HEALING from a Toxic and Abusive Relationship , livre ebook

Outskirts Press - Greyson James

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90 pages

English

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Description

Being on the receiving end of emotional abuse is a life-altering and emotionally devastating experience that no one should have to go through. Most victims are left with a nasty case of anxiety disorder, depression, PTSD, shame and emotional distress. The trauma from the abuse can leave invisible scars of pain that run deep and affect your identity and self-esteem, along with the way you think and your ability to process emotions and heal.

Sujets

Santé et bien-être

Santé mentale & traumatisme

Santé mentale

Abuse

Self-help

Informations

Publié par	Outskirts Press
Date de parution	28 décembre 2021
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781977251312
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0500€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

Healing from a Toxic and Abusive Relationship A Journey of Self-Reflection and Recovery All Rights Reserved. Copyright © 2022 Greyson James v2.0
The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this book.
This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Outskirts Press, Inc. http://www.outskirtspress.com
ISBN: 978-1-9772-5131-2
Cover Photo © 2022 www.gettyimages.com . All rights reserved - used with permission.
Outskirts Press and the "OP" logo are trademarks belonging to Outskirts Press, Inc.
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Maybe you went through
it and survived just so
you could help someone
else make it through.
Table of Contents
Introduction

1: Identifying Abuse
2: Overcoming Denial
3: Why Abusers Abuse
4: It s Not Your Fault
5: Regaining Your Lost Identity
6: The Effects of Emotional Abuse
7: Understanding Emotional Abuse Trauma
8: Working Through the Grief
9: Understanding and Dealing with Anger
10: Stabilizing after Abuse
11: Healing from Emotional Abuse
12: Working Toward Forgiveness
13: Understanding Your Abuser
14: Forgiving Yourself
15: What God Thinks about Abuse
16: Being Intentional about Your Healing
17: Signs of Recovery and Healing
18: Moving Forward

