How to Listen So People Will Talk , livre ebook

Baker Publishing Group - Becky Harling

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87 pages

English

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How Listening Well Builds Stronger Communication and Deeper ConnectionsNo relationship is perfect--but it can be better. The secret to stronger relationships isn't to become more charming or funny or to solve the world's problems or to just try harder. All you have to do is listen. It's that simple. Yet our noisy culture hasn't equipped us to do this. With warmth and a touch of humor, personal coach and expert communicator Becky Harling shares simple, practical listening tools that will help you become a person others are drawn to and want to spend time with, as well as how to:· be fully present· offer understanding instead of advice· ask great questions· create a sense of safety and trust· manage your body language· and more!When you learn to listen well, your marriage will grow stronger, your parenting will flourish, your friendships will thrive, and your influence at work will increase. You will be amazed at how one simple act can transform the hearts of others--as well as your own.

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Publié par	Baker Publishing Group
Date de parution	01 août 2017
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781441231147
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0374€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
© 2017 by Becky Harling
Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.bakerpublishinggroup.com
Ebook edition created 2017
Ebook corrections 08.20.2018
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4412-3114-7
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Scripture quotations labeled ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2011
Scripture quotations labeled NLT are from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations labeled T HE M ESSAGE are from THE MESSAGE. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Cover design by Greg Jackson, Thinkpen Design, Inc.
Author is represented by The Blythe Daniel Agency.
Endorsements
“This book is not a collection of techniques or tricks—it uses exercises to help the reader respond to God’s direction in a way that is transformational . It will help you become more compassionate and sensitive, helping you form deeper relationships.”
—Steven L. Brown, MD, PhD, author of Navigating the Medical Maze
“Many of us enter conversations awaiting the moment to jump in with our own story, and completely miss opportunities to listen. This book teaches you how to honor another’s story and ask the kind of questions that deepen understanding. How to Listen So People Will Talk should be required reading for every doctor, counselor, teacher, and parent.”
—Saundra Dalton-Smith, MD, physician, speaker, author, and founder of I Choose My Best Life
“In a world where everyone is talking, tempers are flaring, emotions are raging, and relationships are spinning out of control, someone has to start listening! Becky Harling knows how to listen so people open up, dialogue, connect, and care for one another. I know because Becky has listened to me—with her HEART! With wisdom and wit, Becky can help all of us learn to listen so we can LOVE the people in our world better.”
—Pam Farrel, author of 45 books including bestselling Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti
“Do you desire to be a ‘people magnet’? Becky Harling unlocks the secret of our spiritual and relational well-being: attentive listening. If you desire a stronger marriage, want your parenting to flourish, or long for deeper, more meaningful friendships, ponder the principles of How to Listen So People Will Talk .”
—Greg and Julie Gorman, authors of Two Are Better Than One , #MarriedForAPurpose
“Becky Harling is a woman of integrity committed to personal growth, so when her daughter confronted her on her listening skills, she knew she needed to change. A passionate speaker, author, and coach, Becky loves helping others reach their God-given potential.”
—Dr. Jim Garlow, author and senior pastor of Skyline Church, La Mesa, California
“I couldn’t help but think of a few people who would greatly benefit from reading this book, only to come to a stark realization that I too tend to approach many conversations with my own agenda. Becky challenges all of us to become better listeners by offering some valuable insights and exercises to build the very foundation in developing this important character trait. Get ready to be transformed!”
—Dilip Joseph, author of Kidnapped by the Taliban
“If you long for better relationships, read this book. Becky Harling is a master communicator—and in this book she reveals the God-honoring steps we can take to become listeners who help others to share their stories, speak honestly, and feel understood. Each chapter will assist you in identifying a specific skill you can work on that will transform the way you connect with people. Use this book for personal study or bring a group of your friends together and explore how you can develop even stronger interaction with each other as you learn to listen so people will talk.”
—Carol Kent, speaker and author of Speak Up with Confidence
“We live in a time that affords us endless opportunities to spout our opinions to anyone who will listen. But at what cost to our own soul? And how do these one-way conversations impact our relationships and even our perspective? My friend Becky Harling has written a countercultural book that feels like a word in due season. We can’t grow if we’re not willing to listen; we can’t grow our relationships with others if we’re not truly hearing them. Yet there’s an art to listening, things we need to guard against when the other person has the floor. If you long to take your spiritual growth to another level, it’s time to learn the art of listening. And you’ve come to the right place.”
—Susie Larson, talk-show host, national speaker, author of Your Powerful Prayers
“In a world where everyone is straining to be heard, Becky Harling takes the countercultural approach of showing up and actually listening. If you are longing to know and be known by those you love, How to Listen So People Will Talk will not only change your conversations, it will change your relationships. Highly recommended.”
—Kathi Lipp, author of Overwhelmed
“Becky gets it right again! From her years as a pastor’s wife, a mother, and a valued friend, Becky opens up her heart and shares generous wisdom. If you are frustrated with your ability to connect with others, this book will be a source of joy and practical solutions!”
—Carol McLeod, president and founder, Just Joy! Ministries
“ How to Listen So People Will Talk reminds us that listening is a personal ministry that we must cultivate and nurture. Grounded in God’s word, Becky Harling has written a book that is insightful, enlightening, and full of wisdom.”
—Ellie Nieves, president and CEO, Leadership Strategies for Women, LLC
“Learning how to speak more powerfully is a common topic for work and personal life, but what about powerful listening? This book will help you shift your focus to this important lost art. As you practice the listening exercises in these pages, the quality of your relationships will skyrocket.”
—Arlene Pellicane, speaker and author of 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife
“We all know how to talk, but how few of us know how to listen well. It is impossible to read this book without learning specific skills that will make you a better spouse, friend, parent, and representative of Jesus.”
—Dr. Juli Slattery, psychologist and president of Authentic Intimacy
“Becky Harling’s book How to Listen So People Will Talk is filled with fresh insights and vivid illustrations to empower you to create better understanding and stronger bonds.”
—Linda Evans Shepherd, author of Winning Your Daily Spiritual Battles
“We all desire to be heard. In fact, being loved and being heard feel the same. As a spouse, parent, co-worker, sibling, or friend, the greatest gift we can give is our full attention. Becky masterfully weaves stories, hands-on tools, and brilliant devotional moments to teach us how to listen.”
—Rick Whitted, author of Outgrow Your Space at Work: How To Thrive at Work and Build a Successful Career
Dedication
This book is dedicated to my precious daughter,
Bethany Lindgren.
Bethany, I’m so thankful that you found the courage to honestly challenge me to become a more attentive listener.
I love you and have the deepest respect for how you listen to others.
Truly you model what it looks like to listen to others like Jesus.
I love you!
Contents

