How To Keep Your Man Happy , livre ebook

Random House Publishers India Pvt. Ltd. - Seema Hingorrani

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80 pages

English

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Is your man losing interest in you?Do you wish to bring the spark back into your love life?All relationships come with their fair set of challenges-communication gaps, sexual problems, conflict, commitment issues-the list is endless!From the bestselling author of Beating the Blues: a complete guide to overcoming depression comes a book that will help women combat these challenges and help them learn the secret to attain relationship nirvana. From spotting signs of an unhappy relationship to long-term solutions that make a difference, How to Keep Your Man Happy will help make your man stay put, forever.

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Publié par	Random House Publishers India Pvt. Ltd.
Date de parution	10 janvier 2014
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9788184005448
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0480€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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Published by Random House India in 2014
Copyright Seema Hingorrany 2014
Random House Publishers India Private Limited Windsor IT Park, 7th Floor, Tower-B A-1, Sector-125, Noida-201301, UP
Random House Group Limited 20 Vauxhall Bridge Road London SW1V 2SA United Kingdom
This eBook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author s and publisher s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
EPUB ISBN 9788184005448
To my mother
Tara Sitlaney
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
Beating the Blues
Contents
Introduction
PART ONE
1. Spotting signs of an unhappy relationship
2. What ticks men off?
3. Common mistakes women make in a relationship
PART TWO
4. Common personality types of men
5. How men look at things differently
6. What attracts men to women?
PART THREE
7. Relationship deal breakers (and how to overcome them)
8. Tips for a healthy relationship
Conclusion
Notes
Bibliography
Acknowledgements
A note on the author
Introduction
M Y MARRIAGE IS HEADED DOWNHILL , doctor, cried my patient Shweta breezing into the clinic one day. I think my husband is cheating on me, she continued.
As a trained clinical psychologist, my general assumption was that I was only going to handle clinical- and trauma-related cases in my practice. But over a period of time, I ve dealt with my fair share of relationship cases as well. So much so that many women clients would jokingly come and tell me, Why don t you write a book on men so we can understand them better? while men would say, Please document something on women. This book is my answer to so many couples out there who want to learn the tricks to make their relationship go the distance.
Each relationship-mother-daughter, father-son, husband-wife, boyfriend-girlfriend-is complex and different, and so are ways to deal with it. So my editor Milee s idea to write a guide to understanding men better got me pretty excited. My sincere hope is that this book is able to help so many women out there who want to understand the psyche of men in their lives a little better.
When my parents came to know that I was going to write a book on men and relationships, they were a bit taken aback. Do you really think women need such books today? quipped my mom. I could understand where she was coming from. Most women back in the day were subservient by nature since the ground rules of the house were laid by the man. So many women from my mother s generation stayed at home and raised their children. They were not very vocal about their ideas and interests because of the limited exposure they received.
There has been a radical change now. Women are more liberated and independent. They are equal partners in marriage and the income that is generated. Women are venturing out more now to carve niche for themselves. They are more empowered, enabled, and independent than ever before. From selling pickles at home to taking on roles of CEOs, they are truly making a mark for themselves. As their thought processes have changed, so has their attitude towards relationships.
You will be surprised to know the number of women who come and tell me, Even though I love my mother a lot, I don t want to be like her. Her relationship with my father was so distorted. How could she cave in so easily to everything?
At the onset, I want to be very clear that this book is not about husbands and wives alone but about women understanding their men better. It can be any relationship pattern they share-marital, live-in, or casual.
This book is compilation of all the experiences I have had-not only in my practice as a human behaviour analyst, but in my personal life as well. I m grateful to the many clients and friends who have readily volunteered to share their inputs with me.
So many relationships go kaput these days due to frivolous reasons. It saddens me to see marriages crumble around me and couples heading for mudslinging divorces. In this book, I will cite examples from my case study file to give you a better understanding of why such a breakdown happens in the first place and what can be done to combat this problem.
