Scoring Goals in the Dark , livre ebook

Pitch Publishing Ltd - Clare Shine

Découvre YouScribe en t'inscrivant gratuitement

Je m'inscris

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

96 pages

English

Vous pourrez modifier la taille du texte de cet ouvrage

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

A propos
Informations
Extrait

Description

As a young footballer, Clare Shine appeared to have it all. She won her first international call-up at age 13, and by 15 was part of the Republic of Ireland Women's under-17 squad. But the pressure of being a star striker weighed heavily on her young shoulders. By age 19, she had played in a UEFA European Championship and a FIFA World Cup, scored the winner in a Cup Final, won her first senior international cap and become a full-time professional player. But she had also become addicted to alcohol, experimented with drugs, suffered panic attacks and attempted suicide for the first time. This is the story of someone trapped in a world where the weight of expectancy and the battle with personal demons was all washed away, albeit temporarily, whenever she put the ball in the back of the net. It is the story of a girl struggling to find her true identity, a journey in search of confidence and self-belief from someone who seemingly had it in abundance, and a remarkable tale of recovery and achieving new goals.

Sujets

Ireland

Stephen Ireland

Informations

Publié par	Pitch Publishing Ltd
Date de parution	06 juin 2022
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781801502771
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0500€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

First published by Pitch Publishing, 2022
Pitch Publishing
A2 Yeoman Gate
Yeoman Way
Durrington
BN13 3QZ
www.pitchpublishing.co.uk
Clare Shine with Gareth Maher, 2022
Every effort has been made to trace the copyright.
Any oversight will be rectified in future editions at the earliest opportunity by the publisher.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the Publisher.
A CIP catalogue record is available for this book from the British Library
Print ISBN 9781801501170
eBook ISBN 9781801502771
---
eBook Conversion by www.eBookPartnership.com
Contents
Foreword by Katie McCabe
1. Darkest Hour
2. Juggling It All
3. Drinking
4. Rising Star
5. From High to Low to Going Pro
6. Glory, Glory Glasgow City
7. Hometown Blues
8. Oh, What a Year
9. Let s Take This Seriously
10. Speaking Out
11. Relapse
12. The Comeback
13. New Goals
Acknowledgments
Career Statistics
Photos
Foreword by Katie McCabe
E VERYONE does it, even though we don t mean to, but we all judge a book by its cover. At least initially anyway. We make snap judgements on things and only by turning a few pages do we get to see the true version of something or someone.
That is how I feel about Clare Shine. She is someone who I had heard about long before I ever met her, so that reputation formed part of my first impression of her. Then, as we got to know each other, I realised that there was so much more to her.
That discovery hasn t stopped, because Clare hasn t stopped evolving. I ve tried to think of a way to describe the person she has become and the most fitting term is brave . I admire her bravery to be so open with who she is, what she has been through and how her experiences can possibly help others.
My opinion of Clare has come a long way from the messy room-mate and talented team-mate to someone who I m proud to call one of my best friends. There have been some bumps along the way, as there are in any relationship, and that has challenged us both over the years. We ve grown up together and life has been very different for us in many ways. Sometimes I felt like I didn t know her any more as she would keep silent and I wondered if everything was OK.
Having always been an outgoing person who was the life of the dressing room and never afraid to express herself out on the pitch, it was confusing when Clare went quiet but I knew that something was wrong.
Eventually, she confided in me and felt that she could trust me by revealing that she was struggling with her mental health. I helped in whatever way I could but it was Clare who made the necessary changes that have allowed her to become the person she is today.
The first step in that, which I m really proud of her for taking, was admitting that she needed help. It s very difficult to go through something like that but once she allowed people to help then she was able to show just how strong she is to come through it all. Of course, she has her good days and bad days but I admire her so much for the bravery that she has shown in dealing with her struggles.
The strength that she has shown to come out and raise awareness for mental health has been phenomenal. It can t be easy to have gone through what she has had to and be willing to share the full details of it with the world. I know that her openness helps others because there are so many people who suffer in silence. That is why this book is so important as it smashes through this nonsense that you should not share when you are feeling vulnerable because it might be a burden for others. Clare has taught us all that it s not only OK to speak out, it is imperative.
The other thing that should not get lost here is just how good a footballer Clare is. I remember begging her to join Raheny United and always loving playing with her in Republic of Ireland teams. She is so direct with her running off defenders, her dynamic link-up play and, of course, her finishing in front of goal. That goal against Spain in the UEFA Women s Under-19 European Championship always sticks in my mind as a favourite memory.
