So Now You’re a Widow , livre ebook

Outskirts Press - Bonnie Merryfield

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166 pages

English

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This warm, conversational, easily digestible book is for widows-women over 50 who are beginning new lives without their husbands. In So Now You're a Widow, the author and the 34 women she interviewed share what they wish they had known when they became widowed. As one of the women commented, "People tell you how to decorate your home, drive a car, train your dog, and plan a wedding, but no one tells you how to be a widow." The women frankly share their advice and experiences on 26 topics, including: finding your inner strength, the one-size-does-not-fit-all grieving process, dealing with social invitations, changes in family dynamics, handling finances, choosing how you're going to live your life, plus, a journal section at the end of each chapter allows the reader to personalize what she has read and to gain insight into how she's dealing with her situation. The women who contributed to this book care deeply about other widowed women and want them to understand that what they are experiencing is normal and has been experienced in one form or another by others. You are not alone!

Sujets

Vie de famille

Soutien psychologique et conseils familiaux

Fracture familiale

Inspiration

personal Growth

Informations

Publié par	Outskirts Press
Date de parution	21 novembre 2019
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781977221902
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0500€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

So Now You’re a Widow Tips, Advice, and Stories from Widows to Widows All Rights Reserved. Copyright © 2020 Bonnie Merryfield v3.0
The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this book.
This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Outskirts Press, Inc. http://www.outskirtspress.com
ISBN: 978-1-9772-2190-2
Cover Photo © 2020 www.gettyimages.com . All rights reserved - used with permission.
Outskirts Press and the "OP" logo are trademarks belonging to Outskirts Press, Inc.
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Your Source of Inner Strength
You Don’t Have to Go Through This Alone
Chapter 2: Grieving
" It Will Come in Waves, but Eventually, the Waves Become Further Apart."
Chapter 3: Love and Memories
They’ll Always Be There Even If He Isn’t
Chapter 4: Signs
Are You Open to Signs That He’s Still Watching Over You?
Chapter 5: Dealing with Regrets
Don’t Obsess Over What You Can’t Change
Chapter 6: Family Dynamics
Realize There May Be Changes
Chapter 7: Dealing with Others’ Concern
When in Doubt, a Simple "Thank You" Will Suffice
Chapter 8: Choosing How You’ll Live Your Life
You Have More Power Than You Realize
Chapter 9: Taking Care of Yourself
No One Is There to Catch You If You Fall!
Chapter 10: Pets in Your New Life
Never Underestimate the Power of a Purr
Chapter 11: The Year of "Firsts"
Time Goes On, and You Can, Too
Chapter 12: Paying the Bills & Dealing with Finances
" There Has to Be an Easier Way to Do This!"
Chapter 13: Making Decisions
" Are You Going to Sell the House?" "What About That Leaking Roof?"
Chapter 14: Cooking & Eating for One
(In a Pinch, There’s Always Peanut Butter & Jelly)
Chapter 15: Cleaning House
" What Am I Going to Do With All His Stuff?"
Chapter 16: Household Chores
Use Your Ingenuity to Get Things Done
Chapter 17: The Bedroom
Sleeping Habits, Sheets, & That Empty Side
Chapter 18: Be Prepared
It Will Make Your Life So Much Easier
Chapter 19: Social Invitations
Think Before Declining Them
Chapter 20: It’s a Couples’ World
Staying Connected With Married Friends When You’re No Longer a Couple
Chapter 21: Dating
" I Have Someone I Want You to Meet" Oh Oh!
Chapter 22: The "Widow’s Run"
" I’ve Got to Get Out of Here NOW!"
Chapter 23: Playing the "Widow’s Card"
Use Sparingly & Only When Absolutely Necessary!
Chapter 24: Filling Your Time
There’s a Big World Out There
Chapter 25: Surprise Packages
(Who Would Have Thought…)
Chapter 26: Finding Peace & Joy
Yes, It Really Is Within Your Grasp
Information for the Reader on the Women Quoted
Dedication
To my husband, Peter:
My greatest joy in life was being your wife. This book is for you, sweetheart. You always gave me the confidence to pursue whatever goal I wanted to reach. Your encouragement was felt throughout the writing of this book, and I hope I made you proud. I’ll love you always. Keep those signs that you’re still watching over us coming!
Acknowledgments
To my family and friends, especially my treasured girlfriends (the best support system in the world!) You never lost faith that I would successfully accomplish this project. You patiently listened to me discuss my book when someone asked about it, even after hearing me passionately describe its contents too many times to count!
To Susan Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading and critiquing the chapters as I finished writing them. You’re my hero. You’re a warrior, Susan, fighting your cancer while supporting your husband in his own battle with the disease. I’m so blessed to have you in my life, my friend.
To Joleen You were my first interview. Thank you for your insights and honesty and for helping me fine-tune my interviewing technique!
To Karoleen Your suggestion to add the journal section at the end of each chapter was the frosting on the cake!
To Ira and Scott, my "Techwise" computer techs Thank you for always taking the time to patiently answer and explain my computer questions. I couldn’t have done this without you!
