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94 pages

English

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Adnan wants to build an in-law apartment for Sherrie’s mother to live in. Sherrie wants no more mortgage debt. For vacation, Laura wants to hike Mount Katahdin to scatter her father’s ashes and to lose baby-belly-weight. Caleb, her husband, wants to rest on Martha’s Vineyard to recover from his exhausting work as environmental field engineer. You’ll read many real life vignettes while learning the SEVEN VISUAL STEPS which are engaging, sometimes hilarious and always instructive. Knowledge Empowers. “For over 30 years I have been sending couples who desire divorce mediation, but who are in various stages of confusion and ambivalence, to Janet Miller Wiseman, as decision-making mediator, so she can help them decide the future directions of their marriages. After another successful result, I asked her what she did when I send people to her. “We discover when they need a divorce or something more fundamental. When a divorce is what is needed, I send them back to you for divorce mediation” was her wise reply. —John Adams Fiske, Attorney, Cambridge, MA. “In the case of Bill and Sally, in the book, we were able to provide knowledge and clarity for the parties in the framework of the Seven Visual Steps, thereby addressing their deepest fears, and allowing them to reach mutually agreeable terms. Janet’s book should be read by everyone searching for a tried and true method of negotiation and decision-making.” —Chris Chen, CDFA, CFP, Insight Financial Strategists, Arlington, MA.

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Self-help

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Publié par	Outskirts Press
Date de parution	26 août 2016
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781478781905
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0500€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this book.

Seven Visual Steps to Yes
Difficult Decisions, Mediations and Negotiations Made Easier
All Rights Reserved.
Copyright © 2016 Janet Miller Wiseman LICSW, Certified Family and Divorce Mediator
v7.0

Cover Photo © 2016 thinkstockphotos.com. All rights reserved - used with permission.

