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158 pages

English

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Have you ever been confused about the proper pair of gloves to wear while attending a formal luncheon? Would you like to definitively settle the debate about the proper volume at which to carry on conversations with your dining companions? If so, The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette should top your reading queue. It offers an interesting look at the manners and conventions of a bygone era, as well as many surprisingly timeless tips for comporting oneself with dignity and grace in all situations.

Informations

Publié par	The Floating Press
Date de parution	01 février 2014
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781776530953
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0134€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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THE GENTLEMEN'S BOOK OF ETIQUETTE
AND MANUAL OF POLITENESS
* * *
CECIL B. HARTLEY

*
The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette And Manual of Politeness First published in 1860 Epub ISBN 978-1-77653-095-3 Also available: PDF ISBN 978-1-77653-096-0 © 2013 The Floating Press and its licensors. All rights reserved. While every effort has been used to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information contained in The Floating Press edition of this book, The Floating Press does not assume liability or responsibility for any errors or omissions in this book. The Floating Press does not accept responsibility for loss suffered as a result of reliance upon the accuracy or currency of information contained in this book. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Many suitcases look alike. Visit www.thefloatingpress.com
Contents
*
The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness; Introduction Chapter I - Conversation Chapter II - Politeness Chapter III - Table Etiquette Chapter IV - Etiquette in the Street Chapter V - Etiquette for Calling Chapter VI - Etiquette for the Ball Room Chapter VII - Dress Chapter VIII - Manly Exercises Chapter IX - Traveling Chapter X - Etiquette in Church Chapter XI - One Hundred Hints for Gentlemanly Deportment Chapter XII - Parties Chapter XIII - Courtesy at Home Chapter XIV - True Courtesy Chapter XV - Letter Writing Chapter XVI - Wedding Etiquette Chapter XVII - Etiquette for Places of Amusement Chapter XVIII - Miscellaneous Endnotes
The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness;
*
BEING
A COMPLETE GUIDE FOR A GENTLEMAN'S CONDUCT IN ALL HIS RELATIONS TOWARDS SOCIETY.
CONTAINING
RULES FOR THE ETIQUETTE TO BE OBSERVED IN THE STREET, AT TABLE, IN THE BALL ROOM, EVENING PARTY, AND MORNING CALL; WITH FULL DIRECTIONS FOR POLITE CORRESPONDENCE, DRESS, CONVERSATION, MANLY EXERCISES, AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
FROM THE BEST FRENCH, ENGLISH, AND AMERICAN AUTHORITIES.
Introduction
*
Man was not intended to live like a bear or a hermit, apart from othersof his own nature, and, philosophy and reason will each agree with me,that man was born for sociability and finds his true delight in society.Society is a word capable of many meanings, and used here in each andall of them. Society, par excellence ; the world at large; the littleclique to which he is bound by early ties; the companionship of friendsor relatives; even society tete a tete with one dear sympathizingsoul, are pleasant states for a man to be in.
Taking the word in its most extended view, it is the world; but in thelight we wish to impress in our book it is the smaller world of thechanging, pleasant intercourse of each city or town in which our readermay chance to abide.
This society, composed, as it is, of many varying natures and elements,where each individual must submit to merge his own identity into theuniversal whole, which makes the word and state, is divided andsubdivided into various cliques, and has a pastime for everydisposition, grave or gay; and with each division rises up a new set offorms and ceremonies to be observed if you wish to glide down thecurrent of polite life, smoothly and pleasantly.
The young man who makes his first entrance into the world of society,should know how to choose his friends, and next how to conduct himselftowards them. Experience is, of course, the best guide, but at firststarting this must come second hand, from an older friend, or frombooks.
A judicious friend is the best guide; but how is the young man to knowwhom to choose? When at home this friend is easily selected; but in thiscountry, where each bird leaves the parent nest as soon as his wingswill bear him safely up, there are but few who stay amongst the friendsat home.
Next then comes the instruction from books.
True a book will not fully supply the place either of experience orfriendly advice, still it may be made useful, and, carefully writtenfrom the experience of heads grown gray in society, with only wellauthenticated rules, it will be a guide not to be despised by the youngaspirant for favor in polite and refined circles.
You go into society from mixed motives; partly for pleasure, recreationafter the fatigues of your daily duties, and partly that you may becomeknown. In a republican country where one man's opportunities for risingare as good as those of another, ambition will lead every rising maninto society.
