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Austin Macauley - Shaakirah Mesias

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73 pages

English

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Many women find themselves trapped in a cycle of abuse, whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or financial. It can be easy to believe promises and hold onto hope for change, especially when love and trust are involved. But staying in a toxic marriage, whether for the sake of children or fear of the unknown, can have unseen consequences. This book is about learning to trust in God and recognizing the blessings in hardship, even when it feels like a punishment. It's about embracing the change and having the strength to let go when things are at their worst. This is a journey towards finding gratitude in the trials and tribulations of life.

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Publié par	Austin Macauley
Date de parution	28 février 2023
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9789948802648
Langue	English
Poids de l'ouvrage	1 Mo

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27 Y ears- J ust a P iece of M eat
Shaakirah Mesias
Austin Macauley Publishers
2023-01-06
27 Years-Just a piece of meat About the Author Dedication Copyright Information © Acknowledgement Chapter 1: A Change of Plans Chapter 2: Building a Family Chapter 3: The First Trail Chapter 4: Broken Chapter 5: My Journey Back Chapter 6: Surviving a Madhouse Chapter 7: Leaving Home Chapter 8: Red Flags Chapter 9: History Repeats Itself Chapter 10: Facing Reality Chapter 11: Keeping My Focus Chapter 12: Reaching the Top of My Mountain Chapter 13: Moving On Confirming to the World Closure
About the Author
Shaakirah Mesias is a primary school teacher and a proud mother of four. She has overcome a major depressive disorder and educated herself further to improve her life. She has dedicated her life as a teacher and community worker to bringing change in the lives of her community and students. She has established a non-profit community after-care project. She did voluntary work and coached the only cheerleading team for students with special needs in South Africa who participated on the national level. She is currently part of the school leadership team where she works.
Dedication
Dedicated to my children that shared in my trials and tribulations. Their love, understanding, and continuous support is commendable. My family and friends whose love and support I appreciate. To every woman who faces her struggles in silence.
Copyright Information ©
Shaakirah Mesias 2023
The right of Shaakirah Mesias to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by the author in accordance with Federal Law No. (7) of UAE, Year 2002, Concerning Copyrights and Neighboring Rights.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.
Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to legal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
The age group that matches the content of the books has been classified according to the age classification system issued by the Ministry of Culture and Youth.
ISBN 9789948802631 (Paperback)
ISBN 9789948802648 (E Book)
Application Number: MC-10-01-5300291
Age Classification: E
First Published 2023
AUSTIN MACAULEY PUBLISHERS FZE
Sharjah Publishing City
P.O Box [519201]
Sharjah, UAE
www.austinmacauley.ae
+971 655 95 202
Acknowledgement
I thank the Almighty for his infinite blessings on me. Although my tests were tough, He brought me through each trial and tribulation. With His mercy, I am moving on. With His grace, I could complete my book with success.
A huge thank you to my family and friends for your positivity in motivating me to complete my book. For your continuous effort to stand by my children in my absence. Thank you for always being true friends.
Chapter 1 A Change of Plans

