How to Get Over a Break-Up , livre ebook

Crombie Jardine Publishing Limited - Barrah Jessica

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40 pages

English

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As the saying goes, DON'T GET MAD, GET EVEN. Here are plenty of tips on how to get over that loser you once had a thing for. Sections cover drowning your sorrows, revenge, comfort eating, and plenty more fish...

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Publié par	Crombie Jardine Publishing Limited
Date de parution	02 mai 2006
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781471092886
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0120€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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PLENTY MORE FISH

There may well be
plenty more fish
in the sea,
but experience
leads me to think
that all these fish
will eventually
stink...

GUTTED

You’ve been dumped. Again.

You are feeling the pain. Everyone is telling you that you’re better off without them, that there are plenty more fish in the sea, but you feel more like a hermit crab – all you want to do is crawl under a duvet, and never come out.

Do you feel worse because you failed to see it coming? Were there warning signs that you missed?

Did your boyfriend begin making excuses for not meeting up, for example, saying, “I’m staying in and washing my hair,” when he was as bald as a light bulb?

Did your girlfriend say she had started volunteering at the local leper colony, and it might be dangerous for you to touch her?

Other warning signs that things are not going well:

• They suddenly start talking about needing ‘space’, although you only see them once a week anyway. When you ask how much space they think they need, they mutter, “To infinity and beyond!”

• To put the ‘spark’ back into the relationship, you agree to a threesome, but find yourself pushed out of bed and sleeping on the floor, while your lover and the ‘other’ go at it hammer and tongs all night.

• Your so-called ‘partner’ snogs someone else in front of you in a club, and instead of apologizing profusely, says, “Couldn’t you just go to the toilet or something? You’re cramping my style.”

• You find them practising a speech in front of the mirror, containing the words, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

• They say they never want to see you again, that they never loved you, and either move out, or ask you to move out. *

( * This one is a very strong hint that you are going to be breaking up in the immediate future. You, as a couple, are in fact, already past tense .)

Learn to recognize the signs, and next time you see a break up looming, dump them first. You may still feel bad, but at least you can look like you were in control.

IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME

It’s not me, it’s you
who requested a trial separation
so excuse me if I seem upset
and see no cause for celebration.
I’ve no urge to pick up drunks
in bars for acts of fornication.
It’s not me, it’s you
who wanted this kind
of liberation.
Freedom feels like loneliness
and all this space just empty.
Can’t you think once of me,
not you
as I’m left here in limbo
while you decide
what you want to do?

You may still be hoping that you’ll get back together. As Lenny Kravitz said, “It ain’t over till it’s over.”

Let’s analyze the situation as it stands.

Is this really the end of the line? Or will there be a few make-ups and break-ups, slagging-offs and drinks thrown around before you finally get engaged, married, sleep with the bridesmaid/best man, divorce, make a failed suicide bid, remarry the same person then get divorced again, take out a restraining order, find out that your ex has paid for a contract killer, then discover you were brother and sister in the first place..? Or does that only happen in soap operas?

Perhaps they didn’t actually say you were breaking up. Perhaps you’re just ‘taking a break’ to reevaluate your relationship. Perhaps you both needed to take a step back, give each other ‘space’.

SPACE: THE FINAL FRONTIER

Space! They need space, they say? Why not create some space for them? A little breathing space, for example, between their two front teeth.

For a while there, you felt you really and truly knew the meaning of the phrase ‘my other half’. You breathed each other’s breath. You phoned them on their mobile, just to hear their voice again (although they were still on the bus to work, having left ten minutes earlier) to tell them “Missing you already,” without a sense of irony.

God, it serves you right! The person you thought was that elusive ‘soul mate’, the Yin to your Yang, the sweet to your sour, the Cannon to your Ball, may have felt stifled and claustrophobic. They may also have been tempted to club you to death if you insisted on carrying on having conversations like:
“Where are you going, darling?”
“To the toilet.”
“Oh. Why are you carrying a newspaper? Will it be a number 2 then? Don’t spend too long away from me, sweet cheeks. Love you. See you soon, precious.”

Remember what Kahlil Gibran said in The Prophet : “Get a life.” *

( * The better read amongst you may have noticed that Kahlil Gibran said nothing of the sort in The Prophet, but instead talked about trees in the forest not growing too closely together. However, I can’t see what forestry has got to do with relationships.)

If you were the old woman who lived in a shoe, or were sharing a studio flat, needing physical space could be entirely understandable, but the inverted commas around ‘needing space’ flags up a relatively modern excuse for dumping someone, a kind of psychological or emotional ‘space’ that indicates that your ex, or soon-to-be ex, has just been watching far too many daytime ‘talk’ shows.

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