Finding the Right One for You , livre ebook

Harvest House Publishers, Inc. - H. Norman Wright

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119 pages

English

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Finding the Right One for You is rich with guidelines and practical exercises developed by marriage enrichment expert and author of the bestseller Before You Say "I Do" Norm Wright. Designed to help people in the process of dating make the choices that will lead to the kind of marriage they've always longed for, this book is a must for every person involved in or hoping to be involved in a relationship.Those seeking God's direction in their decision will appreciate Norm's straightforward answers to questions such as...How can I know if I'm in love?Where do I find a lifelong partner?How can we know if we're compatible?When should I get out of a bad relationship?How do I recover from a broken relationship?What if I've already been married before?Formerly titled Finding Your Perfect Mate

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Publié par	Harvest House Publishers, Inc.
Date de parution	01 avril 2008
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9780736932622
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0646€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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Except where otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations in this book are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. The NIV and New International Version trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society.
Verses marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
Verses marked AMP are taken from The Amplified Bible, Old Testament, Copyright 1965 and 1987 by The Zondervan Corporation, and from The Amplified New Testament, Copyright 1954, 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
Verses marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible, Copyright 1971 owned by assignment by Illinois Regional Bank N.A. (as trustee). Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
Verses marked RSVB are taken from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible. Copyright 1946, 1952, 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. Used by permission.
Verses marked KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.
Cover by Dugan Design Group, Bloomington, Minnesota
Cover photo Rubberball photography / Veer
FINDING THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU
Copyright 1995 by Harvest House Publishers Eugene, Oregon 97402 www.harvesthousepublishers.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Wright, H. Norman.
[Finding your perfect mate]
Finding the right one for you / H. Norman Wright.
p. cm.
Originally published: Finding your perfect mate, c1995.
ISBN-13: 978-0-7369-2143-5
ISBN-10: 0-7369-2143-5
1. Mate selection-Religious aspects-Christianity. 2. Man-woman relationships-Religious aspects-Christianity. 3. Interpersonal relations-Religious aspects-Christianity. I. Title.
HQ801.W84 2008
248.8 4-dc22
2007034930
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other-except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.
Printed in the United States of America
08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 / BP-SK / 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Contents
1. Marriage-Is It the Answer for You?
2. I m Afraid of a Relationship.
3. If You Haven t Recovered-Wait!
4. Why Aren t I Married Now, and What Can I Do About It?
5. Where Do I Meet Them, and What Do I Say?
6. Relationships: Short-term, Long-term, and None
7. How Do I Know If I m in Love?
8. Counterfeit Love Styles
9. When You re Dating the Wrong Person- How to Get Out of a Relationship
10. Are We Compatible?
11. The Second Time Around
Appendix A-Interview Questions for New Relationships
Appendix B-Premarital Resources
Notes
Other Great Harvest House Books by H. Norman Wright
101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged
Before You Say I Do
After You Say I Do
1
MARRIAGE-IS IT THE ANSWER FOR YOU?
T wo months out of college and a month away from graduate school, I took the plunge. I got married. Twenty-two years of being single came to an end, and I really looked forward to marriage. But did I actually know what to expect? No. Did I know how to function as a husband? Not really. So you could say I wasn t fully prepared for what I encountered. But I began to learn and grow.
Marriage. You want to be married or you wouldn t be reading this book. In fact, you re looking for that special someone who will be a wonderful companion, meet all of your needs, and totally complete you. But you re not going to find such a person! Every person you find will be flawed. But that s all right. All marriages begin with that condition. Keep searching, but realize that even with the best match you find, you won t really be 100 percent compatible in the beginning. However, you can become compatible. Plan on that as a major marriage goal for the first five to ten years. That s what it takes if you work at it. If you don t, you may never learn to mesh together. That s alarming, isn t it? I want you to be alarmed! I want you to be aware of what it takes to be married and to make it a fulfilling experience for you. Let s think about you and marriage for a while.
