Jim Witmer

Linda Mintle is publised in association wit Ambassador Literary Agency.

his book is not intended to provide terapy, counseling, clinical advice, or treatment or to take te place of clini-cal advice and treatment from your personal pysician or professional mental ealt provider. Readers are advised to consult teir own qualiﬁed ealt-care pysicians regarding mental ealt and medical issues. Neiter te pub-liser nor te autor takes any responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, action, or applica-tion of information in tis book to te reader. Names, places, and identifying details ave been canged to protect te privacy of individuals wo may ave similar experiences. he caracters depicted ere consist of composites of a number of people wit similar issues, and te names and circumstances ave been canged to protect teir conﬁ-dentiality. Any similarity between te names and stories of individuals described in tis book to individuals known to readers is purely coincidental.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Mintle, Linda. I love my moter, but—/ Linda Mintle. p. cm. Rev. ed. of: A daugter’s journey ome. ©2004. Includes bibliograpical references. ISBN 978-0-7369-3059-8 (pbk.) 1. Moters and daugters. 2. Interpersonal conﬂict. 3. Interpersonal communication. 4. Forgiveness. 5. Respect for persons. 6. Interpersonal relations—Religious aspects. I. Mintle, Linda. Daugter’s journey ome. II. Title. HQ755.85.M565 2011 306.874’3—dc22 2010021576

All rigts reserved.No part of tis publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mecanical, digital, potocopy, recording, or any oter—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, witout te prior permission of te publiser. Printed in te United States of America 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 / LB-SK / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To my moter, Ester Marquardt, for your unwavering love and your giving eart. hanks for making te journey wit me over te years. I love you, Mom.

And to my daugter, Kaitlyn. As we continue our journey togeter, may we bot continue to grow in our relationsip wit God and eac oter. Werever you are, remember to kiss your pillow! You are suc a deligt and are greatly loved.

Acknowledgments

My moter was diagnosed wit cancer twice in er life. During er ﬁrst bout, I was ten years old and did not really compreend te seriousness of er condition. As was typ-ical of my moter, se fougt te disease wile working a full-time job and taking care of our family. Her ﬁrst eal-ing was miraculous, and se is living testimony of God’s ealing power. During Mom’s second bout wit cancer, I very muc realized wat was appening, and it added tre-mendous perspective to my writing.

Twice, God miraculously intervened. Mom remains cancer-free. Mom, God decided to keep you wit us for a wile longer—and we are tankful! Over te years, your will-ingness to work troug our roug places as elped me write te capters of tis book. hanks for your availabil-ity, compassion, and commitment to family.

To my cildren and usband, wo found me daily glued to te computer in my ome oﬃce, I greatly appreciated your patience and ﬂexibility. Katie, my one and only daugter, I often tougt of te two of us as I wrote eac capter. I pray God will keep us bot close to Him and to eac oter.

To my new family at Harvest House Publisers, I am so grateful for our meaningful connections. hanks for mak-ing te eﬀort to make tem, for being personable, creative, encouraging, and visionary. hank you especially to LaRae Weikert, editorial vice president. And tank you to my edi-tor, Paul Gossard. Bot of you were a gift.

And most importantly, tanks to God, te true ealer, wo gives insigt and wisdom. It is He wo melts my eart and continually callenges me to be like Him in all my rela-tionsips.

Contents

Introduction. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  he Relationsip hat Aﬀects All Oters

Part One: Finding New Strategies: Ways to Make Your Relationship Better . Now, Let’s All Just Try to Stay Calm…. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Canging Defensive Reactions . Anger at Our Impossible Moters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Understanding Yourself and Finding te Beneﬁts of Self-Control . Empaty: Widen Your Lens. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Improving Your Relationsip by Discovering Your Mom’s Perspective . Handling Conﬂict. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . .  Understanding Similarities and Diﬀerences—and Wat to Do wit hem

