Living with Anger , livre ebook

Marshall Cavendish International - Rebecca Ang Dr

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63 pages

English

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How do you help a child who has difficulty controlling his temper

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Publié par	Marshall Cavendish International
Date de parution	29 janvier 2016
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9789814721271
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0300€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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2016 Marshall Cavendish International (Asia) Private Limited
Illustrations by Julie Davey
Series designer: Bernard Go
Published by
Marshall Cavendish Editions
An imprint of Marshall Cavendish International
1 New Industrial Road, Singapore 536196
All rights reserved
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owner. Requests for permission should be addressed to the Publisher, Marshall Cavendish International (Asia) Private Limited, 1 New Industrial Road, Singapore 536196. Tel: (65) 6213 9300, fax: (65) 6285 4871. E-mail: genrefsales@sg.marshallcavendish.com . Website: www.marshallcavendish.com/genref
The publisher makes no representation or warranties with respect to the contents of this book, and specifically disclaims any implied warranties or merchantability or fitness for any particular purpose, and shall in no event be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damage, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.
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Marshall Cavendish is a trademark of Times Publishing Limited.
National Library Board, Singapore Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
Names: Fung, Daniel. | Wong, Zi Jun. | Koh, Hui Li.
Title: Living with anger issues / Dr Daniel Fung, Wong Zi Jun, Koh Hui Li.
Description: Singapore : Marshall Cavendish Editions, 2016
Identifiers: OCN 933790986 | eISBN 978 981 4721 27 1
Subjects: LCSH: Anger in children--Handbooks, manuals, etc. | Child rearing--Handbooks, manuals, etc.
Classification: LCC BF723.A4 | DDC 155.41247--dc23
Printed in Singapore by Markono Print Media Pte Ltd
Dedicated to all the children of Child Guidance Clinic and their parents
CONTENTS
PREFACE
INTRODUCTION
PART 1 Understanding Anger
PART 2 Identifying Feelings In Children
PART 3 Identifying Anger In Children
PART 4 Anger Management Techniques
PART 5 Relaxation And How It Helps
PART 6 Empathy And Values In Anger Management
PART 7 Working With Schools
PART 8 Support For Children With Anger Issues
USEFUL RESOURCES
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
PREFACE
Children are often depicted in the media as smiling and happy. When children are young, they look especially adorable and cherubic. It is hard for adults to think of a young child becoming an angry brat until they come face to face with one. But every parent would have to contend with angry children in the course of raising them. Every angry child poses a unique challenge. How do parents contend with scratching, biting and hissing children? Such children make their parents and other adults feel like tearing out their hair, if the child hasn t tried doing it to the adult in the first place.
This book is meant as a guide for understanding children and how their emotions are regulated as well as provide a framework for dealing with anger in children. It is targeted at parents and other caregivers who handle children.
We would like to thank our team at the Institute of Mental Health and Nanyang Technological University, especially Professors Ooi Yoon Phaik and Rebecca Ang for their inputs in developing a comprehensive anger management programme for children and adolescents in Singapore. We have used the male gender to describe both genders in the text for the sake of keeping it simple.
Daniel Fung Wong Zi Jun Koh Hui Li February 2016
INTRODUCTION
The day has initially started well-your child is playing with his iPad while you are cooking lunch. It s mealtime and you summon him to the dining table. He ignores you. You repeat aloud, Time to eat! and he shouts No! at you. You walk over and attempt to drag him over to the table while he clutches onto his iPad tightly, refuses to budge and starts to wail. Because the stronger adult always wins the physical fight, you successfully place him at the dining table. Feeling unjustified, he starts throwing his food and utensils around. It soon escalates to a huge anger outburst and your good mood has soured.
Children are often imagined as smiling and angelic while parenting is often described as a joyous process. However, in reality, as a child becomes an angry brat who flies into fiery tantrums, parents often feel helpless and drained. These feelings and situations are normal and experienced by almost every family. It is thus important to have necessary knowledge and skills to live with anger.
