Emotional Fitness for Intimacy , livre ebook

New Harbinger Publications - Barton Goldsmith

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104 pages

English

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Publié par	New Harbinger Publications
Date de parution	01 janvier 0001
Nombre de lectures	1
EAN13	9781608824533
Langue	English

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“Most couples genuinely desire an intimate relationship. Emotional Fitness for Intimacy is filled with insights and exercises that will enhance the intimacy level in any relationship. For couples who would like to see dreams become reality, Goldsmith points the way.”
—Gary D. Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages and Love As a Way of Life
“This book is an encyclopedia of wise and useful information for couples who want to deepen their relationship. Written by a wise and experienced therapist, couples will find exercises to help them discover and accept differences, deepen connection, and achieve intimacy. I recommend it to all couples.”
—Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want
“In this fascinating book, Goldsmith reveals how to keep intimacy alive in relationships, a beautiful gift to his readers.”
—Judith Orloff, MD, author of Positive Energy
“I found much wisdom in this book expressed in ways which were practical and easy to understand and incorporate into one’s lifestyle.”
—Bernie Siegel, MD, author of Love, Magic, and Mudpies and 365 Prescriptions for Living
“If we value intimacy as much as we say we do, and if it were possible to construct a handbook covering the complexity of relationship, Goldsmith’s Emotional Fitness for Intimacy is it. Organized in manageable chunks, full of practical suggestions, and informed by a sagacity which both illumines and facilitates intimacy, this book brings each reader to more thoughtful, practical possibilities for his or her relationship.”
—James Hollis, Ph.D., Jungian analyst and author of What Matters Most
“ Emotional Fitness for Intimacy offers compelling, practical advice for understanding true intimacy and for achieving our goals in a successful love relationship. Goldsmith provides tips for challenging situations and compromising positions we all face in our love lives, and those who read his book will be ahead in the unending quest for a healthy, rewarding emotional connection.
—Susan Shapiro Barash, author of Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets
Sweeten &: Deepen your Love in Only 10 Minutes a Day
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D.
New Harbinger Publications, Inc. -->
Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2009 by Barton Goldsmith
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
Cover and text design by Amy Shoup; Acquired by Melissa Kirk;Edited by Brady Kahn
All Rights Reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as:
Goldsmith, Barton. Emotional fitness for intimacy : sweeten and deepen your love in only 10 minutes a day / Barton Goldsmith. p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
Epub ISBN: 9781608824535
ISBN-13: 978-1-57224-647-8 (pbk. : alk. paper) ISBN-10: 1-57224-647-2 (pbk. : alk. paper)
1. Intimacy (Psychology) 2. Communication in marriage. 3. Man-woman relationships. I. Title.
BF575.I5.G55 2009 158.2’4--dc22
2008052323
11 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2
To Keaton and Oliver, bright flowers in the garden of my life.
May your love and intimacy last longer than time.
Contents
Acknowledgments
Introduction
Part 1 - Intimate Relationships
Chapter 1. True Love vs. In Love
Chapter 2. From Me to We
Chapter 3. Make the Effort
Chapter 4. Intimacy Makes Us Vulnerable
Chapter 5. Making It Work
Chapter 6. Panning for Gold
Chapter 7. Ten New (and Potentially Bold) Exercises to Enhance Your Intimacy
Chapter 8. Ten Tips for Sweetening Your Relationship
Part 2 - Intimate Conversations
Chapter 9. Three Conversations
Chapter 10. Consider This
Chapter 11. Avoiding Ugly Arguments
Chapter 12. Honey, What’s Bugging You?
Chapter 13. Intimate Apology
Chapter 14. Ten Tips for Building Empathy
Part 3 - Intimate Space
Chapter 15. The Morning Ritual
Chapter 16. Sharing the Bathroom
Chapter 17. Relationship Lunch
Chapter 18. Pre-Bedtime Bonding
Chapter 19. Ten Tips for a Closer Relationship
Part 4 - Intimate Differences
Chapter 20. Releasing the Need to Control
Chapter 21. Are You the Cat or the Bunny?
Chapter 22. Early Birds and Night Owls
Chapter 23. Sleepless in Relationship
Chapter 24. For the Love of Giving
Chapter 25. Now Honey, Pick Up Your Mess
Chapter 26. Look for What’s Right
Chapter 27. Ten Tips for Compromising
Part 5 - Intimate Challenges
Chapter 28. Bad Days
Chapter 29. Making Peace with Your Partner’s Past
Chapter 30. Job Stress and Relationships
Chapter 31. Love and Money
Chapter 32. Get Closer
Chapter 33. Ten Tips for Getting Your Needs Met
Part 6 - Intimate Repair
