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Hearst Magazines UK - Irma Kurtz

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101 pages

English

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Five years of the famous Agony Column from Cosmopolitan with answers written by the wise and fair Irma Kurtz. Subjects covered include sex and sexuality, guilt, depression, Married men, affairs, parents, the maternal urge, jealousy, eating disorders, independence and sexual equality.

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Publié par	Hearst Magazines UK
Date de parution	10 août 2012
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781905563678
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0150€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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Table of Contents
Foreword
Sex & Sexuality
Jealousy
Grow Up, Be Yourself & Live Your Life
Guilt
Sexual Equality
Weight & Body Image
Marriage
Love & Relationships
Parents
Doctors, Anxiety & Health
Children & Stepchildren
Friends
Men
Married Men
Abortion & the Pill
Drugs
More books from British Cosmopolitan
Copyright
Foreword

When the first issue of British Cosmopolitan went on sale in March 1972 it was a publishing sensation. Helped by a massive advertising campaign, all 350,000 copies sold out by lunchtime the first day. By the time the second issue went to press, 100,000 copies had been added to the print run. But British women still could not get enough and the magazine sold out again within two days of publication.
The philosophy behind this ground breaking magazine was simple but, in those days, radical. American Cosmo legend Helen Gurley Brown wanted her readers to live big, go for it and be the best you can be in every area of your life.
British women had seen nothing like it. Cosmopolitan was the first magazine aimed at young women and the first women's magazine not to focus on women and the home. Never before had British women seen a publication filled with racy articles about sex and relationships running alongside the book reviews, novel extracts, career advice and fashion pages. Interestingly, the feminist magazine Spare Rib was founded just a few months later, aimed at the politically minded woman, but Cosmopolitan was happily read by feminists and non-feminists alike. It was glamorous and bold, embracing many of the messages of the growing women's movement but always presented as a friendly, glossy package.
It was also the first magazine to have an agony column that was almost exclusively about sex and relationships in the broadest sense.
In 1976, Irma Kurtz, a young American journalist who had moved to London with a small son, was taken on as Cosmo 's Agony Aunt, having written features on sex and relationships for several years. Her first agony column was published in the May issue. Women of all ages wrote to her - teenagers, wives, mothers, widows, divorcées, virgins, lesbians - all hoping that this broad-minded, intelligent woman would have the answers to their problems. And men wrote in too.
Irma's advice was consistently wise, firm and supportive. Again and again she encouraged people to grow up, find themselves, and live life to the full. She encouraged women to invite men out rather than wait to be invited. She extolled the pleasures of sex and deep relationships but encouraged her readers to be individuals in their own right, not dependent on anyone else. She assured people that masturbation was not a sin and that cruel and jealous men were not to be tolerated.
In this volume we have collected all the agony pages from the 1970s issues of Cosmopolitan - nearly five years' worth. It is fascinating to see how many of the questions could have been asked today, for the problems are perennial, as are the answers. Certain subjects cropped up over and over again: the Pill, married men, sexual identity, jealousy, loneliness and depression. It is striking that young single women were not the only ones seeking advice: numerous middle-aged women wrote in with their questions and dilemmas, aware that times were changing for women and that they hoped to benefit. Many were married or divorced, showing how in the days before the internet and confessional TV shows, sources of advice about embarrassing problems usually suffered in secret were practically non-existent. It is no wonder that Irma was seen as a friend to all.
Rather than run the problem pages in chronological order, we have organised the questions and answers in themes for easy reference, hoping that many of them offer advice and information that are still relevant today.
Louise Court
Editor, Cosmopolitan
London, 2012
Sex and Sexuality