This book will provide information for parents to gain a deeper understanding of why angry children behave the way they do, as well as strategies, activities and exercises that parents and children could work on together to improve the children s repertoire of positive behaviours and social skills.
The first step toward better management of children s anger is to understand the feelings underlying the child s anger, and more generally, to help children understand that anger is only one amongst the myriad feelings they experience in their lives, and to accurately identify and label the various feelings they experience. Next, parents can help their children understand that angry feelings are not all the same; they can range from irritability to rage. Parents can also take time to explore anger and its potential consequences with their children and suggest and model acceptable ways to manage angry emotions. In Parts 4 to 6, we will focus on teaching parents a variety of specific anger management techniques (e.g. deep breathing and positive self-talk) as well as more general life skills that circumvent anger (e.g. developing empathy and problem-solving). This will help parents and their children to effectively regulate their angry emotions. As angry children so often lose perspective of the larger scheme of events, it is helpful for parents to coach them in accurate perspective-taking skills. To manage anger well, children should learn essential life skills such as effective and systematic ways of problem-solving. Also, anger creates distance between the angry child and many of his peers. Hence, it s important that parents help children to make and keep friends with prosocial behaviours such as sharing, cooperation and helping.
The book ends with tips on empowering both the parent and the child in their journey toward taking appropriate control over anger. With improved child competencies and parenting strategies, children will gradually have a more successful school experience and families can enjoy an enriched home life.
You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.
- Buddha
1.1 WHAT IS ANGER?
Anger is described in most dictionaries as a strong feeling of being upset and frustrated when something goes wrong. This is a common feeling because things do not go the way we want them to all the time. This human emotion may be the result of real or perceived difficulties.
The expression of anger and the process of getting angry start from the moment we are born. When the baby does not get what it wants, it cries, expressing its angry feelings over its hunger or being disturbed as it tries to sleep. Such mild irritations may develop into tantrums as a child becomes more aware of its surroundings. Toddlers are sometimes called the terrible twos because of frequent tantrums. These can worsen over time if such behaviours are reinforced by adults giving in to the angry child s demands. Uncontrollable rage resulting in inappropriate behaviour often has its roots in childhood and teenage emotional outbursts that are left unchecked.
Anger is thus an emotion which becomes a problem if allowed free rein. Consider the example of the comic book hero, the Incredible Hulk. Mild-mannered scientist Bruce Banner becomes a raging green Goliath when his anger is unleashed. As the Hulk, he is unable to control his actions and is motivated only by his seething rage. In the Pixar movie Inside Out , Anger makes bad decisions for the protagonist to the extent of almost making her run away from home. It is therefore critical that the ability to control one s anger is taught when the child is young.
Anger can also be a secondary emotion resulting from the primary emotions of fear, worries, frustration, rejection, failure or even intense sadness. These underlying feelings may need to be identified, expressed and resolved before the anger can be controlled and handled.
1.2 WHAT IS AGGRESSION?
Aggression is the physical manifestation of anger and can take many forms. Aggression can be self-directed or directed at others. Each type of aggression can be further subdivided into direct or indirect aggression.
Most people are familiar with direct aggression against others-physical fights, temper tantrums, throwing things, and having frequent arguments. We have also seen children (even adults) gossip or bad mouth another person when they are not present or find other people s misfortune to be entertaining or funny-these are examples of indirect forms of aggression against others.
Aggression can be directed inward, at the self. Self-mutilating behaviours or suicide attempts are a couple of examples. Indirect aggression against the self can also occur with the individual threatening their own chances of success in various areas such as self-sabotage in school, in relationships or even in sports.
1.3 CAN ANGER BE GOOD?
Some anger may be necessary and can be good. Anger can motivate some people to action. For example, 14-year old Abdul was angry at himself because he continued to allow himself to be