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Mod By Dom Pty Ltd - Rebecca Weller

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112 pages

English

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Hey, could you do me a favour? Actually, I have a bone to pick with you! We need to talk.

Go on, tell the truth. Did any of those phrases just make your stomach drop a little? Perhaps you, too, struggle with the disease to please.

Symptoms may include: being petrified of not being liked, of being a burden, of doing anything that might hurt somebody's feelings, and of the slightest confrontation.

Former people-pleaser, and author of the bestselling sobriety memoir, A Happier Hour, Rebecca Weller knows your angst. The ultimate chameleon, she perfectly morphed herself to fit in with any crowd. Her people-pleasing patterns were so deeply ingrained in her subconscious that she had no idea they was still running the show (and her life) as an adult. They were evident in every corner of her overstuffed calendar, in her unrelenting anxiety that someone - anyone! - might be mad at her, and in her complete inability to get through tough conversations without having a heart attack.

She was less interested in exploring who she was, and more interested in figuring out what others wanted her to be.

Until all of that changed.

Through giant stumbles and deep epiphanies, Rebecca learnt to take her power back. In this book, she explores the many awkward, humiliating - and ultimately liberating - lessons along the way, and how each of us can begin to embrace a deep and unshakeable confidence.

Chameleon: Confessions of a Former People-Pleaser is a book about the danger of giving our power away to others, and the magic of finding our way back to ourselves.

Sujets

Santé et bien-être

Relations interpersonnelles

Confiance en soi et estime de soi

Bien-être émotionnel

Relation interpersonnelle

Confiance en soi

Confiance

Narcissism

Conflict resolution

Self Esteem

Confidence

Bien-être

Informations

Publié par	Mod By Dom Pty Ltd
Date de parution	01 août 2021
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9780994602367
Langue	English
Poids de l'ouvrage	3 Mo

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0550€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

Contents Cover Title Page Copyright Dedication The Original People-Pleaser. Our Deepest Fear. Fitting Out. Your Sensitivity is your Strength. Release Your Expectations. It Works Both Ways. It’s Not Personal. Approval Addiction. Boundaries Will Set You Free. Prioritise Saying No. The Danger of Not Speaking Up. Loving Conflict. Ditching Disrespect. Tune in and Trust. Esteemable Acts. You Are Enough. Practice Over Perfectionism. Self-Care is an Inside Job. Reclaiming Your Power. The Magic of Authenticity. About the Author Other Books By Rebecca Weller Up All Day
Guide Contents

CHAMELEON
Confessions of a Former People-Pleaser

Rebecca Weller
CHAMELEON: Confessions of a Former People-Pleaser

Copyright © 2021 by Rebecca Weller
All rights reserved.
Published by Mod By Dom Pty Ltd 2021
Perth, WA, Australia

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher or author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

The content of this book is for general information only. Each person’s physical, emotional, and spiritual condition is unique. The content in this book is not intended to replace or interrupt the reader’s relationship with a physician or other professional. Please consult your doctor or health professional for matters pertaining to your specific health concerns.

Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

Cover and Interior Design by Dominic Garczynski.
Cover photography by Royden Monteiro.

Paperback ISBN: 9780994602374
Digital ISBN: 9780994602367

ModByDom.com
For anyone who has ever abandoned themselves.
I wish you the magic and joy of finding your way back to yourself.

And for my Nan, Thelma, who always saw the best in me, even when I didn’t see it in myself. Thank you for teaching me how to lead with love.
1. The Original People-Pleaser.

