Helping Your Kids Deal with Anger, Fear, and Sadness , livre ebook

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86 pages

English

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No parent likes to see their child struggle, especially with dark emotions like anger, fear, and depression. Family counselor and bestselling author Norm Wright addresses these emotional issues in a compassionate, family-friendly way that will help parents to communicate more freely with their children.Included in this parenting manual are conversational guidelines and learning activities for children that encourage them to work through these difficult emotions. Parents will gain keen insights into the cause of these intense moods and develop sound principles in dealing effectively with them.Biblically based and solution-oriented, Helping Your Kids Deal with Anger, Fear, and Depression is a must-have for parents, Sunday school teachers, ministers, and family counselors.

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Publié par	Harvest House Publishers, Inc.
Date de parution	01 mars 2005
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9780736934534
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0508€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from The Amplified Bible, Copyright 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved. Used by permission. ( www.Lockman.org )
Verses marked NIV are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION . NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Verses marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible , Copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.
Verses marked NCV are taken from The Holy Bible, New Century Version, Copyright 1987, 1988, 1991 by Word Publishing, Nashville, TN 37214. Used by permission.
Verses marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible , 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. ( www.Lockman.org )
Verses marked KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.
Cover by Terry Dugan Design, Minneapolis, Minnesota
HELPING YOUR KIDS DEAL WITH ANGER, FEAR, AND SADNESS
Copyright 2005 by H. Norman Wright
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
www.harvesthousepublishers.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Wright, H. Norman
Helping your kids deal with anger, fear, and sadness / H. Norman Wright.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 0-7369-1333-5 (pbk.)
1. Child rearing-Religious aspects-Christianity. 2. Anger in children-Religious aspects-Christianity. 3. Fear in children. I. Title.
BV4529.W733 2005
248.8 45-dc22 2004020852
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other-except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.
Printed in the United States of America
05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 / VP-MS / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Contents
The Roller Coaster of Emotions
1. The Problem with Anger
2. Understanding Anger
3. Your Child s Anger
4. Anger Under Control
5. How to Help Your Child Deal with Anger
6. The Fear of a Child
7. Where Do Their Fears Come From?
8. Preparing Your Children to Avoid the Fears of Life
9. Children Get Depressed, Too!
10. How Your Child s Identity Affects His/Her Emotions
Notes
The Roller Coaster of Emotions
Over the past 30 years of working with parents in counseling and seminars, the most frequently raised questions I have been asked involve anger:
Why does my child get so angry? Can t he learn to control that temper?
He s like a volcano ready to explode. What can I do?
She won t listen when she gets angry.
What can I teach my child about anger? How can I help him?
Is this reaction normal?
More than any other emotion, anger in a child s life is a big concern for parents. And unfortunately, most children do not have positive models for what to do with their anger. Some children have no control over it, while others are too controlled.
There is so much for all of us to learn about anger: where it comes from, how to talk about it, how to express it in a healthy and nondestructive way, and what the Word of God has to say about it.
One of the reasons for writing this book is to help children learn about some of their emotions at an early age. By doing this, they could have a more emotionally balanced adolescence and adulthood. During my many years of counseling, I have spent too much time helping adults learn things about their emotions that could have been learned as a child. Hence, the reason for this book: to help you help your children, whether toddlers or teens, deal with their emotions in a healthy manner. And in the process, you could learn something about yourself as well.
Our main focus will be on anger. There is so much concern over this volatile emotion and so much to learn. From there, we are going to explore the fears of children and how to help them triumph over fear and worry. If this can be accomplished at an early age, they can experience so much more from their life.
Do children get depressed? Yes, they do, and it can be serious. I have included chapter 9 so you can identify the indications of depression.
Finally, there is a foundational chapter that speaks to your child s identity in Christ. Here you will discover how this is intertwined with your child s emotions.
I hope you find this resource helpful as you fulfill your calling by God to be a parent who nurtures every part of your child s life.
1
The Problem with Anger
My teen could be called the time-bomb kid. He can go off at any moment. The problem is we don t know when the timer has run out. There s no predicting when he ll explode.
I think my child came from the Old West. He was one of those who carried a six-gun with a hair trigger. The slightest pressure and boom-it went off. It s the same way with Tim, only it s his angry outbursts. Other kids would take it in stride. Not Tim, he goes off.
The angry child-it is not a pretty sight. Life is tough at times. It is tough for kids, teens, and parents. All of us experience anger at one time or another. But some children seem to have a lit fuse burning all the time. And unfortunately, that fuse is way too short. An angry child also seems to have the ability to trigger this emotion in those around him or her. An angry child has the ability to shape other people s attitudes and behaviors toward him. Being around an angry child necessitates walking on eggshells so you do not step on a land mine and set off an angry tirade. And because of the responses he receives from other people, he transfers thoughts and expectations about others into new situations. Often he creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Studies have identified a number of characteristics that shape the way angry children view life and respond to adversity. It is much easier to help your children learn how to deal with their anger the younger they are.
Anger distorts the way we view our world around us. You know what I mean. What are the thoughts that flow through your mind when you are angry? Are they pleasant and rational? Probably not. And we, as adults, are supposed to have greater control than children.
Many children are resilient and come back to an even keel after their episode of anger. But some prefer living with anger. To them, conflict seems to be the norm rather than peace and harmony. Why the difference?
First of all, let s identify your children to see where each falls on the anger scale:

