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108 pages

English

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"The only husbands who will not talk to their wives are the ones who do not believe they will be listened to. If your husband believes you will listen to him, he will talk to you." In this eye-opening new book on communication--or its lack--in marriage, Bob and Cheryl Moeller help couples break free from behaviors that hinder heart connections. The book provides for wives such practical insights as the seven most common reasons husbands don't talk to their wives the five most common mistakes wives make when talking to their husbands seven winning strategies wives can use to get their husbands to open up In Getting Your Husband to Talk to You, the Moellers offer wise counsel that will help wives empower their husbands to share their hearts, draw closer than ever, and enhance their marriage bond.

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Publié par	Harvest House Publishers, Inc.
Date de parution	01 septembre 2013
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9780736952026
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0600€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS
EUGENE, OREGON
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, New International Version , NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Verses marked HCSB are from the Holman Christian Standard Bible , copyright 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible , Holman CSB , and HCSB are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.
Cover design by Koechel Peterson Associates, Inc., Minneapolis, Minnesota
Cover photo Brand X Pictures / Thinkstock
The authors are represented by MacGregor Literary, Inc. of Hillsboro, Oregon.
This book contains stories in which the authors have changed people s names and some details of their situations in order to protect their privacy.
GETTING YOUR HUSBAND TO TALK TO YOU
Copyright 2013 by Bob and Cheryl Moeller
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
www.harvesthousepublishers.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Moeller, Bob.
Getting your husband to talk to you / Bob and Cheryl Moeller.
pages cm
ISBN 978-0-7369-5201-9 (pbk.)
ISBN 978-0-7369-5202-6 (eBook)
1. Marriage-Religious aspects-Christianity. 2. Communication in marriage. 3. Men-Psychology. 4. Interpersonal communication-Religious aspects-Christianity. 5. Man-woman relationships-Religious aspects-Christianity. I. Title.
BV835.M6425 2013
248.8 44--dc23
2012048918
All rights reserved. No part of this electronic publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other-without the prior written permission of the publisher. The authorized purchaser has been granted a non-transferable, non-exclusive, and non-commercial right to access and view this electronic publication and agrees to do so only in accordance with the terms of use under which it was purchased or transmitted. Participation in or encouragement of piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of author s and publisher s rights is strictly prohibited.
To Pastor Rob and Christine Nelson and Pastor Andrew and Tiffany Moeller and the wonderful people of Bethany Church in Chicago. You opened your church and your hearts to us as a home for our ministry. We thank God for you and will be forever grateful for your love and kindness .
Contents
A Word from the Authors
Introduction: Do Men Lack the Ability to Talk?
1. The Most Common Reasons Men Don t Talk to Their Wives
2. The Most Common Mistakes Wives Make Trying to Get Their Husbands to Talk
3. Seven Questions to Ask Your Husband to Get Him to Talk
4. Learning from the Master: How Jesus Got Men to Talk
5. Change My Heart, O Lord
6. How to Know It s Working
7. Answering the Most Common Questions
Conclusion
Appendix: A Personal Heart Examination (Sample)
About the Authors
About the Publisher
A Word from the Authors
Many husbands talk freely and openly from their hearts with their wives. If that s the case in your marriage, you probably don t need this book.
However, if you wish that your husband would talk to you-or talk to you more often-or talk to you on a deeper level-then we believe this book will help you. What we offer are principles and techniques that we have seen work time and again in getting husbands who typically don t talk-or don t talk much-to begin sharing their thoughts, feelings, and emotions with their wife. When that happens, she hears things locked away in his heart for years or even decades. He feels drawn to her, and she feels drawn to him, and the result is game-changing.
The stories, examples, and illustrations used in this book are taken from actual situations, but the details and settings have been changed to protect identities. In some cases we create a composite picture of one or more marriages to illustrate a particular truth or idea. We also realize that for every principle we share there may be an exception. Maybe in your marriage your husband talks but you don t. If that s the case, there still is help, insight, and benefit to be gained from reading this book. You simply have your husband apply many of the techniques and principles toward you rather than you applying them toward him.
