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Marshall Cavendish International - Mahita Vas

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96 pages

English

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It is estimated that 800,000 people globally kill themselves every year. Our post pandemic world, with its numerous disruptions, has also forced more people to seek help for mental health issues. While much has been said about the toll on mental health, there is little understanding of why people choose to kill themselves, especially when many, like celebrities Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade had so much to live for. Author Mahita Vas has battled suicidal thoughts for all her adult life. She even lost one of those battles and tried to kill herself, only to be rescued within seconds of breathing her last. It is difficult for those left behind to understand why their loved one would choose to die. A Good Day to Die offers readers an intimate exploration of an anguished mind, weaving personal experience with academic reports.

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Publié par	Marshall Cavendish International
Date de parution	06 juillet 2021
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9789814974790
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0450€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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a good day to die
Inside a Suicidal Mind
by
Mahita Vas
Text Mahita Vas
2021 Marshall Cavendish International (Asia) Private Limited
Published in 2021 by Marshall Cavendish Editions
An imprint of Marshall Cavendish International

All rights reserved
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owner. Requests for permission should be addressed to the Publisher, Marshall Cavendish International (Asia) Private Limited, 1 New Industrial Road, Singapore 536196. Tel: (65) 6213 9300 E-mail: genref@sg.marshallcavendish.com Website: www.marshallcavendish.com
The publisher makes no representation or warranties with respect to the contents of this book, and specifically disclaims any implied warranties or merchantability or fitness for any particular purpose, and shall in no event be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damage, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.
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Marshall Cavendish is a registered trademark of Times Publishing Limited
National Library Board, Singapore Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
Names: Vas, Mahita.
Title: A good day to die : inside a suicidal mind / by Mahita Vas.
Description: Singapore : Marshall Cavendish Editions, 2021. | Includes bibliographic references.
Identifiers: OCN 1244800111 | eISBN 978 981 4974 79 0
Subjects: LCSH: Vas, Mahita-Mental health. | Suicidal behavior-Singapore-Psychological aspects. | Manic-depressive persons-Singapore.
Classification: DDC 616.858445-dc23
Printed in Singapore
For Debbie Fordyce Ylita Garland
Foreword
A number of similar posts appeared on my news feed one morning in August 2020. The first line read, There were a total of 400 reported suicides in Singapore in 2019 , followed by another, Youth suicides still a concern, with 94 cases last year , and I finally stopped scrolling when this headline hit me, Suicide remains leading cause of death for those aged 10 to 29 in Singapore Horrified, I clicked to read the report. 1 The figures were released as part of a highly publicised campaign by Samaritans of Singapore to introduce a text-based service for anyone in distress and contemplating suicide. The report, presented as a fact sheet and devoid of emotion, provided a clearer picture of the numbers: a total of 400 suicides, of which 94 were youths, which included 71 who were between the ages of 20 and 29. Noticeably, the report omitted the actual figures for the suicides of the younger group, but a quick calculation showed that, of the 94 youths who killed themselves, 23 were between the ages of 10 and 19. I froze, staring at the numbers, feeling numb.
The sobering effect of the report piqued my curiosity and I was keen to learn how Singapore compared with the rest of the world. According to the World Health Organisation, 2 globally, nearly 800,000 people kill themselves every year - one person every 40 seconds. Suicide is the leading cause of death in young people between the ages of 15 and 19. For every suicide there are many more people who attempt suicide every year. A prior suicide attempt is the single most important risk factor for suicide in the general population.
I had never bothered with suicide statistics, but reading of a ten-year-old s suicide in Singapore troubled me deeply. I searched for information - his background, his circumstances - but could not find any. In the process of looking, I learnt about another young boy who had committed suicide by jumping off the 16th floor of a building. He was only 11 years old and had been battling clinical depression. I read about how his mother coped with his sudden and unexpected death, and was in awe of a woman who, battling depression herself, had recognised the signs and sought help for her son years earlier.
I thought about the pain and anguish my late mother would have had to deal with had I been successful with my attempt 15 years ago. I thought about my husband and children, who might still be carrying the scars. I do not think anyone ever really comes to terms with a loved one wanting to, and choosing to, die.
For most people, certainly everyone I know, being alive is something they either take for granted, or treasure as a precious gift. For the faithful, it is a bountiful blessing. Being alive means soaking up experiences on any day. Like basking in the warmth of a sunny day after days of torrential rain, or admiring the varied hues and shapes of vegetables at the market, or savouring every mouthful of a meal, whether at a hawker centre, at home or in a restaurant, or hugging someone the little things that remind us all that life is precious, and something to value. Death is something to stave off, perhaps even to fear.
For me, being alive often feels the same as it does for most people. But, sometimes, I contemplate death not only as an option, but as salvation. Having survived a prior suicide attempt, I am considered a risk factor for suicide in the general population.

