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262 pages

English

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Description

Ruminations of a Catholic School Girl is a compendium of random thoughts on food, love, sex, shopping, marriage, divorce, death, rebirth, the existential vacuum and music through essays, notes passed in class, and diary entries.

Sujets

Humour

Informations

Publié par	First Edition Design Publishing
Date de parution	21 mars 2012
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781937520670
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0480€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

Ruminations of a Catholic School Girl
(Who Thinks in Latin but Lives Near Hackensack)

By
Vicki Lindgren Rimasse
Copyright © 2012 by Vicki Lindgren Rimasse

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

ISBN 978-1-937520-67-0
Published by First Edition Design eBook Publishing
March 2012
www.firsteditiondesignpublishing.com

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise—without prior written permission of the publisher.
Cover A rt “The Reluctant Prom Queen” by Vicki Lindgren Rimasse
Cover Design – Deborah E Gordon First Edition Design Publishing

Characters were developed with the use of poetic license.
Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.
Dedication
This book is dedicated with eternal gratitude to my brilliant, beautiful and wise son Dylan Andrew Young, who gave me miraculous blessings.
Prologue
You might wonder why someone like me thinks she has a voice to raise to comment on the important, arcane and the trivially baffling current events that buffet our senses almost daily through that happy medium known as TV. Or worse: Cable TV. Psychiatrists tell us these woven pictures have an impact on our collective 'id" and the resulting trauma affect us permanently. I have no such thoughts. I wonder why my landlord won't leave my kitchen after fixing the leak; I wonder how my son who has been driving a car for six months has two accidents while he has his phone in his possession, but none when I confiscate it! And I wonder why all my male colleagues have terrible breath after 330 in the afternoon… also wonder how I got here in the first place!
I was born to two wonderful parents in the idyllic community known as East Meadow. I simply cannot emphasize the impact they had on me. They gave me the best gifts ever: to hear everything with a jaundiced ear....and to have faith. Which is why my resulting history of private high school, a law degree, and a promising career in marketing became a struggle with three husbands, a broken career path, and a struggle to achieve the life I was promised, which then turned into a struggle to even know what that meant...this book is about those crossing currents. My observations on the winners and losers in this game. Comments on the true meaning of feminism (avoiding his falling asleep after the blow job shared from my psycho chicks’ network and how it all came back to me at once - through old and new friends.
This is their story and mine.
You will see that my life had one lone constant shining light in it that also burns true today. ! But like many men, he cannot take a compliment...so I will let you have the fun of discovering that little light buried in ,my comments on......the meaning of New Jersey. The suburbs versus my city house share life, Billy Joel, the Doors, Catholic high School, learning to speak Latin, why men are so difficult and why they are so simple-minded, why my friends failed with men because they did not listen to me, and why that mean boy from High School who calls me “Vic” still gets my goat today.
So to the “older boys” who didn’t notice me when I was an awkward ninth grader and who refused to kiss me after the football game band and before the sock hop…? I hope you see error of your ways…
Acknowledgements
There are so many people to thank in inspiring me to write this book and enriching my life.
First and foremost – I must thank Tom Gahan, author of Harmony Bay, who encouraged me to stop posting incessant status updates on Facebook and “write the book already!”
Although I could not make my dedication page any longer than it already was – this book is also dedicated to the many people who inspired me over the years. This book is dedicated to my family in heaven my especially my parents Lucia Rita Iervolino (a/k/a Lucy Marie Lindgren) and Victor Eric Lindgren, who filled my childhood home (and my head) with the best vocabulary words I ever learned; Theresa Massa Iervolino a/k/a GrandmaTessie whose words “Don’t notice so much” were the best advice anyone ever gave me; Johannes Victor Lindgren a/k/a Grandpa John who ate my Play Dough peas, let me set his hair in curlers and whose words “You’re all heart” gave me something to live up to; to my great Uncle John Viking Enlund who died way too young but to whom I’m eternally grateful just for having that name; how many people can actually say they had a relative named “Viking.” To my family on earth, including my older sister Denise Lindgren Devine McCabe Morrissey whom I have always idolized; to my brother Matty Devine who never ages. To my best friends in the world old, new and recycled, including Lucy, Lina, Ann, Angela, Chef Janice, Melisa, Jaime, Tom Ryan (the voice of reason, a/k/a “The Mighty TR”) and of course, author Tom Gahan who encouraged, inspired and cajoled me into writing this, my first book.