Clare still has a lot to give on the pitch as a player and I hope to make many new memories with her as a team-mate. Away from the pitch, she is getting stronger and more confident in herself and I know that she will use that in a positive way to help others. This book is only the beginning of Clare s story.
Katie McCabe
Republic of Ireland WNT captain
Arsenal footballer
1
Darkest Hour
S ATURDAY, 20 October 2018 was the day that I tried to kill myself, for the first time. For an entire week I had been plotting my death. I decided that it was the right time to bring my misery to an end and stop causing trouble for those I loved most.
Except most plans never work out exactly how you want them to.
Drink has always been something that I have turned to while struggling with my mental health. Little did I know that it would lead to me being technically classed as an alcoholic before the age of 23. When drinking, I could speak more openly and I was able to express myself in a way that I never could on an average day. I relied on it to find both courage and confidence.
The day started like any other, at least during that period of my life, with a few drinks too many. The Octoberfest in Carrigaline was designed to bring people together and enjoy a few beers, but I opted to use it to drown out everything that I was feeling.
A few hours later, I stirred in the passenger seat of a car as I forced myself to stay awake. My mum was on chauffeur service as she brought me and a few friends into Cork city centre to continue our night out. Mum tried to encourage me to come home, but of course I had more drinking to do.
The first stop was in a bar called Grand Central, where I decided to alter the pace of the evening by snorting some cocaine in the toilet. With the effects of alcohol fading, I needed another boost. Except this one was a little too strong and I floated across the nightclub like an astronaut taking advantage of the lack of gravity in outer space.
A change of venue did little to bring me back down to earth. In fact, I spent most of my time in Cypress Avenue trying to evade the bouncers who were determined to eject the rabble-rouser who was aggressively bumping into people and making more noise than the DJ for the hire.
It didn t take long for them to catch me, usher me towards the main doors and dump me on the pathway as if I was a bag of rubbish that someone else would clean up at some stage. Naturally, I voiced my displeasure at this. If you re going to treat me like a dog then I m going to bark like one back at you.
Then I started to sober up, at least enough to realise that I was on my own and nobody was coming to get me. Typical, I d taken it too far again. What was the point in trying to fight back? None of my friends had even noticed I was missing. Or maybe they had decided they d had enough of my behaviour. So why wait anymore?
I stepped off the pathway into the main road and closed my eyes so I didn t have to see the oncoming car crash into me. I wanted to be squashed like a bug and bring my petty existence to an end. Goodbye world, nice knowing ya!
The driver, however, reacted as quickly as he could and slowed almost to a complete stop. The front of the car still hit me and bowled me over. My bag swung loose and scratched the paintwork on the bonnet as my torso smashed down on to the cold concrete and my neck snapped forward quickly before I curled into a ball, like a hedgehog trying to protect itself. People gathered around and the driver got out to check to see if I was alive, which I was unfortunately. Wanting the ground to swallow me up, I continued to shout the same line, as the tears streamed down my face. I kept repeating, I just want to die.
I had failed in my attempt to commit suicide. I couldn t do anything right, even when it came to killing myself. This was my darkest hour and yet I still came through it, which meant a lot more suffering was to come because I had serious mental health problems and they were not going to disappear anytime soon.
Initially my intention was to slip away via an overdose of tablets. That felt like the best way to do it; painless, no mess. But here I was now in the back of an ambulance crying uncontrollably, having to deal with the mess I had gotten myself into. How am I going to explain this to my family? How do I explain to them that I don t want to be alive? Where did I go wrong?
Amazingly, I wasn t injured from the incident and was not charged. The driver - who I m pretty sure I walked past in the Garda station on the Tuesday afterwards - opted not to press charges but simply asked about my wellbeing. I could have ruined his life, yet he was willing to forgive and forget.
I had to do something similar. I had to accept responsibility for my actions. Before doing that, though, I went back to that bar a few days later in search of CCTV footage of the incident. I guess I was looking for confirmation that it really happened. As if that would change anything - the past or the present.
If I were to retrace my steps in search of the original trigger point in wanting to kill myself it would lead to a Venn diagram that interlinks all of my self-doubt, loss of confidence and burning anxiety back to when a childhood friend tragically lost her life in an accident.
The shock of experiencing something so traumatic at such a young age - I would have be