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100 pages

English

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Are you one of the millions duped into believing there is one person determined by the fates for you, a soul mate you will love forever and a day? Prepare to throw away all your beliefs as psychotherapist John Karter exposes the Hollywood myth of eternal bliss as delusional and dangerous, and contrasts it with genuine love and how to achieve it.

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Love

Love (disambiguation)

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Publié par	eBookPartnership.com
Date de parution	08 avril 2013
Nombre de lectures	3
EAN13	9781783011056
Langue	English

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THE LOVE DELUSION
Say ‘No’ to the Hollywood Lie and Find Real and Lasting Love
John Karter
*
© 2013 John Karter
John Karter has asserted his rights in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
Published by eBookPartnership.com
First published in eBook format in 2013
eISBN: 978-1-78301-105-6
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the Publisher.
EXPOSING THE GREAT LIE
Are you one of the millions duped into believing there is one person determined by the fates for you, a soul mate you will love forever and a day? Prepare to throw away all your long-held beliefs as author and psychotherapist John Karter exposes the Hollywood myth of eternal bliss with ‘the one and only’ as delusional and dangerous.
In a ground-breaking analysis of what is really going on when we say we have ‘fallen in love’, the author reveals the hidden psychological agendas and the commercial forces that fuel this great lie, and the damage it inflicts in terms of broken relationships and unfulfilled human potential. The delusional form of love is contrasted with genuine, mature love and the conditions needed to achieve it.
Forget Hollywood - your path to real and lasting happiness begins right here.
JOHN KARTER is a former writer for The Sunday Times , The Times and The Independent and the author of six books, including Psychology of Relationships (Icon Books) and The Profit (Roast Books). He is a UKCP registered psychotherapist with wide-ranging experience in private practice and the public sector
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
My sincere thanks to Helen Vick for editing the manuscript and to Leo Vick for his cover design.
CONTENTS
COPYRIGHT
EXPOSING THE GREAT LIE
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
CHAPTER ONE: ‘MADNESS, MISERY AND JERRY MAGUIRE’
CHAPTER TWO: ‘FAIRYTALES AND FISHWIVES’
CHAPTER THREE: ‘SEX, LOVE AND LIGHTNING’
CHAPTER FOUR: ‘FAMILIES, FREUD AND FATAL ATTRACTION’
CHAPTER FIVE: ‘I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY BRAIN’
CHAPTER SIX: ‘TILL BOREDOM (OR A BIT ON THE SIDE) DO US PART’
CHAPTER SEVEN: ‘THE ROAD TO IMPERFECTION’
CHAPTER ONE
‘ MADNESS, MISERY AND JERRY MAGUIRE’
‘ There is no such thing as love, only lovers’ – Roberto Assagioli
Every day we are being sold a lie. And every day we happily buy into it without a murmur. This lie has been allowed to dominate our lives to such an extent that it is inextricably woven into the fabric of our existence. It is more dangerous and destructive than any form of religious or political brainwashing and more addictive than drugs, alcohol or gambling could ever be. It is the great lie of falling in love.
The sooner you accept that there is no mystical state of being in love – no love at first sight, no one person determined especially by the fates for you, no Mr or Mrs Right, no preordained state of everlasting bliss with ‘the one’ – the better, more productive and grounded in reality your life will be; and, at the same time, the less susceptible you will be to the crushing hurt and disappointment which this web of false hope weaves around us.
This revolutionary line of thinking will come as a major shock to the system for many people, especially in Western society where the delusional idea of love, the ‘Hollywood syndrome’, has been allowed to cast its spell unchecked. I have no doubt that some people who read this – not just lovers but others with a vested interest, notably those who profit financially from this great lie – will reject it out of hand as an unfounded, misguided attempt to subvert one of the major platforms on which our society has been built. Yet it is necessary to make this central premise clear from the start, because debunking Hollywood-style love represents the mission statement of this book.
So, if you do not wish to have your trance-like world of hard-sell romantic indoctrination rocked to its core, then for your own peace of mind, it would be better if you do not read on. If, on the other hand, you are willing to explore some of the reasons why we go along with this greatest and most damaging of all human deceptions, and are ready to gain new insights into what is really going on when we ‘fall in love’, you will find a whole new way of viewing love, stop searching for it in all the wrong places, develop a healthier, more mature attitude to relationships, and find liberation within these pages.
