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Publié par	Marshall Cavendish International (Asia) PTE LTD
Date de parution	01 avril 2012
Nombre de lectures	3
EAN13	9789814382748
Langue	English

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THE DIARY
100 days and lessons in corporate communications
Copyright 2012 Simon Maier
Cover art: Opal Works Pte Ltd
Published in 2012 by Marshall Cavendish Business
An imprint of Marshall Cavendish International
PO Box 65829
London EC1P 1NY, United Kingdom
info@marshallcavendish.co.uk
and
1 New Industrial Road, Singapore 536196
genrefsales@sg.marshallcavendish.com
www.marshallcavendish.com/genref
Other Marshall Cavendish offices: Marshall Cavendish International (Asia) Private Limited, 1 New Industrial Road, Singapore 536196 Marshall Cavendish Corporation. 99 White Plains Road, Tarrytown NY 10591-9001, USA Marshall Cavendish International (Thailand) Co Ltd. 253 Asoke, 12th Flr, Sukhumvit 21 Road, Klongtoey Nua, Wattana, Bangkok 10110, Thailand Marshall Cavendish (Malaysia) Sdn Bhd, Times Subang, Lot 46, Subang Hi-Tech Industrial Park, Batu Tiga, 40000 Shah Alam, Selangor Darul Ehsan, Malaysia
Marshall Cavendish is a trademark of Times Publishing Limited
The right of Simon Maier to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owner. Requests for permission should be addressed to the publisher.
The author and publisher have used their best efforts in preparing this book and disclaim liability arising directly and indirectly from the use and application of this book.
All reasonable efforts have been made to obtain necessary copyright permissions. Any omissions or errors are unintentional and will, if brought to the attention of the publisher, be corrected in future printings.
A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978-981-4382-74-8
Printed and bound in Great Britain by TJ International Limited, Padstow, Cornwall.
Dedicated to:
Ben, Charlie and Jamie.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, Grapple them unto thy soul with hoops of steel.
Polonius to Laertes: Hamlet 1, iii
To set a gloss on faint deeds, hollow welcomes, Recanting goodness, sorry ere tis shown; But where there is true friendship, there needs none.
Timon: Timon of Athens 1, ii
PLEASE NOTE:
While this book is based on actual experiences and some real places are mentioned, the people, companies, situations and email addresses are fictitious. No association with any real company, organisation, person living or dead, email address or events is intended or should be inferred.
I went out to Charing Cross to see Major General Harrison hanged, drawn and quartered; which was done there, he looking as cheerful as any man could in that condition.
Samuel Pepys, diarist (1633-1703)
I FIRST MET Arthur Shilling during his second year at our university. He was studying Shakespeare and I was teaching an option on Romeo and Juliet . I found him to be an attentive student and he was most keen to take part in the Dotheby Players productions, a motley crew of literature students who had a decent stab at a couple of Shakespeare productions each year, led by yours truly. I discovered that Arthur was particularly keen on Shakespearian stagecraft and was more than adept at holding his own with Mercutio.
He began to apply for a number of jobs in his final year and eventually secured a position as a corporate communications executive with Grammond Hopes, an international bank with over 100,000 people around the world on its payroll. The 2009 financial crisis seemed to have left the behemoth unscathed, which must say something for its management.
Arthur was very keen to keep an email diary of his first year with GH (as he grew to call his corporate parents) and I agreed that I would advise where I could on aspects of communication that he found difficult. I can t say that I am the expert on such matters and certainly modesty should prevail but, between my first attempt at academia and this current bout of bliss, I was, for over five years, head of corporate communications at Franklin, Cakes and Dribs Financial Services in London. I have also written a number of articles on the subject of good communication, particularly in times of financial downturn. Arthur thought me something of a communications expert - flattering certainly, although I did point out that not all the new gizmos and widgets of social networking were, or indeed are, always 100% familiar to me.
Once young Arthur had finished his first year or so with Gammond Hopes and had taken the consequences of his successes and failures, I m ashamed to say that I decided to publish his email diary to add a few modest coppers to my lean pension fund. Arthur protested, of course, maintaining that I had made money from his experiences, although I did point out that this was exactly what any author or playwright does one way or another. Didn t Shakespeare? And anyway, I remarked to the young fellow - smarting as he was in a rather undignified way - that there were lessons to be learnt and, since I had provided many of said lessons, then surely I had a right to some of the gain?