It’s often said that wedding planning can be stressful and has the ability to create the kind of Bridezilla that would make a sailor blush. But for a full blown people-pleaser? Oh boy. It can be a living nightmare.
I was thirty-one the first time I walked down the aisle, which sounds like an age when a woman should know exactly who she is and what she wants. To be honest, I thought I did. After all, it was me who pressured my boyfriend to hurry up and propose. (“Hello! The clock is ticking. What are we waiting for? I don’t want wrinkles on my wedding day!” Charmed to meet you, I’m sure.) It was me who organised a big, elaborate wedding, all by myself. And it was me who spent the morning after the wedding sobbing so hard in the shower I could barely breathe.
I wasn’t upset about the man I’d married. I really did love him. But I was a confused jumble of hurt, resentment, frustration, and bone-crushing depletion . And I really didn’t understand why.
It had all seemed like such a brilliant plan. My then-fiancé, Luke, and I had only recently made the cross-country move from Sydney to Perth. Since his family lived overseas, mine lived more than 400km out of the city, and the vast majority of our friends lived interstate, I dreamt up the spectacular idea to book out an entire resort for two nights. Everyone seemed thrilled with the idea, and I was so excited about the thought of staying and playing together for longer. The resort had three pubs on site, so I imagined us all whooping it up the entire time; one long, never-ending party, just the way I liked it back then.
Oh sure, it would require magician-like skills in logistics to manage a group booking and be a stellar hostess for the whole weekend, but I was up for the challenge. I’d always been a big Planner with a capital P, and this was the perfect project for me to really sink my teeth into. Plus, I had almost an entire year to organise everything. What could possibly go wrong?
We’d agreed to keep the guest list fairly small (we were paying for it ourselves, after all), but that didn’t mean I couldn’t ensure every touch was just perfect for our eighty or so favourite people. Doing everything myself would also do wonderful things for our budget, of course. Not only would I be an epic planner; I’d also be a savvy spreadsheeting genius!
In the months leading up to the big day, I was an intense whirlwind of productivity. It was 2006, and Pinterest hadn’t yet been invented, but don’t you worry; I devoured every bridal magazine I could get my hands on, cover to cover. I spent a small fortune on those glossy, seductive pages and believed every single word when they said that a proper wedding involves a checklist of 138 absolutely essential tasks, none of which could be skipped or so you help you, the heavens would rain a monsoon down upon your wedding day!
Naturally, I agonised over the guest list, horrified by the thought of forgetting or upsetting anyone. A few of our closest friends insisted that a cocktail-style reception was always the best fun for mingling and partying. Truth be told, I figured it would also be a very convenient way to avoid any complaints about the seating arrangements, so that was the style we booked, even though part of me really wanted a sit-down dinner.
Once I got the planning-ball rolling, my fiancé was sweet and let me run with it. He didn’t help me with the massive workload, but then again, I didn’t ask him to, either. I was just so happy to finally have a diamond ring on my finger. He’d done his part. I could take it from there.
Determined to make everything from scratch and ensure every single element was just perfect, I spent endless nights frantically gluing sparkly hearts and ribbons to our invitations, and countless weekends trawling vintage stores, searching high and low for darling little candles and vintage vases to create the most exquisite decor. Our living room floor was covered in enough glitter to choke a unicorn, and our spare bedroom was crammed with so many candles, polyester veils, and paper gift bags, it was practically a bomboniere bonfire waiting to happen.
Somewhere in amongst this flurry of activity, I figured I didn’t quite have enough on my plate, and my fiancé and I decided we should also buy a block of land and build a house. Because, why not! We still had five months to go until the wedding, after all. Surely that was plenty of time to drive all over the city to look at land, organise a mortgage, enlist a building company, apply to council for approvals, and make the four thousand other decisions that go into choosing every single element for a new house? Other people did that while wedding planning, right?
I still had the Hens and Bucks parties to organise as well, of course. I hadn’t forgotten about those. Since our bridesmaid and best man lived interstate and overseas, they wouldn’t be able to organise them for us.
Many of our friends and family could only take time off work over the Christmas and New Year holidays, so we’d chosen January 4th as our wedding date, which meant all of our festivities had to be squeezed into those few precious days. But nothing was a problem! I was a solution-savvy Queen! Not only would these be the most amazing Hens and Bucks parties our guests had ever flown in for - and all take place within the very same week as our wedding - but I’d even throw in a big New Years Eve party at our place and really knock their socks off. Viva la celebration!
I was holding it together. I really was. But when my fiancé invited a couple of his friends to stay with us in the days leading up to the wedding, my stomach churned. For one, it meant I’d have to find somewhere else to store everything I’d shoved into the spare bedroom. For another, it meant finding room for their baby who’d need a quiet place to sleep. Our home was tiny, and I had a sneaking suspicion that things were going to be super hectic in those final few days. Against my better judgement, even though I really didn’t want them to, I agreed. I hated the thought of disappointing anyone, and my poor little anxious bunny heart didn’t know how to say no.
After that? Well, it was on for young and old. As word got out, other friends and family asked if they could borrow our car, or extend their trip and take our spare bedroom as soon as it was vacant, which meant I also felt pressured to organise extra sets of keys, clean the sheets, and restock the fridge.
My fiancé was as generous and unable to say no as I was, which meant the ‘yes’ parade kept marching on. Just when I thought we’d accommodated everyone, yet one more friend chimed in with a couch surfing request and a pitiful, “Well, if they’re all staying, can I stay too?”
Inside, I was growing perilously close to meltdown status, but instead, I nodded and mumbled yes.
SURE, Craig, you and your twenty-eight siblings can come stay with us. Oh, you wanna bring your cat too? No problem! Take our bed; we don’t even sleep!
Meanwhile, not only was I frantically trying to organise all of the wedding details, but I was also tearing my hair out helping everyone book their flights and accommodation at the resort. Of course they could do it themselves, but everyone knew I was great at organising, so what was the harm?
Hell-bent on ensuring everyone had the smoothest travel plans ever, I made myself completely available at all hours of the day and night. Which meant that instead of asking the resort their questions, they asked me.
“Hey Bex, does our room have an interconnecting door? We want to be close to so-and-so.”
“Does our room come with a hairdryer or do I need to bring one from home? Or better yet, do you think you could bring yours for me to borrow?”
“Do they have any dairy-free options on the breakfast menu? I’m not so good with lactose.