My Wife Doesn't Love Me Any More , livre ebook

Marshall Method Publishing - G Marshall Andrew

Découvre YouScribe en t'inscrivant gratuitement

Je m'inscris

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

58 pages

English

Vous pourrez modifier la taille du texte de cet ouvrage

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

A propos
Informations
Extrait

Description

Your wife has not only fallen out of love but, worse still, she is refusing point blank to try and fix things. She says 'she can't change her feelings', she needs 'space' and the children should know - even though it will break their hearts. You've told her how much you love her, you've begged for a second chance but everything is falling on deaf ears. The situation might seem bleak but help is at hand. Marital therapist, Andrew G Marshall has spent over twenty-five years helping couples find love again and he has a message of HOPE. You can help your wife to fall back in love, even if you're separated or suspect there's another man in the background. In this practical book, he explains: The six worst and the six best reactions to discovering your wife doesn't love you any more. How to get to the bottom of why she's fallen out of love. Five things you think will save your marriage but are just pushing your wife further away. Five strategies to instantly improve the atmosphere at home. How to keep going in the face of disinterest and rejection. Why most men give up too soon. How to know when to accept the inevitable and when to keep trying.

Sujets

Dating

Informations

Publié par	Marshall Method Publishing
Date de parution	16 novembre 2012
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781783014965
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0350€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