Chapter 24. How to Deepen Mutual Respect
Chapter 35. Tears Build Intimacy
Chapter 36. Politeness Fosters Love
Chapter 37. Receiving Love Is as Important as Giving It
Chapter 38. Ten Tips for Giving Emotional Support
Part 7 - Intimate Living
Chapter 39. Relationships Are About Running Errands
Chapter 40. Intimacy Is a Process
Chapter 41. Do You Validate?
Chapter 42. Laughter Is the Best Therapy
Chapter 43. The One-Night Vacation
Chapter 44. The Gift of Time
Chapter 45. Ten Tips for Tenderness
Part 8 - Intimate Love
Chapter 46. The Importance of Romance
Chapter 47. Make Him Your Hero
Chapter 48. Three Little Things for Her
Chapter 49. The Chemistry of Love
Chapter 50. Scavenger Hunt
Chapter 51. Intimate Sex
Chapter 52. Ten Tips for Being More Thoughtful
References
Acknowledgments
At New Harbinger Publications, I’d like to thank publisher Matt McKay, acquisitions editor Melissa Kirk, and publicity maven Earlita Chenault. I would also like to thank my copyeditor, Brady Kahn.
This book wouldn’t exist if not for the readers and editors of my column, and I will be forever grateful to the Ventura County Star and Scripps Howard News Service for their unwavering support, as well as to the editors of the two hundred–plus papers who have graciously run my articles.
The team (and my dear friends) at KCLU/NPR have been nothing but supportive, innovative, and just plain fun to be around. They include Mary Olson, Jim Rondeau, Lance Orozco, Mia Karnatz-Shifflett, and Jocelyne Rohrback. Thank you also to the many guests who have shared their wisdom with our listening audience.
My team at the office, Mary Trudeau and Wendy Cherry, make my life work—and I also get to enjoy their company.
I am honored to have learned from my colleagues, including Stephen Trudeau, Harville Hendrix, Bernie Siegel, Scott James, Michael Agress, William Glasser, Judith Orloff, Gary Chapman, Linda Metzger, Jeffery Zeig, Linda Loomis, James Hollis, Susan Shapiro Barash, Linda Gerrits, and Louise L. Hay. Some of my mentors have passed on; I acknowledge with gratitude the late Albert Ellis, David Viscott, and Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
To my loving family and lifelong friends Michael Park; Kevin Connelly; Shelley MacEwen; Nancy, David, and Nina Padberg; Brenda and John James; Kevin Hanley; Rebecca Love; David and Dan Richmond; Jeb Adams; Jason Love; Trygve Duryea; Robert Scully; Leigh Leshner; and the dearly departed Indus Arthur: thank you for sharing your time with me.
I am deeply humbled to have received several professional awards and wish to thank the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists for the Peter Markin Award for Humanitarian Acts, the California Association of Alcoholism and Drug Abuse Counselors for the Joseph Giannantoino Award for the Outstanding Educator of the Year, and the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists for the Clark Vincent Award for Writing.
And finally, I thank Silva, who has my heart and teaches me the true meaning of intimacy.
Introduction
Creating greater intimacy is more about internal energy than it is about overt actions. It is about feeling things that you never have felt before. It is about changing your life view and understanding that if you do your relationship right, it is intimate. If you are in a place where you feel totally safe from the world when you are in your lover’s arms, that’s intimacy. This is not to be confused with that giddy invasion of feeling like you’re in uncharted waters as you bask in each other’s love.
When a couple is truly intimate, their comfort levels rise. The bond just is and it defies analysis. When you’re connected in a way that makes other people envious of your love, that’s intimacy. We’ve all seen couples who are obviously in love. And many times, if we are not in the same place in our relationship, we may question the validity of where we are. Yet where you are in your relationship is the best place to start. In fact it is imperative that you embrace your current level of intimacy in order to move forward.
To get to the next level, you may be thinking that you want to move in with your partner, buy a house, or get married. You may believe that taking these actions will create greater intimacy in your relationship. What they may do is give you the opportunity to get closer and create more depth. But to achieve that, you have to do something else, and that is what this book is all about.
There are fifty-two lessons in this book, so it’s kind of like weekly therapy if you want to use it that way. There are also hundreds of tips and dozens of exercises designed to create greater closeness. Some of these concepts you may already be familiar with but perhaps over time have forgotten to use. We all do it. As you read this book together, think of it as a checklist or a gentle reminder to help you strengthen the sweetest and deepest of life’s experiences, your intimate re