You may set it down as a rule, that as you treat the world, so the worldwill treat you. Carry into the circles of society a refined, polishedmanner, and an amiable desire to please, and it will meet you withsmiling grace, and lead you forward pleasantly along the flowery paths;go, on the contrary, with a brusque, rude manner, startling all thesilky softness before you with cut and thrust remarks, carrying onlythe hard realities of life in your hand, and you will find society armedto meet you, showing only sharp corners and thorny places for yourblundering footsteps to stumble against.
You will find in every circle that etiquette holds some sway; her ruleis despotic in some places, in others mild, and easily set aside. Yourfirst lesson in society will be to study where she reigns supreme, inher crown and holding her sceptre, and where she only glides in with agentle hint or so, and timidly steps out if rebuked; and let yourconduct be governed by the result of your observations. You will soonbecome familiar with the signs, and tell on your first entrance into aroom whether kid gloves and exquisite finish of manner will beappropriate, or whether it is "hail, fellow, well met" with the inmates.Remember, however, "once a gentleman always a gentleman," and be surethat you can so carry out the rule, that in your most careless, joyousmoments, when freest from the restraints of etiquette, you can still berecognizable as a gentleman by every act, word, or look.
Avoid too great a restraint of manner. Stiffness is not politeness, and,while you observe every rule, you may appear to heed none. To make yourpoliteness part of yourself, inseparable from every action, is theheight of gentlemanly elegance and finish of manner.
Chapter I - Conversation
*
One of the first rules for a guide in polite conversation, is to avoidpolitical or religious discussions in general society. Such discussionslead almost invariably to irritating differences of opinion, often toopen quarrels, and a coolness of feeling which might have been avoidedby dropping the distasteful subject as soon as marked differences ofopinion arose. It is but one out of many that can discuss eitherpolitical or religious differences, with candor and judgment, and yet sofar control his language and temper as to avoid either giving or takingoffence.
In their place, in circles which have met for such discussions, in a tête à tête conversation, in a small party of gentlemen where each isready courteously to listen to the others, politics may be discussedwith perfect propriety, but in the drawing-room, at the dinner-table, orin the society of ladies, these topics are best avoided.
If you are drawn into such a discussion without intending to be so, becareful that your individual opinion does not lead you into languageand actions unbecoming a gentleman. Listen courteously to those whoseopinions do not agree with yours, and keep your temper . A man in apassion ceases to be a gentleman.
Even if convinced that your opponent is utterly wrong, yield gracefully,decline further discussion, or dextrously turn the conversation, but donot obstinately defend your own opinion until you become angry, or moreexcited than is becoming to a gentleman.
Many there are who, giving their opinion, not as an opinion but as a law , will defend their position by such phrases, as: "Well, if I were president, or governor, I would," &c.—and while by the warmth oftheir argument they prove that they are utterly unable to govern theirown temper, they will endeavor to persuade you that they are perfectlycompetent to take charge of the government of the nation.
Retain, if you will, a fixed political opinion, yet do not parade itupon all occasions, and, above all, do not endeavor to force others toagree with you. Listen calmly to their ideas upon the same subjects, andif you cannot agree, differ politely, and while your opponent may setyou down as a bad politician, let him be obliged to admit that you are a gentleman .
Wit and vivacity are two highly important ingredients in theconversation of a man in polite society, yet a straining for effect, orforced wit, is in excessively bad taste. There is no one moreinsupportable in society than the everlasting talkers who scatter puns,witticisms, and jokes with so profuse a hand that they become astiresome as a comic newspaper, and whose loud laugh at their own witdrowns other voices which might speak matter more interesting. Thereally witty man does not shower forth his wit so indiscriminately; hischarm consists in wielding his powerful weapon delicately and easily,and making each highly polished witticism come in the right place andmoment to be effectual. While real wit is a most delightful gift, andits use a most charming accomplishment, it is, like many other brightweapons, dangerous to use too often. You may wound where you meant onlyto amuse, and remarks which you mean only in for general applications,may be construed into personal affronts, so, if you have the gift, useit wisely, and not too freely.
The most important requisite for a good conversational power iseducation, and, by this is meant, not merely the matter you may store inyour memory from observation or books, though this is of vastimportance, but it also includes the developing of the mental powers,and, above all, the comprehension. An English writer says, "A man shouldbe able, in order to enter into conversation, to catch rapidly themeaning of anything that is advanced; for instance, though you knownothing of science, you should not be oblig