Finding a Good Counselor/Therapist
Recommended Reading
Acknowledgments
Introduction
Being on the receiving end of mental and emotional abuse is a life-altering and emotionally devastating experience that no one should have to go through. It’s not something you were looking for when you allowed your heart to be opened as you entered the relationship with your abuser, filled with the hope that this person could be the answer to all of your dreams. You had no reason to believe otherwise. After all, it’s not like your abuser was wearing a sign around their neck advertising the fact that he/she was going to abuse you and change your life forever – in a bad way.
You had no reason to believe that they would try to hurt, control and manipulate you until you no longer knew who you were anymore. You probably had no idea that there were predators (both male and female) who were devoid of the ability to feel emotions the way most normal people do. That they could fastidiously present themselves in a way that would not only encourage you to let your guard down and allow them to infiltrate your life, but also take advantage of you and tear your life apart. A predator with the incredible ability to mimic all of your desires and emotions in such a convincing way, that you couldn’t possibly imagine them being the devious and soulless abuser that they really are.
When most people think of or hear about abuse, it’s usually physical. That’s because it is fairly easy to identify and can be outwardly seen. But the pain one can feel from mental and emotional abuse runs deep and can often cause as much, if not more trauma than physical wounds can. I’m not minimizing the wounds inflicted from physical abuse, because it is horrible and often leaves scars. It’s just that most physical wounds will eventually heal, while emotional trauma can stay with you for quite some time and leaves its own invisible scars. It can have an impact on who you are as a person, and it can affect the way you think and your ability to process emotions and heal. The more abuse you are exposed to, the greater impact it can have on you, and the longer it can take to recover from those wounds and become healthy again.
I personally experienced almost four years of severe emotional and mental abuse, not to mention the manipulation that came with it. My exposure to this abuse almost killed me. My abuser was a hall of famer that embodied all four of the Cluster B personality disorders including antisocial, borderline, histrionic, and narcissistic personality disorders. And it took me still more than three years before I was able to break away from her.
In my first book - Surviving A Toxic and Abusive Relationship , I shared how a person can get sucked into an abusive relationship – how you are first idealized, then devalued, then severely abused until finally, one day you start to understand what has happened to you and you slowly gain the courage to escape. I also shared how emotional abusers will try to isolate you from everyone you know and care about and how over time their abuse can cause you to lose all sense of personal identity and self-esteem.
I have traveled the road from victim to survivor, and by the grace of God my wounds have finally healed. It’s been a long but incredible faith-filled journey, with many hard and painful decisions, conflicting emotions, and lots of learning about abuse, my abuser and also myself. I’m still alive to talk about it, share what I’ve learned, and hopefully help and guide others, (male or female), to do the same. Like me, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t your intention to end up in an emotionally abusive relationship, but there are ways to heal and help you bounce back. This can enable you to discover and embrace all that God desires for you going forward.
Abuse . That word alone conjures up all sorts of different and unpleasant images. Most people probably think they have a basic idea or understanding of the definition of abuse, but let’s take a little deeper look at what it actually can be. According to Merriam Webster’s Dictionary, abuse can be defined as use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose misuse . Similar: misapply, mishandle, exploit, pervert, take advantage of treat something or someone with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly. Similar: mistreat, treat badly , misuse, handle/treat roughly, interfere with, assault, hit, injure, hurt, harm, damage, wrong, bully, persecute, oppress the improper use of something, improper or excessive use or treatment. language that condemns or vilifies usually unjustly, intemperately, and angrily. physical maltreatment, to use or treat so as to injure or damage . a deceitful act: deception
As one can see, the definition for the act of abuse is not that simple. It can also be experienced in a number of different forms including physical, verbal, sexual, mental/psychological, financial, legal, or spiritual, but in all cases it is intentional and definitely leads to, and includes emotional abuse.
But emotionally abusive behavior expands those things to a much different level, and includes accusing, blaming, humiliation, negating, criticizing, controlling, emotional neglect, isolation, shaming and denial. You can also throw in intentional infliction of emotional pain or intimidation through verbal or non-verbal acts along with a denial of a person’s civil rights just to be more inclusive and thorough.
While we now have a pretty good definition of the various forms of abuse, we still need to look at what abuse actually means to those involved, which is control . When a truly abusive situation exists, it’s because one party (the abuser) is seeking to control the other (the victim) through abuse. Abuse is derived from force, manipulation and repetition and exists when one person has more power and control than the other. Abuse doesn’t allow for changed behavior; it forces it. And no person has the right to exercise control over someone else or force another person’s behavior.
Abuse has become an enormous problem in the United States. Nearly one-in-three adult women and nearly one-in-four adult men have reported experiencing physical, sexual or mental abuse or Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) in their lifetime. For emotional abuse, the prevalence rates are even higher, with 40% of women and 32% of men reporting expressive aggression, verbal abuse or emotional violence and more than 40% of both men and women reporting they have experienced some form of coercive control from their partners.
They Call It Abuse for a Reason
The fact is that many mental and emotional abusers are really, really good at what they do. Most of their victims don’t have a clue that they are truly being abused until they have been damaged in ways that they often have difficulty recovering from. This is because in addition to the physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches, eating and sleeping disorders that develop over time, most victims are often left with a nasty case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety disorder, depression, shame and emotional distress. You don’t just get over those overnight. And the longer you are exposed to the toxic behavior and abuse, the longer it takes to heal from it.
Most victims take a while just to realize and admit that they are being abused. Then you often experience rationalization and denial in its many wonderful forms as you contemplate leaving your abuser. It can take months or even years from this point in the abuse cycle before you experience that one final, painful and heartbreaking event that tips the scales and makes you finally take that definitive step to leave.
You will most likely wrestle with the guilt, shame and regret that comes with not only being on the receiving end of abuse but also making the decision to leave the relationship. And what follows is a long, emotion-filled period of contemplation and soul-searching, looking for answers to hundreds of questions of how you got into the relationship in the first place and then allowed yourself to be abused in so many horrible ways, and for so long.
The questions can range from ones of personal reflection to focusing on your abuser and why they treated you the way they did. Questions such as: Why did it take me so long