Q: When I started going out with my boyfriend ten months ago, I let him assume that I wasn't a virgin. He is experienced, but we decided to wait until we are engaged before making love. Now that we are getting engaged, I am frightened; I have lied to him and one thing we respect in our relationship is that we have no secrets from each other. After previous heavy petting with another boy, I know that intercourse will hurt and I will bleed heavily. Can I stop this happening?
A: You're not only frightened, you're also confused. How do you know from previous heavy petting that being deflowered is going to hurt and you will bleed heavily? If it hurt, and you did bleed, you're no longer a virgin. Virginity does not grow back again. If your lover is quite as experienced as you believe him to be, then being deflowered will not be the excruciating experience I suspect you've been reading about in some silly books. Worry less about defloration and more about contraception. You say you have no secrets from each other; will it alarm you to hear that everyone, even your fiancé, has some perfectly justifiable secrets? Why are you getting engaged? To make love? If making love is only one aspect of the union, then what earthly difference is there if he, in the past, has made more love than you? Believe me, you will catch up. Simply tell the man immediately that you are a virgin, that you were embarrassed to tell him before, and you are glad he is to be your first lover. Men react to virgins in different ways but if he is as experienced as you think, or if he loves you, he should be able to face the prospect of your purity with courage and fortitude.

Q: Since I was quite young I have masturbated and achieved orgasm that way. But I've never been able to have an orgasm with my boyfriend and I'm afraid I did myself some sort of harm by my early experiences. We plan to get married but I know he is worried about not satisfying me sexually and I'm so afraid this problem will break us up in the end. He is proud of his reputation of being a good lover and I know my lack of response really hurts him. Is there any future for us?
A: If you masturbated yourself to orgasm, then your boyfriend can do the same thing for you and, with his reputation as a good lover, would probably like to. If you are too shy, have a stiff drink and show him. Many experts say that by enjoying early masturbation you increase your chances for sexual pleasure with a lover, and I hold with them. You found out what your body can do, you know what an orgasm feels like; you might be surprised at the number of women who are not so fortunate. I'm concerned that you think the sexual "problem" will break your relationship up. Please, ask yourself: why do I want to marry this man? Is it for sexual satisfaction alone? Do I love him? If I do, have I told him? And have I tried to tell him why I love him? If you love him only for physical gratification and you are not getting that, how can he help but feel he has failed? Try to assure him of the other tender satisfactions he gives you - the delight of his company, his conversation, his laughter-both of you might then become more relaxed, tender and trusting in bed. Some people have to be friends before they can be lovers.

Q: The question is this: to be or not to be a virgin. Please don't think I am a prude, or unaware of physical senses. I have a boyfriend who I am very fond of but I do not want to marry, and I want to save my virginity for the person I do marry. Am I being stupid or not?
A: You're certainly not being stupid, you're being a virgin. Stay a virgin until you think it's stupid.

Q: After the birth of our child, now two and a half, I went off enjoying sex. I saw my doctor, who put me on the Pill, but I still find myself hating my husband to touch me. My husband was understanding, but it is causing a lot of unhappiness between us. Now I've met a man whom I have made love to, and, I feel ashamed to say, enjoyed it very much. My husband keeps urging me to go to the doctor again; he insists I must be frigid, and obviously doesn't know about my affair. Can you give me any advice as to what I should do?
A: Sexual cooling-off frequently happens after the birth of a baby, but remember, it happens just as frequently between couples without children. If there is a solution to your problem, it will probably come from honesty. After all, if there is a solution, you and your husband will have to find it together, and at the moment you are not even agreed about the problem: he thinks it is your frigidity, and you know you are not frigid. You could try being patient; sexual desire sometimes comes back. You could try devices to make sex more exciting. Can you leave your child with a relative, for example, and have a weekend alone with your husband? If these obvious measures aren't successful, you ought to seek a marriage guidance counsellor or even family therapy where you might discover some resentment you have not quite recognised yourself although your body is expressing it for you. In our society, a marriage with a child is usually worth saving and I'm sure you'll try everything to save yours. However, if, after time and effort, pleasure doesn't come back to your bed, remember that you would not be the first woman to live quite happily with a man whom she does not enjoy sexually. And if that is impossible for you to accept, then you would not be the first to leave.

Q: Six years ago I got married and I love my husband very much. However, when we make love I feel nothing at all and it's all over so quickly. I think I must be “cold”. I've only ever made love with my husband so I can't tell if I might get satisfaction with another man, and I would never be unfaithful. The trouble is I am very frustrated; by the time I'm “getting started” my husband is going to sleep! My other question is, why is it so messy after intercourse? I always worry about staining the bedclothes. Please don't use my name as I think my husband would be angry.
A: If your husband m