Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome , livre ebook

New Harbinger Publications - Cindy Ariel

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116 pages

English

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Publié par	New Harbinger Publications
Date de parution	01 janvier 0001
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781608820795
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0910€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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“Cindy N. Ariel gets it like few people do. With a vision that is steeped in both research and experience, she is able to guide us through the trials, confusion, and treasure of loving someone with Asperger’s syndrome. She does this with open eyes and an open, compassionate heart. This is the kind of guide I wish for everyone who loves someone who is different.”
—Daniel Gottlieb, PhD, psychologist, family therapist, and author of Letters to Sam and The Wisdom of Sam
“Discovering Asperger’s syndrome is a true adventure. But intimate relationships can be complex. Partners most often must learn to reflect, adapt, and compromise for the relationship to succeed. Accepting each partner’s differences and reaching mutual understanding can be a long journey. In her book, Ariel truly captures the essence and uniqueness of an Asperger’s-neurotypical relationship. With her explanations, examples, and exercises, she guides couples toward better communication, quality time, and intimacy. This book will inspire couples to attain a better relationship.”
—Isabelle Hénault, MA, PhD, sexologist, psychologist, and author of Asperger’s Syndrome and Sexuality
“ Loving Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome is a practical and helpful must-have guide for couples as well as therapists! This easy-to-read book includes lots of AS-friendly exercises based on the learning style of individuals with AS. These tools provide concrete activities that can assist couples in working through issues that commonly occur when one partner has Asperger’s.”
—Diane Adreon, PhD, associate director of the University of Miami Center for Autism and coauthor of Asperger Syndrome and Adolescence
“An informative and practical book that couples will enjoy reading to achieve greater mutual understanding and acquire strategies to enhance their relationship. This book will encourage realistic hope for the future and help partners rediscover and reinforce the deep love that can be felt for someone with Asperger’s syndrome.
—Tony Attwood, PhD, author of The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome
“Kudos to Cindy N. Ariel! While her new book, Loving Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome , will be widely used by partners, its potential for use by professionals who are therapists and counselors is remarkable. The exercises help each of the two parties conceptualize what the other is thinking in a blameless, constructive manner so as to support change and adaptation. I fully plan to use this book in my university teaching programs for upcoming social workers.”
—Dena L. Gassner, LMSW, owner/director of the Center for Understanding in Nashville, TN, and contributing author to Scholars with Autism
Understanding and Connecting with Your Partner
Cindy N. Ariel
New Harbinger Publications, Inc. -->
Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2012 by Cindy N. Ariel
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
Cover design by Amy Shoup; Text design by Tracy Marie Carlson; Acquired by Melissa Kirk; Edited by Nelda Street
All Rights Reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Ariel, Cindy N.
Loving someone with Asperger’s syndrome : understanding and connecting with your partner / Cindy N. Ariel ; foreword by Stephen Shore.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-60882-077-1 (pbk.) -- ISBN 978-1-60882-078-8 (pdf e-book) -- ISBN 978-1-60882-079-5 (epub)
1. Asperger’s syndrome--Patients--Family relationships. 2. Spouses. I. Title.
RC553.A88A4878 2012
616.85’8832--dc23
2011039767
To my partner, Robert, and to the gifts of our relationship:
Kara and Zoë
Contents
Foreword
Acknowledgments
Introduction
1. Asperger’s Syndrome
2. Asperger’s Syndrome and Relationships
3. Embracing Differences
4. The Heart of Your Relationship
5. Meeting Your Needs
6. Dealing with Anger
7. Communication That Works
8. An Emotional Connection
9. Sex and Intimacy
10. Parenting Together
11. Co-existing Conditions
12. Irreconcilable Differences
13. Choosing to Stay
14. Toward a New Partnership
Helpful Resources
References
Foreword
Intimate relationships can be complex and require a lot of ongoing work, especially for someone with Asperger’s syndrome (AS)—as I, a person with AS, can certainly attest. I wish Cindy Ariel’s book had existed during the early days of my marriage, because this resource has given the autism community a valuable tool that can bring great insight to all who wish to learn more about what relationships are like for people who have AS.