As you begin this journey of getting your husband to talk to you, may you experience afresh the wisdom, power, and truth of God s Word to transform your marriage.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19).
Bob and Cheryl Moeller
Introduction
Do Men Lack the Ability to Talk?
Bob was in his midthirties and living out West when a couple having trouble with their marriage approached him for help. It was apparent the wife was seriously considering a divorce. The issue wasn t marital infidelity or domestic abuse or a pornography addiction.
Dan won t talk, Joan simply said. Go ahead and see if you can get him to talk. It won t do any good.
Bob wasn t quite sure what to do. Joan sounded so certain and so convincing that perhaps she was right-perhaps Dan simply couldn t talk to people.
But Bob decided to take her up on her dare to see if he could get Dan to talk. He nervously invited Dan to have lunch at a local hamburger place and was surprised when Dan readily agreed.
For the next few days Bob rehearsed in his mind the different questions he might ask Dan to get him to talk. He compiled a mental list of things to keep the conversation from turning into dead air, as they say in radio.
The day arrived when Bob and Dan sat down to lunch. After exchanging a few cordialities, glancing over the menu, and placing a double order of burgers, fries, and soft drinks, Bob hesitated a moment, cleared his throat, and jumped off the end of the conversational diving board.
So, Dan, how are you? he asked (an anemic question if there ever was one).
What happened next stunned Bob and would eventually serve to change the course of our ministry to struggling couples.
Dan began to talk.
Not only did he begin to talk, he talked on and on. Thirty minutes into Dan s soliloquy, Bob realized he had said less than a dozen words. Forty-five minutes into the monologue, Dan was just hitting his stride as he discussed his car, his cat, and his time spent in college. As the hour neared conclusion, Bob concluded he was never going to get a word in edgewise.
Doesn t Dan want to know anything about me?
As the clock struck one, Dan was all smiles. He stood up and shook Bob s hand and thanked him for the lunch. As Dan left and walked happily to his car, Bob was left sitting there in confusion (as well as with the check for lunch).
What just happened here? Bob thought as he stared toward the parking lot. His wife told me that Dan didn t have the ability to talk . Dan had not only talked, he had talked and talked and talked to the point of being rude.
As Bob drove back to the office, a glimmer of truth about men and conversation began to flicker on. Maybe there aren t any men who can t talk , Bob mused. Maybe there are only some men who have never been listened to .
1
The Most Common Reasons Men Don t Talk to Their Wives
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
J AMES 1:19
Through the years we have noticed an interesting pattern with wives who complain about their husband s inability to talk. Usually the wives are more outgoing and talkative while their husbands tend to be more quiet and withdrawn. The conclusion is typically this: the wife was born with the gift of talking while the husband was not.
However, we beg to differ. Simply because the husband does not feel comfortable talking to his wife does not mean he lacks the gifts to do so. As the story in the introduction illustrates, Dan, who was typically silent and unengaged, demonstrated his ability to become extremely talkative given the right setting.
Perhaps talking is not a matter of gifting but of opportunity .
Stalemate or Stale Mate?
Several years ago we sat with a couple having marital problems and listened to their story. They had enjoyed getting to know each other during the courtship and engagement period, but now the husband had almost entirely quit talking. Even as they discussed their marriage issues with us, he would frequently turn to her and say, Would you agree? Am I right? It was as if he needed her validation or approval before he could go on.
She, on the other hand, was very skilled and certain in describing her hurt feelings, disappointed expectations, and deep feelings of rejection-particularly in the communication aspect of their marriage.
That couple fits a pattern we often see: the husband has shut down verbally and the wife is slowly dying inside for lack of conversation. The man is reluctant to venture his thoughts and feelings while the woman is more than willing to share hers. They have reached a stalemate in their marriage. She is ready to give up, and he is ready to consider other options (worst-case scenario, a girlfriend at the office or a new love interest on the Internet).
What s going on here? Why isn t the husband talking? Why is the wife in such deep pain? Did they each simply marry the wrong person?
We believe there are reasons why men won t talk in a marriage or a relationship. And no, we don t believe they married the wrong person and should consider a divorce, find a new lover, or live out their remaining days in misery and sullenness.
Why Men Don t Talk
To begin addressing and resolving this seemingly impossible impasse, we must understand why men don t talk. We offer here what we believe are seven of the most common reasons.
1. Men don t talk because they are afraid their thoughts and ideas will be cr