He didn t necessarily agree and threatened all kinds of ripostes and actions, none of which came to much apart from a few solicitors letters and I do like to think that we re still the best of friends. Anyway, here you are - the learnings according to me about the travail of one Arthur Shilling BA (most richly deserved, even if his Fool in King Lear was oddly similar to The Joker from the Batman film franchise).

Professor S Charteris
Still Waters, Bridgetown, Barbados
From: Arthur Shilling arthur.shilling@gammondhopes.com Sent: 04/18/2011 8.16 AM GMT To: Steven Charteris stevencharteris@staracademy.com Subject: To begin at the beginning
Steven
You did say that I might call you by your first name, so I really hope that you don t mind. I can revert very quickly to Professor Charteris, if you wish. By the way, I ve just watched the black and white film The Browning Version . You know, Terence Rattigan and starring Michael Redgrave. Have you seen it? Extremely good and the oratory at the end can t be matched. Reminded me a bit of you actually. No offence.
Well, I arrived at the head office of Grammond Hopes Bank half an hour early. Wanted to create a good impression. Was asked to sign a special book at reception - I hadn t brought any of my joining papers with me. Bit daft really, because I had been reminded. I also had to ask Mr Alan Trebbish (that s what it said on the receptionist s badge) if I could borrow his pen. That was a moment of great anxiety for him, because it was a Mont Blanc Starwalker Resin Line, and the process caused me no little embarrassment because the book was on a short metal lead and I had to clamber onto the reception desk in order to put pen to paper. Alan told me to get down.
Anyway, that done and with my badge cheerily clipped onto my jacket lapel, I made my way up to the 7th floor in what is called the slow lift (one that stops at every floor automatically whether you want it to or not). By the time we reached (what I now know as) my floor, the lift was empty and, for some reason, I was humming Yellow Submarine to myself.
Outside the lift there stood a very tall, gaunt and severe-looking Indian gentleman, probably in his late thirties, who introduced himself to me as Mr Bose. Hello, Mr Both, I said. He corrected me with a curt, It s Bose, not Boat. I believe that this was the point at which our relationship momentarily broke down.
Mr Bose (n e Both or Boat) took me through three sets of glass security doors and then we walked past about a hundred metres of filing cabinets. He ran a long thumbnail along the ridges of the cabinet doors, making a kind of Pink Floyd staccato beat. That s very good, I said. He just turned round, gave me a bit of a stare and said nothing.
This is where you sit, said Mr Bose, gesturing at a long glass-topped desk on which sat a laptop docking pod and a brand new Sony laptop. Also on the desk was an empty, but sparkling, set of see-through plastic pen and pencil holders and a few envelopes with my name typed on each. And there was a white phone along with a box containing the very latest BlackBerry Bold.
Wait here, please Mr Penny. Mrs Sourdough will be joining you in a moment to begin your induction. You will also meet Mr Rattles, Head of EMEA Communications, and Jez Staffordshire. Mr Staffordshire is Director, Comms IPIDL.
I confess to nearly laughing out loud because I was sure he d said I piddle . Anyway, of course I didn t and he hadn t really, but Mr Bose just wandered off again, making the filing cabinets his very own drum kit. I was not a little miffed that he d managed a tit for tat re surnames. Game on, I thought.
The day passed quickly as indeed did much of the week. I duly met Mr Derek Rattles, Head of EMEA Communications, who stared out of his 34th floor corner office window most of the time we talked. The view on the 41th floor is astonishing of course, particularly from the boardroom. The table there seats 56 and is made from one piece of Javanese wood. The Chairman commissioned it. He was concerned as to my speechwriting capabilities because it seems that the Chairman s scriptwriter is in hospital and the Communications Department is responsible for filling the gap. Executives at GH make lots of speeches and apparently I shall be penning some of those. I also have to help with the delivery of a number of corporate events. Not sure yet what that entails, but it sounds exciting and very rock and roll. And, there s an amateur dramatics group here called the Shakedown Players and they put on a Shakespeare every few months. I m going to audition for something I think. I have great affection for my Dotheby Players days - under your tutelage of course.
Once I got used to