My Wife Doesn’t Love Me Any More
My Wife Doesn’t Love Me Any More
The Love Coach Guide To Winning Her Back
by
Andrew G. Marshall
Published by Marshall Method Publishing.
Copyright © 2012, 2014 Andrew G. Marshall
The right of Andrew G. Marshall to be identified as author of this Work has been asserted by him in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in retrieval system, copied in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise transmitted without written permission from the publisher. You must not circulate this book in any format.
Cover designed by Gary A. Rosenberg. www.thebookcouple.com
ISBN 978-1-78301-496-5
Find out more about the author and his books at www.marshallmethodpublishing.com
Typeset by Troubador Publishing Ltd, Leics, UK.
Contents
Introduction
C HAPTER O NE
Help! My wife has fallen out of love
C HAPTER T WO
Why doesn’t my wife love me?
C HAPTER T HREE
Can I fix things on my own?
C HAPTER F OUR
How can I keep strong when I’m getting no encouragement from my wife?
C HAPTER F IVE
How do I know when it’s best to give up and stop trying?
Appendix
Recommended Reading
About the Author
Introduction
It is almost 10 years since the first person arrived in my marital therapy room having told their partner: ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you.’ As a result I wrote an article for the Observer newspaper in the UK about couples splitting up not because they hated each other but because one partner had fallen out of love.
The response was overwhelming and I was asked to write the book, I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You: Seven Steps To Saving Your Relationship (Bloomsbury). It turned out to be not just a UK phenomena: the book has been translated into German, French, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, Swedish, Greek, Turkish – in fact, 15 languages and counting. I also became the first UK-based self-help writer to be published by HCI (the US publishing giant behind the best-selling Chicken Soup series).
Back in 2006, when the book was published, I thought I’d written everything that needed to be said on I Love You But... However, it was aimed at both the person who had fallen out of love and their partner. I didn’t cover the differences between when a man falls out of love and when a woman falls out of love, because I didn’t want to make generalisations about all women this or all men that. My sample of cases were all couples who were committed enough to saving their relationship to phone up Relate (the UK’s leading couple counselling charity), book an appointment for an initial assessment and wait the weeks and sometimes months to start on-going counselling. However, desperate letters to my website ( www.andrewgmarshall.com ) told a different story – one where women and men told their partners they’d fallen out of love and either immediately or a few days later declared that the relationship was over. They couldn’t ‘change’ their feelings, they needed ‘space’ and the children should ‘be told’. There was ‘no point’ going into counselling and if the person who had fallen out of love did reluctantly agree, it was just to tick the box that said ‘we tried everything’. These correspondents had found my book incredibly helpful and had drawn hope from my message that you can fall back in love again, but wanted to know how to communicate this to their partner.
The more letters I received and the more stories I heard, the more I began to realise it was a completely different experience being a man told I love you but … rather than a woman. Time and again, these men were isolated and didn’t know where to turn for support. They had always taken their emotional problems to their wives. Their mates might have offered a beer and the chance to take their mind off their problems but not much else. They were on their own. Worse still, these men were making simple mistakes that not only deepened their depression and anxiety but actually pushed their wives further away.
By 2010, I had set up in private practice and the majority of my clients were couples where one partner had fallen out of love. I knew I had to write a book targeted specifically at men when a male client had been so overwhelmed by panic that he’d undone all the good work of the previous session over the subsequent week. Desperate for reassurance from his wife that there was still hope, he had been using her guilt about hurting their children to try and force her to stay, I told him that short of phoning his wife a taxi, he’d done everything possible to push her out of the door. Both the husband and the wife laughed because it was horribly accurate. Sadly, I couldn’t save their marriage – partly because they arrived too late, but mainly because the husband didn’t need just weekly therapy but regular coaching too.
So what’s the difference? Counselling, or therapy, is about helping someone open up, explore their feelings and ultimately find their own solutions. It works best when the peak of a crisis is over and the dust has settled a bit. However, my male client did not need to get in touch with his anxiety but to manage it better. And that’s where coaching comes in. Coaching is about sharing knowledge (gained from previous experience in the trenches of a problem). It offers practical suggestions and helps you rehearse your messages to your partner. Ultimately, coaching is about keeping you focused and stopping you from turning a crisis into a disaster.
How to use this book
In an ideal world, if your partner has fallen out of love, you should be in couple counselling, working through the issues together as well as getting personal emotional support. In this book, I will help you decide who would be best to turn to and who you should definitely avoid. Unfortunately, we don’t live in an ideal world so I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You can be your couple’s counselling and My Wife Doesn’t Love Me Any More can be your personal love coach. When I counsel men face-to-face, I write down the main lessons from each session for them to take away. I’ve done something similar for you with the ‘Love Coach’s Three Key Things to Remember’ at the end of each chapter. Ultimately it doesn’t matter which order you read the books but please don’t skip I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You as it covers some of the techniques and ideas for saving your marriage in more depth. If you’re currently holding both books in your hand (or have both e-books), I would start with I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You .
An Apology
I have used the word ‘wife’ rather than ‘partner’ in the title because I wanted to immediately indicate this book is targeted at men. However, let me be clear: this is a book for all men in committed relationships, whether married, living together or separated.
I’m also going to have to make blanket statements about being a man, even though I know there are countless exceptions. Having said that, there is also truth in many generalisations. So even if something strikes you as ‘yes but...’ please stay with me because although you might not personally fall completely into any stereotype, it will illuminate how you might be coming across to your wife and an extreme example will often demonstrate more clearly what you might need to change.
Andrew G. Marshall www.andrewgmarshall.com
Chapter One
Help! My wife has fallen out of love
‘Fifteen days ago, my wife told me she doesn’t love me any more, that I’m her best friend but that as things are I shouldn’t have any hope. I was shocked – I couldn’t believe what I was hearing – and I felt like all my life was being taken from inside of me. All my dreams, hopes and future. During the last two weeks, I have hardly slept, can’t eat and I’m afraid to know how much weight I’ve lost.’
Your wife has said, ‘I don’t love you any more,’ and you’re in shock. ‘How could this be? What does she mean? But we were supposed to be together forever? She doesn’t love me?’ Even if you were aware that the two of you had problems or that your marriage has been under pressure lately, you didn’t think it had come to this.
And that’s the problem: men don’t usually keep taking the temperature of their relationship to see if it’s all right. We sort of leave the love stuff to our wives. OK, we know we have to wine and dine, maybe buy her flowers on Valentine’s Day and suchlike, but if we had ever thought about it, love is sort of woman’s work. If there was ever a real problem, we trust that she’d tell us and we’d sort it out. Except now she’s not saying ‘you’re not doing enough around the house,’ or ‘you take me for granted,’ or ‘we never go out any more’ – things that can easily be fixed. She’s saying she’s fallen out of love.
What’s even worse than not understanding what’s happened, or how to win back her love, is that you feel so completely alone. In the past, when you had an emotional problem – perhaps you’d had a row with your parents or had fallen out with a work colleague – you would discuss everything with your wife and she’d either act as a go-between or help you get everything straight in your mind. Except, you can’t talk to her this time. She’s the problem!
If you’re like most men, your friends won’t be much help. They will either tease you: ‘Can’t keep her satisfied then?’ or buy you another drink. Maybe you do have a close friend who is sympathetic but he’s either just as lost or he’s offering well-meaning advice such as ‘there’s plenty of other fish in the sea,’ that doesn’t even begin to touch the edge of your despair. Meanwhile, your wife has a whole circle of friends who are there for her and who spend hours listening to the latest update about your bad behaviour. Her magazines are full of advice on relationships, while yours only cover football, business and politics.
If you’re lucky, your wife will be prepared to work