HUMOUROUS MIDDLES , livre ebook

V & S Publishers - R.K. Murthi

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132 pages

English

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Humorous Middles is a fine collection of humorous middles, published in major newspapers and magazines. What is it that makes the middle stand apart? The middle is a short composition, hardly ever more than 600 to 800 words. It draws strength from its in-built humour that skips and romps with the deftness of a mountain goat. It thus turns into a sort of mirror, at times, concave, at times, convex, (never does it remain a plain mirror), and manages to see what lies behind the even contours, that people, events or encounters present. The 120 odd middles compiled in this book were written over a period of about 40 years. They have enough power to evoke laughter at every turn. All of them are distinctly individualistic and are powered by what one may say, the ability to tickle the funny bone.

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Humour

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Publié par	V & S Publishers
Date de parution	01 septembre 2015
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9789352150946
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0225€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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Humorous Middles
Musings by R. K. Murthi
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This book was earlier printed in the name of Quick Bites for spare moments. DISCLAIMER While every attempt has been made to provide accurate and timely information in this book, neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility for errors, unintended omissions or commissions detected therein. The author and publisher make no representation or warranty with respect to the comprehensiveness or completeness of the contents provided. All matters included have been simplified under professional guidance for general information only without any warranty for applicability on an individual. Any mention of an organization or a website in the book by way of citation or as a source of additional information doesn’t imply the endorsement of the content either by the author or the publisher. It is possible that websites cited may have changed or removed between the time of editing and publishing the book. Results from using the expert opinion in this book will be totally dependent on individual circumstances and factors beyond the control of the author and the publisher. It makes sense to elicit advice from well informed sources before implementing the ideas given in the book. The reader assumes full responsibility for the consequences arising out from reading this book. For proper guidance, it is advisable to read the book under the watchful eyes of parents/guardian. The purchaser of this book assumes all responsibility for the use of given materials and information. The copyright of the entire content of this book rests with the author/publisher. Any infringement/transmission of the cover design, text or illustrations, in any form, by any means, by any entity will invite legal action and be responsible for consequences thereon.
Contents Preface Better Half and Bitter Half What’s in the pot? Ugly husband, wife’s delight On memory lapses Surprise gift Credit-worthy husband! Doe Tit for tat Psychological muddle Don’t ask for the moon All ‘keyed’ up! Riding the storm Dutch wife Flying missiles Neurotic over a stapler Potshots at Oneself Anti-hero Buttoned out What have I written? Waterloo Tailor’s dummy Tie or choker Playing the critic For whom belloc tolls I pick pockets Mirrors make the twain meet Charge of the grey brigade Fuzzy logic Defending poor memory A form of inspiration Man in the rut Perky Profiles Remote control The better half Dictator’s delight Bull in a China shop Travel Travail The last laugh The roofless lady Travel trouble Camera-shy Identity check Malayan wisdom A victorian tale Tongue-twister Talk over Random Reflections In praise of the kerchief Palm-top legacy A haunting mystery Let judges court rhyme Musical chairs Principles and man Cross thoughts On windows Ban the back pocket Speech is golden The meek do not inherit the earth Bridges: Concrete and conceptual On eyebrows Dating diary gives the jitters Ifs and buts of History Relativity Critics, authors and artists Caught on the wrong foot Dogs beware Thumbs up! Orators and hecklers The cryptic art The automatic watch Symbol of gratitude The farce of form-filling Late to rise Strange reasons Second fiddle Amusing Encounters Value of a tip Apparatchik Tit for tat Water on the rocks! Obviously yours Fattening thoughts Clock watch Silencing the wag For friendship’s sake Right logic
Preface
Once upon a time, the middle had a pride of place in almost every major newspaper. It was right at the centre of the edit page. Other sombre or thought-provoking or scholarly articles acted, in a way, as maids in waiting to the middle. The middle was looked upon as the midriff, the backbone of the edit page.
I started writing middles in that golden age when the middle was duly accorded the place consistent with its title.
