Parenting a Troubled Teen , livre ebook

New Harbinger Publications - Zurita Ona Patricia E.

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145 pages

English

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Publié par	New Harbinger Publications
Date de parution	01 août 2017
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781626259003
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0758€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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“Patricia Zurita Ona offers thoughtful guidance and straightforward tools to help parents remain present for their struggling teen while learning to ride the push and pull of their teen’s emotional tides. However, this book is not just for parents with troubled teens. Every parent will find something useful in this book, for what parent and what teen has not felt the pull of strong emotions?”
— Michael A. Tompkins, PhD, ABPP , codirector of the San Francisco Bay Area Center for Cognitive Therapy; assistant clinical professor at the University of California, Berkeley; and coauthor of My Anxious Mind
“As a certified school psychologist working in high schools for many years, I genuinely wish I had Parenting a Troubled Teen to give to the parents and guardians of the students I was helping. Zurita Ona outlines very practical steps for adults who would like to help their teenager thrive during the chaotic times in their lives. Because the book is filled with real-world vignettes and useful exercises, parents and guardians will find Parenting a Troubled Teen to be a valuable resource for fostering stronger and more mature relationships.”
— D. J. Moran, PhD, BCBA-D , founder of Pickslyde Consulting and the MidAmerican Psychological Institute
“As every parent knows, having children brings both joy and pain. But nothing prepares parents for the unique trials and tribulations of a troubled teen. Fortunately, help is at hand. This book is an incredibly practical guide to helping your child reduce suffering, build richer relationships, and become more successful in the face of life’s many challenges. No matter how bad things may have gotten, it’s never too late to turn the tide; and step-by-step, in a compassionate and respectful way, this book will show you just how to do it.”
— Russ Harris , author of The Happiness Trap and ACT Made Simple
“Profound and compassionate, Parenting a Troubled Teen affirms real-world tools for caregivers. This book includes important information that offers new possibilities in parenting—challenging assumptions about adolescents while illuminating a fresh perspective on how to forge a meaningful connection that goes beyond ‘fixing.’”
— Timothy Gordon, MSW, RSW , social worker, peer-reviewed acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) trainer, and coauthor of The ACT Approach
“Parents of teens who struggle with emotion regulation often describe feeling confused and overwhelmed by their teens’ behavior. Zurita Ona has come to the rescue with her beautifully crafted guide on how to apply acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to the challenges experienced while parenting highly sensitive teens. This book will help parents manage their own intense emotions, and interact more empathically and effectively with their children. I look forward to recommending this book to the parents of my clients!”
— Jamie A. Micco, PhD, ABPP , clinical psychologist in private practice in Concord, MA, and lecturer in psychology at Harvard Medical School
“If you’re parenting a troubled teen, you almost certainly feel like a troubled parent who has a troubled parent-child relationship. If this sounds familiar, read this book! Zurita Ona comes to the rescue with this revolutionary guide for breaking unhelpful patterns of interacting with your teen, becoming the parent you truly aspire to be, and having a rich and meaningful relationship despite the emotional challenges.”
— Jill A. Stoddard, PhD , coauthor of The Big Book of ACT Metaphors , and director of The Center for Stress and Anxiety Management in San Diego, CA

Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2017 by Patricia E. Zurita Ona
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
The exercise “Pure Moments of Purpose” is adapted with permission from MINDFULNESS FOR TWO by Kelly Wilson and Troy DuFrene, copyright © 2008 by Kelly Wilson and Troy DuFrene. Used by permission of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Cover design by Amy Shoup
Acquired by Ryan Buresh
Edited by Brady Kahn
All Rights Reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file
To my uncles Juan and Franklin, my aunt Sofia, and my mom, Patricia: you taught me that life is what we make of it.
To all the parents I worked with: you have been my greatest teachers.
Contents
Foreword vii
Introduction 1
Part 1: Getting Started
1. “Why Is It so Hard?”: How ACT Can Help 5
2. “My House Is a Stress Machine”: Your Struggle as a Parent 11
Part 2: Being Real
3. “She’s so Manipulative”: Judgment Thoughts 23
4. “He Just Shouldn’t”: When Rules Become Rigid 35
5. “My Time-Traveling Machine”: Worries and Ruminations 45
6. “I Suck as a Parent”: Mind Stories 53
7. “It’s an Emotional Rollercoaster”: Handling Those Intense Emotions 63
8. “What Type of Parent Do I Want to Be?”: Your Parenting Values 71
Part 3: Making a Shift
9. “I’m Here, Fully Present”: Mindfulness Skills 85
10. “I See You”: Appreciation Skills 99
11. “I Get It, It’s Hard”: Empathy Skills 107
12. “Let’s Talk”: Assertiveness Skills 119
13. “Stop Nagging, Start Rewarding”: Behavioral-Management Skills 129
14. “Let’s Deal with This”: Conflict Resolution Skills 139
15. “Taming the Demon”: Anger Skills 149
16. “I Don’t Know How to Let It Go”: Forgiveness Skills 165
17. “Why Do I Need to Be Kind?”: Compassion Skills 175
Part 4: When Things Get Rocky
18. “Let’s Drop the Feminine Crap!”: For Fathers and Male Caregivers 191
19. “Am I Willing?”: Moments of Choice 199
Afterword 211
Appendix 213
Acknowledgments 221
References 223
Foreword
Relationships are living entities that evolve, morph, and transform, and to be successful, they require attention. No relationship will survive without adjustments, changes, and caring behaviors from the people involved in it. This simple, powerful statement by Patricia Zurita-Ona can dignify even your darkest moments as a parent. This book is written to help you walk that walk and discover the best of yourself, even in the worst moments you will face as a parent. It is a book especially designed for parents of teens with emotion dysregulation problems, those highly sensitive teens who require specialized skills and specialized responses from their parents. Sadly, many parents fail to appreciate this core principle of parenting. Parenting is a process, not an outcome, and success is not determined by heroic, single acts of acceptance or forgiveness, nor by “winning” a heated argument with a teenager. Parenting is a process that is best thought of as a long journey that, unbelievably enough, will bring you to your knees at one juncture and into contact with the best of who you are at another. And this process will go on and on as you and your child travel the path of life together. The journey requires that you persist in being guided by your values as a parent, even as the emotions of the moment tempt you to stop.
Here is another truth from this wonderfully written book: You cannot choose what shows up under your skin; you cannot choose how your teen feels, thinks, or behaves. But you can choose how to respond in that moment. In this book, Zurita-Ona is really laying out a serenity prayer for parents. Know what you can change (i.e., your behavior in this moment); know what you must accept (i.e., your own emotional reactions to your child, memories of your upbringing, self-doubts about your adequacy as a parent, and what your teen says and does to stimulate these things inside of you). And, finally, she offers you a way to self-knowledge: You possess the wisdom to know the difference. Part of this self-knowledge is learning the different types of thoughts that create roadblocks to being true to your values as a parent. The book is written with a format that helps parents to look at their own behaviors that might be driven by either being fused with their internal mind noise or avoiding those uncomfortable emotions themselves. The second part of the book, “Being Real,” taps into how the mind comes up with rules, future and past thoughts, stories, and evaluations that only derail parents from having a real relationship with their teen; it teaches parents multiple defusion skills for dealing with each one of those thoughts, images, and memories that show up in their mind.
Here is the central question that life poses in your quest to be the best parent you can be: When dealing with your teen and feeling triggered by what she’s saying or doing, are you willing to have those thoughts, memories, sensations, feelings, and urges, and still do what matters to you as a parent in that particular moment? This is the essence of the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy approach to parenting: what really matters to us . Acceptance is the alternative to the useless struggle to control things in our inner world that can’t be controlled. It offers an alternative to using ill-advised strategies that give you momentary relief but backfire in the long run. Emotional pain is not bad for you; instead, it shines a light on what matters to you. Being in the present moment is the alternative to shutting down your emotions and trying to parent your teen at arms-length so you won’t get hurt; it presents an alternative to the inward feeling of being rejected or the worry that you are a failure. Zurita-Ona’s book is full of easy, practical strategies you can use to help you accept what is going on inside, get present, and be the parent you want to be.
As any parent knows, having the wisdom to respond in a way that will bring you