From the beginning, Dr. Ariel’s accurate descriptions of Asperger’s syndrome are extensive enough to replace such myths as the idea that people with AS are unemotional and unfeeling with the understanding that they are merely different and, therefore, are not a collection of deficits in need of remediation.
The initial pages draw readers to answer simple yet meaningful questions to help them gain greater insight concerning their partners on the autism spectrum. You will find pearls of wisdom throughout this book, as well as worksheets that lead to practical solutions for addressing issues and misunderstandings related to AS differences, such as perceived lack of empathy and possible resulting feelings of loneliness in the nonspectrum partner. The beauty of these worksheets is that they help non-AS partners get to the core of verbalizing how their AS partners’ different behaviors make them feel, how this affects the relationship, and how the two, often very different, viewpoints are really just alternate sides of the same proverbial coin. Additionally, the sample exercises quantitatively and qualitatively help guide partners, both on and off the autism spectrum, in formulating their responses.
Another unusual and welcome aspect of this book is that both relationship partners can use it, working together to mutually understand one another. For example, the reframing exercises, in which each partner describes a behavior that is challenging to the relationship, can be an excellent tool for considering the real reason why a partner might give a monologue on a subject of special interest or offer extremely restricted restaurant choices. Whereas most people outside the autism spectrum may consider food to be the most important aspect in selecting a restaurant, perhaps for people with AS, the most important factor may be avoidance of fluorescent lights, which appear to them to mimic strobe lights. Such reframing exercises, for example, would have been a great time-saver in helping my wife and me come to a mutual understanding about why some restaurants were just intolerable for me to eat at with her or anyone else.
Yet another of the many exercises explores the reasons why you may have fallen in love with your partner, by examining where initial attractions originate and whether these aspects are still working for you in your relationship. This process can provide valuable insights to all couples who may have drifted apart over time and wish to examine what brought them together in the first place.
Additional important aspects of relationships explored include identifying and ranking respective needs on a scale from 1 to 10 to determine relative importance, which is something everyone can understand, whether or not Asperger’s syndrome is a factor. Most of all, this work masterfully enables couples to identify, verbalize, and communicate their wishes, desires, fears, and needs in a way that both partners can understand, process, and do something about. Although I wish that this resource had been available during the first two decades of my marriage, I feel fortunate to benefit from it now and feel that it will be very helpful to many readers.
With its greater understanding of the AS partner, this book introduces the reader to easy-to-implement approaches and techniques that employ the AS partner’s strengths rather than attempt to make him into something he is not. Some of these tools and concepts include tried-and-true approaches, such as using visual schedules and rating scales, preparing for transitions, being mindful of the importance of predictability, and making changes to routines one small step at a time—methods that can be very successful when adult versions are used.
Finally, while this book is about keeping couples together in a healthy manner, useful and comforting material is included for when you must make the decision to end your relationship, and how to do so as fairly and ethically as possible.
This book has the rare ability to act as an ambassador between people with Asperger’s syndrome and people who are not on the autism spectrum. Cindy Ariel’s work represents a giant leap forward in developing greater understanding in not only couples involving an AS partner but also people of all types who are engaged in intimate relationships. Throughout its pages, this book provides both partners in a couple greater understanding of the differences in the way people with AS perceive the environment, process information, and express themselves. Given the interactive nature of this book, all who want to learn more about improving intimate relationships with people on the autism spectrum should find it to be a valuable resource.
—Stephen M. Shore, EdD Assistant Professor of Special Education, Adelphi University Internationally known author, consultant, and presenter on issues related to autism
Acknowledgments
My father, Carl H. Cohen (Todd), always believed that I would write a book someday. My mother, Lillian, lay dying over severa