This book is also dedicated to those who have been in my life for almost all of it, including but not limited to Lucy Bornscheuer and Jaime Garrigan. If I hadn’t passed notes to you in class, my writing might never have been discovered. Lina Trubilla, Jessica Levin (the High Tech Hottie), Angela Stavola, Melisa Manganelli, Susan Marmol, Diane Clark, Lois O’Connor, Jessica Morales (a/k/a “Ho Bag”)…thanks for being founding members of the “Psycho Chick Network” and for hanging in there with me through so many dramas and shoe emergencies. Ann Chodkowski Ball – for all the times you’ve been there for me and for all the laughs in college, at Wendell Terrace and at Bloomingdale’s. Robin McLeish – thanks for talking me in off the ledge. Cody McLeish – thanks for all the laughs – HORSERADISH.
To Bob Zak who keeps giving me reports to edit which makes me feel like a “real” writer. To Maralyn Dolan who took me out of the trash heap (you know what I mean).
To Chef Janice Mancusi, whose recipes keep me well-fed on a daily basis; I’m happy we took French together back at Trinity even if I barely remember how to say “Je me brasses les dents.”
To Annick and Neil Nurisso for remaining part of my family years after my marriage to “he who shall remain nameless” unceremoniously ended.
To Terri Keck, the reluctant prom queen – whose persona inspired the cover art.
To Danny Doran a/k/a “The Mover” whose penchant for women younger than most of my shoes provides a constant source of material; to Grant Elman with whom I love to go to dinner with as he eats all of the leftovers in the vicinity which keeps me from turning into a beached whale.
To those who have broken my heart – or at least bent it a little – and you know who you are. I forgive you. Writing this book helped.
To Michael Bode – the only character in the book whose name I didn’t change since he is a character. Mike – you make me laugh on a daily basis and you’re an inspiration to me (even though I still refuse to drink the Kool Aid)
And to Thomas Patrick Ryan a/k/a “Mighty TR” who gave me my title and who is the only other person I know who also thinks in Latin (other than a priest or two here and there). Tom – you make me laugh like a sixth-grader and you inspire me with your courage and strength and your homeroom picture from the 70s inspired one of the best pieces of art I’ve ever done, bar none.
Table of Contents
Introduction
Animal Magnetism Deconstructed
Blonde? Yes. Dumb? No. Bombshell? Not So Much
The Private Wars of Sal Mineo
River Rafting with Wolfgar
1993:Jewish Girls Are Fast
Sans Soucci Tonight
Sausage Festivals
Being Careful What One Wishes For
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
Life Imitates Art...Or At Least I Like to Call it "Art"
The Sound of One Hand Clapping
Resume-Breathing Dragons
The Icing on the Cake
Xena's Brown Sugar
Crumbs for the Sweeper
Repetitive Fish and Mini Food Fights
Basha's Football Lesson
Why Pizza is Safer Than Relationships
Mango Tango
Reefer Not So Madness
Life Over Easy With a Side of Burned Bacon
The Way-Shower
Collecting Residuals
The Fortune Cookie Crumbles
Man Plans, God Laughs
I Love You, Mrs. Paul
Bye Bye Boone's Farm (after they've seen Paree)
The Patron Saint of Emotional Unavailability
Dodging Canned Ham
Good-bye Kitty; I'm Back to Black
Feeling "Fab" Again Now that the Tides Have Turned
When Sal Monella is Not Your Cousin From the Bronx
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Plate
When All Else Fails, Bacon Prevails
The Way We Weren’t
Animal Magnetism Deconstructed
It's Not You - It's Me: Friendship, Secrets and Lies
Art Imitating Life
Chain Chain Chain - Goodbye Broccoli Rabe
Enough About Me...What Do You Think of Me
Our Lady of Perpetual Guilt
Shameful Self Promotion
Saying it with Pancakes
Googling for Kugel
Barbie: Don't Hate Her Because She's Beautiful
Snow White's Appraisers
A Name By Any Other Rose
Surrendering ...But Not Giving Oneself Away
Virtual Realities
In Whose Eyes?
What a Difference a Perm Makes
When Life Hands You Stale Garlic Bread, Make Croutons
Reading the Writing on the Wall
I'd Rather Go Hungry Than Burp Tupperware
God Bless You, Viktor Frankl
A Previous Engagement
Maybe the Pope Isn't Catholic
Ingrown Adults
I'll Ghost to That
All Roads Lead to Triple A
Taking One for the Team
It's Not You and It's Not Me - It's Cookie Puss
Maybe She's Just Not That Into Your Socks...
If He's "Not That Into You" Why Does He Act Like a Lovesick Puppy?
Irksome Idiosyncricities
I Hate Valentine's Day Even When I'm in a Relationship
Sleepers Never Dream
Venus, Mars and "To the Moon, Alice"
Alpha Women Blinded by Cavemen
Simple is the New Complicated
Plenty of Fish in the Tank
If You Have to Ask You Don't Want to Know
When the Remote is Not the Only Control Issue
All Tied Up With No Place to Go
Sex Like Mommy and Daddy
So For At Least Until Tomorrow
Bless Me, Father, For I’m About To Sin
Kissing the Paper