“You were just a piece of meat! From day one, I did not care about you! You were just a piece of meat! Just a piece of meat I had to eat!” he shouted at me on a video call. I could not process those words at that moment. I was shocked to the bone…
This man, this man that I dedicated everything to in a marriage of twenty-seven and a half years! The father of our four beautiful children.
The only words I could utter, “Shukran. Alhamdulilah.” Tears rolling rolled down my face. Quiet tears. No sound… My cheeks were wet but I was not crying. Something inside of me was reacting to this. I was not crying. Emptiness. Was it shock or relief? How did we get to this point? Where there was once indescribable love and affection – hollowness.
December 1991.
I opened a letter from the department of education. I got a position as a teacher in a small godforsaken place far away from home. I was 21 years old. I applied there to get away from a four-year-long relationship of abuse. Physical and mental abuse. I had to get away to find myself. Away from everything that was near and dear to me. My friends were not happy with my decision. Until today, I am not sure how my parents really felt about me leaving. While organizing my trip to start my new job, I still found time to go out with my friends because I was leaving them behind.
January 1992.
While on one of our many fun trips to the beach, I met him while playing ball with my friends and having fun in the sea. Yes, he was the proverbial tall, dark, and handsome young man. He made jokes and was very vocal. He was outspoken and fun to have around. Indeed, very charming. Any girl’s dream – prince charming.
We all went our separate ways as it was getting dark. We were supposed to meet up at a friend’s house, but I asked them to drop me at home. I was doing a stock-take early in the morning. For the rest of the week, when I got home, Mommy told me he came to look for me. At the end of the week, when I returned from the shop, he was sitting in our lounge waiting on me… I was not prepared mentally or emotionally for what was about to happen. He was just in my space and in my life without warning. A real smooth talker. Said everything at exactly the right time. Maybe I wanted or needed to hear it. His attention overwhelmed me. Was this a blessing in disguise? Was this my reason not to leave everything behind?
He asked me not to go. He found something in me. He loved me.
I was running away from home. I lost myself in the fear of that relationship. I vowed to find myself. I was not sure about anything.
Well, I stayed. By March, he asked my father to marry me and we were engaged to be married. Everything happened so fast. This whirlwind of a relationship overwhelmed me. Somehow, I felt loved and accepted. I was very shy and not assertive at all. What made me happy was if those around me were happy. I thrived on making clothes for others or doing their hair. Seeing others bloom made me smile.
We belonged to different religions. He had an illegitimate child with another girl. A child which he could not see. Somehow, I felt sorry for him, not being able to have a relationship with his flesh and blood. My parents were absolutely against this relationship. My daddy asked me to move out as this disturbed him to his core. Family history had a huge role to play in Daddy’s reaction. Being the black sheep of our family, I moved out. I learned about Islam and converted. This brought an even bigger wedge between my parents and me. Daddy totally ignored me. Mommy fell into a deep depression because of this.
I, on the other hand, learned more and more about Islam and was content with where I was in life. After all, I was getting married to this charming, handsome man. Amidst everything, I got along with his sisters. They were supportive of me and I learned a great deal from them.
Islam taught me the significant role my parents played in my life. It also played a major role in the type of parent and partner I was going to be. Would this prepare me for the storms, tsunamis, and cyclones of life? For what was coming in the next twenty-seven and a half years? I had a strong faith, but was this newfound strong faith enough to survive? I learned about sabr – patience. Would I have enough sabr to get me through my tests in life? Only time would tell.
February 1993.
We got married. It did not start well as my dad refused to attend the wedding, let alone accompany me out of my parents’ home. Mom came around and allowed me to stay at home that weekend, to get married from home. This meant a lot to me. Somehow, I thought that I was starting the next chapter of my life on the right note.
My husband was the youngest child of four and he was still staying with his parents. His father was not healthy and both parents were pensioners. He wanted us to live with them after the wedding. I just wanted to be a good person and my new purpose in life was to always be a good person and be good to others, so I agreed.
It was hard living with them as they were different from my parents. Small things became huge issues. Then his father got sick and needed to have a double bypass. Since I was earning a good salary, they expected me to step in if there was a need. This bothered me at the time because I learned in Islam that the husband must provide for his wife. Being the person I was, being new to the religion, I just let it slide. I thought I was pleasing Allah. I wanted to earn Allah’s pleasure. Always, all the time.
My husband was an intern at a railway company and had the opportunity to further his studies. He was a teacher before the internship. He had a teaching job in another province. He could not complete his degree due to financial issues. While studying, he received awards for his academic excellence. He was smart and I felt proud of his achievements. He did not earn much but to me it was no issue. He was studying while I was teaching and earned a good salary. It never crossed my mind once that it could make him feel inferior. I went for lessons to learn more about our religion. It made me want to be the best person I could be. Although my parents were still distant, I still visited them, regardless of how I was treated.
I got pregnant a few months after we got married. I cannot explain the joy I felt. This was our blessing. Our son was born without any complications. Alhamdulillah . All praise to God. His name was a reflection of my gratefulness to our Rabb. His name means my thanks. The first boy born into the family. Soon after, our baby was more in hospital than out of the hospital. He suffered from asthma. This was new to me. I had to keep my eye on him all the time. Checking for any change in his breathing pattern.
I was still teaching and my in-laws took care of my son. Things were so bad with my little one. Sometimes, we did not know if he was going to make it through the night. We went for many tests. Cystic fibrosis, a camera into his lungs, docto