In Singapore, if you or someone you know is suicidal, please call 1800 221 4444 for help. If someone is in immediate danger, please call 999.
In other countries, please call your local emergency number.

1 Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) Media Release, August 2020
2 World Health Organisation Fact Sheet / Detail / Suicide September 2019
Chapter 1
I have had a morbid fascination with death since I was in my teens. Specifically, suicide. It was not as if I needed to run away from hardship. My mind simply gravitated towards stories about death; murder and suicide were topics of great interest to my young mind. It seemed natural to me, and I never thought to question my preference. It helped that there were always enough such stories in the newspapers to keep me entertained. With every suicide report I read, I wondered what it would feel like, standing at the top of a block of flats, and jumping to my death. It did not horrify me to think of such a violent death. The local broadsheet was particularly good for international news which was not limited to politics, and sometimes reported on gruesome murders in a village in some distant land. Captivating as some of the stories were, I would feel angry if the killers were not caught, and equally happy if they were, especially if they were killed.
By the time I was in my early twenties, I had become aware of my suicidal thoughts and was increasingly keen on suicide as a subject. My job as a stewardess took me to cities which were often shut on weekends, leaving little to do except to read, watch movies in the hotel or at the cinema. Between the books and newspapers I had read, and the movies I had watched in the eighties, there were countless instances of suicide. The reasons varied and included heartbreak, mainly women, but men too; threats from loan sharks; bullying, mostly in Japan back then; and in very few instances, despair so profound that the character needed medical intervention. All the reasons for suicide seemed normal to me. It also seemed normal when no reasons were offered for a particular suicide.
For decades, I had resisted many lifestyle choices, including exercising and managing my high-carbohydrate diet. It seemed pointless to make an effort when I could not see myself living long enough to reap the benefits. Long before I had written my first book, I had thought about writing a novel, but did not go any further than thinking up a plot. It did not make sense to me, starting on something when I was probably going to kill myself before the book was finished.
It was around that time when I started to think about choosing to die my way, and at a time I chose, as being normal. I never discussed it with anyone because people always seemed to discuss suicide like it was a terrible thing. The general belief was that suicide was a great sin and a despicable act by a selfish and thoughtless person. Such souls would surely rot in hell, they would say. Yet, all I could see was an appealing exit if and when I needed one. What I could not see, and did not even consider, was why I would even need to plan my exit. Yes, it was attractive to be able to kill myself when I wanted to, but why on earth would I even want to? I did not think to ask myself this question until much later, after I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
Once I started questioning my desire to die, I became more aware of how others perceived my life. I started my working life as a stewardess with Singapore Airlines, and after six years, entered the advertising industry, including five years at Ogilvy Mather, one of the world s leading agencies, followed by five years in corporate marketing at Four Seasons Hotels and Resorts. The privilege of working at the world s finest organisations was a source of pride for me. I was fortunate, and I knew it. On top of that, I was financially secure, by virtue of being married to my husband, a pilot with Singapore Airlines. I was living a charmed life. Yet, during all that time, I had spent too many days feeling an urge to end my life.
Feeling suicidal is simply having an urge to die. That irresistible urge in mental health patients is what doctors and academics tend to attribute to simple reasons, like hopelessness and desperation. For someone like me, with a mental health issue, whether medicated or not, I can find myself wanting to die simply because, at a given time, I find myself u