Much has been written about the act of falling in love, analysing its social and anthropological origins, its psychological basis and its biological and chemical underpinnings. Yet, whilst there have been comprehensive studies of the ‘why’ and the ‘how’ of falling in love, there have been few, if any, serious challenges to the validity of the mystical phenomenon people seek so obsessively throughout their lives. No attempt has been made to enlighten those misguided souls who are so mesmerised by being ‘in love’ that they are unable to stand back and take a more objective look at their state of temporary insanity. Nor has there been any genuine effort to address the toxicity of these fantasies of magical bliss and the futility of human lives consumed by the belief that true love conquers all. To put it another way, that when you find ‘the one’ you will overcome loneliness, depression, and the insatiable hunger inside, and live not just happily ever after but in a state of permanent bliss: a microcosm of intimacy, sexual ecstasy and mutual fulfilment that insulates you and your beloved from anything the world can throw at you.
This ‘Holy Grail’ of human relations was spawned by romantic literature, given a life of its own by the movie and music industries, and, in common with many other modern-day myths and falsehoods, propagated by the media. You have only to think of the millions of films, songs, books and poems based on the notion of falling in love or being in love, meeting Mr or Mrs Right, or finding love as instant redemption, and it is easy to see why we accept this ongoing confidence trick without ever questioning its authenticity or its logic. A vast commercial carousel has been built around the premise of love everlasting; removing the veil of deception would mean financial disaster for those who have turned love into a licence to make money. It is no exaggeration to say that the music and film industries would be in danger of collapse if there were a prohibition on lyrics and storylines built around falling in love.
The vast majority of popular song lyrics focus on experiences of love in some form or other, be it the joy and the angst of being in love, or the attributes and character traits of the beloved. Whilst it is arguable that love does not monopolise the silver screen in quite the same way as it does the music industry, it is still a dominant subject. And although there are many other themes besides love in the movies, there is often an almost de rigueur sub-plot involving some kind of romantic liaison, whether the genre is a war film, a Western, or even a horror movie or a psychological thriller.
Then we have the dating agencies – most of which are internet based nowadays, the non-internet agencies offering more of a personal touch – all making fat profits from selling an implicit, or explicit, promise to find you the mate of your dreams. Look at some of the slogans that feed off people’s desperate search to find ‘the one’: ‘Find love now’, Find your perfect partner’, ‘Log onto love’, ‘Find the love of your life’, ‘Make Love Happen’ and simply ‘Fall in love’. The Times Encounters dating service appeals to prospective clients with ‘Star in your own love story. Think Romeo and Juliet, Brad and Angelina, Homer and Marge…we’ve got your perfect match waiting for you.’ The dating website eHarmony offers ‘Scientific Matching’, which is achieved through ‘The eHarmony Compatibility Matching System’ based on ‘35 years of research and scientific experience’. Match.com , the largest online site, lures subscribers with ‘The original love guarantee: find love online within 6 months or 6 months free’. According to its website, Match.com has 6.5 million members in 24 countries and operates in 15 different languages. Owned by IAC/Interactive Corp in Texas, Match.com has been pulling in over $1 million per day in subscription revenues (based on their own figures).
Some agency fees can literally run into thousands, with tiered layers of service, such as gold, silver or basic membership, fostering the belief that the more you spend the more likely you are to access Mr or Mrs Right. Many offer personal consultations with ‘experts’ to help you find your ideal match and include such ‘love aids’ as handwritten profiles and personal videos. One of the leading London agencies posted the following on their website: ‘In life the person you fall in love with may defy your preconceptions! So to enable you to have all the advantages of choosing for yourself, and a touch of magic and serendipity, you may also elect to engage one of our consultants to use their insight and intuition to select partners on your behalf. Or for the ultimate dating agency service you can be allocated your own personal matchmaker who will select potential partners and speak to them on your behalf before putting you in touch.’ With such care and attention, how can you fail to find love?
Waiting to carve out their substantial slice of the pie when couples choose to seal their heaven-sent state with formal vows, we have the ever-expanding wedding indus