Bringing Out the Best in Your Wife , livre ebook

Baker Publishing Group - DMin Wright H. Norman

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99 pages

English

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Most "relationship books" are written for women, but women aren't the only ones who want happy, enduring marriages. Bringing Out the Best in Your Wife is written with men in mind, men who want to build satisfying relationships but just aren't sure how. The secret, Dr. H. Norman Wright reveals, is mutual affirmation. But first, husbands have to understand that women receive respect and encouragement differently than men. When husbands discover how to speak the language of love their wives understand, relationships are taken to a whole new level. Dr. Wright lays out biblical and practical ways husbands can bring out the best in their wives. Readers will find firsthand testimonies from men just like them, who share the daily frustrations of living with a person so different from themselves. They may also be surprised by what they learn about women from the personal stories told by wives striving to make their marriages work. Each step toward a healthy, satisfying relationship is presented with a real-life situation that men will find immediately familiar. And as readers take each successive step, they will see the positive impact that encouragement, prayer, romance, and inspiration have on the marriage they've always wanted.

Informations

Publié par	Baker Publishing Group
Date de parution	01 avril 2010
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781441267665
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0432€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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Bringing Out the Best in Your Wife

© 2010 H. Norman Wright
Published by Bethany House Publishers 11400 Hampshire Avenue South Bloomington, Minnesota 55438 www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan. www.bakerpublishinggroup.com
Bethany House Publishers edition published 2014
ISBN 978-1-4412-6766-5
Previously published by Regal Books
Ebook edition originally created 2013
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version ®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved
Other versions used are:
AMP —Scripture taken from THE AMPLIFIED BIBLE, Old Testament copyright © 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament copyright © 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
KJV — King James Version. Authorized King James Version.
THE MESSAGE— Scripture taken from THE MESSAGE. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson, 1993, 1994, 1995. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
NASB —Scripture taken from the New American Standard Bible , © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
NCV —Scriptures quoted from The Holy Bible, New Century Version , copyright Ó 1987, 1988, 1991 by Word Publishing, Nashville, Tennessee. Used by permission.
NKJV —Scripture taken from the New King James Version . Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Phillips — The New Testament in Modern English , Revised Edition, J. B. Phillips, Translator. © J. B. Phillips 1958, 1960, 1972. Used by permission of Macmillan Publishing Co., Inc., 866 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10022.
RSV —From the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1946, 1952, and 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. Used by permission.
TLB —Scripture quotations marked ( TLB ) are taken from The Living Bible , copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.
Contents
1. Believe in Your Wife
2. Husbands Speak Out
3. Wives Speak Out
4. Understand Your Wife
5. Romancing Your Wife
6. God’s Plan for Husbands
7. Questions Men Ask
8. The Power of a Praying Man
9. Some Concluding Thoughts
Endnotes
From time to time, I’ve asked husbands the question, “If your wife were to change something about herself, what would you like to see changed?” You can just imagine all the different answers I’ve received over the years; they’ve ranged from the most absurd and ridiculous to those that are quite positive and encouraging. Now and then I’ve heard, “Nope. It can’t be done. She’d never change.” Once in a while I’ve heard, “I’d like my wife to value herself more. I’d like her to see herself as God sees her. She has so much potential under the surface. I’d like to see that develop.” Now there’s a great answer! This husband wants his wife to become the best she can be. Is it possible? Yes! Can she do it on her own? No! Can you, as a husband, change your wife? Yes and no! You can’t do it for her or force it to happen. But you can encourage change to happen. You have more influence on and power over change than you can imagine.
The bottom line is this: What you believe about your wife will determine what she becomes. When Ephesians 5:25 states that a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church (to love her sacrificially), it also means he’s her cheerleader.
Every husband is given a power that can bring about change, growth and the fulfillment of potential in his wife. There’s so much truth to these words:

No matter how beautiful a woman is, she will struggle with not liking something about herself. No matter how confident a woman seems, insecurities still haunt her at times. No matter how fulfilled a woman is in her calling in life, there will always be a part of her that wonders if she measures up. Some women struggle more than others, but all women long to be affirmed, appreciated and admired. Other than God, there’s no one who can do more to build a woman’s self-esteem than her husband. Your wife is in the process of becoming what you think of her! 1

