101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Remarried , livre ebook

Harvest House Publishers, Inc. - H. Norman Wright

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Respected Christian counselor H. Norman Wright draws from his extensive experience to help couples establish strong, loving marriages. Whether divorced or widowed, people who marry again face unique challenges. Through 101 questions, Norm helps readers know their own views and understand where they agree and disagree with their future mates on finances, roles, sexuality, children, responsibilities, and previous relationship issues.Couples will work together to: make sure they're ready for a new marriage discover the essentials for successful remarriages clearly communicate personal and family needs establish realistic expectations for their new marriage handle common problems in remarriage: previous partners, in-laws (past and present), merged families, money, sexual issuesThis essential premarriage guide helps couples work through problem areas before they become issues. They will also discover areas of strength and agreement that will help them establish a solid foundation for success.Ideal for couples, study groups, ministers, and counselors.

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Publié par	Harvest House Publishers, Inc.
Date de parution	01 octobre 2012
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9780736949071
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0462€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS
EUGENE, OREGON
Unless indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version , NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011, by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan.
All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Verses marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible , Copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.
Many of the questions to ask before remarrying are similar to questions important for first-time engagements. Some of the questions, discussion points, and insights in this book have been drawn from H. Norman Wright, 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged (Harvest House, 2004).
Cover by Dugan Design Group, Bloomington, Minnesota
Cover photo Monkey Business / Fotolia
101 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU GET REMARRIED
Copyright 2012 by H. Norman Wright
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
www.harvesthousepublishers.com
ISBN 978-0-7369-4906-4 (pbk.)
ISBN 978-0-7369-4907-1 (eBook)
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other-except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.
Contents
Chapter 1
Establishing a Solid Foundation
Chapter 2
Previous Relationships
Chapter 3
101 Questions to Help You Develop Your Relationship
Recommended Reading
Notes
1
Establishing a Solid Foundation
T oday blended families have moved into the majority. Unfortunately, the divorce rate of second marriages is higher than first marriages. Lack of preparation and the abundance of unexpected problems contribute to this problem. 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Remarried is for you if you re contemplating marrying again, whether you are divorced or widowed. It s designed to address significant issues in advance so you can discuss differences in views and styles and establish a solid foundation of harmony before you make that lifetime commitment. This will give you a leg up for finding solutions when differing opinions and conflicts arise. You ll also discover how to better work together to resolve issues and face the world as a couple.
What will you find in this helpful book? A balance between significant and penetrating questions for you to discuss and brief, informative selections of beneficial information. The questions asked in this resource come from my experiences as a Christian counselor to thousands of couples, from conducting many marriage seminars, and from being a widower who is happily married again. Dozens of individuals who have experienced remarriage also contributed questions based on their experiences. Contemplating these questions and talking through your answers will hopefully help you create a relationship that will stand the test of time.
Here are some realistic expectations to consider if you re in a serious romantic relationship and thinking about getting married.
You can expect your second marriage to be successful if you dig in and work for the long haul.
The new marriage will be tougher than a first marriage. It will be complicated, exasperating, and tiring at times.
You can expect a slow building process.
You can expect some old scripts at times, but you are also writing a new script every day.
You can expect to want to run from it every now and then-but you won t.
You will be able to solve the problems that often cause a run or rust mentality in second marriages.
You can expect this marriage to be different because you ve learned many things from your previous marriage and how it ended.
You will be asked many questions in this book. You may feel some are repetitive. They are, and there s a purpose for that. The second time you see a question, your answer may be different because of the context or wording. This will help you dig a little deeper into your thoughts and expectations. Also, some of your ideas and thoughts will change as you work through this book and consider your views and your partner s views.
Can Romance Survive Practical Questions?