Part Two: Finding New Perspectives: Ways to Better Understand Each Other . Great Expectations: Living Our Moter’s Dreams. . . . . . . . . . . Facing Expectations—Hers and Ours—and Finding te God We Can Count On . Growing Daugters: Making Meaningful Connections. . . . . . . Coming to Terms wit Your Mom’s Inﬂuence on You . Families: he Ties hat Deﬁne. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Legacies and Patterns hat Sape Your Moter-Daugter Relationsip

. I Am My Moter?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Finding Balance Between Individuality and Intimate Connection . Forgiveness: he Healing Balm. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Releasing te Burdens of te Past and Making Room for New Possibilities : he Good-Enoug Daugter: Letting Go of Guilt and Same. . . Growing Up…and Going Home Again . he Good-Enoug Moter: he Importance of Honor. . . . . . . How We Heal, and How God Works to Bring It to Reality

Epilogue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You Can and Sould Go Home Again Notes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Introduction

The Relationship That Affects All Others

Longing for Mom’s Acceptance, No Matter What

Building on Our Points of Connection

Finding a Place of Peace and Honor

Building and Keeping a Rewarding Relationship

very grown-up daugter must come to terms wit te fact tat se E is still er moter’s daugter. Don’t be afraid of tis tougt! Being your moter’s daugter doesn’t ultimately deﬁne you. However, it does inﬂuence wo you are and your coice of life partner. In fact, feminists believe we marry our moter. (Yes, I saidmarryourmoter. Cew on tattougt for a wile!) But te relationsip begins wit a cry. In some cases, a wail. Excru-ciating pain and joy all mixed togeter. Birt is a metapor depicting te bond between moter and daugter. It’s a relationsip tat can be painful—and can also bring immense joy. And ere’s te really amaz-ing ting: It aﬀectseverycurrent and future relationsip. hat’s wy we ave to pay attention to it and make it te best we can. Someting profound connects a daugter to te woman wo responded to er cries in te nigt, canged er diapers, coaxed er into er ﬁrst steps, acted as paramedic, went ead to ead wit er over a tousand adolescent and teenage issues, and prayed constantly for er protection. Instinct draws te two togeter. As te daugter grows,

I Love My Mother,But…

er craving for autonomy increases, but te need for connection wit Mom remains. And wile my focus is on daugters wo want to build a rewarding relationsipwitteirmoter,I’llalsoincludesometime-andexperience-tested advice for tose of you wo are now te moters of daugters at ome. My goal in saring tese suggestions is not only to elp you mold an intimate and rewarding relationsip wit your daugter, but also to elp you see ow your own moter’s interactions wit you dur-ing your cildood saped te relationsip you ave wit your daug-ter today.

Longing for Mom’s Acceptance, No Matter What Ideally, tis moter-daugter bond builds in intimacy over te years. In reality, as adults, most of us struggle to ﬁnd balance in our emotional relationsips wit our moter. Over te past 20 years, I ave listened to terrible stories of moter-daugter abuse and neglect wile conducting terapy. I’ve worked wit daugters wose moters locked tem in closets wen tey were cil-dren; some wose moms were alcoolics, mentally ill, sexually abusive, cocaine users, prostitutes—and some wo experienced all of tis. You name it, I’ve eard it. For many, te potential joy of te moter-daugter relationsip was quickly lost in urt and wounding, or worn away troug neglect, abandonment, and oter unappy experiences. It’s only troug an inner strengt tat tese troubled women can even ﬁnd teir way to a terapy oﬃce to speak of suc trauma. And yet, no matter ow or-riﬁc te relationsip, daugters still long for teir moter’s acceptance and unconditional love. he emotional intensity between moter and daugter is an amaz-ingly complex force. Even te best-trained terapists ave no advan-tage wen it comes to working tings out wit teir moter. We are all clients in need of elp. In te end, we know tat we are individual women wo will stand before God and answer for our eartly actions. In eaven we can’t make excuses by blaming oters for ow we beaved. (“Hello, God. Did You know my moter? Enoug said—let me pass!”)