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Austin Macauley Publishers LLC - William Smoothwater

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80 pages

English

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A Testament to My Ego is a thoughtful reflection on a part of the author's life. While everything appears to be cruising along just fine, the author finds and endures hardships, trauma, social isolation, and various forms of penetrating abuse. Through it all, he never loses sight of the fact that this life is 'one worth living' and believes we should all do our best to wake up to another day, and give the world our very best selves, no matter how dire the situation. If you, the reader, can take anything away from this book, it is that you can succeed at being more than what you ever thought possible. There's no reinvention of the wheel here, but it's raw, it's gutsy, and if you think your emotions have been deadened by the harshness of Western society, you should think again.

Informations

Publié par	Austin Macauley Publishers LLC
Date de parution	28 mai 2021
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781645757573
Langue	English
Poids de l'ouvrage	1 Mo

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0175€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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A T estament to M y E go
William Smoothwater
Austin Macauley Publishers
2021-05-28
A Testament to My Ego About the Author Dedication Copyright Information © Acknowledgment Introduction Chapter 1: The Blackjack Dealer Chapter 2: The Home Developer/Laborer Chapter 3: The Counselor/Therapist Chapter 4: The Understudy to a Best-Selling Author (Marshall Goldsmith) Chapter 5: The Shuttle Driver Chapter 6: The Courier/Delivery Guy Chapter 7: Hospitalization Number One Chapter 8: Trips to Las Vegas (Lost Wages) Chapter 9: Dr. Lanny Sheepshank Chapter 10: Hospitalization Number Two and Anti-Psychotic Medication Chapter 11: Meeting Cory Wesrfield Chapter 12: A Word About Gambling Chapter 13: You Can Do More, You Can Be Your Best
About the Author
William Smoothwater is based out of Burlington, Ontario, Canada. He enjoys storytelling and helping people realize they can become their best possible self with the help of others and a firm belief in the core self.
Dedication
For my daughter, Jessica. You light my way!
Copyright Information ©
William Smoothwater (2021)
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher.
Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
Ordering Information
Quantity sales: Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the publisher at the address below.
Publisher’s Cataloging-in-Publication data
Smoothwater, William
A Testament to My Ego
ISBN 9781645757566 (Paperback)
ISBN 9781645757559 (Hardback)
ISBN 9781645757573 (ePub e-book)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2020919791
www.austinmacauley.com/us
First Published (2021)
Austin Macauley Publishers LLC
40 Wall Street, 33rd Floor, Suite 3302
New York, NY 10005
USA
mail-usa@austinmacauley.com
+1 (646) 5125767
Acknowledgment
I would like to thank my parents, immediate family, friends, and anyone else who has touched my life through conversation, or in passing.
Introduction
I was the blackjack dealer, I was the courier/delivery guy, I was the home developer, I was the shuttle driver, I was the counselor/therapist and I was even the assistant/helper to a world-renowned executive coach and best-selling author, Marshall Goldsmith.
And you know what? Despite all my many and various occupational identities, I wasn’t happy, and I was on the downward spiral into depression, suicidal ideation and beyond toxic negativity, self-blame, and critical judgment cast toward the self.
This was a dilemma. I felt my insides rotting away. I experienced horrendous neuroinflammation (a chronically dangerous brain condition) that debilitates the individual and psychologically cripples them into a cell or room where the only thing that is desired is rest, quiet, and no contact with the outside world.
A sad state-of-affairs for me, with, in my mind, zero glimmer of hope in sight.
So, what did I do? How did I respond? How did I reach for and search for happiness again in the middle of a terrible storm? How was I going to maximize my potential and be the very best me every day I woke up and got out of bed?
To get to these answers and hopefully help you have a bit better of a life through my story, I need to share with you some of the things I have done in my life for a living, a glimpse of some of my life experiences, and what the experiences taught me and how this has all been a part of my story of me becoming who I am today and why I’m proud of that person.
Please, let us not delay. Let me share some of my life with you so that you may, maybe, take some value away, avoid some of my mistakes and live a healthy prosperous life where you put yourself first while believing in your dreams and that you may become the very best you where you are free from emotional poison and various other interactive negativities.
Be your best!
Chapter 1

