Midge in Your Hand is Worth Two Up Your Kilt. Modern Scottish Proverbs , livre ebook

Crombie Jardine Publishing Limited - Mclean Stuart

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32 pages

English

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An irreverent romp through Scottish proverbs with chapters ranging from Old Scottish Proverbs Revamped and Modern Scottish Proverbs, through Scottish Chat-Up Lines and Scottish Insults to Glaswegian Proverbs. Not to be taken seriously in any way!

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Publié par	Crombie Jardine Publishing Limited
Date de parution	06 avril 2014
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781291822212
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0120€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

INTRODUCTION
≈

The Scottish language is rich in proverbs, sayings, maxims and wise aphorisms. Sadly, in the transition from the abacus to the computer, most of these have become outdated. This great little book thrusts these expressions into the 21st century providing millennia of wisdom in a practical modern format. It covers everything from bagpipes to whisky with a few mentions of our dear neighbours, the Sassenachs, thrown in.

So whether you are Scottish, a tourist visiting Scotland, an illegal immigrant gutting fish on Shetland or have found this book abandoned on a Trans-Siberian train, you are sure to be inspired and amused by our wit and wisdom.

The section on chat-up lines and insults will certainly help you, especially if you should you venture into a Scottish pub or nightclub, and could make the difference between getting a French kiss or a Glasgow kiss.

OLD SCOTTISH PROVERBS REVAMPED
≈

When ye christen the bairn ye should ken what to caa’t.
Never arrange the christening until the paternity suit is settled.

Lang may yer lum reek.
May your energy-efficient Baxi Boiler continue to operate without the pilot light extinguishing unexpectedly.

Better a sma’ fish than an empty dish.
It’s better to eat well at McDonald’s than to wash dishes at the Ritz.

A bairn maun creep afore it gangs.
A youngster must achieve its first ASBO before it can be considered worthy of membership to a gang.

The deil’s aye guid tae his ain kin.
Getting a bum deal from God? Tune in and turn on to the Devil and you could be this week’s lottery winner.
( Note: All calls cost one soul – mobile phone rates may vary. )

What’s for ye will no’ go by ye.
Anything that is for you will not go by you – except the last bus home.

A pennywecht o’ love is worth a pund o’ law.
An unhappy marriage is better than an expensive divorce.

As poor as a kirk mouse.
As poor as a Wester Hailes mouse the day after the dole money has been pissed against a wall.

Bairns speak i’ the field what they hear i’ the ha’.
Please Miss, ma maw’s having an affair wi’ the man next door . . . and so is ma da’.

Birds an’ blethers fly.
Carrier pigeons and emails are great ways of spreading malicious gossip.

The wan wi’ the ladder’s as bad as the thief.
Never, ever trust your window cleaner.

A guid word is as easy sayed as an ill ane.
No, your bum does not look big in that.

When poverty comes in at the door love flies oot at the windae.
It’s easier to love an arsehole of a lawyer than a redundant plumber.

Try and mak friends o’ the unlikely.
Chat up a six-foot, gay, Chinese, psychopathic lap-dancer today.

Ane guid freend is worth mony relations.
A friend in need is a friend indeed. A relation in need is a distant relative.

Aye pat the richt end o’ the wean.
It’s hard to tell which end of an ugly child is which but as a rough guide the end that screeches is its head and the end that’s covered in shit is its bum.

Even some Sassenachs are guid.
Some proverbs are complete bollocks.

Haud yer wheesht.
Please press the pause button on your larynx.

He’s no’ the happiest man that has the maist gear.
It takes more than a 180-gear bicycle to win the Tour de France.

Be ready wi’ yer bunnet, but slaw wi’ yer purse.
Always leave the pub three minutes before it’s your round.

A guid tale is no’ the waur o’ bein’ twice tauld.
Damn! My senile dementia is getting worse.

He wad marry a midden for the muck.
If there were no eligible sheep available, he would marry a dustbin just to get the dowry of rancid waste.

A fool may speer mair questions than a wise man can answer.
The SNP stagger the First Minister with the quantity if not the quality of their questions.

A fu’ man an’ a hungry horse aye mak haste hame.
A bevied man and an E-Type Jag always trigger the speed-cameras on the A77.

That’ll no’ set the heather licht.
Four gallons of kerosene and a box of Swan Vesta are no match for the Scottish rain.

Bonny birds is aye the warst singers.
Never marry a girl until you’ve heard her at a karaoke.

Ae man’s meat is anither man’s pushion.
Warning: May contain nuts.

Honest men dinnae carry salmon under their coats.
Men who tell the truth never catch fish and men who lie have very strange dress sense.

It’s past joukin whan the heid’s aff.
Queen Elizabeth turned to Mary and said “Just joking” only to discover that she was too late.

Better sit idle than wirk for nocht.
Even watching ‘Trisha’ repeats for ten hours a day beats working in a burger bar for a crap wage.

Dinnae streetch yer airm farther than yer sleeve’ll let ye.
The problem with expensive designer clothes is that they never bloody well fit.

Dinnae trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.
Upon meeting an axe-carrying Ned in Sauchiehall Street avoid mentioning the fact that he’s a useless prick.

Deid men dae nae herm.
Trust me, we’ll come to no harm taking a midnight stroll through Greyfriars cemetery.

A man o’ words, an’ no’ o’ deeds, is like a garden fu’ o’ weeds.
Your MSP is as useful as a bag of rotting Ayrshires.

A man o’ mony trades may beg his bread on Sunday.
A man may work all day as a dentist, serve behind a bar in the evening then drive a taxi all night but if his wife watches QVC he’ll still be skint at the weekend.

He winnae rive his faither’s bunnet.
Generations of inbreeding has resulted in a medical condition whereby the people of Greenock have become incapable of wearing the traditional tartan bunnet worn by their forefathers. Instead they are forced to wear baseball caps at a jaunty angle.

A lucky man needs little counsel.
The man who wins the lottery doesn’t need Social Security handouts – but that certainly doesn’t stop him claiming his weekly benefit payments.

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Midge in Your Hand is Worth Two Up Your Kilt. Modern Scottish Proverbs , livre ebook

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