How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen , livre ebook

Baker Publishing Group - DMin Wright H. Norman

Découvre YouScribe en t'inscrivant gratuitement

Je m'inscris

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

75 pages

English

Vous pourrez modifier la taille du texte de cet ouvrage

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

A propos
Informations
Extrait

Description

Yes, parents! It is possible to talk so both children and teens will listen to you. Take the frustration out of your interactions with your kids by learning Childspeak and Teenspeak. You can learn to package what you say in such a manner that kids and teens want to hear you. The communication principles found in this book are time-tested and proven approaches that will change and improve all family communication.

Informations

Publié par	Baker Publishing Group
Date de parution	09 décembre 2010
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781441267726
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0374€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

Praise for
HOW TO TALK SO YOUR KIDS WILL LISTEN
I have learned more basic communication skills with my children from this one book than any book I have ever read on the subject. Norm Wright knows how to deliver practicality and commonsense parenting at its best.
J IM B URNS , P H .D.
A UTHOR , T HE T EN B UILDING B LOCKS FOR A H APPY F AMILY P RESIDENT , Y OUTH B UILDERS
Now is the time to turn up the frequency and get in tune with our children and teens. How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen offers biblically sound, practical techniques on how to overcome parent-child communication differences. Norm Wright’s real-life examples and hands-on approach encourage parents to step out in confidence and exert positive control over those differences.
J OSH D. M C D OWELL
A UTHOR , C HILDREN D EMAND A V ERDICT AND H OW TO B E A H ERO TO Y OUR K IDS
S PEAKER