This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-4787-8190-5

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PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Dedications
John Adams Fiske, Attorney,
for you to know what I do after you refer couples to me.
To Kathryn A. George and Marilyn Booth-King,
special friends and colleagues who help me with my work and life.
To Todd, Melissa, Andrew, and Tucker Wiseman,
my precious family.
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1: Did You Say You Have a Conflict?
Chapter 2: Adnan and Sherrie Expand the Pie from Negotiation of an In-Law Apartment
Chapter 3: Laura and Caleb’s Vacation Dilemma: The Mountains or the Shore
Chapter 4: What the Heck Are “Supposals” and “Proposals”?
Chapter 5: Sophie and Seth Work toward a Creative Separation
Chapter 6: Anne and Sam“We Are Going to Kill One Another If We Don’t Separate Immediately”
Chapter 7: The Importance of Step II: Bottom-Line Basic Human Needs
Chapter 8: “Compromise” Does Not Belong in the Seven Visual Steps to Yes
Chapter 9: “I’m Pregnant … and …”
Chapter 10: “She’s Not Pregnant … but …”
Chapter 11: Bill and Sally’s Divorce: Sally Wants Not to Be a Bag Lady; Bill Wants a Fair Share
Chapter 12: Mediation versus Negotiation
Chapter 13: Negotiating the Impossible Vacation Agenda
Chapter 14: Baseball or Violin for Marco?
Chapter 15: The Seven Visual Steps: Skeleton and Muscle
Chapter 16: Can We Afford a Garage and a Vacation?
Chapter 17: The Importance of Being Earnest When Using the 1-5 Rating Systems
Chapter 18: Origins of the Seven Visual Steps to Yes
Afterword
Acknowledgments
Index I
Index II
Bibliography
Prologue
I’m going to tell you a story. It was April 15, 2013, the day of the bombing at the Boston Marathon finish line. There was a stunned, upsetting, eerie feelin g in the air that continued on April 16 when the police were searching for the alleged bomber. Bostonians and those of us in the suburbs were “locked down”, told to stay inside our homes while the search was on. Eventually, a man in Watertown, Massachusetts, who had stepped out onto his front porch, noticed the plastic covering on his boat had been disturbed. Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, a Chechnyan immigrant, was discovered inside the boat with an alleged inscription on a bloody note: “The US government is killing our innocent civilians…I can’t stand to see such evil go unpunished. We Muslims are one body, you hurt one of us, you hurt us all…”
April 15 is the anniversary of the “shot heard round the world” in Lexington, Massachusetts, 241 years ago in 1775 when the Massachusetts Bay Colony earned its independence from Great Britain on the Lexington Green, near where I live. The convergence of dates when guns and bombs were detonated seemed a strange, yet apt coincidence.
Two brothers from Chechnya had detonated the bombs that day, killing three people and causing many, many injuries, amputations, and blindness. We knew that the Pilgrims from England and the family from Chechnya both were seeking to make their own way in the world, valuing the opportunities that coming to a new land might offer, including relief from religious oppression. The Puritan Pilgrims felt oppressed by the Church of England, and we know that Chechnyan Muslims in Russia were scorned. Here the parallels between the two groups may end.
We knew the Pilgrims were seeking religious freedom and independence as a colony. The Tsarnaevs’ father wanted the opportunity for his eldest son, who died on April 16, to be a distinguished, perhaps even an Olympic athlete, and his youngest son to be an “Ivy League scholar.”
The Harvard University Program on Negotiation conference, “Confronting Evil,” scheduled for April 16 and 17, was postponed until April 17, 2013, two days after the bombing and shortened by a day.
At the cocktail hour, after the panel discussion on “Confronting Evil,” I told a colleague that I was writing this book to share the seven visual steps for highly effective negotiation and decision-making with “the man on the street,” us ordinary folks. He responded, “You don’t want to do that; the book will get stuck on the self-improvement shelves.” I replied, “Exactly! For over thirty years my clients have been benefiting from these visual principles, reaching resolutions for all kinds of differences, disputes, and conflicts, and making important decisions. I want to make the approach widely available to everyone, not just to academics, business executives, international negotiators, diplomats, and people like us, who frequent academic conferences like this conference today!”
I shared with my colleague how amazing it has been to witness partners, indeed disputants of all kinds, making decisions, resolving conflicts, and solving problems using the initial (1) Getting to Yes, (2) Mutual Gains, and (3) The Art and Science of Negotiation approaches. I redesigned, amplified, and put into more user-friendly language those approaches and made them into a visual format. I told my colleague that after standing on the shoulders of the giants in the negotiation field - one of whom was participating in the “Confronting Evil” conference that day - I had synthesized the negotiation process into seven easy-to-comprehend steps. I had made them visual, made the names of steps more colloquial, and had been teaching the principles directly and indirectly in my office to clients of family, divorce, decision-making, and business mediation, as well as psychotherapy and counseling clients.
Of course, I also use the Seven Visual Steps to Yes to make my own decisions and resolve personal conflicts. Many of my clients have given me permission to share their stories. Their identities are disguised. All conflicts, problems, and decisions described here share one outcome: they have been successful. The partners have improved their relationships or made decisions to restructure their families, businesses, and lives, all using the same seven-step visual model for highly effective negotiation, conflict resolution, and decision-making. Most of the partners who have used this seven-step model in mediation and negotiation, in fact, have creatively resolved their conflicts and made decisions.
While at the cocktail hour I also met a quiet-spoken, well-dressed man. Bob Mnookin, a Harvard Law School professor, whisked by and said, “Janet, you don’t want to miss this man’s talk on Ecuador at the JFK Center for International Studies!” Certainly not, I thought. I think of Ecuador as a second home, having taught mediation and negotiation at a law school and a family institute in Quito, and having lived with Quechan Indians in the rain forest near Tena, Ecuador, on two separate occasions. I asked the well-dressed gentleman, “What do you do here?” He replied, “Well, I teach at the Harvard Law School and the JFK Center.” I proceeded to ask, “And what did you do in Ecuador?” Again, he answered, “Well, I was in politics.” I felt the need to ask him and so I said, “And what role did you play?” “Well,” he answered, “I was president.” I wasn’t quite expecting that! Then he added, “And I was mayor of Quito, the capital, for eight years.”
I shared with President Mahuad some of my astonishing experiences while living in the jungle of Ecuador, including a fire believed to be an arson with two little girls killed and a shaman who came to live with me for six months who had had surgery for a hepatoma in 1998 and who was still alive. After our talk I went back to the office to do an Internet search. I discovered that eleven weeks after his election as president of Ecuador, Jamil Mahuad had negotiated the final boundary between Ecuador and Peru with Alberto Fujimori, president of Peru; Bill Clinton, US president; and Roger Fisher, a Harvard Law School professor. These four men assisted with the negotiations of the frontier beween the two countries, which had been in dispute since 1821, for 177 years. The boundary was set in stone on October 26, 1998.
After the frontier was settled, the indigenous tribal people who had lost their lands in the negotiation, along with military personnel, descended upon Quito to protest the new frontier and their loss of land. Allegedly President Mahuad left or “fled” to the more comfortable confines of academia at Harvard University. On a macro level, using the same techniques I use in my office, Mahuad had settled an important international frontier dispute that had been brewing for several centuries. He and President Fujimori received a Nobel Prize for their work in resolution of the conflict.
Each and every day in my office, I facilitate the settlement of disputes that are just as important to the participants, on a micro level, as the settling of an international frontier-and probably even more so to the participants. This book is full of diverse conflicts that you already have encountered or may encounter in your life. If you follow the seven steps, you will find yourself becoming a successful negotiator and a dynamite decision-maker.
Chapter 1
Did You Say You Have a Conflict?
The S