Cover 1
Title Page 3
Copyright Page 4
Endorsements 5
Dedication 9
1. I Dare You to Ask! 13
2. Raise Your Self-Awareness 26
3. Honor Another’s Story 41
4. Silence Your Inner Fixer 55
5. Ask Great Questions 71
6. Offer Empathy, Validate Feelings 89
7. Watch Your Nonverbals—They’re Speaking Loudly 105
8. Seek to Understand During Conflict 120
9. Let Go of Distractions 137
10. Be Available 153
Notes 167
Acknowledgments 170
About the Author 174
Back Cover 176
1 I Dare You to Ask!
Let the wise listen and add to their learning.
—Proverbs 1:5
I ’m convinced that until we risk asking for honest feedback, we can’t grow. And even though we want personal growth, it can sure feel painful, right? I was committed to personal growth. I just hadn’t anticipated the pain when I asked my teen daughter one crucial question: “Do you think I listen well?”
I expected the conversation to go much differently. Honestly, I was expecting rave reviews, but that’s not exactly the way the conversation went. Note to self: Don’t ask your kids their opinion unless you’re prepared for what they really think! But I had asked, and she had answered. “Well . . . (long pause). Sometimes you listen well. But you seem distracted a lot. Often you dive in with your own story or interrupt. Sometimes you give advice and I just want you to listen. I want to feel validated.”
Later that night I lay in bed processing my questions internally. What did she mean? Am I really that self-focused that I dive in with my own stories, taking away from