So often we get caught up in our emotions and how wonderful it feels to have someone next to us when we attend events, travel, watch television, and go to church. Time together can be so exciting that we overlook how much we don t know about the person. And sometimes we don t even realize how much we don t know.
Even though time is valuable, spending it now to really get to know your potential life mate will do one of two things. It might save you from a lot of heartache and misery if you discover there are some values you can t work out or idiosyncrasies you don t want to live with. Or discussing these questions now will solidify your relationship, improve your communication, and help ease you over difficult spots when they arise because you ve already covered them.
During my many years of being a Christian counselor, I ve heard so many people say, The person I married was not the same one I dated or honeymooned with. It s as though he (or she) changed overnight. What happened? The answer is simple. The person asking the question married a stranger. There was either courtship deception, na vet , not enough questions asked, marrying for the wrong reason, or marrying too soon. Here s a good illustration.
Let s assume you have sufficient money to purchase a new car. You go to the auto mall where there are 16 dealerships. The lots are filled with cars of all makes, models, colors, vintages, and prices. You pull into the lot, park, and stroll over to a great looking car. It s a previously owned model (which means used ). It s been around the block a few times. But you really like the way it looks and smells. You get in, and it s very comfortable. There are a number of fun gadgets, including a GPS.
A salesperson comes up and asks if he can help you. You respond, You sure can! I want to buy this car.
Great. What would you like to know about it?
Know? What s there to know? I saw it. I ve checked it out. I like it. I want it. Let s draw up the paperwork.
I can do that. Do you have any questions about its warranty, performance, estimated mileage, or the GPS? And since it s a recent addition to our inventory, we haven t even put a price on it. Don t you want to know how much it s going to cost?
Not really. All I know is that I want it. And you don t even have to wrap it!
Would you buy a car in this way? It s doubtful. In fact, it s almost ridiculous because you d be going into it blind. So no, of course you d ask questions. It s too big of an investment to not be careful. You don t want to make a costly mistake.
Unfortunately, many people who get engaged do a similar thing. They don t ask enough questions. They like what they see, how they feel, what they enjoy doing, and that s all that counts for the moment. Their hearts flutter, and that s enough, right? After all, asking questions isn t very romantic and they may not like the answers.
The fact is that at some point in time you will discover the answers to the important relationship and lifestyle questions, whether you ask them or not. Asking them before you say I do will help you evaluate your relationship and either save you from heartache or confirm you re heading in the best direction. Having more information gives you a better base for making wise decisions. 1
Yes, asking questions can be awkward and even a bit scary. And if the answers aren t satisfying or raise red flags, it s painful to slow down or end a dating relationship. But it s even more painful to break off an engagement and cancel wedding plans or get into a marriage full of conflicts. Hopefully, the questions and information in this book will help you say, Yes, I really know this person. I feel comfortable in moving ahead or I m glad I asked these questions. Now I won t pursue this relationship. It s time to move on.
Any Red Flags?
How long and how well do you know this person you re considering as a marriage partner? Most of the questions and thoughts in this book have been derived from people who discovered the answers after they were married. They were shocked, dismayed, and some even felt deceived. Many of the questions are direct and blunt so you may feel hesitant to ask them. You may think, I can t ask that! You may worry you might offend your potential life partner. Or you may think, Asking these questions seems so unromantic. Or perhaps you don t want to hear the answers (ignorance does not create bliss).
Remember, you re thinking about marrying this person you re involved with. Few areas should be off-limits. You may feel awkward asking about debt, past romantic relationships, or the difficulties the person has had with his or her children. You may even be worried about answering these types of questions yourself. The truth is that you can ask the questions and discuss the answers now or not ask them and discover the answers later. It s your choice. I believe it s better for you to be in charge of when you find out because, as I said earlier, you will eventually.
Along with the questions offered in this book, you ll find suggestions and helpful guidelines for open discussions and things to watch for gleaned from my counseling practice and people willing to share their stories. Some may sound like warnings or cautions. They are. Now is the time to look for red flags or concerns so you can discuss them, work through them, or, perhaps, decide to slow down or end the relationship. Although it can be very painful to apply the brakes on a relationship, it s even more agonizing to not do it and end up in a rocky marriage.
I ve shared the following story from a friend at my conferences, and people have found it helpful. I believe you ll find it useful too.