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154 pages

English

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From celebrity heartthrob, esteemed host of The Viall Files podcast, and adored member of Bachelor Nation Nick Viall comes Don't Text Your Ex Happy Birthday-a no-holds-barred dating advice book. With his trademark charm, relationship expertise, and exclusive sex and love Q&A series, Nick guides readers through topics of love, lust, dating, and heartbreak. Nothing is off limits as he delves into situationships, how to identify a f*ckboy, and defining healthy love vs. toxic love. Trying to figure out if friends with benefits is worth it? Unsure if they're really into you? Is the person you're seeing a walking red flag? Can you come back from being cheated on? Viall is here with all the answers and more. Filled with stories and one-liners you'll be texting your friends, Don't Text Your Ex Happy Birthday is an honest, entertaining, and heartfelt relationship handbook that actually answers the question, "What does it mean when they say . . . ?"

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Publié par	ABRAMS BOOKS
Date de parution	04 octobre 2022
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781647003609
Langue	English
Poids de l'ouvrage	1 Mo

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0932€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

Editor: Samantha Weiner Managing Editor: Mike Richards Designer: Zach Bokhour Design Manager: Heesang Lee Production Manager: Rachael Marks
Library of Congress Control Number: 2022933587
ISBN: 978-1-4197-5549-1 eISBN: 978-1-64700-360-9 Signed Edition ISBN: 978-1-4197-6668-8
Text copyright 2022 Nick Viall Illustrations copyright 2022 Abrams Cover 2022 Abrams
Published in 2022 by Abrams Image, an imprint of ABRAMS. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher.
Abrams Image books are available at special discounts when purchased in quantity for premiums and promotions as well as fundraising or educational use. Special editions can also be created to specification. For details, contact specialsales@abramsbooks.com or the address below.
Abrams Image is a registered trademark of Harry N. Abrams, Inc.
ABRAMS The Art of Books 195 Broadway, New York, NY 10007 abramsbooks.com
Chapter 1: Introduction
Why I Wrote This Book
The Nine Big Concepts in This Book
Chapter 2: Training Our Pickers
What s a Picker?
What Is a Fuckboy, Anyway?
Identifying Fuckboys and Players: A Guide
Four Traits of the Fuckboy
Five Hallmarks of the Player
When Fuckboys Become Situationships
The Just-Got-Out-of-a-Relationship Situationship
The Sour-Patch-Kid Situationship
Can You Transform a Situationship into a Relationship?
Chapter 3: Making the First Move
Who Should Make the First Move?
Approaching Someone in Public
How to Flirt
Sliding into Someone s DMs
Zoom Is Your Friend
Shooting Your Shot with a Friend
Stop Warning Your Crush
A Final Note: Your Relationship Won t Care How You Met
Chapter 4: The First Date
The Biggest Mistake People Make on First Dates
Getting the Most Out of a First Date
Chapter 5: How to Get Better at Dating
Never Stop Learning
Remember That Everyone Is Annoying
Be Honest About Non-Negotiables
Don t Judge People for Having a Long List of Exes
Making Sex Timelines Only Wastes Your Time
Prioritize the Boundaries You Set over Chemistry You Feel
Unleash the Power of Defining the Relationship
Know When to Ask Why (And When Not To)
Forget What Movies Teach Us About Dating
Chapter 6: Navigating Hookup Culture
The Most Important Rule Is to Remember What Hookup Culture Really Is
Set Expectations and Boundaries ASAP
Casual Sex Is Still Sex
Have Sex Because You Want to, Not Because of How You Feel About Someone Else
Chapter 7: Real Love and Serious Relationships
There s No Such Thing as Love at First Sight
What Is Real Love?
Why Everyone Could Benefit from Couples Therapy
How to Interpret Jealousy in Your Relationship, and What You Can Do About It
Chapter 8: Moving In with Your Significant Other
There Are Only Two Good Reasons to Move In Together
These Are Not Good Reasons to Move in with Your Partner
Things You Should Do Before You Move in Together
Chapter 9: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Knowing When to End a Relationship
Healthy Versus Toxic Love
The Myth of Wasted Time
Chapter 10: Getting Over Them
My First Girlfriend: The Whole Story
Stop Giving Yourself Cheat Days
Wanting Them Back Is the Real Toxic Trait
Block Them
Stop Wishing Your Ex a Happy Birthday
No, You Can t Stay Friends with Your Ex
Now Is the Time to Stop Asking Why
The Internet Should Not Be Your Therapist
Some Honest Reasons Why Your Ex Is Really Back That Aren t as Romantic as You Want to Believe
But, Unfortunately, That s Not What Usually Happens
Your Pain Doesn t Mean You Should Get Back Together
Rejection Isn t Failure, It s Clarity
Being Single Isn t Bad
Appendix: What Does It Mean When They Say . . . ?
I like you, but . . .
I don t want to do this to you
They want to lay low
I need some time to figure things out
Like, on your social media
They want to take a break
They don t want a relationship, but really act like they do
I m scared / I need to be alone right now / It s just not the right time / I m not ready / I don t know if it s a good idea
Acknowledgments
WHY I WROTE THIS BOOK