The Blackjack Dealer
Being a blackjack dealer is a tough proposition. The job entails a rotating shift (much like a nurse) where you are expected to work mornings (sunrise shift), days (swing shift) and nights (graveyard shift) to accommodate the casino and its management and owners. Of course, yes, you get paid for following their policies and rules; and the pay isn’t that bad when you factor in tips by customers but it’s not necessarily an enviable job and it quickly begins to take its toll on you.
Here’s why or how come:
You have to stand all shift: While you do get a break every hour on the hour you still have to stand in a stationary position for an hour and deal the cards and, for the most part, listen to the grief, anger, and sadness of the customers. Yes, you can shift your weight whenever you want but ultimately you must stand in that stationary position and deal the cards. This reality wreaks havoc on your knees, back (upper and lower), and your neck. It ain’t pretty!
Taking abuse from the supervisors: The supervisors behind you are standing all shift too and they can definitely get themselves crinkled up into quite the nasty mood. On occasion, and again depending on their mood, they may try and get you into trouble or reprimand you for no apparent reason at all except for the fact that they have an impulsive hankering to punish. Yes, they wield their minuscule power over you and dole out a good tongue lashing whenever they deem necessary.
Taking abuse from the customers: This is even worse than taking it from the supervisors or pit bosses because typically the customers are losing their money and they aren’t really that happy about it to be perfectly candid with you. It isn’t uncommon for a random customer to slam their fist down on the table when they lose perhaps a 5 th consecutive or 10 th consecutive hand in a row. The transference of anger/grief/sadness comes through the fist on the table and it’s exceedingly hard as the dealer to not absorb the emotion even if you are doing your best to avoid the sandbags. Customers can also be particularly unkind with their words toward you and they do their best to make you feel worth about as much as a pile of dirt. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself tearful or crying on the drive home. Get it all out of your system in as healthy way as possible (yell or scream if necessary), get home, and get as much solid sleep as you can.
It messes with your sleep: Nurses, doctors, and all hospital staff know this; it’s a rotating shift every couple of weeks and you have to change yourself around on the fly and take the psychological and physiological lumps as they come. Heart palpitations. Perhaps a mild arrhythmia. Headaches. Stomach aches. Gas and digestive problems. Again, it ain’t pretty and your body and mind pay the price after periods of time. While some people may scoff at this reality and say, “Suck it up!” This job isn’t for the timid or faint of heart. Carry your battle-ax to work, wear your heart on your sleeve, and give the customers everything you’ve got.
Listen, the reasons mentioned above are not meant to turn you off. Every job you ever encounter will have its drawbacks. But this is not to say that working at the casino as a dealer is all bad because it’s not. You get benefits. You get a working wage plus tips which work out to over twenty dollars per hour. From time to time, customers are in a really good mood, they’re winning, and the tips are huge. You actually get to develop a brief relationship with the customer and have some laughs. Again, it’s not all bad and I guess it depends on your perspective and how you are going about your shift in your mind. Some dealers think a lot of happy thoughts. They sing. They do a little dance. They tell a joke. People laugh, connect and I guess you could say that supposedly it’s all good. But the reality in the casino is that people are usually losing a fairly substantial amount of money and you can’t help but sense there is an overall negative vibe in the atmosphere or environment. Sometimes you want to puke and there’s no joking about it.
Bottom line with this all said, I was unhappy. I felt completely unfulfilled and felt as if I were capable of doing so much more with my life. So, it may not surprise you to learn I quit this job in a fairly short period of time (roughly five months) and left for the U.S. with my wife at the time. I believed that San Diego, California, had a higher calling for me, and I’d certainly live my life to the fullest there. But before I’d even breathe a breath of my life there, I want to share a little more with you about other jobs I’ve had, what they taught me and why, ultimately, I have always been reaching for more.
Chapter 2

The Home Developer/Laborer
I barely graduated high school and I had no idea what to do next. My father and mother had just sold their extremely successful electronics business and my father didn’t want to twiddle his thumbs. Surprisingly, he came to me with a proposition.
“Hey, Son,” he said, “do you want to build a home with me?” I didn’t know at the time but this home he spoke of would eventually become my parent’s dream home where they continue to live to this day.
I’ll save you the suspense, I’m not the one with the master plan. I’m not the one who understands the engineering or technical aspects/details of a project. I don’t understand the blueprints and I don’t have a clue about all the drawings and what means what. When all these realities are true, it means if you plan to help undertake the project, you are the laborer and that’s exactly what I would become after graduating high sc