Place the name of your child (or children) on this scale.
Any children listed on the right side of the scale tend to have a number of common traits. Perhaps these descriptions are familiar to you.
Angry children create their own problems. By the way they behave, they create issues and even see problems that do not exist. They lack insight into their contribution to the problem. They are good at blaming. Some expect other people to see them as a problem. These children need a calm response and a parent who says, I believe you can change. I believe you can do it differently. Let s talk about what you ll do differently next time.
Secondly, angry children have a difficult time understanding the problems they create. Not only that, trying to calm them down just does not work. Many of them don t want to talk about what happened. Why? Because they know you want them to see their role in this situation, and who wants to admit they did anything? So they avoid talking about it.
The memory of an angry child is selective. They remember what you or another person did and somehow develop amnesia for their part. Dr. Tim Murphy describes the pattern well: Each time you try to get an angry child to rethink the problem, he starts with his conclusion using distorted thinking to circle back to support that conclusion. 1
One of the tendencies for anyone who is angry is to confuse feelings with facts. If a child or teen acts on feelings, it is quite easy to move into an angry response.
A third characteristic is blaming other people for their outburst. Who causes the anger? Other people. If I lost my temper, you caused it. It is a great way to avoid responsibility for their feelings, their reactions, and any damage. An angry child is a hurting child, and who causes the hurt? Other people. The child can respond to people in unacceptable ways which bring negative reactions. Angry children do not see their part in creating their problems. How do you respond when your child is sullen or sarcastic or angry? However you react can be misinterpreted, and you are the bad guy. Even nice responses can be misinterpreted by an angry child.
A fourth characteristic is taking any bad feeling and turning it into a mad feeling. It is as though angry children only allow one feeling into their life: anger. Fear is turned into anger. Hurt is turned into anger. Frustration is turned into anger. And when anger is there, the response can be Act! Attack!
One parent handled this by saying, Susan, I can see you re angry. If we couldn t call this anger, what other word from this list could we use? mad furious riled-up cranky burned-up hot annoyed crabby grumpy snarly ornery mean bitter raging resentful ticked-off bugged out-of-control
Another characteristic of angry children is their lack of understanding of the feelings of other people. And why not? If they cannot understand their own, how can they have empathy for the feelings of other people? As a child grows in his understanding of himself, he will be better able to connect with other people.
It makes sense that angry children attack other people rather than solve problems. What better way to protect themselves than by attacking other people? To them, anger seems to be the best response regardless of the consequences. The best word to describe some a