This whole book is about being honest with yourself. Despite the title, this book is not really about trying to understand other people-this book is really about understanding yourself, and understanding your choices. It s about getting the outcome that you want in the long term, avoiding the outcome you don t want, and not feeling bad about yourself unnecessarily in the short term. Most of the things I talk about are really just about controlling the things you can control, not giving away the power you do have, and not wasting your mental energy or your time.
Why am I even writing this book? Where am I coming from? I m always careful to make it very clear that I m obviously not a trained expert in this type of thing, I am not a therapist or relationship counselor, and I m not an anthropology professor-I didn t take classes for this. I m just some guy giving his point of view, which, luckily for me, a lot of people seem to find helpful and interesting.
Everybody knows my dating history from my thirties: I was on TV, pretty obviously totally invested in dating and finding someone, in finding a serious relationship. Since my stint in front of the camera ended, there s a series I do on a weekly basis on Instagram where I get questions from my followers. They re relationship-type questions, and my answers vary from funny one-liners to short explanations. Over the years that evolved into a podcast, where people call in and we talk, and it s more of a long-form advice situation.
A lot of people might wonder-why is this guy talking about dating? Since I ve been on dating shows, there s this perception out there about the type of relationships I ve been in, or that this dating thing might not ever be a challenging thing for me at all. But I ve been engaged twice, been horribly ghosted through lots of breakups that felt like the end of the world, been cheated on by a fianc e, moved in with partners, and moved them out. And I ve felt pain and rejection and confusion, I ve felt powerless and frustrated, and I ve also felt love, real love, healthy love. That s the point of view I m coming from now-I don t think a lot of people know that. I relate to heartache-and if you don t believe me, skip ahead and check out the whole story of my first terrible heartache on this page . I want you to know that I understand, and that I really have been through this stuff too.
A lot of other people might also think, why is this straight, white dude telling me how I should act or think? And I recognize that too-there are plenty of people who might feel that way, and to a certain degree, I can t help that, but I do want to talk about it.
Obviously, there are always critics on the internet. When you put stuff out there, it s open for criticism-and that s okay. One person, you know, they referred to me as a reformed fuckboy, just because of the perception of me on TV. They wrote, Why is this reformed fuckboy telling women and anyone else what they should do better, or how they should act? She followed that up with, Why don t you talk to men and tell them to act better?
And, my response to that is: Well, I don t have access to the person who s doing you wrong, and I don t know why they re doing it. But I do think I can offer you a couple bits of advice and tools to help control your situation-either you can do something differently and improve the situation you choose to be in, or you can remove yourself from the situation. I can try to help you understand your situation a little bit more honestly.
Literally, every time someone calls or writes in, all I m doing is trying to get a more honest interpretation of their situation-and I ve said this one line all the time-because no one will lie to you more than you will lie to yourself. We all know the biggest liars we will ever meet are ourselves. We re in our heads all the time, lying to ourselves constantly, right? We re rewriting narratives and events because we have egos, and we re often afraid of the truth, or because we re invested in one outcome. And that gets us into these situations, or makes us stay in situations that maybe aren t the best for us. And I m just trying to give the people asking for my help a very honest point of view.
Many of the questions submitted to me are from women-not exclusively, but that s the majority of my audience. But honestly, I generally believe that most of my advice is really applicable to anyone regardless of your gender or sexual identity. I do want to address the people who read that last sentence with some skepticism: Whoever you are reading this book, I am sure there are many differences between you and me. I can t begin to understand all your struggles, but when it comes to love, dating, and heartbreak, I have experienced many of the fears and disappointments. I have worried about ending up alone, I have been insecure about not being enough, and I have wasted a ton of my time and energy on people who didn t give the same back to me.
In my own life, I ultimately realized that maybe I didn t deserve what happened to me in the past, but I did give that power to other people. I chose to give it to them. I chose to give them the opportunity to hurt or confuse me over and over. I chose to do all that. And I ve learned that I need to stop doing that, regardless of what they do, because I can t control what they do. I can only control what I do. I spent a lot of energy trying to figure out how I could change their minds or change their perspectives and change their actions. And I realized that it s a losing battle, and one that also made me feel very powerless. Understanding how to be more honest with yourself and feel more powerful in dating is generally the overa