If you re considering marriage, you must have some hopes and dreams about it. Exactly what are you hoping marriage will do for you? When I worked with a number of college departments and singles groups in churches, I asked this question: What will you get out of marriage that you wouldn t get if you were to remain single? It s a question to think about, pray about, and discuss with a trusted friend or several married couples for realistic clarification. Please notice the word realistic!
What Happens When You Marry
When you marry, you and your spouse will experience a momentous head-on collision if you expect to continue life as you now know it in your marriage. Each of you will need to do some housecleaning and abandon your world as you know it now, so you can form a new life and a new culture. Most of us aren t expecting that drastic a transition. But you re not marrying a clone who thinks, acts, and does things just like you. So who gives in, changes, and adapts? Which way is best? You ll have to discover that together. It s so much easier to confront as many of these issues as possible before you marry, rather than be devastated and disillusioned by them after the wedding. As one man said, Marriage is not a 50-50 proposition. It s more like a 90-10 relationship. Sometimes you give 90, and sometimes you get 90. But don t keep score.
Getting married will change your dating relationship. All of the conscious and unconscious expectations you brought with you will now be tested, and some will be found wanting. The marriage itself acts as a trigger to unleash the underlying hopes, fears, needs, and desires that have been lying dormant for years, awaiting the time they could be exposed.
If you question whether or not getting married brings about significant changes, think about this. In a major national survey of what happened during the first year of marriage, 50 to 60 percent of newlyweds (and half of them had lived together prior to marriage) reported:
The number of arguments they had changed after they were married.
Their tendency to be critical of one another changed (most were more critical).
Their feelings of self-confidence changed.
Their relationship with their own family changed.
Their attitude toward their work changed.
Their interest in having an attractive home changed. 1
In addition, between 40 and 50 percent said they had occasional doubts whether their marriage would last, had significant marital problems, and reported discovering that being married was harder than they ever thought it would be. 2
This same survey found a disturbing and sobering fact that could be very beneficial for those planning to marry. There were as many regrets about the first year of marriage as people who have been married. Almost everyone wished they had done something differently. The most frequently mentioned factor concerned developing goals and specifying their needs before marriage. They wished they had assumed more responsibility for the success of the relationship. 3
Of those in this survey who divorced, all of them said the problems began at the beginning of their marriage, but many denied or ignored the problems until it was too late. 4
Sounds overwhelming and almost impossible, doesn t it? Well, on your own it is. I don t know how couples ever work it out without learning to submit to God. Claire Cloninger, in her book When the Glass Slipper Doesn t Fit and the Silver Spoon Is in Someone Else s Mouth, described the miracle of marriage extremely well:
I figure that the degree of difficulty in combining two lives ranks somewhere between rerouting a hurricane and finding a parking place in downtown Manhattan. I am of the opinion that only God Himself can make a marriage happen really well. And when He does it His way, it s one of His very best miracles. I mean, the Red Sea was good, but for my money this is better. What God can create out of two surrendered lives is infinitely more than we ever dare to ask or imagine. 5
Through Him we can discover how to experience His grace in our marriage. Along with the abandonment of your single lifestyle is the need to abandon yourself to His will and His strength as you proceed through your marriage. There may be days in which no matter how well you prepared for your marriage you may stop and say, This isn t exactly what I expected. Was this the best decision for me? I thought so at that time. When this happens, that s where the depth of realistic love (which is discussed in a later chapter) and commitment will have to sustain your marriage.
In a book of essays on marriage, Mike Mason wrote, Marriage involves a continuous daily renewal of a decision which, since it is of such a staggering order as to be humanly impossible to make, can only be made through the grace of God. 6
The Results of Living Together Before Marriage
What about living together? Many couples feel that s the solution and will prevent divorce. One of the most damaging myths to aid in the destruction of long-term marriage is that living together before marriage will give a couple a better foundation for marriage. In every research study this pattern has been found to be deadly to the marriage relationship. To be blunt, when a couple lives together before marriage they can expect failure. The divorce rate is significantly higher for these couples. To give you a perspective on what happens to such couples, of 100 couples who began living together, 40 of them will break up before marriage. Of the 60 who marry