When a wife tells her husband, “Thank you for believing in me,” her husband is fulfilling his calling.
Have you heard those words from your wife? Does she ever turn to you and say, “Thank you for bringing out the best in me”? Does she say, “It’s your encouragement that makes my life different”? Read what these wives say about how their husbands bring out the best in them:

He appreciates me! He tells me often how much I mean to him, and he thanks me for things I do for him. He compliments me in front of other people, especially in front of our children; when he does that I feel valued and loved. He believes in me! He validates my dreams—and believes I can do whatever God has called me to do. He never trivializes my role as a woman—but treats me as a true equal.
He believes in me. Shows compassion. Uses humor to defuse a disagreement. Is not afraid to admit he is wrong. Compliments me often. Likes my cooking. Talks to me. Listens to me. Makes me feel important. He would even watch a chick flick with me. He keeps himself healthy and looking good. Takes dancing lessons with me and then takes me dancing. Brings me flowers. Leaves me notes in my snack bag.
My husband is a wonderful listener. He has learned over the years that the way I process problems is by “fleshing them out” out loud—or talking them through. It helps just to have his undivided attention, and then the solution will come to me. I don’t necessarily need the problem solved; just an ear.
He truly knows me and wants me to be the best God made me to be. We are so opposite from each other in most things, but we accept each other and don’t try to change one another. He studies me—my needs, my desires, my strengths, weaknesses, joys, sorrows; and he meets those needs whenever and however he is led to. He encourages by words and actions, exhorts where necessary and treats me like I am God’s gift to him. I am free to flourish as the person God made me to be without fear of taking anything away from my husband. I am so grateful!

Not all the responses from wives are positive. Some wives lament the lack of encouragement in their lives. Read some responses from wives who describe what they wish their husbands wouldn’t do:

[I wish he wouldn’t] get angry so easily over things that don’t go his way, or when we disagree about something. He tends to overreact and blow up over the smallest things. It makes him an unsafe person, and I can’t relax and just be myself. I wonder when “Mount Vesuvius” will erupt next. It shuts down communication and damages intimacy and closeness.
Sometimes he gets into his sarcastic “guy talk” mode where everything is a “dig” or a negative comment (because with his years in the military, that is how they communicate). I wish he wouldn’t talk that way to me. It’s hard for him when coming out of that environment to adjust to home.
I really hate it when he dictates to me, like I’m an employee. It makes me feel like I’m stupid. I’m a highly educated woman, yet he can make me feel so stupid. I really hate it when he treats our kids badly. This is an issue with us. He seems to favor one over the other, and it really creates tension for us.
He makes promises and does not follow through. He often gets sidetracked and forgets what he promised me. This hurts my heart. Also he is so prideful when he knows he has hurt my feelings; he would rather wait out my hurt and resentment than come to me and ask forgiveness or talk things out, for he knows I will “get over it.” But what he really does not know is that until it’s resolved, the hurt and resentment are still there.
I wish he wouldn’t walk away to do his thing when I’m in the middle of a conversation with him—for example, he checks emails, phone messages or DVR programs—and then comes back to me and expects to continue where I left off when he decided to leave the room.

Many husbands do try to encourage their wives, and even think they are doing so. But it’s difficult to be an encourager if you don’t understand what encouragement really means.
E NCOURAGEMENT D EFINED
To be an encourager you need to have an attitude of optimism. The American Heritage Dictionary has one of the better definitions of the word “optimist.” It’s a “tendency or disposition to expect the best possible outcome, or to dwell on the most hopeful aspect of a situation.” When this is your attitude or perspective, you’ll be able to encourage others. Encouragement is “to inspire; to continue on a chosen course; to impart courage or confidence.” Think back over the past years. Can you remember practical and specific examples of what you’ve done that would illustrate this definition?
You may think of encouragement as praise and reinforcement, but it’s also much more than that. Praise is limited; it’s a verbal reward. Praise emphasizes competition, has to be earned and is often given for being the best. Encouragement, on the other hand, is freely given. It can involve noticing something in a person that others take for granted, and affirming something that others notice but may never think of mentioning. Bruce Larson shared this experience:

Early one morning, I had to catch a plane from Newark, New