To Riley and Murphy, my precious cats Thank you for insisting I take much-needed breaks from my writing for petting, treats, and playtime. You knew I needed those breaks even when I didn’t. You’re a constant source of joy and comfort to me!
Last, but not least The biggest "thank you" to the women I interviewed who shared their wisdom and opened their hearts to help others. This is your book as much as it is mine. Our in-depth interviews included tears and laughter, and through it all we paid tribute to our husbands with what we were accomplishing. Bless you all.
Introduction
When we recited our marriage vows, we were too caught up in the excitement of the moment to give even a fleeting thought as to how our lives would change if "’til death do us part" became a reality. And then the unthinkable happened. Our husband’s death either occurred suddenly or was somehow expected due to health issues. You’ll hear well-meaning people say one way is "better" than the other, but I don’t agree with that statement. Suddenly or expected, death is death. The men we loved and shared our lives with are gone either way, and we’ve become widowed.
We’ve met with the funeral home and ordered the urn or casket, prayer cards, copies of death certificates, condolence books for signing, and thank-you cards. We’ve written or proofed the obituary and may have been surprised at the cost to have it printed in the newspaper. We’ve planned and carried out the funeral and arranged for a casual or formal reception following the service. We’ve been consoled by family and friends and were grateful for their support; we’ve even consoled others who were grieving our loss. However, at some point, we find ourselves alone, and our new lives as widowed women have begun.
For years, I had subconsciously watched family members and friends who had been widowed, having no idea at the time how much this would help me when I eventually found myself in their position. I am truly fortunate to have these women as my role models.
There was so much I didn’t know when I was widowed, so much I thought I was the only one experiencing, and that’s why I decided to write this book. Women who have been recently widowed, or even those who have been widowed for a time, need to know everything they’re experiencing is normal and has been experienced in one form or another by other women.
When I contacted the thirty-four women who contributed to this book and asked them to participate, all were thrilled to share what they felt other widowed women needed to know. They said there was so much they hadn’t known or anticipated and wanted to ease the way for others.
This book is the work of a community of widowed women, and while none of us aspired to be part of it, we hope you’ll find the experiences we’re sharing to be helpful. We may not be with you physically, but imagine yourself sitting in a cozy room surrounded by caring women who want to share with you what they’ve learned.
So Now You’re a Widow…Tips, Advice, and Stories from Widows to Widows is intended primarily for widowed women over the age of fifty, although much will apply to those of all ages. Each chapter contains tips, advice, and stories from widowed women in that age group.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, nearly 700,000 women lose their husbands each year, and one-half of these women have been widowed by age sixty-five; the 2017 Statista Portal of Statistics, using 22,500 different sources, found the U.S. was home to approximately 11.64 million widows.
However, behind the impersonal statistics are real women, with real-life stories, among them the women who eagerly have agreed to share with you what they’ve learned or experienced. The thirty-four women interviewed had so much they wanted to contribute that interviews averaged three hours. We may not cover everything you feel you need to know, but every woman reading this book will find something she can relate to, something that will assist, motivate, comfort, or reassure her.
This isn’t a book that you need to read from beginning to end. Glance at the titles and subtitles of the chapters. Choose the chapter that interests you, and decide when you feel up to reading all or even part of it. After each chapter’s introduction, you’ll hear from the women interviewed.
You’ll notice I’ve referred to those about to be quoted as "women who have been widowed" instead of "the widows." There’s a specific reason for that. Being a widow is part of who they are, but it’s not their entire identity. They’re still the multifaceted women they were before the heartbreak of losing a husband certainly a life-changing experience, but one that has contributed to making them the strong women they are. There are commonalities in what they have to say but also opinions and experiences as unique as each woman. Their quotes have not been edited because I wanted to capture the purity and honesty of their responses to questions which centered on my chapter topics.
As you read their comments, you’ll notice, occasionally, that some of the women have less to say on a topic than others. I included the shorter responses since in any discussion with many women and remember, you want to imagine yourself sitting in a cozy room with a group of caring women there are those who sometimes have a lot to say and others who don’t. Those shorter comments are every bit as important as the longer ones in allowing you to experience various viewpoints and experiences