Good times, it is said, never lasts. The middle enjoys hardly any privileged slot now. Many newspapers have cut down on the frequency of the middle from six days a week to two or three. Even when it appears, it has been demoted to the bottom right corner or the bottom left corner. Thus has the middle been cornered, pushed to the edge. Now, it won’t need much of a strong push to throw the middle out. So I, for one, won’t be surprised if the middle joins the dodo in the none-too distant future. I draw solace from the philosophy, Life is transient, so why should a genre of creative writing like the middle not find itself put away as not suited to the new age?
Not that this augurs well for the future. Man doesn’t live by bread alone. He needs butter and honey and biscuits and choice drinks too. The middle, along with the short story and the poems, provides just the diversion the reader needed. Having mopped up the terrible tales of tragedies and disheartening reports of the ugly deals of politicians and the mess, the world leaders have made of our earth, he virtually seeks a pill to dispel the pain within. Literary genre of writing, now slowly fading out, play the role of the pill.
I hope this truth dawns on the readers, sooner or later. The middle, I still, believe will survive. For the middle has neither a beginning nor an end. It may take new incarnations, assume new formats, but it will be around, hopefully, till Armageddon.
I started writing middles around 1960. The middles in this collection, (the fourth such collections), have been extracted from leading English language publications including The Times of India , The Hindustan Times , The Tribune , The Indian Express , The Deccan Herald , The Evening News , The Statesman , The Pioneer , The Patriot , Femina and Eve’s Weekly . In these middles, I have spared none. I have been as much the target of my witty digs as others.
It is my fervent hope that this collection will be as well received as the previous ones.
♦♦♦
Better Half and Bitter Half
What’s in the pot?
My wife is stirring the mashed ingredients, submerged in water and held in a pot that gets the heat from the bottom, with a spoon. I get a whiff of the exotic smell and ask her, “What’s the pot boiler of the day?” There goes the writer in you, says my better half. “I am not going anywhere till I know what is cooking?” I dig in my heels. “Go and produce a potboiler, try to hit the jackpot. Take a potshot at potluck. This is the best of time for Indian writers. Heard of Manil Suri or Jumpa Lahiri or ...! They hit the jackpot with their potboilers,” the lady fires at me a virtual who-is-who of terms that are rooted in the word POT. “So my skill at playing with words has rubbed on to you”, I mildly reprove her for trying to steal my thunder. “Words are not your monopoly,” she gives an extra churning to the mix of tomatoes and green chilly and tamarind pulp and salt and the intoxicating smell of rasam hits my olfactory organ. “So I can’t even file a case against you before the Monopoly Commission,” I joke. “You are barking at the wrong pot,” my wife parodies an idiom that talks about barking at the wrong tree. “Go and fire your creativity. Set its bottom, wherever it be, on fire”. “Why do you want the bottom to be set on fire?” I ask.
“Elementary, my dear! The pot boils only when its bottom is set on fire. The rocket takes to flight only when its bottom is on fire. Your imagination will fly high only when it is forced to drag its seat away from the scalding heat,” my wife shares her understanding of where the heat needs to be selectively applied. “It is not as easy as all that, dear. The path of creativity is often littered with potholes,” I find the right POT word. “Is not a POT a hole? A hole with no hole at the bottom, so it becomes a one-way street to whatever one wants to boil in the pot?” she jokes. “My God! Potholes are what litter a bad road,” I clarify. “As if I don’t know!” she ticks me off before continuing, “Have you heard of pot wrestlers?” “Do wrestlers fight for pots?” I make light of her statement. “They do. One who wins the pot gets the dish the pot contains, when it is fresh and hot and truly delicious. He has his first fill. Others wait for their turns. Strange that he is usually the one who doesn’t have a potbelly. Others display varying patterns of bulging tummies and resultant slowness when it comes to wrestling it out for the pot.” “Are there a few more pot shots in your armoury? “I have half a mind to use a term that shows the target’s intelligence in poor light,” she laughs, leaving it to me to guess the word, CRACKPOT. Suddenly, it dawns on me. I have enough material for a skit. So I hurry out, ready to churn out a potboiler with words.
♦♦♦
Ugly husband, wife’s delight
The signal the receding hairline sends out to my wife is clear. She realises that my top is trying to shape itself into an egghead. I know that every egghead is not an intellectual. I have no pretensions on that count. So when I end up displaying a head that reminds everyone of a billiard ball, I shall still remember that I fall short of the highest standards of intellectual rating by quite a few notches. “Oh! How smart you looked, with those curly hair, glossy, wavy, when we got married! I almost thought you were cupid!” my wife groans. “Don’t be stupid,” I find a rhyming word, before continuing, “Be happy that I am heading towards a hairless top. Soon if I gain enough wisdom, people may call me a modern day Socrates? And if I become a nuisance, they may force me to keep a date with hemlock,” I banter. “Can you