2004 H. Norman Wright
Published by Bethany House Publishers 11400 Hampshire Avenue South Bloomington, Minnesota 55438 www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan. www.bakerpublishinggroup.com
Bethany House Publishers edition published 2014
ISBN 978-1-4412-6772-6
Previously published by Regal Books
Ebook edition originally created 2013
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-for example, electronic, photocopy, recording-without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
Other versions used are:
AMP —Scripture taken from THE AMPLIFIED BIBLE, Old Testament copyright © 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament copyright © 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
NCV —Scriptures quoted from The Holy Bible, New Century Version , copyright © 1987, 1988, 1991 by Word Publishing, a division of Thomas Nelson, Inc. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
NIV —Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version ®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.
TLB —Scripture quotations marked ( TLB ) are taken from The Living Bible , copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.
Cover design by Robert Williams Interior design by Stephen Hahn Edited by Amy Spence
Contents
Chapter 1
Discover Your Child’s Uniqueness
Chapter 2
Listening, Timing and Connecting
Chapter 3
When You Talk, Nurture
Chapter 4
Communication Basics
Chapter 5
Your Child Can Change
Chapter 6
Commonsense Guidelines for Effective Communication
Chapter 7
Adolescence Happens
Endnotes
C HAPTER 1
Discover Your Child’s Uniqueness
It’s too bad there isn’t a beatitude for parents that says, “Blessed is the flexible parent, for he or she will have the greatest opportunity to communicate with his or her child.” Every child is unique. Each one is different. This is the way it should be. It is the way God created us.
When children are born, they come with an inheritance. It comes from the gene pool of each parent. It might not be seen at first, but it gradually unfolds. If you have three children, it’s as though you picked up one from Target, one from Nordstrom and one from JCPenney. They’re all different, aren’t they? Each child thinks differently, acts differently and communicates differently. Read how some parents describe their children:
• “My daughter is a real space cadet. Sometimes I wonder what she uses for a brain.”
• “My son has a big mouth. He’s loud and goes on and on.”
• “I think my daughter is a hermit. I just can’t understand why she’s so quiet.”
• “My son can get lost between his bedroom and the kitchen, especially when I ask him to do something.”
• “My daughter talks first and thinks later.”
• “My kid is so picky. He’ll ask me the time, and I’ll say, ‘Oh, around four o’clock.’ Then he’ll say, ‘No, I want the exact time.’ What a pain.”
• “My daughter is so absentminded. She seems to be thinking about too many things at the same time.”
• “My daughter is way too sensitive. She always gets her feelings hurt.”
• “I wonder if my son has any feelings. He always has to be right, even when it makes his friends dislike him. But he doesn’t seem to care.”
• “My son is only seven. But even now he has a place for everything, and he isn’t satisfied unless everything is in its place before he goes to bed at night. Me? I let everything lie where it falls. But does he ever get after me about that!”
• “My teenage daughter is a procrastinator. She gets her work done eventually, but her last minute antics disrupt the whole family.”
• “I try to talk to my son, but he always changes the subject in the middle of the conversation. I sometimes wonder if his brain is stuck in neutral.”
Did you notice some of the words used to describe the children—“space cadet,” “big mouth,” “loud,” “hermit,” “lost,” “talks first and thinks later,” “picky,” “too sensitive,” “procrastinator,” “changes the subject”? Do these words sound negative or positive? Are these traits you would want to change in your child, or could you accept them? What if each trait or characteristic is the way God uniquely created your child, and it’s your task to understand your child?
U NIQUE B EHAVIORS AND P ERSONALITIES
Children have quirks of behavior and personality that at times irritate their parents. Yet in most cases the problem isn’t that children are bad; it’s simply that their responses and thought patterns are different from their parents’.
You get frustrated because you can’t understand why your child isn’t more like you. Trying to change your child’s personality to match yours is as pointless and futile as trying to change your child’s physical features to make him or her look like you. The key to reducing your frustration over your child’s quirks of behavior, and to communicate with him or her, is to understand and accommodate your child’s unique personality style.
Every child is predisposed toward certain personality characteristics. These leanings reflect his or her genetic inheritance, birth order and early environment. A child’s personality traits direct his or her preferences for responding to life and his or her communication style—much like a child’s handedness directs his or her preference for completing manual tasks. For instance, just because a child is right-handed, doesn’t mean the child never uses his or her left hand. The child may prefer his or her right hand strongly, rarely using his or her left hand. Or the child may be more ambidextrous and use his or her left hand for several tasks. The more the child practices his or her handedness preference, the more the child relies on it with confidence. Similarly, the more a child responds in line with his or her personality predisposition, the stronger that style becomes in the child. 1
In Psalm 139:14 ( NIV ), read King David’s words: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.” Christians believe that every person is made in the image of God and is of infinite worth and value. Every person is unique. Yet most parents find it much easier to value the aspects of their children that are similar to their own. I’ve heard parents remark, “Tommy is just like me, but I’m not sure where Jill came from. She is so different from the rest of us.”
Unique Differences
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “different”? Are the meanings you associate with “different” primarily positive or negative? If I were to approach you on the street and say, “You sure look different today,” would you think I was giving you a compliment and reply, “Well, thank you very much,” or would you think that I was being critical?

Every person is different. Yet often those differences are not understood or valued by others .
“Different” suggests a deviation from some kind of standard or norm. It suggests that something is not quite the way it usually is or the way it should be. Many people interpret “different” to mean “unusual, inappropriate, inferior or wrong.” If I said, “You sure look like a deviate,” you would know that I was being negative and critical.
On the other hand, what do you think of when you hear the word “unique” or “special”? Do you tend to have a more positive response to those terms? Every person is different. Yet often those differences are not understood or valued by others.
Replicated scientific research has shown that infants show significant individual differences from birth. We know that infants are born with unique temperamental characteristics, behavior traits and ways of responding to external stimuli. Some distinguishing characteristics include their ability levels, needs and feelings. Because every infant has a unique way of interacting with his or her environment, every parent must understand and relate to the infant’s uniqueness.
Intelligence Differences
Children come with different personalities and different types of intelligence. Are you aware of the eight kinds of intelligence, and the fact that each child is born with a unique distribution of each? Some of these intelligence types may surprise you:
1. Some children have strong emotional intelligence and have a unique ability to establish and maintain healthy relationships with others and themselves. They’re able to handle feelings and empathize.
2. Those who have strong academic intelligence do well in school, for they can sit, listen, l