Looking at the pace at which the world is moving, forming and sustaining relationships is not easy. No longer do we see men chalk out rules and women complying by them. Both have their own set of rules which they expect each other to follow. Partners embark on the journey with their own set of notions-including assumptions about roles, expectations from each other, and deep-rooted beliefs set in their minds. Many of the ways in which we interact in relationships-how we communicate, how we express and assert ourselves, and how we treat our partners-are based on patterns of behaviour we observe in our growing up years. Our behaviour pattern is usually the result of such beliefs that we operate from.
Through the medium of this book, I plan to talk about the importance of understanding the different personality types in men, what irks them, and how to deal with the problems that arise. I will also highlight some dating ground rules for women. I am sure this book will come handy to those women who feel blocked in their relationships.
I have observed that in the initial developmental stage of any relationship, if couples are able to resolve the conflict in a healthy way, they move into a phase of stability and long-term commitment. My aim is to help women battle their own relationships problems through the tips that have been given in the book, rather than banking on their friends emotionally and seeking advice every time there is an issue.
As a psychologist, I know that all couples have differences and that nobody is perfect. Our own distorted thoughts and rigid mental makeup make us blame other, external factors for the issues brewing in our relationship. Even though people say that they don t want to change their partner, they still try to do so-knowingly or unknowingly. I personally feel that you need to either change yourself or change the dynamics of your relationship. Never try to change your partner. I hear many couples say that it s easier climbing Mount Everest than trying to understand their partner. This just goes on to show how complex human behaviour is. I am hopeful that through this book some of the complexity will be reduced.
A part of me which is a behaviour analyst always travels with me wherever I go. If you sit with a group of women, the discussion is sure to digress to topics like Who is more adjusting in a relationship. They all go in the temporary victim mode, ready to vent out? Some say their man is moody, some say he just doesn t talk, some say he stonewalls, and some say he is unromantic. I have had situations where women have come up to me and said, Seema, tell me of a medicine that can help me change my man s perception towards life and me? Trust me, ladies, there is still no medication that can solve this problem. At a recent party, I overheard a woman saying if she could turn back the clock, she would not marry the same guy. Another woman said she was still in it because of their children. Have relationships really become so casual that people have nothing good to say about them? Are there couples out there who are proud of how strong their relationship is?
I am sure most of you have read John Gray s book Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus . It s a fact that both genders are very different from each other and even though we are aware of the difference, when it comes to implementing logic, most of us fail. I usually hear men say, Oh God! Why doesn t she understand? During fights, all the positive qualities of each other go out of the window.
In a common situation, both genders react very differently. While men may act pragmatically, women are more prone to showcasing their emotional side. There is a lot of on-going research on how men and women respond to stress differently. One research conducted by scientists at the University of Pennsylvania and the University of Trier in Germany made used of MRIs to scan their subjects brains, and they have been able to demonstrate how the brain is affected under stress. In men, increased blood flow to the left prefrontal cortex suggests the activation of the fight or flight response. In women, stress activated the limbic part of the brain, which is associated with emotional responses. The research also showed that the changes in the brains of women during the stress response lasted longer. 1
So women, don t be surprised when your partner goes into his shell and contemplates his next moves, while you get upset at his unresponsiveness. His brain is wired this way.
Many young girls come to me for therapy and advice because they feel that to be able to navigate through their relationship better, the basic premise needs to be strong, which they can achieve with therapy. Many of them tell me that growing up watching the animosity between their parents made them wary of emulating the same set of behaviour patterns in their own relationships. Rani, aged 24, came to me seeking help to understand her guy better by working on her own personality traits and understanding the dynamics of her relationship. She strongly felt that her parents relationship was not the best example she could follow as they always came out too strong on each other and were very argumentative. She always carried the fear in her mind that she may subconsciously carry their traits in her relationship. And rightly so! She broke up with two guys who told her that she gets extremely defensive in an argument and then starts bawling which they probably